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Musings from the Laundromat: Simple pleasures & silver trolleys edition

It has been a perfect morning.

I walked into the laundromat today with happy in my heart and relaxed in my step.  ‘Midnight Train to Georgia’ was playing on the laundromat’s radio.  I greeted the lady who works behind the counter – noticing her bright pink top.  “Hi” I said, “I like your top!”  “Thank you” she smiled.

She walked away with a hint of a smile still on her lips as I grabbed my cash card with the yellow wrist coil.  I always pick yellow if it’s available.

I loaded five dollars onto the card and toted my laundry over to my favorite machines.

And here I sit at my favorite spot about to share my morning with you.

I’m reading an amazing book ‘The Glass Castle’ by Jeannette Walls.  My friend Betty gave it to me to borrow last week.

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I love that I have friends who enjoy a good book.  I love the fact that they think of me when they’re finished with that same book.

I woke at 7 this morning.  I slept in.  After making a pot of coffee and letting the dog outside, I crawled back into bed to read.

A little while later, after retrieving a cup of the freshly brewed coffee, feeding the dog and laying back down on my bed – Nic appeared in my room.

“Hey” I said, as I let my book holding arm flop down onto the bed.

He joined me and rested his head on my chest.  I put my free arm around him, patting his back.

We lay there, quietly, as he blinked at the wall.

“What are you thinking about?”

“The words on the painting … looks like it says Edward Woot”

I shifted my gaze to the painting as he continued,, “I think it is Woot”.

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We both knew it wasn’t.  But we considered the painting until we were joined by the dog.

“Aw!  Now the whole family is here!”  I said.

We focused our quiet gazes on Butters.  Then back to nothing.  Just enjoying the moment.

Not a thing was lost on me.  I held carefully and quietly in my heart the following thoughts, not wanting them to disappear.

I held the gratitude that my son still looks for me in the morning.  That he likes me and wants to have a moment with me.  I held the joy that we were both looking at a painting together – one he gave me for Christmas – that we both appreciate art.  I savored the fact that I was holding a book – that I get such immense pleasure from reading.  I was grateful for my ‘boy’ in my arms and my dog at our feet.

I digested everything about that moment – while managing to stay in it.

Our silence gave way to laughter when Butters started nibbling on her leg and I announced it was obviously bath day.

By the look of the sky, I needed to take care of that quickly.  The clouds outside were grey and looked heavy with rain.  I suggested to Nic that we could just pour her shampoo over her and put her out when the rain began.

I got up instead and carried my 70 pound, hairy, leg nibbling manatee into the tub.

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What began as a bath for Butters gave way to cleaning – I threw myself into the task, taking the large rug from the kitchen outside so I could wash the floor.  Of course, Nic took that opportunity to make himself something to eat.  His timing is impeccable.  I worked around him – so very grateful to have a kitchen to clean. And too grateful for the food and my son to be annoyed by his timing.

Satisfied with the clean dog, the clean house and my fed and occupied son I took my turn in the tub.  So grateful for the soothing stream of water on my back.

I’ll be making a small pork roast today – and enjoying my son in between his games and the book in between time with my son.

And speaking of that book – the friend that loaned it to me finished a particularly difficult book this morning (due to the content.)  She commented to me:

“By the way, I finished the horrible one I was reading this a.m.  I had to see how it ended and be done with it.  I learned a grocery cart in Great Britain is a trolley.  I was trying to find some lil gems in it to get through it :)”

I love that she said that. That’s what we do isn’t it?  Look for the gems when things are tough?  Well it’s what we should do.

I replied to her:

“There’s always a silver trolley if you look hard enough.”

Things I learned this week

  • I need to blog more

 

  • You can’t see a falling star unless you’re looking at the sky. I used to see one every night – when did I stop looking?

 

  • I can still squeal like an 8-year-old girl.  I came across this creature at work.  My first reaction was squeal and shut door.  My second?  Get someone to come with me so I could photograph it.  Over 6 inches w/tail flat! 

 

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  • It’s okay to accept help when it’s on behalf of someone you love.  This one was a tough one for me.  But I’ve realized due to simple math, that there’s no way in heck I can save up the money myself to send Nic to the UK.  I’d sell an organ to get him there if I could!  But I’ve taken a softer, gentler route and tried saying “Yes, thank you” when friends have offered to help.  A first for me.

