I was walking Butters for the first time this morning (more on that in a bit) and was sleepy, and it was Monday, and had this sudden thought (not for the first time) “Is this it?”
Every weekday morning.
- Get up
- Walk Butters with no results
- Come inside
- Feed and water Butters
- Check Facebook and Email and collect my ‘faux’ chips on a game I like to play
- Turn on the news
- Get in the shower
- Do my hair – put minimal makeup (concealer, a dusting of rice powder, mascara and some color on my lips)
- Get dressed
- Take Butters out again (with no results)
- Watch more news
- Take Butters out for a THIRD time – with results
- Make my lunch
- Leave the house for work
Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad that:
- I woke up
- My dog woke up
- I have food to give my dog and I
- I have a job to go to
But, I’ve got that hamster wheel feeling again! Ground Hog Day!
Which is also why I don’t feel the least bit guilty about some debauchery this weekend supporting a friend at the Gentleman’s Club she works at.
I missed her – wasn’t able to attend her wedding since I was holding down my mum’s house as my Nannie passed. The minute I got wind of her returning to work, I wanted to be there.
Back to the wheel.
Butters and I are standing in the dirt yard – where my rented single wide sits and I just was SO overwhelmed with … “IS THIS IT?”
I used to own a home! I used to have ‘extra’
Now I’m just creeping up on 50, renting and single.
Not only single, but if the PERFECT man came into my life, I’m such a hot mess that:
- My pride would interfere with anything he tried to help me with. I won’t take money. I couldn’t ‘move in’ with him. I am TOO independent.
- I’m so used to being alone he’d have to ACTUALLY be ‘Perfect’ to deal with me
- I put my son before any other relationship and at 21, he’d still have to be part of a ‘package deal’
So, screwed right?
I have no savings – no retirement – no health insurance.
I DO have a car payment (as most of us do, I know) a little bit of debt and health issues.
Therefore, the retire part of this … Doesn’t seem to be in my future. Lol.
THEN! I went to work.
In a gorgeous new dress.
Let’s talk about this.
I received some gift cards to a local shop for my birthday.
First visit – I’m thinking ‘practical’.
It’s been in the 120’s here in Arizona and I’m DREADING my electric bill.
Yes, I can handle SOME heat – but no, my dog (Butters) can’t.
So, we’re running the A/C and believe me, it’s been RUNNING!
I set it at 82 and we usually don’t get this kind of heat until mid-July.
So! With my birthday gift cards, I bought (drum roll please)
CURTAINS! Sigh. Darker curtains to block some of the hot desert sun from our little home.
Well, curtains were too long. (Yes, yes I measured before buying and took said inaccurate measurements with me.)
I returned them the next day and for once, put myself first. With $80 I bought: two dresses, one top, two pairs of earrings, a pair of shoes AND a very unnecessary spritzer that moisturizers while ‘affixing’ your make up. (Pretty ironic as I have just shared with you my make up regime lol). But I put that dress on today, I put those shoes on today, I put those earrings on and I spritzed.
I walked into work feeling like a million dollars, and it was noticed.
Okay, here’s the dress, although, the pic doesn’t accentuate the sheer last inches of it.
With my pedicured toes (thanks to my mum this weekend) and a new outfit I was invincible!
Which is good – because Monday came with copier crashes – which I was on the phone and online with tech support for a while about. A website I’m creating for a new agent which had DNS glitches and an urgent need for an owner to get home, who I drove.
A TOTAL Monday.
Some customers came in late in the day and while interacting with their agents, I was introduced.
“Is this the agent that has that house for sale on (such and such) street?”
Me: (I smiled) No, I’m just a minion.
Them: If you weren’t here would the cogs stop turning?
My bosses … The owners … “Yes, they would.”
“This is Amanda.”
And in that moment – I knew I was important there. I KNOW I’m important at home … And I know I’m important on the planet.
And maybe, just maybe – this isn’t ‘it’.
I have so many friends, but they’re so far away, perhaps someday, when I’ve put in the work – I can be with them, or close to them. And maybe not retiring is a good thing.
I’ve had my travels, I’ve gone from France to India on a bus already for goodness sake!
