Musings from the Laundromat – Tick Tock edition.

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Long chats with my Laundry Lady and Glaucoma Man today.

I gave Laundry Lady my phone number in case she ever needs anything.   She doesn’t have a car.  Depends on her roommate to get her to work and home.  She’s been working there for over 8 years – no vacation pay – no benefits.  I learned so much more today about her.

She mentioned she hates working the morning shifts, but loves seeing me.  That made my day.  Because I feel the same way.  For over 6 years I’ve waddled into that building, weighted down by my laundry baskets.  And I can count on seeing her sweet face and her beautiful smile.  I can count on her putting on the coffee and having a brief chat.

I’m making a point of being more involved and engaged with people in my life.

-Tick Tock-

Received some bad news recently about someone I love dearly … And it rocked my world.  I’ll keep them anonymous, but, the news was the ‘C’ word.

Inoperable ‘C’ word.

And what angers me so much is that this person is so very good and kind and loving and giving.  And too young for such a diagnosis.

This person has so much to share with the world and the world needs them!

It’s that stage of life now isn’t it?   Late 40’s.  Where you start hearing about people falling ill or worse.

-Tick Tock-

There are some other people in my life, who will also remain anonymous, who have been madly in love for over 41 years.   I mean, seriously, deliriously and obviously in LOVE.  Still get butterflies when they see each other.  It’s palpable.  Their love is something you can almost reach out and touch it’s that real.  They’re ridding themselves of material things and readying themselves for retirement.   They want to spend the rest of their lives traveling and loving one another.

I think that’s beautiful.  And I find myself envying what they have in a non-green way.  I’m happy for them, so very happy for them – but yes, there is a part of me that knows I will never have that and a part of me yearns for it.

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-Tick Tock-

I’m flying again on Thursday – to see that someone special again.  Spreading my wings, exploring options – overcoming fears and giving life a look.

I will say that I AM fortunate.  I’ve done more in my lifetime than most.  Traveled and soaked up other cultures, beliefs and people.

From France to India in a bus full of eclectic passengers.  I’m forever grateful for that experience.

-Tick Tock-

Had an amazing day yesterday seeing another person I love.  A dear friend and practically a brother.  We grew up together in England.  His mother is my God Mother and there was a point our parents, who are still dear friends, lived together.  We reenacted a photo taken 43 years ago.

Here it is.

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But as I was leaving, I had a sinking feeling we may never see one another again.  And it made me sad and so very aware of time.  Time and the passage of it.  Of life and its beautiful uncertainties.

My son leaves in January.  I was reading a Facebook memory yesterday (thank goodness for those by the way) and it was me sharing my gratitude of spending time with him.  5 years ago yesterday we were curled up on the couch watching ‘Up’ and I expressed how precious I knew that moment was.

I was in that moment and knew with my whole heart how important it was just to spend that time – because life is so fleeting.

I hope I never forget to feel that way.

No matter what happens, I’ll endeavor to cherish the important people and things.

Because once the curtain comes down, there’s no more time to say “I love you.”

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And the clock ticks on.  Life is in session.

Musings from the Laundromat: Moments, and how you can go home again

Checked the mail yesterday and came face to face, or rather, hood to face with a majestic peacock.

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I hear him all the time and in 6 years, he’s eluded me.

We regarded each other for a moment or two, then I slowly drove around him to complete my task.

Those few moments though – kept a smile on my lips all the way home.

It is in the moments.  I know that.  I also know I forget sometimes.

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Laundry lady just came all the way over to tell me the coffee was ready.    The coffee she makes for me.  There’s a moment.

Glaucoma man is here and has already chatted to me twice, excited to share his weekly news.  Another moment.

These people who I share one day a week with who have made such a task as rising early on a Sunday to do chores a pleasure.

Another moment was turning on my ipad after stuffing the washing machines and being surprised by the fact that the WIFI is actually working today.  (Obviously).

It hasn’t been working here for a while – to the point that I just stopped bringing my keyboard and pad.  I didn’t get to tell you about my trip, which I had planned to do last weekend.   I didn’t get to tell  you how I successfully flew.  Not just flew, but mustered the courage to peer out of the window.

I didn’t get to tell you how amazing it was to see my friends and marvel at the changes to a coast I used to call home.

They say “You can never go home.”  But ‘they’ are wrong.

Because it felt like ‘home’ … From the moment I stepped off the plane and felt the immediate comfort and ease of hugging someone special.

It felt like home when I saw friends that I love, friends I hadn’t seen in over a decade.  Held them tight – met children I had watched pregnancy announcements about and birth pictures on Facebook.

If felt like home on the water silently cruising the Elkhorn Slough thanks to my dear friend and Captain, Brian.

I laughed remembering how our dogs used to ‘escape’ our 3 and a half acres of romping room to seek out the slough mud – how my brothers and I had to fetch them and bring them back.