 

  • When it rains, it pours. After having my tooth pulled, another one broke.  And when it rains, friends come out with umbrellas
  • Sometimes when a dog ‘scoots’, they do not have worms, but it doesn’t hurt to give them a chewable deworming tablet anyway
  • I have had a musical influence on my son.  As I hear Dave Matthews pouring out of his room as I type.  I have also made an impression on my son – as last night he and I spoke a while about deep things.  Apparently he gives my mothering a thumbs up.  I could have cried.  (And offered him an organ.)
  • Punctuation goes inside parenthesis, which makes my OCD want to go back over every single post and fix it! 
  • I have an amazing life.  Beautiful friends and am so so SO proud to be my sons mom. 

 

 

Enough!

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Cheese and Rice!  I have managed to sad myself right into depression.  But, I’m not having it!  Nope.  Enough. 

If I had to analyze myself, I would say my mood of late has been a culmination of several pretty big events.

1) My Nannie, who was a HUGE bright loving light in my childhood, turned 90 on the 23rd.  My mom went over to England to surprise her and to celebrate her birthday.  I have to face the very real fact that the odds are I will never see my Nannie again. 

2)  Nic turns 18 next month.  I’ve done post after post on how I feel about that (click on the ‘Motherhood’ category). 

3) I think I’m having a mini-midlife meltdown.  (My first clue might have been when I dyed my hair from natural blonde to brown.)

While I am grateful for everything I have, and blessed beyond my wildest dreams when it comes to friends, family and those most important things that cannot be bought, I worry. 

I worry that I have no savings, no retirement plan, no health insurance to turn to with my very real health issues. Very easily interpreted by an imaginative mind into: I have no future.

4) I’m beat!  Seriously tuckered out.  It’s been a hell of a few years! 

I stopped drinking, asked for a divorce, got the divorce, was almost homeless, was unemployed, moved, got a job, got my smile back and started a blog to share it all.  Throughout all of that I’ve dealt with my heart condition, my lung disease and penny by penny, caught up with past due bills and by the grace of God – I made it! 

But jeez – sometimes a nap is in order after such exertion. 😉

5) The tooth.  This will be the last time I mention it. (Until I get it pulled, then I’m all up in your eyes with a post about that) But being physically knocked off my perch was the final straw for this camels back. 

But here’s the thing –

  • Not once have I wanted to drink through any of this. 
  • My Nannie is alive and amazing
  • My son is here – and we have an outstanding relationship
  • I am not hungry. (OK, I’m a little bit hungry lol, but I have food, just can’t chew)
  • I am not homeless
  • I can afford my medicine
  • I woke up this morning
  • the bills ARE paid
  • I have an appointment to handle the tooth

I have got to focus on the positive, because God hasn’t let me down yet.

So what the heck am I doing not using that smile?

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I’m glad I blogged about how I was feeling at the time though.  I hope that maybe someone who feels like I felt, but wouldn’t say what I said – knows that there is ALWAYS the choice to decide to be happy anyway.

I am grateful.  I am loved.  I am human.  And I’m going to have times when I feel overwhelmed – and those times will teach me how to be stronger, without putting armor on.  I have learned to reach out.  I have learned I don’t have to put on my wonder woman cape.  I am enough. 

I’ve done an awesome job of climbing over obstacles, and even though my muscles are a bit sore (I really should stretch before all that climbing), it’s so great to get to the other side.

Out of the dark, up and over into the light of my loved ones. 

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(Oh, and poor Teddy, getting dragged into such a somber post.  I owe him his own.  He’s been through a LOT with me.)

An answered prayer – friends.

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Boy, things can flip on a dime if you want them to and you ask them to.

Last night was a cathartic post for me – after feeling awkward as arse about being gussied up all week.  But before bed, I was feeling a little down in the dumps and my usual prayers started off a little differently.

I started out with a pray for me.  I asked “God, please help me”.  My God is of no specific religion.  He loves me.  He sees into my heart and knows just what I need.  Always.  My Faith is in Love.  That is my God.  He is love.  A higher power that I see in every blade of grass, every ‘weed,’ every smile, every cloud, every note of music.