Had experiences only a few could dream of!
But right now … Just right now – it’s enough that I work with people I love and live with people I love. And I get the feeling, ‘this isn’t IT’.
Even though it was a ‘short’ week at work, it felt loooooong.
We’ve added another family member at work and I’m so excited for her!
I’ve come to know that my services encompass the following: Accountant, Quarterly tax preparer, receptionist, social media delegate, compliance assistant, keeper of all that is important, Website creator (from scratch) graphic artist, promoter, supply provider, janitor, creator of logo, creator of business system, excel formula, Social Media updater …. God and … Eater of all that is left over.
I think I deserve that left over food 😉
I took this photo at 5 minutes to 5 because the (1) lighting was good
(2) I had cleared my inboxes and was watching the clock because it’s Friday – I’m not going to lie. Lol.
Thing is – I’m happy every day at work.
No sucking up.
I am SO lucky to have an environment I can say “What the F$&# ” out loud when I have a problem on my computer.
We are not retail, I don’t have to edit myself when we are alone.
We ARE on our best behavior when customers are in the house.
I have made life long friends at work. Well, when you spend many years with a specific people – that’s either bound to happen, or not.
Luckily for me – it happened.
So now I’m home.
And my pup is happy about it.
And! AND! I tried to save my roses and they seem semi-saved
Gawd bless them – they’re tryin’!
Tomorrow – a pedicure with my mum and I get to spend some Kohls cash – and as much as I want a dress … I’m thinking Sun Blocking Curtains to help the electric bill.
It’s bonkers now, I can’t even imagine August!
Peace out Soupers – and I hope YOU are staying cool.
I donned a white dress I haven’t worn in a very long time. Since last Summer I believe?
Went to work.
Checked out the chair. Chair was not an unsub. (For those of you that don’t watch Criminal Minds – first of all, “SHAME ON YOU!” Secondly, it means unknown subject.)
I madly rushed about my day and each time I sat, OUCH!
I checked the lace in my dress. Oh, this was the dress. (Looks better on me than flayed out on my bed.)
I was brought up as a lady – so I had these very delicate panties/slip type thingys underneath said dress.
They’re large, I’m slender. They work as a slip.
So then I start inspecting THEM!
Half a day in at work I can’t take it anymore and actually found a private moment to ‘ladylike reach my hand up to my arse.”
(You’ll never read that in any Bronte novel)
And … What do I find?
Last time I washed the dress must have been with Nic’s work shirt – WITH name tag attached.
I peeled it off and announced my discomfort. Because, we all know, I do SO well with editing.
“Nic was seriously a pain in my ass today!!!!”
I have since confronted him – laughed with him and he even allowed these selfies. (This is rare – it’s like Big Foot accepting a photo op!) I even plastered his tag onto his forehead.
I look at it as a ‘thank you’ for doing his laundry.
He wore the tag well … He braved the photo storm. I shall forgive him this dress intrusion.
But, today, yes – he was a PAIN IN MY ASS!!!!!!
Today was bonkers – in a good way. If it’s bonkers, it means we’re busy at work. Which is always a very good thing in real estate.
But after staring at my computer screen, with my only break being cleaning the bathroom and collecting the trash – which, was a reprieve, I was done by 3:30 mentally, and completely grumpy – which, I owned.
At one point, one of the owners who was playing music asked “Everyone ok with this?” I’ll be honest. I always am. And, side note, I love everyone I work with – but to me, it was elevator music, and with my grumpy, I quipped without thinking, “I’m just waiting for the Macy’s girl to spritz me with perfume.” Which, got a laugh. And that was nice.
Car is still out of commission – it needs a new PCM. *sigh* $$$
Won’t be ready until middle-to-end of next week.
New PCM is coming from New Hampshire.
Then they have to ‘flash’ it. Poor PCM. I hope it isn’t traumatized.
The great thing is, my son has totally stepped up and taken me to work and picked me up. Reminded me of taking him to school, and that very rare one on one opportunity to just ‘hang’. We chatted, listened to the only music I introduced him to that he loves, Dave Matthews Band – and spent time together. I have cherished this. I have missed my kid. Yeah, my 20-year-old kid, but he’s mine none the less. I HAVE missed him.
