Category Archives: Humor
It does snow in Africa
A friend mentioned a song yesterday on her Facebook page. It was Band Aid’s ‘Do they know it’s Christmas’.
Think I’ve mentioned before that I really might need to work on using my edit button. (Says the owner of the ‘Shut-up Buddha’). Here my friend was feeling warm and fuzzy and having memories flooding back and I just had to click on the comment box.
That song is the first of two that drive me bananas! Don’t get me wrong, very catchy tunes – love the artists – this is strictly lyric related.
Let’s take a look at a couple of lines shall we?
“And the Christmas bells that ring there, are the clanging chimes of doom,
well tonight thank God it’s them, instead of you”.
WTH? “Chin up Africa, better you than me eh?”
I don’t think praying and saying ‘thank you’ for your blessings is quite the same as something like, “Dear God, thank you! Thank you for letting the people in Africa die instead of me!” Really?
I know, I KNOW. I get what he’s trying to say there – but was there no time for a rewrite? Couldn’t pass the song over to someone else for a little review? Oh, that’s right, there was a co-writer too! Midge Ure.
‘Thank God is THEM instead of YOU’? *shudder*
Next line: “And there wont be snow in Africa this Christmas time, The greatest gift they’ll get this year is life”.
Um. Would they rather have an ipad in their stocking?
Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t life the greatest gift?
As for the snow, it is the continent of Africa. I realize water is needed. But probably snow is not expected. Africa is a big place and many countries do get some snow there. Johannesburg in South Africa even had some snow this year! Also, did you know there’s a ski resort in Morocco? I don’t think it has to snow for it to be Christmas Time, and if it does, then Australia is out of luck too. And me, here in the desert.
I’ll leave that one alone for now, Band Aid made a lot of money for a good cause. Thank you Bob ‘the Sir’ Geldof. x
So let’s pick on Lisa Stansfield and ‘All around the world’.
You could get so lost in the chorus you might almost miss the lyric contradictions.
“Been around the world and I, I, I, I can’t find my baby. I don’t know when, I don’t know why, why he’s gone away …”
Aw! What happened Lisa??? She doesn’t know! 😦 And she’s looking for him! She’s looked everywhere!
Oh wait – there’s more to the song.
“We had a quarrel, and I let myself go. I said so many things, things he didn’t know”.
Oh. Hmmm … well, I’m thinking that might have something to do with why he went away, but everyone argues right? If only she knew why he left!!
Wait – there’s more to the song.
“He gave the reason, the reasons he should go”.
*sigh* Well! Mystery solved. Someone might want to tell her those reasons he gave for going … is why her baby went away.
I’d stop looking for him if I were her, I mean, she’s already been all around the world searching. Maybe she could stay a little while in Johannesburg and make a snow angel?
Giggle Snaps
What is WRONG with me? Since Friday I’ve been on a roller coaster of moods.
Went from snapping at anything that dared to cut its eyes at me (inanimate objects included) to breathlessly laughing with my son.
Had flashbacks today of some of that laughter – which brought about the giggles at my desk. Of course, that also brought eyes upon me and when they saw my screen was displaying something as mundane as the VA web portal, I’m sure they wondered whether or not they had a sane person in the helm of the loan ship.
I must have seemed a teeny bit demented.
Then I’m driving home today and started thinking about Christmas, the ever working in overdrive tangent part of my brain kicked a metaphor into my head, so now I’m maniacally laughing while driving at this thought:
My sex life (past tense as I am now in a self-induced celibate state) was much like a Christmas gift. You know, the one you got that you give the mock ‘Oh!” eyes to, so you don’t hurt the gift givers feelings? The one you politely smile at and say ‘thank you’ – all the while knowing you’re going to have to take responsibility for giving the gift you really wanted to yourself. My fault really for never telling Santa what I really wanted.
Left a scathing message for an Account Executive today after speaking to what seemed like a Rue 21 associate at their headquarters. Did they want our business or not? If so, assign a damn professional person to answer the phone with wanting to help coursing through their veins.
