Blog Archives

Musings from the home (since glaucoma man was ‘Chatty Charlie’ today

I tried, I really did.  I pulled out my iPad after giving my ‘laundry lady’ her Christmas ‘bonus’ :). I was so happy to be able to do that.  I see her 52 times a year and each week, she has a smile for me – makes coffee and is sure the WiFi is working.  So yeah, she got a little something.

But, Glaucoma Man WAS chatty Charlie this week – so I listened.  And didn’t type.

So I’ve decided to share my day with you in photos.

FYI: My Nannie is being moved to a ‘care’ facility tomorrow.  There is nothing more the hospital can do for her – and my mum is still over there.  Of course she is.  She is a strong, amazing, loving woman.  And if I’ve been anything but positive this season, it’s because I miss her and I am wishing I could hold my Nannie’s hand.

ANYWAY!

Let’s get to those photos before I start being allergic to something and have water coming out of my see-holes.

Birds on the gate

I think my favorite bird has to be the sparrow.  I love how they hop.  I love how unassuming they are.  Others might think them bland – I find them adorable.  I captured a few in my ‘faux’ garden.  I keep the plants to the right of this picture because they attract bees and we SO need bees, I keep that weed to the left of the picture because – well, because it makes me feel like I HAVE a garden. LOL.

Butters imprints

This one – I keep telling Butters “Santa is coming!”  I also told her today, “You’d better have a bath for Santa”  and she hopped right into the tub.  This was what remained of her after she went outside to completely dry off.

I'm clean!

This was my clean ‘Bah’ before she left those prints.  And the Pokemon towel in the background?  That’s become hers – but I remember how much it meant to Nic when first purchased.

Chelsea flowers

Flowers from last weekend wilting – 😦  They were from my son’s girlfriend and I adore them.  You’ll also notice an Elinor Donahue cook book.  Fun fact:  One of my favorite people on the planet, and my son’s godfather is her son. I miss him and wish I could hang out with his lovely wife and gorgeous daughter.

My Ahi treat

Bumblebee has this outer seared inner sashimi thing available – and right now, there is a $2.00 off coupon available.  I snatched it up.  Add wasabi and soy and HEAVEN!

Window Santa

Just love how the light caught my little chair Santa.  He’s actually supposed to be ON a chair – but, we don’t have a dining room table/chairs anymore.  So, he get’s the cushy life. 😉

Sleepy Bah

And lastly, my sleepy girl.  We played ball after her bath so she would totally dry quicker.  (That doesn’t seem like a grammatically correct sentence – but oh well.)

THAT was my Sunday.

I did laundry, chatted, shopped at Walmart and completely melted down due to um, being @ Walmart – wrapped,

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took photos – ate yummy food and NOW!  Now, I’m going to watch my recorded ‘Top Chef’.

I’ll post before Christmas, but if you don’t read before then, Merry Christmas or Merry whatever you celebrate OR just, have a happy week – and thank you for following and I wish you nothing but gratitude, love and peace. X

 

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Mending my heart – with the boy who stole it

What a difference a day makes!

I’m feeling hopeful and positive. Even while our town is ensconced in fog – a rarity for our area.

It’s so beautiful.

I have to share with you a dream I had the other night.

In it, I was told that my heart condition could no longer be helped by the medicines I took. I was told I could be part of a group that were being ‘put to sleep’. It was explained that it was a mercy ending and did I want to participate?

I thought about it and decided it was probably the best route. I didn’t want to put my family through a sudden ugly passing. I also somehow knew if I didn’t take this opportunity, I would die alone.

The time was arranged and I told my friends.

The day of the arranged ‘end’ – I went to the clinic. There were others there, dressed comfortably and quietly entering a room.

I changed my mind.

I was told that the only way I could get out of it was to have my doctor give his permission.

I could not for the life of me (no pun intended) remember my doctor’s name! I scoured through a phone book until I finally found him. I called – and there was no answer.

It was at this time, that I should have been dead. I remember checking my Facebook and seeing that a friend had posted a tribute – it was me and a naked mole rat (yup, that little creature at the top of this page). The post had 34 likes at the time I saw it.

I was still alive, but no one knew.  So … I ended up going into that room.

I felt the IV – I felt the liquid entering my body and felt myself going under. I tried to fight it – but knew it was too late.  I was never to wake up.

 

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As you can imagine, I was very grateful to wake up yesterday morning – and realized – that I needed to address what was hurting my heart.

