Author Archives: debaucherysoup
Forgot my brain today
I mentioned more than once today that probably I should run home and get my brain, because I forgot it at home.
I mean, a brain isn’t exactly like a number two pencil or staple remover – you can’t just borrow one from a co-worker.
I couldn’t remember how to do the most rudimentary of things! Does a VA loan have MI? Does it?? Gawd! I know this one! Does the subsequent use factor apply when it’s an IRRRL? (Interest Rate Reduction Refinance Loan). I’ve only been doing this line of work for 13 flipping years, I mean c’mon!
Embarrassing.
A loan officer asked me a question on another file and I gave him the panicked ‘are you kidding me?’ look and told him, ‘Hey … today is a one thing at a time day! I’ll scratch ‘multi-tasker’ off my resume later”.
I muddled through. Found some snack sized Almond Joy’s next door that helped me focus for a few scant moments. (Sure as hell remembered their jingle though didn’t I? I had “Almond Joys got nuts, Peter Paul Mounds don’t …” running repeatedly through my empty head).
Had several instances of staring blankly into space. (OK, that’s normal if I’m being completely honest, but usually that’s because I’m thinking of something else. I assure you there was NOTHING going on up there today!)
Wasn’t feeling 100% well, so that might have something to do with it – but honestly, I was a little concerned I’d come home to find I had actually left my brain at home and the dog got at it.
Probably if the dog ate my brain it wouldn’t affect my posts much, but work does actually require I bring it intact, I’ll have a look around for it later.
PostCartum depression
It’s back.
This should be me:
But this is how I’m really feeling:
I’ve decided I have ‘postcartum depression’.
I have not bonded with it. I have not named it. If I heard it honking in the night, I’d ignore it.
I’ve been hurt before you know … a ridiculous amount of mechanical issues with multiple cars. There’s only so much one auto heart can take!
I’m pretty sure I’m also suffering from post traumatic sticker shock.
She’s back from the shop and sitting out there, sans little scented visor tree. 😦 I did set her clock again – but really, is that enough?
It’s not her fault.
All I can think of is how much she’s costing me. I have no desire to rush out and find her fun seat covers to swaddle her in. No urge to find floor mats to gussy her up with. Not even the slightest interest in finding her a new steering wheel cover. None of the usual ‘I got a new car!’ behaviors.
I’m sure it will pass. We’ll bond eventually. Probably right after I make my last payment and right before she breaks down for good.
Paranormal Manatee Activity
For the past few nights my dog, much to my chagrin, has been pulling a ‘paranormal activity’ bed stare on me.
My dog’s name is Butters, she’s part manatee and part spastic ‘Courage the Cowardly Dog’. (See proof below)
PLUS
EQUALS
My son has had the past couple of days off for ‘Fall break’ (how generous of them, hope you enjoyed Fall Nic).
Anyway, I’ve been staying up past my bedtime of 9 pm because I knew I could hit the snooze button for a couple of days! PAR-TY! An hour more TV a night!
Plan seemed solid until 4 or 5 am came around.
My maternal instincts sensed a disturbance in the force. I awoke from a deep sleep to find Butters sitting, staring at me from the side of the bed.
You know that feeling when you have to pee in the middle in the night, but don’t want to wake ALL the way up because you want to be able to go back to sleep? So, if you’re anything like me, you try turning no lights on and keeping your eyes closed and go about your business?
Well, I got up in the darkness trying not to wake my brain all the way up by cursing the dog, and zombied out of my bedroom. Was she wagging anxiously at the front door? No. Just sitting in the middle of the living room. I booted her (gently) out and waited. That was night one.
Last night, same story – dog breath on my face – manatee lips dangerously close … just staring.
I get up, follow her out to the living room (this time she did want to go out), and even in my zombie mode, I could sense something.
Ever have your head gasket blow? That sweet smell? Yeah – that was in my living room.
(Cue the Twilight Zone theme song now).
So I’m wondering if there’s something more to her early morning activity. What if she was telling me a presence was there? I believe! I believe! I’ve actually seen with my own eyes proof of paranormal activity so I really do believe.
But, I was entirely too tired to care.
I left her out, left the front door open so she could get back in (might as well get a burglar and serial killer welcome mat while I’m at it) and went back to bed!
I won’t be setting up cameras. Not sure I want to see what I look like at 4 am walking around with my eyes closed in ‘I don’t want to wake all the way up’ mode.
I’m not a groupie!
Was that eye-catching enough?
Been thinking lately about passion.
My son and I had a chat about this. His plan for after graduation was to pursue higher education in the culinary field. I know he has an interest in food (for sure I know this lol) and also in cooking – but not in the way that he’s constantly in the kitchen, or watching cooking shows, or looking up chefs and restaurants on the internet.
I pointed this out to him and have previously pointed out that you don’t just suddenly become a Chef – master of your own kitchen and restaurant. There’s hard work involved and you start from the bottom and work your way up.
You have to LOVE what you’re doing. You’re going to be cooking the same dishes over and over and over, in a hot, busy, noisy kitchen.
He wasn’t sure what else he had a talent for or an interest in, until I pointed out the fact that there is one constant in his life lately that he seems to also enjoy. Photography.
We’ll see where that goes, but I had already been thinking about passion and this only served to bring on more pondering.
What is my passion?
I’m not sure. I know what I like to do.
I know I’m pretty good at a few things, but by no means do I excel in anything that I’m aware of.
I like to write. I like to draw. I like to paint. I like to sing. I like to take photographs. But I’m really not GREAT at any of those things.
If someone came to me and said ‘Debauch,’ (ok, we’ve established my name is Amanda in my first post, I suppose it’s alright to use it).
