Category Archives: Humor
Bumble bees and gas station burgers
It’s been a crazy week.
To say I’m glad it’s Friday is an understatement.
Being sick does not suit me. Hate it. Not that anyone LOVES being sick …. wait, no there are those who do. I’m not one of them.
So yesterday, I literally got dressed in the dark. (Good news is, today I got light bulbs on my lunch break – and after standing on three chairs in three different rooms, I am now ‘illuminated’)
I wore a pale yellow sweater, black skirt and black boots.
Saw my reflection in the office door as I was approaching it and thought “Crap. I look like a bumble bee.”
Not that I cared too much – I was saving all my energy to just get through the day – no time for vanity or caring about looking like an insect.
I had entirely too many clothes on by the way. Under my skirt were leggings – and under my sweater, a white tank top.
Felt like I was getting undressed every time I had to answer natures call.
Keep in mind – I was still fuzzy –and tired …
Next big event was me dressing after having answered natures call, and walking out of the bathroom with my skirt tucked into my leggings.
*sigh*
Classic.
Better than into my underwear I suppose (like above) –and it helped that no one else was in the office at the time.
Later I was hungry.
I hadn’t really been hungry for days. Because of this, I hadn’t packed a lunch.
I trotted (probably ‘trotted’ is a tad too energetic of a word) … alright, I shuffled over to the gas station and got a hot dog.
Then my stomach said “You don’t just want the hot dog! You’re hungrier than that!! Get more food!”
So I got the dreaded gas station cheeseburger.
About half an hour later, I went paler than I normally am … said ‘uh oh’ and then DID trot, okay, galloped to the rear of the building and said good-bye to my lunch.
Which became the news of the day.
Agents that came in were advised “Yeah, Amanda puked in your trash can” and me retorting “I did not! I made it to the bathroom!”
Good times.
I couldn’t have been happier to see 5 O’Clock. I took my bumble bee self home. Fell asleep on the couch fully dressed, bumble bee outfit and boots and all.
When I finally did get to bed – I fell hard!
Deep deep sleep until almost midnight. There was a disturbance in the force.
It was a good one though.
I awoke in time to see an IM that made me very happy.
I replied and went back to sleep.
This morning … I looked at the clock to see I had slept in by an hour and a half. I pretty much had 11 hours of sleep.
Jumped out of bed – grabbed my toothbrush, let the dog out. Filled her bowl with kibble. Dressed (mindful of insect imitations) and left a confused dog and a sick son and hit the road.
I’m never late.
Never.
And today was no exception.
I am SO ready for more sleep.
But! I’m skyping with the man I love and know I can sleep in tomorrow.
My Favorite Day
This is it. January 14th, 2015.
Who has had to wonder?
If you were asked “what was your best day ever?”
Today I had a shocking announcement that I didn’t expect, respect and love from my work family, amazing quality time with my son AND my mom stopped by and looked beautiful.
Today is my best day ever.
Let’s start with the shocking announcement.
So – I always have my ipad on charge at work, and IM sometimes with my son and (embarrassed face) collect my chips during the day for a game I like to play at night. All I do is take less than one second to ‘tap’ collect every half hour.
I got a ‘ding!’
It was a Facebook announcement.
A life event even.
I went to work today on probably less than 4 hours sleep. I’ve been sick – I did not sleep well last night, and completely determined to BE at work.
You need to know this.
So … I have been editing myself lately.
Out of respect for the person I wanted to scream about.
James D. Foster. Remember him? Look up Drawing the Invisible.
This guy was one of my best friends in the college days. And, had a crush on me.
And, as stupid as I was, I didn’t know it.
He was beautiful and talented and we would watch cartoons at his house and we rode together to school.
I loved him from day one.
I also had at least three relationships while he looked on and stood beside me.
I did not know.
We worked on a comic idea that was a tangent (shock!) off of a short story I wrote. He illustrated. He is a fucking AMAZING artist.
One very horrible night – he was beside me. And wrote poems. He wrote them and I read them and I was so young and selfish and ignorant that I just STILL didn’t get it.
Then we lost touch.
This was the 80’s.
I NEVER stopped thinking about him. Not ever. Not when I was married, not when I was divorced, not when I had a baby, not when I was married again – NEVER. I searched for him because …
Because you know there’s always there’s this person that means so much to you – who KNEW you and GOT you and – you friend zoned?
Yeah.
STUPID!
Us then
us then again
But I realized it sooner than later and my search came up with people with the same name, in the same town I last saw him and it wasn’t him. But I had fun communicating with them. LOL!
