Category Archives: Humor
Musings from the Laundromat: Hoggy Birds and Chocolate Shame edition
After being snow bird blocked for the past two weekends, I finally got here early enough for the top load washing machines.
I think probably the fact that it’s Easter also had a part in my success. I assume eggs are being hidden or services attended in lieu of early morning laundry.
As for me? I’m doing brunch at 3:30 with my family.
OK, so that’s not exactly brunch time, but was the earliest reservation.
It’s Linner really isn’t it? Not brunch. I don’t care – food at any time is fine by me.
Which reminds me … I’m STILL gaining weight.
I started out super excited about this, because I needed to put some pounds on. But I haven’t reached a plateau yet – I just keep gaining.
My doctor did mention something about my meds slowing my metabolism – but I didn’t put that fun fact together with my scale until later.
I’m going to have to slow down on the food debauchery because I for one, cannot afford a new wardrobe. In my smugness I donated all my larger clothes – now it’s just daily ‘snugness!’
That’s my only concern really – having to spend money on clothes, because let’s face it, no ones seeing me naked in the foreseeable future.
Found a chocolate wrapper on the kitchen counter this morning and I kid you not, I don’t remember tucking into that last night. I had a candy black out! (Is that a thing? It should be a thing. It’s a thing now.)
Shame washed over me – then I spied with my little eye, 2 bricks of chocolate left in the package and shame be damned, I ate 1 of the survivors.
I’ll try to restrain myself from any other sweets that may leap in my path today – but AM going to gorge myself on ‘Linner’. I mean, it’s a buffet – it would be rude not to partake in excess!
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Happy Easter to all my Soupers who celebrate it – and happy Sunday to all who don’t.
Musings from the Laundromat: Time Hop & Front Load edition
I woke at 7 this morning and spent a few minutes fighting my bladder in a battle to remain horizontal and wondering why the hell it was still so dark?
The weather forecast had said it would be hot all weekend. Couldn’t be clouds.
I lost my battle with my bladder and got up. Shuffled into the living room and grabbed Butters leash. Outside we went and I was still confused.
So dark. No cloud coverage.
Odd.
After our little walk and back inside, I noticed the rest of the clocks in the house.
6:12 a.m. Six???
My ‘Smart’ alarm clock has been guilty of these shenanigans before.
On random occasions it decides to try out its little time zone gadget and flip about for no apparent reasons.
This latest warping of time is odd for 2 reasons:
1) The time change in the States happened LAST weekend.
2) The state I live in doesn’t even OBSERVE fore mentioned time changes.
*sigh*
I was up so I checked in on the latest and greatest on Facebook and there it was – “First Day of Spring”
I guess my clock was celebrating. Hopping forward in a confusion of digital excitement?
I lay back down after correcting its display and immediately fell back to sleep.
8:03. Eyes popped open to realize I was in very real danger of missing out on my favorite washing machines!
I literally only ran a brush through my hair and threw some clothes on and here I am.
With my laundry in 2 damn front load machines … Again.
This happened last weekend too. (No, not the time warp, but the greedy grabbing of the top loads before my arrival.)
I dislike the front loads because A) They’re more expensive per load and B) My little laundry sprinkles fall through the holes and gawd only knows where they go.
Well – the machine hogging snow birds shall be flying back to their homes for the Summer soon and all will be back to normal.
Well, as normal as things get around here.
The quandary of Facebook
Ok. I’ll admit it. I’m ‘one of them.’
I’m the diary chick.
SO not a ‘status’ chick. “I am currently writing a blog.” <POST> nah.
But, in my defense, I’m also VERY selective with my ‘friends.’ And I quote that because I see people with hundreds upon HUNDREDS of friends and I just don’t get it?
Facebook is not LinkedIn … Facebook, I thought, was a personal web page of sorts that you communicated from to your favorite friends and family?
I have under 100 ‘friends.’
I share too much.
I have also found myself deleting posts after posts because I feel inadequate or unable to be ‘real’ even with my selected friends.
Why?
Insecurities obviously … But, also, because THEIR lives SEEM so freaking amazing. I feel I fall short when I am honest.
And if you’re going with the above cartoon, then WHY is a photo of food not acceptable????
Tangent.
If we’re keeping it to ‘status’ only, then, what I’m eating is perfectly appropriate. Right?
I enjoy such features as IM. Instant messaging friends from all over the planet – for FREE!
No phone bill.
No stamps. (Although, I DO miss hand written letters.)
Off Tangent.
I have decided Facebook users fall into the following categories:
*The fantasy poster* – You ONLY hear good from them and their lives sound like they have a unicorn in their backyard and rainbows and confetti in their front yard – and you will NEVER live up to their marriage/relationship/mothering/fathering skills.
(Problem I have with these friends is that I actually judge myself – compare myself TO them.)
*The sometimes poster* – They really only remember Facebook when they’re NOT living their lives – because they’re real, and maybe they’ll share something fun with you. But, who know’s what’s going on in between.
*The work poster* – They’re busy, but want to advocate their occupation. You’ll get glimpses of their lives IF they decide it merits sharing and the post is innocuous – but mostly, it’s about work.
*The semi-honest poster* – Shares when they’re sad or happy – when their kids/partner/selves are sick or tired – but will stop at anything embarrassing.
