Blog Archives

A Wider Shade of Pale

It’s no secret I’ve been what I called ‘comfort eating’, but what I’ve come to realize is that I eat when I’m bored.

I did not know this.

For the last 18 years, I haven’t really been bored.

Since my son has been in England, I’ve found myself with extra time on my hands – that translated into eating utensils in my hands.

I’ll get the annoying ‘thin person bitching about gaining weight’ part out of the way – because I’ve had a few eye rolls when I’ve mentioned the 8 pounds I gained.  I know that I am not overweight and can usually be seen roaming the office with various food items in my clutches.

But, I’m NOT overweight as a result of effort on my part!

I lost over 40 pounds on purpose – over time, sensibly.  (Alright, and it probably helped when I stopped drinking a thousand or so calories a day too.)

So those extra 8 pounds in (blush) two weeks bother me.

They especially bothered me the other night when I stripped down to put my pajamas on and it still looked like I had my underwear on.

The elastic left impressions where impressions haven’t been in a while.  I gain weight, it goes straight to my arse.  And stomach.  My little arms stay little – and my boobs.  Dammit.

Anyway, the private shame was soothed by some garlic cheese bread, so that was a relief.

This weekend was going to be the LAST of my eating debauchery.  (I love how I gave myself one more weekend though – very kind of me.)

Started out well on my way when my boss brought me a muffin from one of his restaurants.  Ok, I don’t know if ‘muffin’ is accurate.  It was more like an unfrosted chocolate cake.  But, for the sake of feeling okay about eating it before 9 am, we’ll call it ‘muffin’.


Then I couldn’t possibly NOT eat my sandwich I’d made for lunch … or my sweet potato Triscuits.  Have you tried these things yet??  Try them.  Do it.


Anyway, fast forward through the sandwich and the Triscuits – (which pretty much sums up how I consumed them funnily enough) something odd happened.  I was chatting to a friend and we made lunch plans for tomorrow.  AND I am excited about it because I get to see my friend and NOT because I will be in close proximity to food.

Who AM I??

I’m not only voluntarily leaving the house, but I’m doing it  to be sociable AND I’m not concerned about the food??

I think my feeding frenzy is over.  As suddenly as it began … the desire to feed seems to be over.

Nic returns at the end of the month, and I might just shed these ‘bored’ pounds before he arrives back on US soil.  He’ll not have to see me waddling around the house with residual ‘bored bloat’.   He’ll be spared that.

Which is a good thing – because I’m not buying larger underwear!

‘Comfort Eating’ and a new fan

Comfort eating … I wanted to say I’ve been doing it since Monday – then I remembered the Calamari post. <– click here. Oops.

I am currently completely, totally nauseated. 

FIRST TANGENT: It drives me bonkers when people say “I feel nauseous.” It may have been so misused that Websters just gave up and decided to make its original meaning null and void, but back in the day – Nauseous meant you made OTHERS sick – to feel nauseated meant YOU felt sick.  Okay.  We clear now?

I’ve been indulging in chocolate covered almonds at work – oh, and trail mix.  And not in the ‘healthy’ trail mix way.


It’s ridiculous.  It all started with a weekend of pampering courtesy of my mom (oh gawd, this has been going on a WEEK!)

We enjoyed a pedicure together and then Sushi.


We eat a LOT of sushi.  This time, we were smart though.  “Remember, we never eat it all – and it’s too hot to leave in the car to do anything else.”  I said.

So we just ate a lot more there. LOL!

I ended up carting the take away box containing a much smaller amount of ‘left overs’ than I thought there would be into Wal-Mart and Bed Bath and Beyond. 

SECOND TANGENT:  Wandered over to the fan section to sign some 8 x 10 glossys and pose for a few pics to see if there was one in my budget for my son’s room.  Found an awesome one!  Then I looked at the price tag and walked away.  More about ‘the fan’ later.

So weekend is over.  I’ll be honest with you.  Brutally truthful.  I lost weight on purpose, took me a while – but I was very pleased with the results.  I am about 5’9, 5’10 and weigh between 125-130 pounds depending on the day.  I get called ‘skinny’ a lot.  Which, is a little mean – I wouldn’t announce to someone they were ‘fat’.  Besides, I’m not grossly underweight – I’m just not overweight.  I’m ‘thin’.  I eat – believe me.   And NO I don’t ‘return’ it.  Ew.

I have my days I’ll eat whatever I want, then I’m sensible the rest of the week … or at least 5 days of the week anyway.

Not this week.


Tuesday is meeting day in the office next door – and I have an all access pass to their kitchen.  It’s not what you know people, it’s who you know. LOL!

This was their spread Tuesday:


The rest of the week is sort of a blur.  I was in a bit of a food coma.  I brought lunch everyday, and then somehow – was provided a meal as well.  One day I had just finished the Italian sausage pasta I made over the weekend – when my boss walked in with this:

imageIt’s poor manners to say ‘no thank you’ to your boss, especially when there are French fries involved.  Then it’s very bad manners.  And OH MY GAWD … it’s In N Out burger – who turns down In N Out??