Fast forward.
I found him.
Through an Ex.
He was friends with him.
US now:
(Yeah – he still pulls a face at the camera. lol.)
(FYI: The pic? I have the Iron Man ring on. I’ve been told in the past I look like Gwyneth Paltrow – Of COURSE Iron Man is a nerds paradise – so my nick name is Peppers)
Proof:
When I initially reached out, I was just SO excited that #1 he was alive. #2 that he accepted my friend request.
I didn’t expect more than that. I was SO happy to have my friend back in my life. And at the time, I was in the midst of Rainer time. My friend? He was taking a step in a new direction and hoping someone he had loved after I knew him, and had loved him back – might turn into a mutual ‘love’ again.
Timing – definitely off.
Long story short.
Clearly I had hopebreak and not heartbreak over Rainer. And my friend honestly loves his best friend.
Which, I admire. I couldn’t love someone who discounted a real relationship with someone else – that would mean they would do that to me. Right?
But today – after a couple of weeks of bonding about a visit to me he wanted to take – I got the announcement.
Yeah – we’re ‘In a Relationship’ with each other.
He gets that I have no filter.
He gets that I’m feet first, up to my chin.
He gets that I love with my whole heart and will read into everything he says, and everything he doesn’t … AND STILL POSTED THAT!
I was sent home today, by my work family. Because I am seriously pretty sick. Seriously under the weather. And I love them for that.
So I also got to see Nic. He was grinning and pointing at my ipad.
He needed me to know he saw the ‘Life Event’ and approved.
That natural 20? Yeah … it was between Nic and James (the post before)
I was so happy.
We’re all such total nerds!!!!! Into Dungeons and Dragons and Comic Books and The Walking Dead and anything that isn’t mainstream (although, I think probably Walking Dead is mainstream by now no?)
I was happy anyway, let’s face it. But having my son onboard? C’mon.
I managed quality time with Nic whilst being pathetic and trying to be very engaged on my bed. It worked. We pulled off the quality time.
So I’m sick, in love, finally getting the fairy tale AND … about to take a nap and my mom shows up.
My mom.
The one who has my whole heart too shows up … WITH … Chocolate, Lemon Curd, Pickled Onions and THERAFLU!
Bottom line.
Today, I got my Prince – validation that my work family loves me – ULTRA validation that my son loves me (we did a fun question/answer thing) and time with my mom who was checking in on me.
Today … is my favorite day.
And like I said to Nic – “See, sometimes life sucks, then it doesn’t” and that really IS life.
And, hey, Micah (one of my BFFS) – I told you first what I hoped for here – and you were happy that I even hoped it. See … dreams DO come true. x
‘Being Fuzzy’ Laundromat musings continue and unite!
It’s a revolution! Laundromat musings are rampant!
So I’m still feeling fuzzy – and watching my Packers win – and my friend Krystal mentions that she too, is feeling fuzzy.
It turned into an IM fest. Spoiler alert to men – we talk about ‘Girl’ stuff. Like, girly PERIOD stuff. And quilting. You have been warned.
Started out with my Facebook status:
And, you know me – after I edited out the names – I saw all KINDS of ‘stuff’ in the purple. LOL!
First guy is in his sleeping bag. Second guy is stretching out in his sleeping bag, 3rd guy had someone joining him (oh Myyyyyyyyyy) and 4th guy was makin’ it happen. LOL! I did not intend any of those pics.
So – Krystal took me seriously and we went covert – AKA – IM.
For the record, my post was:
“Feel BLAH! Never felt happier to get OUT of the laundromat. Blasted ‘Take me to Church’ on the way home, trying to shake some of the cobwebs loose and give me the energy to clean and put these clothes away. Then I’m putting as little clothing on as possible (no, not for sex appeal) and resting some more! I’m so hot.”
And here’s the back and forth:
Krystal: I’ve got that weird hazy head, strange heart thumping thing going. I hate this.
Me: I seriously was ok with this being on the wall. I’m sorry … yeah bonkers huh??? Fuzzy – hot – cold – hot – ears ringing – teeth feel loose – SO tired.
Krystal: I’m hoping its just indigestion or something. Doctors always blame it on panic attacks. However, I’m not panicking!
Me: heart pounding OMG!!!!!!! I had heartburn for the first time in YEARS on Friday and two days before that too! I never get that!
Me: Pre-menopause. Yeah – ug. I wish when our eggs were useless, we could just *poof* be done!
