(Who wears stuff like that to shop?!  ^ High heels and a fancy outfit?)

I got up at the crack of dawn, full of Christmas spirit – okay, I lie.  I was tired, had no coffee in the house and there was ice on my car.

Woke up to the best of my uncaffeinated ability and hit the town.

I’m not joking when I say the oil change I decided to get after the first shop, was the fastest errand of the bunch!

My first stop was at a home improvement store.  I stood – like a total idiot – staring at aisle after aisle hoping what I had come for would leap out at me.  Now, MOST home improvement stores offer over eager staff asking you ‘can I help you find something?’ – I must have been there too early for that shift.

Finally someone did notice my obvious ‘I need help’ body language and promptly directed me to a very close, very large end cap that held the thing I needed.

Crossed that off the list.  “Do you have a Lowes card with us?” No I don’t. “Would you like one?”  No I wouldn’t – this is the only time of the year I come here.  “Oh, shopping for the husband?”  Yeah, my invisible one.  No – my dad. (Awkward look from the clerk) “Okay, Merry Christmas!”

Next store.  I walked around for probably and hour.  Finding a million things I would love to have that probably no one would imagine I would love to have.  Walking Dead action figures … Big Bang Theory ‘magnetic dress up Sheldon’.  Love the store.  Anyway, I was making the staff nervous I think.  I don’t think I look like a shop lifter?  (If there is such a ‘shop lifting look’) but I did look confused and out-of-place.  Maybe even bordering on ‘shifty’.

Someone finally got brave enough to approach me “Can I help you find something?” No, I’m waiting for something to find me.  “Oh, I completely understand”she said.  I think she really did you know.  I think she got me.

So I found her again later only to find out the ‘thing’ I wanted was on sale LAST week.

NEXT store – actually, that’s when I got the oil change.  They were FAST!  I didn’t know you could change oil that fast?!

Now, by the time I reached my next destination I was fading.  Looking more like a Walking Dead action figure than a woman.

Found myself trying to think of ways to walk that conveyed to the multitude of Salvation Army bell ringers that I was a good person, I did give to one of them, but that I couldn’t give to all of them.  Pfft.  Impossible.  I guiltily shuffled past them, eyes downcast, feeling like I had stolen the “Merry Christmas” they offered me since I didn’t put anything in their red cauldron.

I’m now exhausted – only 3 more stores to go!  I can only imagine what the store personnel were thinking when they made eye contact with me.  Eyes glazed, eyebrows knit into the little sad helpless pathetic diagonal position, lids heavy, legs unable to go faster than a slow shuffle.  I just stood looking at things with no clue what I was looking at.

I called it done when the headache, from having no morning coffee, threw a penalty flag on my shopping play.

Crawled into a gas station to get a cup of coffee, stood in yet another line waiting to pay for it, while I suckled from it through the little ‘stirry’ straw like a comfort sippy cup.

One minute more out there and someone would have eventually found me wedged between display shelves rocking back and forth, possibly sucking my thumb.

The good news is – after ‘chilling out’ for about 1/2 an hour, finishing that nectar of the Gods through my stirry straw – I found enough energy to do it all over again, at the grocery store.

I’m calling it done now.  Done!  I’m done.  My dried out eyeballs say I’m done, my tingling feet say I’m done.  And my bank balance says I’m done.

My son went out with his friend while I was prepping a crock pot with tonight’s dinner – there’s now two new presents under the tree.  One says ‘For that lady that lives with me’ the other says ‘A.K.A. mom’.

He even wrapped them.

Oh crap.  I have to wrap too huh?

You know, I joke – I half heartedly whine, but I KNOW how blessed I am this year to even BE Christmas shopping.  I’m so very, very grateful for the food in my cupboard, the gifts that need wrapping and having people in my life to shop for.

Joyeux Noel, Feliz Navidad and Merry Christmas shopping to all.