Rewind, they start over and come to me and say, ‘Amanda, you no longer have to worry about earning money. Your rent, food, utilities and car are covered. Go and pursue your passion!’
I would have no clue what I would do!
I titled this post ‘I’m not a groupie’ for a reason. I have a few – OK, several ex’s that were in bands.
Yes, it’s exciting to be at a show, yes, it is kind of cool to be the singer/drummer/bass players girlfriend. BUT! That wasn’t what drew me to any of them.
Other than my passion for music, I’m drawn to people who pursue their dreams.
Drive, ambition, hard work and gratitude for whatever fruit is born from that. Yup.
For me, there’s nothing sexier than someone who not only shows an interest in something, but has the tenacity to develop their talent and then not only work hard to chase their dream but to MAKE IT HAPPEN? Holy cow. THAT is a turn on.
It says a lot about a person who knows who they are, what they want and has the courage and drive to achieve it.
Whatever ‘it’ is. Doesn’t have to be music.
I’m not a groupie, I’m a ‘dream chaser connoisseur’.
I had a great opportunity this Summer to meet the Gin Blossoms singer Robin Wilson.
Watch any live video of him on YouTube and you’ll see a man who loves what he does and loves interacting with his fans.
I told him this. I mentioned how amazing it was to see him enjoying his show.
He told me that he really does love what he does and still has fun doing it.
He went on to share some of his inspirations with me. Some were other frontmen who enjoy what they do as much as he does. It really comes through in the performance you know.
No matter what you do – enthusiasm for it, comes through in the performance.
I think right now in my life, my passion may be learning? Growing spiritually and making connections. If I didn’t have to work – if I had an all access pass to pursue a passion … I think I’d grab my son and hit the road.
I’d show him some of the countries I’ve had the honor of visiting.
I would want to return to India – show him how happy some of the poorest communities are because they are grateful.
I would want to return to France and Italy and Greece and show him art and architecture.
I would want to return to Afghanistan, Pakistan and Iran and show him what it’s like to live in surrounded by unrest and fear.
I would do those things, and take photographs and write about it here.
I think I found it.
My passion is all of the things I don’t do perfectly, but love doing. ♥
Being a mom, a student, a teacher – immersing myself in other cultures and beliefs – and sharing that.
And, if we hit a few concerts on the way? Just remember – I’m not a groupie!
Freeze computer! This is the FBI!
Ok, so I may be in a whole lot of trouble come Monday morning. Let’s laugh about it now shall we?
My place of employment is connected to a real estate office, I process loans for a mortgage company. Exciting stuff eh? Well – today was pretty exciting.
1. It was FRIDAY! Woo!
2. They were prepping for an event to appreciate customers all day long. It looked like they were setting up for a movie production outside. Lights, tables, catering … all in full view of the 4 windows my desk faces.
Needless to say, it’s hard enough to concentrate on a Friday, but with all that hoopla going on it was near impossible.
BUT! Concentrate I did. I got my work done and at about 4:15 – my mouse may have wandered over to the search bar on the internet.
I’ve mentioned before, anything I don’t know – I have to know! I watch ‘King of the Hill’ every night before bed – so I’m pondering, ‘who does Bobby’s voice?’ OH! Let’s Google that!
Found that out – and here’s where the chain of events took me that could lead to my demise at said company.
I’m looking at the cast of ‘King of the Hill’ and think, ‘how sad that Brittany Murphy died’ – then I remember my son saying that was the reason the show ended. I’m thinking that’s a myth, so – Oh! Let’s Google that!
It was a myth.
But now Google is taking me to her cause of death.
It’s only 4:20 by now.
I click further … sucked in.
Oh, now they want to tell me how Whitney Houston died and oh, there’s a site for that.
It takes me from that report to Michael Jackson and WHAM!
FEDERAL BUREAU INVESTIGATION comes up on my screen. Huh?
Something something something … your computer is locked up because you were downloading video or pictures or violating laws and/or looking at child pornography.
Wait! WHAT?!?! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I shut off the computer and restart – because the FBI notice could not be ‘X’d out.
BAM! It’s still there. My computer completely frozen.
I scurry over to my other bosses computer. I Google the message.
Oh joy, it’s a virus.
A bad virus on my WORK computer.
*sigh*
I call my boss whose computer I’m on. “Oh great, so you’re putting it on my computer now?” he says.
No, I assure him, but I am leaving. I leave my main boss a note with a print out of the virus mentioning probably we want to call the computer guy, and no – I wasn’t looking at anything the virus says I was.
Walk of shame out of the building – and come home to get ready to go BACK to work to attend the event.
My boss is looking beautiful, in a long black dress. I say hello and did she get my note? No? Oh – well, just a virus that’s all.
“It happens, sometimes when we open certain emails” she says.
Ok – we’ll go with that tonight – because come Monday, when I fess up – I won’t be ruining a party.
Here’s a shot of the party though. The food was good – and the dessert was great.
The friend I’m with in this picture and I joked it might be my goodbye party instead. Yes, I can still joke and laugh.
I’ll worry about the consequences on Monday. 😦
**********UPDATE************
There have been people finding this post from the searching the internet looking for help with the same virus. There are some great instructional videos on YouTube. (You basically have to start your computer in safe mode w/networking. Then run a virus scan and get rid of the virus. Do a C Clean and reset your computer to the day before. 
Sorry). As for my dilemma? I don’t know how, but after running a scan, it came back saying ‘no viruses found’. But was still there. On Monday, I ran another safe mode scan and still nothing, my FBI virus disappeared! Either that, or it’s lurking. But, between the praying and the scans, it’s gone. Do NOT pay the money – Do NOT panic. Follow the instructions and you’ll be fine.
Debauchery Soup 