We always returned with the escapees excited and reeking of that mud, while we were exhausted climbing the final hill to home.

Home and memories.

And perhaps new beginnings.

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I’m returning on the 22nd of this month.  I overcame my fear of flying. And I want to make more memories.  To treasure.

 

Musings from the Laundromat: Birthdays and Awnings edition

Laundry Lady:  I don’t know what I’m going to do after work.

Me: Oh? Why?

Laundry Lady: It’s my birthday.

Me: Happy Birthday!!!  I wish you had told me last week.

And I do.  I would have brought her a card and flowers.  She’s just so sweet that I still might have to.  I can run by the shop after laundry and come back.

Laundry Lady: Well …

And a smile played across her face.

Me: I’m glad you were born.

Laundry Lady: Thank you

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It’s almost like a little reunion here today … Guess who else had a birthday, 81st to be exact?

Glaucoma Man.  He’s back.

And in true Glaucoma Man fashion, as soon as I started typing he stopped by to chat.  His timing has always been impeccable.

He’s excited about a new trailer his sister bought him.  One with an awning and, I quote: “I could even take a bubble bath if I wanted to, it has a tub!”

Me: Oh that’s exciting!

Glaucoma Man:  My one now doesn’t even have a shower … I’ve been living like a bum.

I didn’t know that.

I assume the park that houses the trailers must have a communal bathing area though, because he’s always well-kept.

_______________________

It’s grey and drizzling outside – perfect for a lazy Sunday, but I’m sure as Laundry Lady looks out the window as she’s stuck at work on her birthday the grey might elicit a different feeling.

And for Glaucoma Man, while he doesn’t have a lazy Sunday ahead, I’m sure he’s grateful for the break in the heat so he can work on trying to start and move his 25 year old home that’s currently sporting a near flat tire.

I wonder also what the man to my right is thinking.  He’s sat facing a washing machine and lost in thought.

Another man paces without a smile on his face.  Another white-haired man is stood guarding his wash.

And I sit and see them all – and wish I knew what was going through their minds.

I’m lucky some of them feel they can open up and share with me. Because, really, I am a good ear and so very curious about people.

And what is it they think of me?  I’m the girl in the corner typing.  The girl with a faint smile on my lips as I anticipate my upcoming trip to the coast.

The girl who doesn’t speak much, but who is thinking of flowers and returning, of my old friend getting an awning and a tub.

Sandwich bags, falling and senior discount. What?!

It all started with the sandwich bag paradigm.  You buy a packet and it’s over 150 and you’re thinking “these are going to last forever!”  And then you’re packing a sandwich and where the heck did those bags GO?

Much like life.

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Drudging up the hill to 50.

We think we have so much time, so much available and … “Where did it go???”

I ‘met’ someone a few months ago that I’ve ‘known’ since 6th grade.

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I’m conquering my biggest fear to see them, and other friends I haven’t seen in over a decade.

I’m terrified.  Not so much anymore about the flight, but – what could be, what I could fuck up, what might have been – etc. etc.

I have hope. I do!

OK, I HAD hope – because I’m constantly being told I’m attractive and then today – I went to Ross on a Tuesday and purchased jeans for my trip to the Central Coast.

Got to the checkout after feeling very frisky and gorgeous and appreciating my body – size 7 – skinny jeans.

The flipping young girl at the register gave me the “Tuesday Special” discount. Which, is 55 and over.

Really????

Recent Pic:

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I’m not even going to ask if I look 55.

But hey, I got a discount.  Lol.

As for the trip – I’m getting over my fear of flying by reading very positive posts.

I’m adjusting to my new meds and venturing out – the agoraphobiac I am.

I’m looking forward to seeing my friends, and … Honestly?  Mostly hoping things go well with D.F.M.

Because I deserve it.

And because it’s about damn time.

And … Because, if I can fly somewhere, I can get over my anxiety/panic disorder.

 

And I will!

 

 

Rivers and Anticipation

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In less than 2 weeks, I take the plunge – and I seriously hope not literally.

I will be boarding a plane – which, combined with my fear of heights, is the ultimate fear for me.

I will say, that on my new meds, I DID conquer Walmart!  And not just Walmart, but, Walmart at its most busy. The sign up for the annual River Regatta.

People floor to floor signing up or buying booze or flotation devices.  And I walked it, and I was amongst it, and nobody knew I was terrified.

I kept my head down, focused on being positive.  Focused on being healthy.  AND!

I did it.  What did I buy?  Watermelon juice lol.  But, I freaking did it.

I’m so floored and ashamed of the way our river was treated this weekend.  I don’t ever participate – I think mostly because I’m so pale – but, also, don’t want to be downstream from 30,000 people peeing in the river. Lol.

I spent my weekend loving those I love. My son, My future. And watching WAY too much Netflix.

But, on a side note,this was the aftermath of the event.  Very disturbing. If you come to do this event, flipping clean up!!!!!!!!!