That same day, (actually, WHILE I was eating my fries – because you can’t let them get cold)  I was helping a man at my desk.  Wasn’t exactly related to my job, but he was a friend of the loan officer.  I had helped him and chatted to him a while back , and the day before and now I was faxing Last Wills and Testaments for him and what-not.

We spoke a lot.  He asked me where I lived –  I got a little nervous.  I don’t like personal questions from strangers … candy I’ll take, and yes, I’ll help them find their puppy, but I’m uncomfortable answering personal questions.

Turns out he was only asking because he wanted to compare electric bills.  We agreed they did seem to be a lot higher than last year.  This man just had major surgery on his heart and so I went the extra mile.  Told him about ‘the fan’.  Remember?  The one I was looking at in Bed Bath and Beyond whilst holding a to-go container of sushi.

I told him, it’s an ‘air circulator’ and it’s suppose to cut your electric bill down.  It disperses the cool air into every corner of your room.  I told him what I had found out about it while I researched whether or not I should spend the money on it.  Thought it might help him.

This is ‘The fan’.


He left.  I finished my box ‘o food.  (Followed by a sudden craving for gummy sharks – which was followed by a walk over to the gas station and purchase of said gummy sharks – then I proceeded to consume all but FOUR of the damn gummy sharks.)

I’m feeling NAUSEATED and the door opens.

It is the man I was helping earlier.

Holding ‘the fan’.

Now – if you have read many of my posts, (there are over 200, who knows) you’ll know that I have the HARDEST time accepting help/money/gifts from other people.

So I’m preparing my ‘Oh, thank you you’re so sweet – but I couldn’t possibly‘ speech.  When he disarmed me with his own words.  In a nutshell, he said that he didn’t have many people to speak to.  That I had been very kind to him – and that he could tell what sort of character I had.  He bought himself one and he wanted me to have one.

What do you SAY to that??

“You’re welcome – and um, no.  Take it back!”  I’m trying to learn to be gracious and LET people feel the same way I do when I give someone a gift (or when I could give a gift anyway.)

So I have a new fan.  And I’ve gained 4 pounds.  Not just from food – but from that simple act of accepting something from someone that’s weighing on me.

Think I need one of these …


Creative Laryngitis to a loud chastising

I’ve lost my voice.  My artistic voice.  It’s 5:54 in the morning and I’m wracking my brain trying to think of something deep or witty or poignant or even remotely worth your eye time and cannot.

I’ve had a headache for two days (probably a side effect of the eating debauchery I embarked on starting Friday and ending Sunday and the instant 4 pounds I put on my often mentioned small frame).


Let’s talk about that.  Let’s talk about my weight. (See what can happen when you just keep typing?  Eventually something comes up.  Now we need a picture.  I’ll use this one as I’ve been told I resemble her – here’s Ms. Gwyneth Paltrow).

I used to be thin.  It’s in my genes.  My Nannie is thin, my mother is thin.  I’m 5’10 and on average, now weigh 129 pounds.  A few years ago, I was teetering between the mid 160’s up to 172 at my heaviest.  I made a concerted effort to lose weight and it worked.  No soda – no white bread – smaller portions – stopped eating when I was full (what a concept) – no eating right before going to bed.  Nothing bonkers.  Just sensible.

The catalyst was hating to take my clothes off and still seeing the outline of them on my body. LOL!  That, and actually startling at my desk because “something touched my legs!!” (Turned out it was my stomach).

I was also uncomfortable, and my heart condition was getting worse.  Although, my heart issue stems from my sinus node, not the actual heart – I figured it still couldn’t hurt.

Then I quit drinking.

OH!  Do liquids have calories? THAT explains a lot.  More weight came off.  Because if I’m being honest, probably half my daily allowable calories came from champagne or wine or vodka or beer.  And some days many non-allowable daily calories too.

I am not skinny!  But I get comments a lot that I am.

This prompted me a while ago to quip on my Facebook status ‘why is it ok to point out someone is thin, but not that someone is fat??’.  I think both are rude.

I came to the conclusion that ‘thin’ has negative connotations.  It brings to mind disease, addiction, poverty.  While having some meat on the bones has historically meant ‘privilege, wealth, success’.

Um.  Can I ask again, why is it ok to mention the thin?  It’s sort of ruder now I’ve pointed out what it brings to mind.  What if they have just beaten a disease??  Or really can’t afford to eat? Ouch.  That would be horrible!   Because it’s never said privately out of concern, it’s usually flippantly thrown out there in public almost like it’s a compliment, except for that touch of distaste in the sentence.

I mean, you don’t just say to someone ‘Wow, your hair is really thinning.’  Or, ‘Your nose is so BIG!’.  Why do we think it’s ok to point anything like that out? Boggles the mind.  Just stop it.  Keep your eyes on your own paper.

Now, if I wasn’t eating or if a bone was protruding, a well-meaning ‘aside’ from a friend would be not only acceptable but expected!

But I went from a size 14-16 to a 6-8, not a zero.  I’m not skin and bones people.  Trust me, I see me naked.