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An awful haboob thrust itself through our town this evening – luckily (insert sarcasm here) it happened as I was driving home.  I could see clear skies to the left and the right of me, but the bulk of the onslaught was ahead of me.

A ‘haboob’ by the way, is a WALL of a dust storm.  Insane.  And it comes here in monsoon season.  Here’s a picture of it from someone elses point of view.

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The devastation around it?  I’ll finally give my location up and say, it was from the Willow fire. (google it)

Someone I care for has a brother who lost his home and all its contents to this fire.

We watched it for two days – it was dangerously close.

I digress.

I’m driving home – in a new-to-me car (Yes, I finally decided I was hemorrhaging money and if it totally gave out I would have NO bargaining power. )

Here’s the new car.

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I didn’t pick it.  I don’t care about cars. I DID research it’s reliability which is ALL I cared about.  The dealer decided for me.  Based on my budget.  Beggars cannot be choosers.  It’s a 5 speed, which is fun, considering I mentioned in a previous post how I missed a stick shift.

All I know, is when I wake up and have to go anywhere, I can get there – and get back.

Someone asked me today “Are you excited about your new car?????”  And yeah, I kinda am.  But, not in the way that we used to wash our first car within an inch of its life and bought extras for it.  I’m just SO grateful to have a RELIABLE vehicle.

Does that mean I’m a ‘grown up’ now?  Or, a non-materialistic chick?  I don’t know.  All I know is I’m happy to know there are only 33,000 miles on it and I can get where I need to be.

ANYWAY! I’m driving home, and the plan was, go grocery shopping.  Heck no, not in those conditions.  It passed quickly.   Sprinkles happened.  We’ve decided to go early in the a.m.

I could NOT see 10 feet in front of me.  Crazy.  Someone flashed their lights at me, and it could very well be because I still don’t know how to handle the ‘automatic lights’ and maybe I was on high beams.  I’m learning.

Back to the haboob.

I arrived home – and things just don’t feel right.  I feel awful for my honey.  Stuck at home.  Probably (hopefully) excited that I AM home – and I have nothing to give for at least an hour. I have to decompress.

He’s working so hard on his art – and the current competition he’s in.

But who doesn’t want to leave when they want to leave??

No one.

That’s who.

Nic asked me “WHY did you get a 5 speed??? What if I have to drive you somewhere in an emergency??”

Me: Learn stick.

But the thing is – my honey needs to escape.

As trapped and blinded as I was by the desert, I’m sure he feels that everyday.

We’ll fix this. Somehow.

 

PostCartum depression

It’s back.

This should be me:

But this is how I’m really feeling:

I’ve decided I have ‘postcartum depression’.

I have not bonded with it.  I have not named it. If I heard it honking in the night, I’d ignore it.

I’ve been hurt before you know … a ridiculous amount of mechanical issues with multiple cars.  There’s only so much one auto heart can take!

I’m pretty sure I’m also suffering from post traumatic sticker shock.

She’s back from the shop and sitting out there, sans little scented visor tree.  😦  I did set her clock again – but really, is that enough?

It’s not her fault.

All I can think of is how much she’s costing me.  I have no desire to rush out and find her fun seat covers to swaddle her in.  No urge to find floor mats to gussy her up with.  Not even the slightest interest in finding her a new steering wheel cover.  None of the usual ‘I got a new car!’ behaviors.

I’m sure it will pass.  We’ll bond eventually.  Probably right after I make my last payment and right before she breaks down for good.