Guilty wishes – dark thoughts.
It’s still too early to sleep – but that’s what I want.
How do I feel? I feel dank.
Dank and dark and hopeless – and hopeful and grateful all at the same time.
Does that make sense? No.
I feel like I have been peeled alive and felt every bit of it, but am still grateful for being alive.
I am missing my mum.
I am hating what is the ‘waiting game’. Knowing everyone gets what the outcome is.
Horrific isn’t it? That I’m waiting day by day (as is she, but MUCH more personally) for the ‘finale’
I won’t put a full stop there on purpose.
It is not a mistake in the sentence.
And there will be no mistaking the grief.
I feel guilty for wanting my mum home, because it will be when her mum, and my Nannie has passed.