Anyway.  Last night I was warmed first with a comment from one of my dearest friends on my post.  Then with a message from a friend of years and years ago.  In 6th grade, when I first transplanted to the US, he teased me and called me an English muffin.  He grew into a handsome man who has served his country, makes me laugh on Facebook with his statuses and if I’m being totally honest, if we weren’t in different States, I’d be wanting to spend time with. 😉

Today – I spoke with another friend who I worked with for years in the same industry.  It was so lovely to talk to her on the phone.  After the initial ‘is this really you? It doesn’t sound like you’ it was as if time hadn’t passed at all.

I came back into my office later in the day to find another friend – who I worked side by side with for 6 years.  Literally.  lol.  Our office was small but we got along so well that it was never a bad thing.  We laughed and caught up.   She’d just left a salon appointment a few doors down and stopped in.

But what are the odds of that being today?  I haven’t seen her in over a year.

I am SO very blessed when it comes to friends. My best friend and I email most every day – and one of my favorite people works in the real estate office next door.

Then I got to thinking on the ride home – listening to my guilty pleasure, the Mama Mia soundtrack.  I recant my ‘I have never been in love’ stance in an earlier blog.

I have loved.  I have loved as much as I was capable of at the time.  I gave all I had.

I’m not as broken as I thought I was.  I have issues – who doesn’t?  I also have tons of people who love me just as I am.

 

The advent calendar debacle

Busy week!  Busy at work, tired at home – actually overslept a couple of mornings ago too.  Blogging has been almost impossible considering – plus, my son has been hogging the computer during the fleeting hours in the evening we share awake.

I have to tell you about the day before my big outing to the laundromat.

November’s trips to the grocery store were met with an advent calendar display at the checkout.  I was tempted every time to grab one (at $1.50 who could resist?).   Apparently I could.  “It’s only November for crying out loud”.  I told myself.  “Probably the chocolate will go bad if I buy it this early”.  I told myself.

The fact that the very same advent calendars in December would be the ones from November didn’t dawn on me.  

Any who.  It’s the first shopping trip of December and I’m determined to come home with that little cardboard holiday delight.  DETERMINED.

Off we go.  Shopping done – to the checkout.  Um … where are they??  I panicked and glanced around (why is it when you want someone to ask ‘are you finding everything ok?’ they don’t??). 

I fancied myself an extroverted get things done type person in my head, “You there!  Yes, you.  Direct me to your advent calendars – the checkout display has been displaced”.  What really happened was I just stood there, all pitiful looking  – my son rolling his eyes. 

I did find someone who accidentally made eye contact with me.  “No, they sold out”.  Ug.

I was not going home without a freaking advent calendar.  Fine. We’ll check out and go to another store. 

Next store – none.  Managed to lose my son in a Christmas aisle – (that brought back memories).

Once I found him, probably he thought we were going home – oh heck no.

Off to another shop!!

And, they did have advent calendars.  Approximately 4 of them.  All the same design.

The epitome of Christmas – the perfect touch for a Season of Joy and a daily countdown …

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Oh yeah.  Nothing says ‘Christmas’ like Disney Pixar’s ‘Cars’.  Pfft. :-/

I’ve never even seen the movie – but that was all there was.  It came home with us.

I ranted a little on Facebook – and dutifully peeled the doors open for  about 5 days. Pathetic little squares of horrible chocolate flopping out.

I had to force Nic to participate … ‘Let’s find ‘2’ … isn’t this exciting?!  Your turn to find 2!’.  Evidently it wasn’t all that exciting. 

I have a friend (remember Lisa the BFF that I said would be showing up in more posts?  Yeah her.  The one currently prepping for a business trip to Hong Kong tonight – lucky!)  Anyway, she caught wind of my advent issue.

Came home this week to a big box. 

The Christmas countdown is on now!

Looky what came in the mail. 

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Now I have 3!  Three advent calendars! ^_^ Aren’t they gorgeous??

The interest in participating has increased around here.  The chocolate is amazing. 

This morning, as Nic was peeling open day 7 on the new ones unprompted, I asked, “Hey – what about the ‘Cars’ one?”

“That’s on you” he said.

Actually wrapped some gifts tonight in his absence.  The countdown is on – and it’s yummy.

And since he’s spending the night out – looks like I’ll be enjoying 3 chocolates for breakfast tomorrow. 🙂