This rift with my favorite person on the planet was now manifesting not only physically, but into nightmares.

Something had to be done – and so last night,  I had a conversation with my son.

I shared my concerns and asked the questions I needed answers to.

When I opened myself up to my son, he opened back.

Honesty.

Truth.

It was wonderful.

I found a way to help him last night – and as I did, I realized not only were we solving one of his problems together, but I was getting the time I needed with him in the process.

Win win.

I typed as he dictated a late paper. I saw an area I could be of service – let him focus on the words and let my aptitude for touch typing at great speed make the task less daunting. Get it done so he could get the rest he needed.

We exchanged glances and smiles and laughed together.

“This is how it should be.” I told him. “A balance. Of school and work and relationships and fun – and us. I missed you. And you must reach out when you need help.”

(Which is funny coming from me – ask anyone who truly knows me who has tried to offer their help. I’m SO stubborn – and will only resort to accepting aid if my problem begins to affect those I love.)

I awoke at 11:30 to a sound in my room – and climbing onto my giant bed, was my boy. I suddenly had my entire little family close to me.

Butters snoring on one side, Nic finding sleep on the other. I daren’t move – my heart was smiling.

If that was the last moment of such closeness I get – I’ll hold tight to it. My boy breathing and dreaming, my dog nestled up on my pillow. I lay there and though I was tired, wanted to soak up every second of that. Until my eyes closed again and I found sleep.

And there were no nightmares last night.

 

stole my heart

Musings from the Laundromat: Peace love and wind edition

Woke last night to the howling of wind – debris clashing about in my yard – the metal shed bending and snapping – and smiled.  And curled into a tighter ball beneath my covers.

Oh how I LOVE this time of year!  From 130 degrees to 50!  It was 50 in the car on the way over to the laundromat this morning.

Deeeee-lightful!

I walked in and was greeted by a man in dark glasses, a leather biker vest and plaid shirt.  “You made it!” He said.

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I’ll chat with whomever strikes up a conversation with me – but I could not recall having struck one up  with him these past laundromat years “Yeah!” I responded.

He  then went on to share, as I filled my washing machines, how this wind is kicking dust up into his eyes and he just had cataract surgery.

So now I’m wondering if that’s why he’s talking to me – he thinks I’m someone else?  I also hoped that meant he didn’t see the pair of underwear on the floor that escaped during the washing machine filling.  (Seriously – EVERY time???  I have rebellious undies.)

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Big news – I left the house yesterday.

You think I’m joking – but nope, I did.  AND put makeup on.  Eek!

It was an event for work and the theme was peace love and disco.

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(The disco part proved to be difficult after 2 prime rib plates and 3 desserts, but I soldiered though it.)

It was amazing.  Have to admit, I was going into full panic attack mode as I approached the venue and parked.

Didn’t help that as I was walking from my car to the building (a casino) two men came out and leered – one said “Thank YOOOU” to me.  I had never wanted a trench coat to magically appear on me more in my life.

I entered the building and headed for the escalators – up I went – eyes front, as I heard wolf whistles from the bar below.

Okay, it’s nice to get a compliment from time to time, but I was CRINGING inside.  Wishing that magical coat would appear and wrap tightly around me.  Did not happen.

I decided to walk the rest of the way with my head up and a purposeful gait.  Which probably only made me look like a stuck up hooker.

It’s quite a walk to the actual destination – but I made it.  When I walked in – WOW!  Amazing.   The place was decked out! (My ipad isn’t really the best at capturing ‘wow’ especially in dimly lit rooms)

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I found my people and anxiety level started to drop.

A friend of mine found me “How did they get you OUT?!”  Ha ha – but she knows me.

I’ll share another picture – I can’t say what event, where or who my work family is – but I don’t think they’d mind me sharing anonymously.  That’s me on the left – the 5th wheel. lol

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Apparently there was a senator there – I don’t know my government officials so the coolness of that was sort of lost on me.

I did get to do the Hustle and my best Saturday Night Fever moves.  I did get to laugh and watch as my work family accepted awards.  And I’m not kidding when I say I had two plates of food.  I hadn’t had red meat in a loooooong time – I was not fooling around when it came to eating last night!

And now it’s time to empty the drier – and PRAY no underwear dives to the floor as there is a table of 5 men next to my folding station.

Until next time –

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Musings from the Laundromat: Simple pleasures & silver trolleys edition

It has been a perfect morning.