I won’t even go into Sunday’s escapades – suffice it to say, when I want a burger, I WANT A BURGER and the mere fact that it’s 10:15 should NOT be an obstacle. I think I scared my son. He mentioned we really needed to get food into me. He’s used to peace/love/compassion/tolerant mom. Not mood swing mom.
I’d blame all this on PMS, but apparently the male scientists have proven that doesn’t actually exist. So I’ll blame it on the fact that I’m a Gemini.
“I’m not in love …”
Which is a really silly title for this particular blog post considering the rest of the lyrics, but lets just put that aside and focus on just those 4 words.
A dear friend once (not so very long ago) sent me these words:
“The great wonderful Amanda (where do keep the hearts and souls of the men you collect)?” Ouch.
This was painful on a few levels. 1) I deeply care for this person. 2) I don’t go around entering relationships with the intention of cruelly ending them for recreational purposes. 3) Apparently I had hurt someone.
Here’s the deal. I watch romantic movies and I’m pretty sure I want that. I do!
I want the speech Meg Ryan got at the end of ‘When Harry Met Sally’. I cry every time Harry ends with,
“And it’s not because I’m lonely, and it’s not because it’s New Year’s Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible”.
I want the car to pull up with my suitor holding up flowers and an umbrella like ‘Pretty Woman’. I want the fairy tale.
I want to have my Holly Golightly moment when I realize I don’t have to be caged to give my heart.
But I have not found the person I want those things from.
I have never truly had my heart broken, I have never mourned for the loss of a relationship and I have never had that kind of love. Well – perhaps that’s not fair. I have never felt that kind of love.
To be honest, it’s only been a couple of years since I’ve been comfortable enough in my own skin to be capable of offering anything of substance to someone else. I can’t begin to describe how much the term: ‘You complete me’ drives me up the wall!
How, in the world, does one expect any success in a relationship when one enters it ‘incomplete’? I would hope to offer my whole heart to someone who also has a whole heart. I would hope to offer my serenity, contentment and love to someone who also has that. A partner that compliments, not completes all that is me, who brings differences and experiences to the relationship with their uniqueness.
There are many reasons I won’t go into for my lack of success when it comes to love. Trust me when I say that events occurred to a little girl, a teenager and a young adult that should not have.
Lately, I’ve been noticing happy couples. There is a beautiful woman at work who after decades of marriage is still SO completely in love with her husband. She exudes happiness (which came first I wonder? The happy chicken or the love egg?).
Then today, I bumped into an older couple at the store that I did a loan for. We chatted a while, and my heart swelled watching them finishing each others sentences (NOT the same as ‘completing’ each other people!) – I swear, the lady’s eyes literally sparkled when she looked at her husband. Dreamy. Absolutely dreamy. Of course, I had to point that out to them, which brought about more sparkling from both of them.
I want that. I want to spend the rest of my life with someone who makes my eyes sparkle. I want a best friend to hold hands with, to laugh with.
It’s corny, but when I was younger, I used to imagine what New Years Eve 1999 would be like.
I’m getting ready, putting on my earrings as I smile peacefully into my vanity mirror. I can hear my husband telling the dog to quiet down and greeting the babysitter. I hear my children running around downstairs squealing with delight because the sitter is here and they’ve just been told they can stay up late. My husband walks into the bedroom as I stand up and smooth my party dress, we exchange a secret smile. It’s date night with the man of my dreams.
He never showed up.
I do have the dog – and I do own earrings. I also have an amazing son who is the only man I’ve ever truly given my whole heart to.
But I think I’m almost ready for more. I think there’s still time for a ‘ever after’.
“Morning has broken…” (I didn’t do it!)
I loved that song as a girl.
I’ll pop it in here for you younger readers, because I honestly can’t remember the last time I have heard it in my adulthood without hunting it down.
