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Guilty wishes – dark thoughts.
It’s still too early to sleep – but that’s what I want.
How do I feel? I feel dank.
Dank and dark and hopeless – and hopeful and grateful all at the same time.
Does that make sense? No.
I feel like I have been peeled alive and felt every bit of it, but am still grateful for being alive.
I am missing my mum.
I am hating what is the ‘waiting game’. Knowing everyone gets what the outcome is.
Horrific isn’t it? That I’m waiting day by day (as is she, but MUCH more personally) for the ‘finale’
I won’t put a full stop there on purpose.
It is not a mistake in the sentence.
And there will be no mistaking the grief.
I feel guilty for wanting my mum home, because it will be when her mum, and my Nannie has passed.
Musings from the home (since glaucoma man was ‘Chatty Charlie’ today
I tried, I really did. I pulled out my iPad after giving my ‘laundry lady’ her Christmas ‘bonus’ :). I was so happy to be able to do that. I see her 52 times a year and each week, she has a smile for me – makes coffee and is sure the WiFi is working. So yeah, she got a little something.
But, Glaucoma Man WAS chatty Charlie this week – so I listened. And didn’t type.
So I’ve decided to share my day with you in photos.
FYI: My Nannie is being moved to a ‘care’ facility tomorrow. There is nothing more the hospital can do for her – and my mum is still over there. Of course she is. She is a strong, amazing, loving woman. And if I’ve been anything but positive this season, it’s because I miss her and I am wishing I could hold my Nannie’s hand.
ANYWAY!
Let’s get to those photos before I start being allergic to something and have water coming out of my see-holes.
I think my favorite bird has to be the sparrow. I love how they hop. I love how unassuming they are. Others might think them bland – I find them adorable. I captured a few in my ‘faux’ garden. I keep the plants to the right of this picture because they attract bees and we SO need bees, I keep that weed to the left of the picture because – well, because it makes me feel like I HAVE a garden. LOL.
This one – I keep telling Butters “Santa is coming!” I also told her today, “You’d better have a bath for Santa” and she hopped right into the tub. This was what remained of her after she went outside to completely dry off.
This was my clean ‘Bah’ before she left those prints. And the Pokemon towel in the background? That’s become hers – but I remember how much it meant to Nic when first purchased.
Flowers from last weekend wilting – 😦 They were from my son’s girlfriend and I adore them. You’ll also notice an Elinor Donahue cook book. Fun fact: One of my favorite people on the planet, and my son’s godfather is her son. I miss him and wish I could hang out with his lovely wife and gorgeous daughter.
Bumblebee has this outer seared inner sashimi thing available – and right now, there is a $2.00 off coupon available. I snatched it up. Add wasabi and soy and HEAVEN!
Just love how the light caught my little chair Santa. He’s actually supposed to be ON a chair – but, we don’t have a dining room table/chairs anymore. So, he get’s the cushy life. 😉
And lastly, my sleepy girl. We played ball after her bath so she would totally dry quicker. (That doesn’t seem like a grammatically correct sentence – but oh well.)
THAT was my Sunday.
I did laundry, chatted, shopped at Walmart and completely melted down due to um, being @ Walmart – wrapped,
took photos – ate yummy food and NOW! Now, I’m going to watch my recorded ‘Top Chef’.
I’ll post before Christmas, but if you don’t read before then, Merry Christmas or Merry whatever you celebrate OR just, have a happy week – and thank you for following and I wish you nothing but gratitude, love and peace. X
Birds on a windy wire …
Sitting outside and in the FAR distance I spot pigeons perched on a swinging wire. Huddled down – swinging like a bird festoon adorning the background of the mountains.
It was tough – but I managed to weather (no pun intended) the wind and even though my camera was shaky – capture these. Please know HOW far away they were. “Like, really far away.” (She says like the Valley Girl she’s not.)
While we’re in a ‘Time Out’ – More musings.
Literally pacing.
Refuse to go online in case there are spoilers regarding the game.
Then I had the brilliant thought of, “We could still watch football!” Only to remember, the Packers/Bears scores would be shown atop whatever game is on. *sigh*
SO! We’re having an intermission. Until 1, when everyone else knows the outcome of the game, and we have to watch it on Game Pass when the game ends.
I put a pizza in the oven, you could have a piece if you were here.
An hour into the 3 FREAKING HOUR ‘intermission’ – I decided to take some photos. This was after more pacing and cleaning the toilet.
Here you go – my ‘No Packers Game Must Fill Time Photos’
Such a let down this morning was – like ‘Wishful Makeuping’ remember that from Pretty in Pink?
Getting all excited about something – and then it doesn’t turn out the way you want.
Which, let’s face it. IS usually the case. Life is full of ‘Wishful Makeuping’ and then something else happens instead. (Although, Blaine DID show up for that date – much to the horror of Duckie.)
Got to always be prepared to either, A) Sit in your makeup and outfit you picked out or B) Wash your face and roll with it.
I rolled with it. We found a solution, albeit, not on our hoped for timeline, but, photos were taken, art is being drawn right this second out in the sunshine by my honey – and life is good.
Sometimes what we want is trumped by what we need. And when that happens, it’s pretty amazing.
We can wait.
You say ‘Goats Head’ I say ‘Fuuuu! I have another freaking Rams Head in my foot’
Only, I don’t say it anymore. It’s become a norm. Like stepping on a nail in a doorway you never got around to fixing.
They pierce flip-flops, my dogs paw pads and bare feet in the house.
I pulled a few up tonight before they came to fruition, then got curious, as I usually do – and researched.
Here is the beautiful ground cover before:
So pretty …
see those yellow things? Not flowers – but the spawn of evil flesh delving burrs.
BUT! They do have pretty yellow flowers to throw you off …
(The picture above is not mine, I ‘borrowed’ it from the interwebs – my ‘good’ camera is out of batteries. All other photos are mine – except of course, ‘The More You Know’ logo)
I yanked all I could find, before they could dry out, disconnect and sink their horns into us.
Here’s one after …
Innocent enough eh? Laying there – on my step, without a care in the world (except for the fact that I pulled it ruthlessly by its root from my dog trodden dirt.)
THEN I got curious. What IS this plant.
And ARE you kidding me????
Check this out:
http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/devils-claw-tribulus-terrestris.html
The name of the plant is Tribulus Terrestris. And when those burrs harden, they become this:
You can see why they’re called ‘Rams heads’ or ‘Goats heads’ – although, nerd that I am, I see Yoda in the middle.
Bottom line is, I guess I’m stepping, quite painfully, on a gold mine?
I should harvest these horrors before they are no longer green and cash in on the attributes.
Although, considering I step on one at least once a day, I don’t think they’re in short supply.
Hey, the more you know.
Debauchery Soup 