Category Archives: Gratitude
“Dear God”
I have the Sarah McLachlan song going through my head having typed the subject. I’m singing in my head ‘… hope you got the letter and I pray you can make it better down here.” I do that. Everything tangents off into a song for me, or song prompts a movie. But that’s not what this is about.
I woke up last night thinking about prayer.
My prayers have changed.
I brush my teeth, I hit my knees and I bow my head and say ‘Hi’. Always I say ‘Thank you’. But what used to be a laundry list of requests and specifics has become one phrase I say every night. “God bless all those in my heart, on my mind and in the world”. Then I’ll toss in ‘and God bless Butters’ because she’s usually staring at me inches away waiting for her bedtime ‘cookie’.
Why do we pray?
I crack up sometimes wondering if we really believe God hasn’t noticed some one or some situation needs his attention. And if he does need that pointing out, then clearly he’s not powerful enough to do anything about it!
But he doesn’t need us pointing anything out does he. He’s not off busy doing something and not aware that someone is tugging at his shirt waiting for their prayer to be answered.
Infinite.
As for: “Oh, he has far more important things to worry about”. Maybe when we say that we’re realizing perhaps this ‘thing’ that we’re worried about isn’t so earth shattering. But I’m pretty sure whatever God you pray to can multi-task.
In my opinion, Prayer is for us. A realignment. Focusing our energy toward others or a goal. Experiencing humility.
I draw power from sending out light and love to others. I stay grateful telling a power greater than me ‘Thank You’. And I know that prayers are answered. So I’ll keep doing it.
Root beer float and peach pie love
Hadn’t felt well last night – my heart learned a new trick last night and was showing it off. I held tight to my 40-year-old bear ‘Teddy’ and slept. This morning, it was still demonstrating its new trick. ‘Tug, kick, gurgle – repeat’.
As I’ve mentioned before, I have a heart condition. I take 3 different medications and just really sort of deal with it. However, when a new symptom presents – it is a little creepy, considering my existing issues.
I debated just riding it out, I have no health insurance. But I know that if something was seriously wrong and preventable, I would KICK myself for worrying about money over my life.
So, this morning I ran an errand – came home, told Nic I was going to the hospital and went to the emergency room.
I can’t even count how many EKG’s, IV’s or X-rays I’ve had at this point. I’m pretty well versed in the procedures. The nurse was amazing. We discussed books (I had brought my nook along) she was kind and warm.
My actual arm – don’t think for one minute I wasn’t already thinking about sharing my day with you lol.
Waiting for my blood and X-ray results, they brought a roommate in. This gentleman was in fact having a heart attack. He had come in the night before and they wanted to admit him, but he had to work so he had left. Bonkers! (But, probably I would have done the same – what is WRONG with us??).
They worked diligently on him. I had tears in my eyes hearing how brave he was trying to sound and knowing how scared he must have been. He went to ICU.
Fast forward to my release. I was told I needed to rest, relax and to see my cardiologist in a couple of days. Felt so blessed to be walking out – and hoped with every fiber of my being that my roommate would be OK.
I came home, feeling bruised and tired. Went grocery shopping – sent my son out for some quick food and lay on the couch. Sleep found me.
What I awoke to, in a fog – was my son presenting me with a root beer float. 🙂 That thing didn’t stand a chance.
It tasted of love.
There was a smell in the air too – he was cooking a peach pie.
How blessed am I?? Seriously. I am so very grateful for every single day. For the love I have in my life, and for every beat of my imperfect heart.
Puffy parking lot pigeons and pantries
There’s a zing in the air! No, really – this time of year, you’re prone in this neck of the woods (or desert) to get shocked every time you touch your car, open a metal door or make contact with a shelf in a store. But I digress. There’s a zing in the air!!
My sons gift is on layaway! I won’t say what it is because I still delude myself into believing he’s interested enough from time to time to read my blog. I’m pretty sure the only time he does, is when I make him so I can hear what it sounds like from a readers point of view.
Anyway. I left the store and noticed all the pigeons finding shelter from the wind under cars. Adorable. All puffed up like they were courting. I would have taken a photo of my personal car pigeon, but I forgot to turn the alarm off before I opened the trunk. Needless to say my photo-op left.
Here’s one courtesy of the web – is this where I say I don’t own any rights to the pigeon photo? Because I don’t. (What’s the penalty for ‘borrowing’ an image? I do it a lot).
I also came home with a pantry organizer. It hangs over the back of the pantry door. If the dog was capable of laughing, she’d probably already be snickering at the fact that I think I can build this thing.
ALMOST came home with a chocolate advent calendar. It was on sale. The picture on it was so cheery and holiday-ish, it fit my mood. I left it at the grocery store, I figured I might be pushing that chocolate a little having it sit waiting for its little doors and windows to be opened for over a month.