Eleanor Farjeon (a lovely British writer) wrote the hymn, then Cat Stevens (AKA Yusuf Islami, AKA Steven Demetre Georgiou) introduced a ‘few’ more people to it.
The point of all of this is a counter attack on my initial grumpy mood as my alarm went off at 6:30 am on a Saturday. (5:30 am for you on who actually observed the time change on the West coast).
I WILL be happy. Damn it.
And now I’m singing this song in my head and being very grateful for ‘morning’ which almost got a good kick up the arse instead. That counts double for Butters who sat and stared at me after I hit the alarm ‘off’, insisting that “no, it can’t possibly be Saturday? I heard the alarm, and please get up so that I can take you to the front door and then not really have to go out after all”.
I digress.
Good Morning everyone.
Adding a morning shot of an official ‘Early Bird’
Then my early bird left – I think he was off to grab a cup of coffee. I get you early bird, I get you.
Debauchery Soup 
Creative Laryngitis to a loud chastising
Nov 20
Posted by debaucherysoup
I’ve lost my voice. My artistic voice. It’s 5:54 in the morning and I’m wracking my brain trying to think of something deep or witty or poignant or even remotely worth your eye time and cannot.
I’ve had a headache for two days (probably a side effect of the eating debauchery I embarked on starting Friday and ending Sunday and the instant 4 pounds I put on my often mentioned small frame).
A-ha!
Let’s talk about that. Let’s talk about my weight. (See what can happen when you just keep typing? Eventually something comes up. Now we need a picture. I’ll use this one as I’ve been told I resemble her – here’s Ms. Gwyneth Paltrow).
I used to be thin. It’s in my genes. My Nannie is thin, my mother is thin. I’m 5’10 and on average, now weigh 129 pounds. A few years ago, I was teetering between the mid 160’s up to 172 at my heaviest. I made a concerted effort to lose weight and it worked. No soda – no white bread – smaller portions – stopped eating when I was full (what a concept) – no eating right before going to bed. Nothing bonkers. Just sensible.
The catalyst was hating to take my clothes off and still seeing the outline of them on my body. LOL! That, and actually startling at my desk because “something touched my legs!!” (Turned out it was my stomach).
I was also uncomfortable, and my heart condition was getting worse. Although, my heart issue stems from my sinus node, not the actual heart – I figured it still couldn’t hurt.
Then I quit drinking.
OH! Do liquids have calories? THAT explains a lot. More weight came off. Because if I’m being honest, probably half my daily allowable calories came from champagne or wine or vodka or beer. And some days many non-allowable daily calories too.
I am not skinny! But I get comments a lot that I am.
This prompted me a while ago to quip on my Facebook status ‘why is it ok to point out someone is thin, but not that someone is fat??’. I think both are rude.
I came to the conclusion that ‘thin’ has negative connotations. It brings to mind disease, addiction, poverty. While having some meat on the bones has historically meant ‘privilege, wealth, success’.
Um. Can I ask again, why is it ok to mention the thin? It’s sort of ruder now I’ve pointed out what it brings to mind. What if they have just beaten a disease?? Or really can’t afford to eat? Ouch. That would be horrible! Because it’s never said privately out of concern, it’s usually flippantly thrown out there in public almost like it’s a compliment, except for that touch of distaste in the sentence.
I mean, you don’t just say to someone ‘Wow, your hair is really thinning.’ Or, ‘Your nose is so BIG!’. Why do we think it’s ok to point anything like that out? Boggles the mind. Just stop it. Keep your eyes on your own paper.
Now, if I wasn’t eating or if a bone was protruding, a well-meaning ‘aside’ from a friend would be not only acceptable but expected!
But I went from a size 14-16 to a 6-8, not a zero. I’m not skin and bones people. Trust me, I see me naked.
Posted in Humor
9 Comments
Tags: diet, fat, gwyneth paltrow, health, healthy eating, heart condition, rude comments, skinny, thin, weight, weight loss