I hold things in and then when it get’s to be too much I boil over.
My son is currently headless as I bit it off.
I had been cooking him and his friend a beef roast. My kitchen is tiny, I was creating space for carving – while stirring mushroom gravy and fluffing the potatoes and cooking the vegetable. All this was accomplished, barely, on probably 2 square feet of counter space.
I flipped the dog a piece of meat and got a comment from the living room (6 feet away) “Oh! Feed the DOG before us”.
Hold it in.
Kept cooking – almost done, where to put two plates??
As a hand snakes around my body to place an empty ice-cube tray into the sink – I started to vibrate with frustration.
The microwave beeps and it’s blocked by a cup being filled with soda.
Hold it in.
Son get’s the point (after a not so subtle ‘Really??’) leaves the kitchen. And leaves the two plates I’ve now prepared.
Oh hell no.
“Come and get your friends plate, then yours!”
Sulkily he comes for it.
Then the already dismantled living room is further dissected. Well, my papers to be exact. Since they’ve been moved from one spot to accommodate the gaming devices, they must now be moved to accommodate eating.
I stomp (very maturely, not) into the living room muttering something foul and say “Give me my things!”
And right then – I feel about as ugly as I have ever felt, but cannot stop.
I gave up the living room, the peace that was my Saturday so Nic could have his friend over.
I spent time cooking them a meal.
And ended up feeling used and invisible.
I cleaned up the kitchen, washed the dishes and then took my food into my room.
I was literally shaking. Mad that my son never seems to be aware of his surroundings. Mad that he doesn’t seem to appreciate me. Mad because of his momentary lack of consideration.
I decided I would apologize for my outburst.
Until I came out with my empty plate and saw a dirty dish sitting by the sink.
Posted on November 24, 2012, in Humor, Motherhood, Uncategorized and tagged cooking, feeling unappreciated, kids, mushroom gravy, parenting. Bookmark the permalink. 19 Comments.
This is why I share my residence with only a cat. Much less stress and he never asks to have friends over to visit. Is it too late to trade in the child for a feline?
He’ll be 18 in a few months. I’m supposed to be cherishing all these moments.
What’s 18 in cat years?
Same thing only with a 15yr old girl..cherish away! LOL
I do. I really do. I almost edited the whole post feeling very petty and small. After all, he didn’t intend to be hurtful. I think the closer he gets to 18, the more I worry – did I do enough? Will he be a considerate adult. And of course, he will be. And he didn’t ‘make’ me feel the way I felt – I projected that on myself.
I understand..I worry about that myself..They don’t mean to upset us..I try to laugh a little about it so I don’t take it too personally.
Yep, everybody else gets the benifit of my great Mothering, I’m the one ignored and abandoned for activities, even on Thanksgiving.Seriously? I spent 30 hours creating a hand made Steampunk Halloween costume for him and his girlfriend (who I Love) Top hats and all.At least I got to see him during the fittings. Mom, expected to be there, sort of unseen, a steady quiet strumming taken for granted, not unlike his own heart. My boy.
Wow. That was quite beautiful Alyce. 🙂 I guess one day – they’ll realize. And appreciate.
Yes, I do think so..
I can see how I took my own parents for granted, but I only started to think about this after I had my own children. Perhaps our children will see much about themselves then too.
There are moments, as a parent, that we need to let our child feel the discomfort of how their attitude or actions effect us. The trick is how to communicate what we need to say so that they internalise it, rather than deflect it with defensiveness. I know that if I am approached respectively, and talked ‘with’ rather than ‘at’ than I hear better, I expect that our kids may be the same.
But what I really wanted to comment on was your feeling of guilt at having posted your thoughts and feelings. I’ve found a great tool that works for me – I write a couple of journal pages each morning, then I burn them without re-reading them. This way, I can be very honest and purge, without the concern of another finding it, and then reading it out of context.
Just an idea that I thought I’d pass on, writing is very powerful and helpful to us.
Kelly I do that (not the burning part) and you’re right, it helps. As for yesterday, Nic and I have really open conversations, we’re really close. We’ve had those calm, after-the-friend-leaves (so I don’t embarrass him) chats about something that he did that hurt me or said that he shouldn’t have. But sometimes, I react instead of respond. I guess I’m only human. I strive to purge in a way that doesn’t hurt others. I was more ashamed of the way I reacted to his inconsideration more than anything. He reads my posts and laughs. Funnily enough, when I was typing yesterday he joked ‘is it called stay out of my kitchen?’.
😀 I hear you. I have a great relationship, I believe, with sons, but I responded to an attitude I perceived my oldest son had the other day – in a REALLY embarrassing way… I felt it in my gut. I said sorry, but… yuck.
Can be hard to be human, transparent, and an idealist all at once.
Isn’t it wonderful though to realize we’ve responded poorly? I think I would hate to act in an ugly way without feeling ugly about it. We can decide to apologize – respond differently and learn from our knee jerk first response. 🙂
Sounds familiar. My kids would have thanked anyone else for the large thanksgiving dinner, but they didn’t see the need to thank me….
maybe it’s that whole ‘you only hurt the ones you love’ thing. Maybe they feel SO loved, they know they’ll be no repercussions. Who knows. Hey – thank you for the large thanksgiving dinner you provided for you kids. 😉
Why you’re welcome! I was apparently just doing my job. Thank you for being such a good hostess to your son’s friend that he’ll want to be adopted!
thank you. LOL! See! We’re appreciated. By each other. 😉