So, maybe everything DOES happen for a reason.
Maybe we needed brief, quality time together.
So today, I had to find a ride home. First, it was “get off early, borrow my car and go grocery shopping.” Then I decided it has been a freaking long week and I would rather do anything less exhausting than going anywhere!
So, the men went shopping.
(Nic had to work and could not pick me up.)
This is NOT an accurate portrayal of how my men shop. I go to the store site, download coupons, and …. well, here.
So, I didn’t get that stuff, but our fridge holds sustainable items.
That’s all I care about.
I’m so into ‘enough’.
Having what we need, not what we want.
Sometimes, you really don’t need what you want.
But, as thunder sounds around us, in surround sound – I’m feeling very appreciative of the desert. Hoping my car isn’t scared. (Yeah, I’m still into inanimate objects having feelings – she’s deserted! Wait – deserted in the desert … poetic)
Butters is curled around Jim’s feet, probably dreaming of the mini-lake that happens when it floods. She has such fun!
This was her last ‘pond’ in our yard:
Did I care that she was wet? Did I care that she brought mud in? Nope. She had a blast!
So … the week is over – and I’m hanging out with the man I love, who, by the way, made it through at the TOP of the survivor type blog. Thank you all who voted.
Get ready for next week.
And I hope everyone has an amazing weekend!
And Nic, thanks for taking me back to when we hung out and thank you for helping me get to work. And Jim, thank you for shopping today so I didn’t have to. Love you both So much!
It’s been a crazy week.
To say I’m glad it’s Friday is an understatement.
Being sick does not suit me. Hate it. Not that anyone LOVES being sick …. wait, no there are those who do. I’m not one of them.
So yesterday, I literally got dressed in the dark. (Good news is, today I got light bulbs on my lunch break – and after standing on three chairs in three different rooms, I am now ‘illuminated’)
I wore a pale yellow sweater, black skirt and black boots.
Saw my reflection in the office door as I was approaching it and thought “Crap. I look like a bumble bee.”
Not that I cared too much – I was saving all my energy to just get through the day – no time for vanity or caring about looking like an insect.
I had entirely too many clothes on by the way. Under my skirt were leggings – and under my sweater, a white tank top.
Felt like I was getting undressed every time I had to answer natures call.
Keep in mind – I was still fuzzy –and tired …
Next big event was me dressing after having answered natures call, and walking out of the bathroom with my skirt tucked into my leggings.
Better than into my underwear I suppose (like above) –and it helped that no one else was in the office at the time.
Later I was hungry.
I hadn’t really been hungry for days. Because of this, I hadn’t packed a lunch.
I trotted (probably ‘trotted’ is a tad too energetic of a word) … alright, I shuffled over to the gas station and got a hot dog.
Then my stomach said “You don’t just want the hot dog! You’re hungrier than that!! Get more food!”
So I got the dreaded gas station cheeseburger.
About half an hour later, I went paler than I normally am … said ‘uh oh’ and then DID trot, okay, galloped to the rear of the building and said good-bye to my lunch.
Which became the news of the day.
Agents that came in were advised “Yeah, Amanda puked in your trash can” and me retorting “I did not! I made it to the bathroom!”
I couldn’t have been happier to see 5 O’Clock. I took my bumble bee self home. Fell asleep on the couch fully dressed, bumble bee outfit and boots and all.
When I finally did get to bed – I fell hard!
Deep deep sleep until almost midnight. There was a disturbance in the force.
It was a good one though.
I awoke in time to see an IM that made me very happy.
I replied and went back to sleep.
This morning … I looked at the clock to see I had slept in by an hour and a half. I pretty much had 11 hours of sleep.
Jumped out of bed – grabbed my toothbrush, let the dog out. Filled her bowl with kibble. Dressed (mindful of insect imitations) and left a confused dog and a sick son and hit the road.
I’m never late.
And today was no exception.
I am SO ready for more sleep.
But! I’m skyping with the man I love and know I can sleep in tomorrow.