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‘Being Fuzzy’ Laundromat musings continue and unite!

It’s a revolution!  Laundromat musings are rampant!

So I’m still feeling fuzzy – and watching my Packers win – and my friend Krystal mentions that she too, is feeling fuzzy.

It turned into an IM fest. Spoiler alert to men – we talk about ‘Girl’ stuff.  Like, girly PERIOD stuff.  And quilting.  You have been warned.

Started out with my Facebook status:

And, you know me – after I edited out the names – I saw all KINDS of ‘stuff’ in the purple.  LOL!

imageFirst guy is in his sleeping bag.  Second guy is stretching out in his sleeping bag, 3rd guy had someone joining him (oh Myyyyyyyyyy) and 4th guy was makin’ it happen.  LOL!  I did not intend any of those pics.

So – Krystal took me seriously and we went covert – AKA – IM.

For the record, my post was:

“Feel BLAH! Never felt happier to get OUT of the laundromat. Blasted ‘Take me to Church’ on the way home, trying to shake some of the cobwebs loose and give me the energy to clean and put these clothes away. Then I’m putting as little clothing on as possible (no, not for sex appeal) and resting some more! I’m so hot.”

And here’s the back and forth:

Krystal:  I’ve got that weird hazy head, strange heart thumping thing going. I hate this.

Me: I seriously was ok with this being on the wall. I’m sorry … yeah bonkers huh??? Fuzzy – hot – cold – hot – ears ringing – teeth feel loose – SO tired.

Krystal:  I’m hoping its just indigestion or something. Doctors always blame it on panic attacks. However, I’m not panicking!

 

Me:  heart pounding  OMG!!!!!!! I had heartburn for the first time in YEARS on Friday and two days before that too!  I never get that!

Krystal:  I accidentally ate wheat the other day.  I hope that’s it.  It’s just odd.
 
Me: well, I hope it was that, but bizarre that we have the same symptoms. It is odd.
Krystal: I just hate the woozy thing.
Me:  Gawd, what if this is us going through ‘the change’
Krystal: Pre-menopause

Me:  Pre-menopause.  Yeah – ug. I wish when our eggs were useless, we could just *poof* be done!

Krystal: No kidding!
Me: I can assume you’re still having your period … can I ask you a question?
Krystal: Yea, but not so regularly.
Me: really??? wow. Although, I didn’t start until 16, I’m a late bloomer. I only seem to feel good for 1 week anymore. The rest of the month I’m either cramping or ON it or prepping for the next round – and it’s down to 3 days of intensity instead of 5-7
 
Krystal: read posts about vertigo being a symptom. Maybe that’s it
Me: Shit

Krystal:  Im like once every 2 months but she comes with a vengeance!

 

Aging blows
Me: Funny thing is, (Name withheld – mutual friend)  invited me to a perimenopause group, and I had to ungroup them. These women were blaming EVERYTHING on it … “I got a hang nail today, anyone else experience that during menopause ” lol

Krystal: I have a coworker who was on it fir 2 months straight. 

Lol.  Hang nail
Me: Seriously! Lol.
 

Krystal:  Well… I’m hoping it’s what causes “fuzzy.” Either that or I’m going to die young.

Brb. At the laundromat. Need to swap.

Me:  Oh you are not! I think we must both have a bug

You go to the laundromat too?!!

Krystal:  I’m washing a quilt.  One person smiled at me.

Me: LOL!

Krystal:   This is kind of a grungy place

Me: You should start a blog lol
Krystal: I thought about writing musings from the laundromat – guest edition
Me: Yes! Do it!!!
Krystal: But I just brought more quilting work instead
Me: Lol  I love quilts. I have so many pieces of material from clothing memories, but I suck at sewing 
Krystal: Of course I’m not actually doing it, but chatting is better
(Awwwwwwwwwwww!)
Me: Write! I’ll post it

Krystal:  I’m not fantastic. I learn from my mistakes.  Omg, life analogy.

Me: Doesn’t matter. I once bought a bear for Nic at goodwill that had one eye so much higher up than the other and it was charming
 
Krystal: Awww.
 

Me:  I think sewing mistakes at least showed you cared to try, and yeah, life analogy right?  Write!

Krystal: I only have my little phone. I’ll have to jot down thoughts when I get home
 
Me: Would be an awesome juxtaposition to my experience with no smiles today.
Krystal: Assuming I don’t just fall over before then

Me:  Right? I’m sorry sweetie. I’m lucky I get to chill right now. Oh, and butters is puking in the yard

Krystal: Nice!
Me:  Maybe she’s going through menopause lol
 
Krystal: Tis “the life” we lead.  Lol
 
Me:  Tis the life we lead, and I wouldn’t have it any other way… For all the ups and downs, and hopes and heart aches … I love being invited here
Krystal: I know what you mean.
Me: She’s coming in. Bless her little toes
Krystal:  I have a lot to be grateful for.  At least she goes outside.
Me:  Lol!  I may have to make this convo a post.
Krystal: Lol. “Being fuzzy”
 
Me: Yeah … Then intro yo your piece
*to
My ipad is dying on me.
Not the battery, but the functions. UG.
Krystal: I think my blanket is dry. I can’t wait to see it all clean and unmarked.
Me:  Yay! Grab it and get no Evidence!
I typed ‘home’
No evidence …. Really?!!
Lol
 
Krystal: Lol. Bad iPad.
Me:  That is fucking funny. Like it auto corrects as if I’m a serial killer
Me: Sweet!!!
Needs a few more minutes
(Surprised it didn’t auto correct to ‘sweet, we can roll a body into that’)
Lol
 
Krystal: Hell no…. it took me 3 years to quilt that damn thing
Me: Lol!
Yeah, this is now officially a post.
And you are the next guest writer
Krystal:  I’ll try when I get home.
Me: There is no try, only do. – Yoda
Krystal: Lol.
 