As I left the store, and after I filled the car up with gas – I was fit to burst with happiness. I figured it out. What makes me happy. Being able to provide the necessities for the people in my life and to spread a little joy. I was so excited to bring the groceries in, and believe me, I KNOW how fortunate I am. So very grateful to be able to afford food and gas. And I love that I notice the pigeons trying to stay warm.
I get you little car pigeon – I’m a nester too. 🙂
The ‘ever after’ hair.
I remember when I was pregnant reading books and getting advice about newborns. What to do if a baby is unhappy, uncomfortable or crying – check if it’s hungry, wet, tired etc. and someone told me, ‘it could be as simple as a hair wrapped around its toe’.
Holy cow, I thought, that’s going to be hard to find!
I’m a little off lately, and I’m looking for the source.
Spiritual hair in place. Gratitude hair combed. Not hungry, not wet – a little tired.
What IS it then??
I’ve grown so much in the past few years and have never felt more comfortable in my skin. But something is amiss.
Thought maybe it was a need for companionship, but after watching ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ last night I was reminded that wasn’t it when Julia Roberts uttered the same words that I did almost three years ago. “I don’t want to be married”.
OK, so is it financial worries? No, not really. Money comes and goes. I have enough and know what’s important. Certainly not ‘things’. I have shelter and food. I’m good.
My friend cup is over flowing, so it’s not that either.
I think a little part of me feels stagnant. Every day is wonderful, don’t get me wrong – but I do feel like I’m really not going anywhere.
I used to think it wasn’t OK to look toward the future – I had to stay in the moment. I know I don’t want to be in the desert, working full-time and living paycheck to paycheck if I’m blessed to make it to old age, so really I probably should look ahead.
I have to put faith into action and dream a little. Where do I want to be in 5 years? 10? It’s not just going to magically happen.
I think that’s my hair. I will be alone in a few years and am not sure how to achieve my ‘ever after’.
My son will be living his life and enjoying his young adulthood (God willing) – and for once, I’m going to have to address my needs. I’m really not used to doing that and to be honest, I’m uncomfortable putting myself first.
I still have time to think about that – but my happy ending clock is ticking. I’d better figure out how I want my story to end because it’s not going to write itself!
“It’s raining friends!” Three stormy day connections.
It poured. Absolutely bucketed down today! Roads flooded, traffic lights were dark – thunder BOOMED.
I arrived at the office to no power, but when I came in the door and said ‘Good Morning’ to the staff at the front desk, the power suddenly came on. “You’re welcome” I laughed – and headed to my door. Keys in hand, soaked from head to toe I stepped in to my little work world.
Internet was down – for hours and hours. You know, we truly are screwed in a ‘paperless’ environment when that happens. There were no faxes, no emails, no access to my online wholesale lending sites or my origination system. So I lit a Fall scented candle, turned on the purple Halloween lights, opened the blinds all the way and made the most of it.
SO beautiful to watch the rain from a cozy indoor spot. O.K. yes, it would have been lovelier to be watching it from my own window, in dry ‘at home’ clothes, but I’ll take the view where ever I can get it.
Ended up having three wonderful interactions today. (the upside to not being able to work at work).
Spoke to my best friend for a little while on the phone, my stomach hurt from laughing by the end of that call.
She was sharing about a dining experience at a 3 Michelin star restaurant. A 16 course tasting menu! (I think we’ve established I love to eat, but I asked her – HOW do you get through that? By plate eight, aren’t you bursting? Unless each course is in the form of an amuse bouche – which it turns out they were not).
Anyway, the couple seated next to my friend and her husband were sucking the joy right out of that expensive date.
One of them even blew their nose into the linen napkin?!? WTH? We then wondered how those napkins are cleaned – I’ll be reluctant to dab my mouth with a cloth napkin from this day forward. LOL!
Chatted with another of my favorite people on the planet on more serious matters. This is a woman who the minute I saw her – I KNEW must be my friend. She carries herself with such grace – she’s stunningly beautiful, ALWAYS of service to others and we have a LOT in common. There’s just an aura about her – I knew she would be an important part of my life the moment I laid eyes on her.
The third conversation was with a friend that made me question why life doles out what it does sometimes. She’s such a hardworking, sweet, beautiful, amazing mom/wife/soul. I adore her. She has some worries and I wish I could take them from her. I think though, that there are just some people who God knows can handle more than others. Still doesn’t seem fair.
(yes mum, I know – life’s not a fair, it’s a circus)
All in all, with only the latter part of the day affording me the opportunity to work, it was an amazingly productive day.
(Trying to remember though, did I blow the candle out before I left?!)
Debauchery Soup 