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Shivering and sheds and things …

“Mom, we can’t LIVE like this!”

My only child put his hands on my cheeks with sincerity in his eyes …

“It’s 72 degrees!!!!”

His hand were freaking cold.

Ok, I know – there are those of you living in places where you slip and slide attempting to drive to work – on black ice and through blinding snow. There are those of you whose pipes no doubt shall freeze – whose breath shall be visible in the chilled air.

I get it.

But how many of you have had an 80 degree drop? And it’s not even Winter yet for crying out loud!

I peeled my eyelids open this morning and seriously wondered if Fall could write me a note to get me out of work.

“To Whom It May Concern,

Amanda was unable to come in to work today due to the complete inability to remove herself from the barely comforting ‘comforter’ and exposing herself to the 50 degree temperatures within her home.

Signed,

Autumn.”

That wasn’t going to fly probably.

I braved it … and when I say ‘braved it’ I mean, I slid an arm out of the blanket next and grabbed for my sweatshirt. Slid a leg out and poked my foot into my Ugg boot – then had to actually sit up to accomplish the same for the other foot.

Butters has suddenly become a snuggler – surprise, surprise – and she lay all cute and curled up and watched me with feigned interest as I removed myself from my bed, bit by bit.

Oh how I wished I could turn on the heater!  It was 50 degrees in the house (I discovered this as I briskly trotted back to the bedroom holding a microwaved cup of yesterdays coffee.)

My pilot light went out when I accidentally shut off the gas thinking it was the water main a few months back. (Remember that? Yeah well, now we have repercussions don’t we?) Although, this does put me in a position of not breaking my annual tradition of lighting the flipping pilot and my friends and followers laughing at me doing it.

You would think I’d remember how I did it the past year – but every time (4 years now) it’s a YouTube tutorial then an ‘Ok, here we go!’ big ass event.

Feel like a hero in a movie – “I’m goin’ in!” Braving the gas and the metal and the flames to bring warmth to my little family.

Butters feigns interest for that activity too.

It’s always super rewarding when I do accomplish it though.

Speaking of accomplishing things …

I think I mentioned in my last post that we get wind.

No, not that kind.

Bitter, crazy wind that snaps and huffs and puffs and blows things down.

This weekend it was my shed. Sharp metal panels were hanging dangerously – all I could think was that if I didn’t get out and do something about it, a piece was going to completely abandon the structure and go slicing off into the air and decapitate something.

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So outside I went – early in the morning with my galvanized steel wire and pliers and proceeded to stitch it together the best I could. My fingers almost needed stitching – with the flapping metal panels snagging me as I attempted to secure the pieces together, I cut myself several times. It was  probably a two-man job in such weather conditions and there were zero men – only me – (I have a new saying by the way “Don’t send a man in to do an Amanda job” – that was coined at work. Lol)

Anyway – Butters, again – is busy feigning interest – I think she was just glad I was outside with her somewhere other than the porch.

She abandoned me mid project to sniff around and bark at flying debris.

I kept stitching.

Don’t know why I bothered – this morning it was all sharply hanging and dangerous again.

I’ll probably get home to find a pair of ruby slippers sticking out from beneath it – if they’re fleece lined, I’ll keep ’em.

 

 

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Musings from the Laundromat: Peace love and wind edition

Woke last night to the howling of wind – debris clashing about in my yard – the metal shed bending and snapping – and smiled.  And curled into a tighter ball beneath my covers.

Oh how I LOVE this time of year!  From 130 degrees to 50!  It was 50 in the car on the way over to the laundromat this morning.

Deeeee-lightful!

I walked in and was greeted by a man in dark glasses, a leather biker vest and plaid shirt.  “You made it!” He said.

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I’ll chat with whomever strikes up a conversation with me – but I could not recall having struck one up  with him these past laundromat years “Yeah!” I responded.

He  then went on to share, as I filled my washing machines, how this wind is kicking dust up into his eyes and he just had cataract surgery.

So now I’m wondering if that’s why he’s talking to me – he thinks I’m someone else?  I also hoped that meant he didn’t see the pair of underwear on the floor that escaped during the washing machine filling.  (Seriously – EVERY time???  I have rebellious undies.)

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Big news – I left the house yesterday.

You think I’m joking – but nope, I did.  AND put makeup on.  Eek!