Krystal: Im like once every 2 months but she comes with a vengeance!
Krystal: I have a coworker who was on it fir 2 months straight.
Krystal: Well… I’m hoping it’s what causes “fuzzy.” Either that or I’m going to die young.
Me: Oh you are not! I think we must both have a bug
Krystal: I’m washing a quilt. One person smiled at me.
Krystal: This is kind of a grungy place
Krystal: I’m not fantastic. I learn from my mistakes. Omg, life analogy.
Me: I think sewing mistakes at least showed you cared to try, and yeah, life analogy right? Write!
Me: Right? I’m sorry sweetie. I’m lucky I get to chill right now. Oh, and butters is puking in the yard
Musings from the Laundromat: Fuzzy, hot and mean pink edition
I do not want to be here.
I’m tired, fuzzy, hot …
I’m late – super late. It’s after 10:30 and there is a strange vibe in the laundromat. A group in which no one is smiling.
Creepy.
AND all the washers I like to use were taken. I thought there were two, but a little old lady in pink said “These four are taken!”
She scared me a little. lol.
I stood in the middle of the tiled floor feeling all hot and fuzzy and lost.
Managed to cram my two loads into the “Triple Load Washers”. What a bunch of crap. I don’t know what they consider a ‘load’, but I know I was retrieving items from the floor and putting them back in at least 4 times. Everything just kept spilling out from the stupid front load machine and wouldn’t stay put.
Yesterday I was tired and out of sorts and put it down to a long Friday night chat – I stayed up way past my bedtime, but was very okay with that.
But today when Butters stood over me at 6 in the flipping morning, I still felt out of sorts and knew I had plenty of rest Saturday. Then I remembered I didn’t feel 100% on Friday.
Ringing in my ears, my teeth hurt and I had one of my spells. And felt hot.
So I’m going out on a limb here and assuming I probably only felt good during my late night chat because of the late night chat and I may very well have a little cold or something.
All I know is after I get home, the most pathetic of ‘cleaning’ will be done and I’m hitting the couch.
Seriously – NO ONE is smiling in here today! I tried smiling and peeking around to see if it was contagious … but no one was even looking. Probably a good thing because if they saw me sitting here alone smiling – they might think me odd.
Which I am.
But they don’t know me well enough to know that’s a good thing.
Mean pink lady just came and sat across from me with her husband. She is hacking and scowling and now apparently fetching her glasses. Doesn’t look like the husband cares what she’s gone to fetch.
Pressing Mute (But still playing in my head)
For as many topics as I’ve shared that have a tinge of sadness, you should know that I have the exuberance of a goofy dog who just heard “walk?” when it comes to happy matters of the heart.
It’s beyond exuberance – and after the initial high (compare it to that of a 4-year-old having consumed an entire pillow case full of Halloween candy) I have to remember that I live in the real world, and not everyone is on the same page as me.
I worry sometimes that my eagerness and energy might scare something precious away.
I take everything to the nth degree. I do.
I read too much into things people say – I chastise myself too much for things I say.
Constantly apologizing for not filtering or editing.
I just don’t play games you know?
If I’m in, I’m IN. Not just my feet. After having taken a dive, I’m up over my head and already finding new ways to move in the water. Waving and yelling at those on the sidelines “Come in!!! It’s awesome!”
I’m a handful.
Seriously.
You say one thing to me and I’ve dissected it and run at least 20 scenarios from it.
Tangent QUEEN.
Friends that know me and start to say “Have you considered …” will stop, because of course they know I have.
Considered it, riffed off of it and have a Rolodex of other thoughts that spawned off of that one.
Yup.
But the great thing is they rein me in a bit and try to help me focus like a grown up.
I’m also a hopeless romantic, in spite of the fact that I am still sans Prince. And in spite of the fact that I will go to my grave saying “I don’t need anyone.” When really, we all need someone. It just has to be the right someone.
I’ve joked in the past about a poor clerk checking me out (yeah, both ways – at once) and I’ve already played our whole life out in the time it took him to scan my few items and before I’ve even paid, we’ve broken up. In my head.
But the thing of it is – I can trust my gut.
In the past, I let myself ride the high knowing it wasn’t going to work out – because damn it, sometimes you just need to FEEL that hope right?
Now I’m finding myself cautious and turning my volume down from an 11 to maybe a 4 … because my gut says I need to.
And Ms. No Filter is going to filter. And not say anything more about that.
For now.
Debauchery Soup 