Category Archives: Creative Writing

Russian Doll Tangent

Just to tie things up in a bow for those of you who didn’t notice – the enlightened versions went in the same direction (Notice the karma scarf and her outfit).

Before:

After:

He has the ‘Karma Scarf’ on and she has her enlightened ‘I had a drink thrown on me’ outfit on.

The other two versions of her are passing her by going backwards out of the tunnel, whilst, they are going in.  Together.

 

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Here comes the downer.  lol.

Everyday feels like groundhog day for me.

I’m reminded of the Beatles.

“Woke up, fell out of bed
Dragged a comb across my head
Found my way downstairs and drank a cup
And looking up I noticed I was late

Found my coat and grabbed my hat
Made the bus in seconds flat
Found my way upstairs and had a smoke
And somebody spoke and I went into a dream”

Only, I’m a bad riser.

I can’t drink coffee anymore, and I’ve had a child.

So, I have ‘mama’ ears.

I wake to my husband waking.

I hear him say good morning to our dog.

I hear him close the door so I may sleep longer (which is sweet).

If I’m lucky, I get half an hour more of sleep. Which I’m so desperately needing lately for whatever reason.

Every. Single. Day.

Wake up.

Be mad at waking up, whilst knowing what a gift.

Turn off alarm and turn on Headline News.

Get up.

Feed dog.

Go outside with dog.

Say goodbye to husband.

Come inside and shower.

Dress.

Toss ‘cookies’ on couch for dog.

Change channel to ‘Disney’ for dog.

Drive 40 minutes to work.

Acknowledge OCD style the crosses, the names.  Watch for animals crossing and drive far too slow for those behind me.  (Because DAMMIT I have seen the crosses, haven’t you??)

Get to work.

Do that routine.

Go home.

I honestly feel sometimes like a Russian Doll.

Repeating, yet, getting smaller and smaller and being less than, feeling less. Every. Single. Day.

If I were a positive person, which I am, I’d take the, ‘I’m peeling layers and showing the final me’.

Which, c’mon, is a freaking tiny toothpick cut in thirds size.  I don’t want to be a tiny toothpick.

I’ll stick with my morbid theory.  Thank you very much.

 

 

 

Read more: The Beatles – A Day In The Life Lyrics | MetroLyrics

asdfs

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Promises

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Ashes fell on me

Creped skin

Regrets

Promises each day of a new beginning

My abused temple

Modified

Sacrificed

Ignored …

The quandary of Facebook

Ok.  I’ll admit it.  I’m ‘one of them.’

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I’m the diary chick.

SO not a ‘status’ chick.  “I am currently writing a blog.” <POST> nah.

But, in my defense, I’m also VERY selective with my ‘friends.’  And I quote that because I see people with hundreds upon HUNDREDS of friends and I just don’t get it?

Facebook is not LinkedIn … Facebook, I thought, was a personal web page of sorts that you communicated from to your favorite friends and family?

I have under 100 ‘friends.’

I share too much.

I have also found myself deleting posts after posts because I feel inadequate or unable to be ‘real’ even with my selected friends.

Why?

Insecurities obviously … But, also, because THEIR lives SEEM so freaking amazing.  I feel I fall short when I am honest.

And if you’re going with the above cartoon, then WHY is a photo of food not acceptable????

Tangent.

If we’re keeping it to ‘status’ only, then, what I’m eating is perfectly appropriate.  Right?

I enjoy such features as IM.  Instant messaging friends from all over the planet – for FREE!

No phone bill.

No stamps. (Although, I DO miss hand written letters.)

Off Tangent.

I have decided Facebook users fall into the following categories:

*The fantasy poster* – You ONLY hear good from them and their lives sound like they have a unicorn in their backyard and rainbows and confetti in their front yard – and you will NEVER live up to their marriage/relationship/mothering/fathering skills.

(Problem I have with these friends is that I actually judge myself – compare myself TO them.)

*The sometimes poster*  – They really only remember Facebook when they’re NOT living their lives – because they’re real, and maybe they’ll share something fun with you.  But, who know’s what’s going on in between.

*The work poster* – They’re busy, but want to advocate their occupation.  You’ll get glimpses of their lives IF they decide it merits sharing and the post is innocuous – but mostly, it’s about work.

*The semi-honest poster* – Shares when they’re sad or happy – when their kids/partner/selves are sick or tired – but will stop at anything embarrassing.

*The Stalker* – They’re your friend, and occasionally will ‘like’ a post, but mostly just hangs back and reads everyone’s statuses and won’t share a damn thing.

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* The over sharer (me) – will purge EVERYTHING without thought and regret it later.  Usually will delete.

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Thing is – I’m a writer!!!! I AM!  I was published by 10.  Have never stopped wanting to share.  And this is why my friend list is short.  And this is why I keep diminishing it – because I don’t WANT to stop being honest.  I don’t WANT to have to edit myself.

MY Facebook IS my personal page.  And anyone invited should seriously consider it an honor (tongue in cheek) because I just don’t trust many people.

I’ll be purging all over the place AND deleting – because that IS what I do.

God forbid I actually get a book published – would be pretty hard to delete. 😉

Um, and by the way … Check THIS out.  After hitting review:

 

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What I was even going to originally write about on Sunday was Stefan Kiesbye.

But then I felt bad – like I’d cornered him. (My issues, no reality there.)

He is my favorite author.

AND, a friend on Facebook.

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Yes, I had even deleted my innocuous Valentines post to my friends and family.

Funny thing is – I got a message from Rainer on Valentine’s Day – and I remembered asking him to get Stefan’s autograph for me at a book fair in Europe.

ANYWAY! If you haven’t read these – you really should …

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The Staked Plains – (when I got an ARC I FLIPPED out!)

And – my favorite ….
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Bottom line I guess … I want to be real.  I don’t want to delete a moment.  I want to share EVERYTHING with you.  Was watching a movie today (can’t remember which – I got Netflixbewitched) and one of the quotes went something like … I can’t remember.  But it was important.  And hey, mid-forties, cut me a break.  Maybe THAT’S why I share everything?  Because a year from now, Facebook is going to remind me I have a memory.

Penelope

Her absence is ubiquitous.

In her home,

at the park.

in our lives.

Her love is infinite.

We still feel it.

Countries away!

Her strength is unlike anything I can be.

And she’s unafraid to say –

I’m missing you.

I’m missing home.

I’m tired of dreary.

And in that honesty –

I find myself.

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lantern son

Me: But you’re the light of my life!

Nic: maybe you need to find more lanterns.

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And I’m losing him, in my needing.

And I’ve lost him in my antiquated metaphors.

and I love him beyond the lanterns.