*The Stalker* – They’re your friend, and occasionally will ‘like’ a post, but mostly just hangs back and reads everyone’s statuses and won’t share a damn thing.
* The over sharer (me) – will purge EVERYTHING without thought and regret it later. Usually will delete.
Thing is – I’m a writer!!!! I AM! I was published by 10. Have never stopped wanting to share. And this is why my friend list is short. And this is why I keep diminishing it – because I don’t WANT to stop being honest. I don’t WANT to have to edit myself.
MY Facebook IS my personal page. And anyone invited should seriously consider it an honor (tongue in cheek) because I just don’t trust many people.
I’ll be purging all over the place AND deleting – because that IS what I do.
God forbid I actually get a book published – would be pretty hard to delete. 😉
Um, and by the way … Check THIS out. After hitting review:
What I was even going to originally write about on Sunday was Stefan Kiesbye.
But then I felt bad – like I’d cornered him. (My issues, no reality there.)
He is my favorite author.
AND, a friend on Facebook.
Yes, I had even deleted my innocuous Valentines post to my friends and family.
Funny thing is – I got a message from Rainer on Valentine’s Day – and I remembered asking him to get Stefan’s autograph for me at a book fair in Europe.
ANYWAY! If you haven’t read these – you really should …
The Staked Plains – (when I got an ARC I FLIPPED out!)
And – my favorite ….
Bottom line I guess … I want to be real. I don’t want to delete a moment. I want to share EVERYTHING with you. Was watching a movie today (can’t remember which – I got Netflixbewitched) and one of the quotes went something like … I can’t remember. But it was important. And hey, mid-forties, cut me a break. Maybe THAT’S why I share everything? Because a year from now, Facebook is going to remind me I have a memory.
Musings from the Laundromat: Don’t Stand So Close To Me edition.
The irony in Glaucoma Man telling me he keeps the lid down on the machine next to him so people don’t crowd him while he’s less than a foot from me as I’m stuffing MY laundry into a machine was certainly not lost on me.
I had grocery store flashbacks. You know, when you’re not finished with your turn and you have someone practically leaning on the little pay counter as you’re trying to swipe your card? Breathing down your neck as you take your receipt from the cashier? Those people. The cashiers feed into it too! Start ringing up the next person before you’ve even managed to put your store card and change away.
Back OFF!
Yesterday I had someone so close to me her onions were rung up with my bits and pieces. We laughed about it – discussed sharing an onion and what not but – be patient and get off me!
I’m a little grumpy today clearly.
Not because it’s Valentines Day and I don’t have a valentine. I think mostly because I just woke up, threw clothes on in a very sleepy state and was immediately bombarded with Glaucoma Man.
I’m not really a morning person – and I’m definitely not into being talked at such a rapid and energetic pace until all of me has woken.
I have big plans today. Sushi grade Ahi ready to be cut into slithers of delicious sashimi. A fruit tart for me (Nic picked a cannoli.)
So, basically, my big plans are food. Oh, and … THE WALKING DEAD is back tonight! So I was sure to take tomorrow off so I could stay up late and watch it.
I already know what’s going to happen – just not how exactly it’s going to play out.
Yesterday I did have actual plans. Went to a local town with a dear friend and her granddaughter and Nic. Pet everything furry with four legs and ate a delicious lunch.
Nic & a town dog
My sweet friend and her granddaughter
Me & a burro. I wanted to kiss it on the eyeball, but it was eating.
If not for my friend, I don’t think I’d ever leave the house, except to run errands and work. She forces me to ‘people’.
And now I’ve had a couple of polystyrene cups of coffee and am in a better mood. Chatted some more with Glaucoma Man sweetly since my good nature finally woke up.
And now that he’s gone I’m scanning the room and wishing my clothes were dry and folded.
(Also very glad not to have anyone in my comfort bubble.)
Anyway, Happy Valentines Day to all of you and here’s wishing you love, sweetness and no grocery store shovey people!
Flirty Thursday
Random Thursday night musing/update:
So, I think I was flirted with a couple of times today.
Although, my interpretations of other people’s actions is SO off who knows?
We had a very dapper man come into work late in the day. Fedora – great socks, great shoes, great vibe.
I scribbled on a note to one of the owners “I bet he’s a musician!”
THEN, I heard him tell another owner that he was, in fact, a musician. Jazz.
You know me – I can’t edit.
Before he left:
“I KNEW you were a musician.”
Him: How?
Me: You have that aura – that vibe.
Him: (slight wink) yeah … I think I’ll see you around.
Is that flirting??? I just don’t know anymore.
THEN, I drive through McDonalds (insert dry heaving sounds here) but, Nic has been sick (high fever) and was requesting Sprite and McD’s UG!
I had 6! SIX cars in front of me – just wanted to be home, but lined up.
When I got to the ‘pay’ window – a young man (after I smiled and handed over cash) proceeded to tell me when he was off and that he was moving into his own place that night.
He also shared he was 20. (Turns out, he went to school with Nic, lol)
So – am I reading too much into these things? Or is this new smile just bringing the boys/men to the yard w/out milkshakes?
Regardless – not interested.
As a co-worker once said – “If you were turned inside out and scraped, there’s not a part of you ready for a relationship.”
And she was right then – and right now.
But DO love my smile!!!!! 🙂
Debauchery Soup 