I walked into the laundromat today with happy in my heart and relaxed in my step.  ‘Midnight Train to Georgia’ was playing on the laundromat’s radio.  I greeted the lady who works behind the counter – noticing her bright pink top.  “Hi” I said, “I like your top!”  “Thank you” she smiled.

She walked away with a hint of a smile still on her lips as I grabbed my cash card with the yellow wrist coil.  I always pick yellow if it’s available.

I loaded five dollars onto the card and toted my laundry over to my favorite machines.

And here I sit at my favorite spot about to share my morning with you.

I’m reading an amazing book ‘The Glass Castle’ by Jeannette Walls.  My friend Betty gave it to me to borrow last week.

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I love that I have friends who enjoy a good book.  I love the fact that they think of me when they’re finished with that same book.

I woke at 7 this morning.  I slept in.  After making a pot of coffee and letting the dog outside, I crawled back into bed to read.

A little while later, after retrieving a cup of the freshly brewed coffee, feeding the dog and laying back down on my bed – Nic appeared in my room.

“Hey” I said, as I let my book holding arm flop down onto the bed.

He joined me and rested his head on my chest.  I put my free arm around him, patting his back.

We lay there, quietly, as he blinked at the wall.

“What are you thinking about?”

“The words on the painting … looks like it says Edward Woot”

I shifted my gaze to the painting as he continued,, “I think it is Woot”.

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We both knew it wasn’t.  But we considered the painting until we were joined by the dog.

“Aw!  Now the whole family is here!”  I said.

We focused our quiet gazes on Butters.  Then back to nothing.  Just enjoying the moment.

Not a thing was lost on me.  I held carefully and quietly in my heart the following thoughts, not wanting them to disappear.

I held the gratitude that my son still looks for me in the morning.  That he likes me and wants to have a moment with me.  I held the joy that we were both looking at a painting together – one he gave me for Christmas – that we both appreciate art.  I savored the fact that I was holding a book – that I get such immense pleasure from reading.  I was grateful for my ‘boy’ in my arms and my dog at our feet.

I digested everything about that moment – while managing to stay in it.

Our silence gave way to laughter when Butters started nibbling on her leg and I announced it was obviously bath day.

By the look of the sky, I needed to take care of that quickly.  The clouds outside were grey and looked heavy with rain.  I suggested to Nic that we could just pour her shampoo over her and put her out when the rain began.

I got up instead and carried my 70 pound, hairy, leg nibbling manatee into the tub.

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What began as a bath for Butters gave way to cleaning – I threw myself into the task, taking the large rug from the kitchen outside so I could wash the floor.  Of course, Nic took that opportunity to make himself something to eat.  His timing is impeccable.  I worked around him – so very grateful to have a kitchen to clean. And too grateful for the food and my son to be annoyed by his timing.

Satisfied with the clean dog, the clean house and my fed and occupied son I took my turn in the tub.  So grateful for the soothing stream of water on my back.

I’ll be making a small pork roast today – and enjoying my son in between his games and the book in between time with my son.

And speaking of that book – the friend that loaned it to me finished a particularly difficult book this morning (due to the content.)  She commented to me:

“By the way, I finished the horrible one I was reading this a.m.  I had to see how it ended and be done with it.  I learned a grocery cart in Great Britain is a trolley.  I was trying to find some lil gems in it to get through it :)”

I love that she said that. That’s what we do isn’t it?  Look for the gems when things are tough?  Well it’s what we should do.

I replied to her:

“There’s always a silver trolley if you look hard enough.”

Soul stretch

I caught myself off guard this afternoon. 

It was lovely.

I stretched in my office chair and my mind emptied – I was suddenly only aware of my flesh and bones and the soul within me wanting to be fed.

In that single stretch – I was not thinking of worldly ‘things’ I had to do – thoughts I had to have, or needs yet to be met. 

My body sung in my stretched position and I felt absolutely, deliciously, human.

Every inch of me exhaled in a glorious release of tension.

goddess-delivers

I was Amanda.

I found her.

I was wide awake spiritually and in that brief moment, so very aware. 

Aware of my body – my heartbeat and breath, and urgently aware that time slips by too quickly. 

As I returned from the stretch, I brought with me the short and important list of things my soul wants to experience.

Love.

Knowledge.

Truth.

And nothing, nothing at all was more important.  And time is of the essence. 

I was given this today.

All in one single stretch.