It was an event for work and the theme was peace love and disco.

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(The disco part proved to be difficult after 2 prime rib plates and 3 desserts, but I soldiered though it.)

It was amazing.  Have to admit, I was going into full panic attack mode as I approached the venue and parked.

Didn’t help that as I was walking from my car to the building (a casino) two men came out and leered – one said “Thank YOOOU” to me.  I had never wanted a trench coat to magically appear on me more in my life.

I entered the building and headed for the escalators – up I went – eyes front, as I heard wolf whistles from the bar below.

Okay, it’s nice to get a compliment from time to time, but I was CRINGING inside.  Wishing that magical coat would appear and wrap tightly around me.  Did not happen.

I decided to walk the rest of the way with my head up and a purposeful gait.  Which probably only made me look like a stuck up hooker.

It’s quite a walk to the actual destination – but I made it.  When I walked in – WOW!  Amazing.   The place was decked out! (My ipad isn’t really the best at capturing ‘wow’ especially in dimly lit rooms)

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I found my people and anxiety level started to drop.

A friend of mine found me “How did they get you OUT?!”  Ha ha – but she knows me.

I’ll share another picture – I can’t say what event, where or who my work family is – but I don’t think they’d mind me sharing anonymously.  That’s me on the left – the 5th wheel. lol

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Apparently there was a senator there – I don’t know my government officials so the coolness of that was sort of lost on me.

I did get to do the Hustle and my best Saturday Night Fever moves.  I did get to laugh and watch as my work family accepted awards.  And I’m not kidding when I say I had two plates of food.  I hadn’t had red meat in a loooooong time – I was not fooling around when it came to eating last night!

And now it’s time to empty the drier – and PRAY no underwear dives to the floor as there is a table of 5 men next to my folding station.

Until next time –

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Ubiquitous

Ubiquitous

I’ve had this word in my head for days.

I have no clue when or how it popped into my subconscious – but it obviously felt too crowded in there and made space in the forefront of my brain.

I didn’t know there was any room left, what with all my other tenants: Tangents, imaginary problems, over thought real issues, and daydreams.

But, there it is.

Ubiquitous.

Moved in and unpacking its belongings – wondering if there’s enough space in the dumpster to dispose of the boxes and newspapers it had its fragile things wrapped in.  (Probably then it felt a little guilty for considering just tossing its packing debris and not recycling.)

packing peanuts

The wind in the desert has been ubiquitous of late.

It’s an icy wind that slaps you in the face, waters your eyes and has you hugging yourself tightly.  (I like the hug part.  I haven’t had a hug from another human being in a very long time.)

Every time I walk outside my office – I think of that fable about the wind and the sun.  Which one could get the man to remove the jacket.  The wind boasted it could – and tried first – of course, the man only drew his coat tighter – the sun shone and the man, too warm, removed his jacket.

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Every time!

Then I go off on a tangent in my head about the metaphor and think of similar ones .  By the time I’m back in my chair I’m focused on being kind – knowing people respond to kind.  (Or maybe it would be easier to just turn the central heat up?)

The thing about this wind: the first time I came to this area to visit my parents, I encountered it and I remember thinking, there’s no way I could EVER live in this area.

I knew the wind would drive me bonkers.

You just get relief from temperatures in the 120’s – then you can’t enjoy being outside because the wind is ready to bite at you and push your patio furniture into the pool.  (I don’t have a pool but I’ve seen it happen first hand and thought I’d throw that in there … much like the wind does.)

Anyway, I was NEVER going to move here … Yet here I am.

The other thing is – I might be the only one that remembers that the wind happens every single year,  because the complaints about the wind are ubiquitous too.

“It’s windy outside!”

“It’s cold out there!”

“That wind has been blowing for three days straight!”

“Wish that wind would lay down!”

“It would be nice if it weren’t so windy!”

This is from people who have been in the area long enough to know that this happens every fucking year.

(I needed to say that.  Sometimes I crave the feeling of a shocking word leaving my mouth.)

Anyway, Stop it.

We know.

It’s windy.  It was windy last year, and the year before that.

I’m taking an educated guess that next year, ‘round this time … it’s going to be windy.

Hopefully Ubiquitous will have disposed of its packing material responsibly, or there will be packing peanuts in my imaginary pool and tumbleweed boxes smacking up against my tangents.