Me: Ok to call you by your real first name?
 
Krystal: Who eats the candy out of laundromat candy machines? And yes.
It looks like its been there for years?
 
Me: I don’t … Nic came with me the first two trips and went vending. Lol
 
Krystal: These are those little loose candies
Me: Ewwwww
Krystal: Right!
Me: For the record, I’d totally put a quarter in though. Lol
Krystal: Just to see how old they really are? Hmmmm
Me: No, because I have no restraint lol! I especially love those banana shaped candies.
Lol!
Krystal: And its locked to the table with a bike lock.
Me: Like some one is going to scurry away with it
 
Krystal: Somebody with full-on menopause symptoms!
 
Me: Lmao!
Krystal: Need candy!
Okay… I’m all dried.
Me: K.safe trip home, I’ll be writing this and you jot things down and let me know when you have a piece x
Chat Conversation End <—– yeah, it was like that. 😉

 

 

‘Friends’ or ‘How I’m going to make it through ‘Amandapause’

I was emotional today (shocker).

I sat missing my boy and tears streamed down my cheeks.  I’m having a rough time with this transition thing.

I snapped at Nic (in IM) when he reminded me he would be gone a week starting Monday.  I won’t see him until the second week of 2015 – and every second is so precious.

I was on the heels of yesterday’s amazing day.  The BEST part was just having that time with him you know?

My heart had grown three sizes and my love for my boy was at 11.

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When I got home I told him, “I’m sorry I snapped at you – the thing is, you have a mess of a mother and you’re the best part of me.”

And he is.  Or, he brought it out anyway.

I’m my own worst critic, which I’ve been reminded of by my nearest and dearest friends.

Anyway – rewind – after a weepy day – I drove home and thought to check the mail.

In my little cluster box was a key.  A key!  That meant a package.  My first thought, “Nic will be glad something he ordered came.”

But it was addressed to me – a box from ‘Santa’s Elves’.  I knew from the address who the elf was.  I won’t name her because I don’t know if it’s ok.

Inside it:

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SO many amazing treats.

My first thought – even after my attitude brightened and I had a smile on my face?

“WHY do I deserve this friendship???”

I’ve had this thought before – many times.

________________________

 

 

I used to be able to surprise my friends with fun tokens of appreciation – silly cards – meals, and would do so at every opportunity.  Whether it be a balloon just because it was Thursday, or something I knew they’d just love! ^_^

A lot of the reason I don’t do that anymore is money related now – but if I’m being fair, and I’m being honest – it’s because I have been having this decade long pity party.

I’m so DONE!

I don’t reach out – I don’t go anywhere – I resist.  I reached a point in my life where I just wanted to be in my nest and became very selfish.

Not in a ‘it’s all about me’ way – but in a ‘it’s about nothing and nobody’ way.

Does that make sense?

Here:

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I built a wall.  I climbed into my comfort zone and curled into a stupid little ball.

But:

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Constantly.  I seriously don’t know why they put up with me!!!  And I don’t say that for someone to tell me why they do – I am not fishing.  I’m being very serious.

I have a friend Lisa – (I’ve named her before, I don’t think she’ll mind) who has made every past Christmas amazing – with funny thoughtful gifts.  Last Christmas she took me to the Eiffel Tower restaurant and showered me with gifts.  All the while I was embarrassed, not being able to reciprocate – and the gift I made her? I had made with a fever.  I was so sick.  For what seemed like weeks.  Even her mom mentioned on Facebook maybe we shouldn’t even be meeting up.  She didn’t want Lisa getting sick.  LOL!

Point is – I felt inadequate.

A combination of embarrassment of what I had to offer and a serious hard time receiving.

But I SO love when I’m thought of.

I’ve received little and big treats from other friends too – and never feel deserving, but always feel so uplifted by the gesture.

It’s never about the gift – (although they SO know me and the gifts are amazing) but mostly about the fact that they went out of their way – had me in mind and followed through!

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So I have a New Years resolution – (which I usually try to stay away from) 2015 will be me, filling my address book and whenever I can, brightening a friends day with a little something.

Because it feels SO good.

(I try not to mention when I do a good deed, I feel like it sucks the ‘good’ out of it.

But I will share with my followers, that Christmas Eve I went to ‘The Neighbor’s’.  I had an abundance of treats – so I took some banana nut bread and home-made toffee, plus two toys that Butters didn’t need anymore.  I said Merry Christmas to the little ones and the poor dog next door got the toys.  I didn’t have to do a covert op with Nic. LOL!)

Anyway – feeling like I need to appreciate the ones I love more.  And I can say it and know they’re the kind of people that’s enough for – but I want them opening an unexpected envelope or small box and having the warm fuzzy feeling they gave me!

I’d name you all who gave me that feeling if I felt it was okay to do so.

I love you all. x

Thank you for loving me back.

 

Musings from the Laundromat: Friends & Change edition

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I’m musing on my notepad since the internet connection is not connecting at the laundromat.

I was thinking on the way over, of change.

It’s amazing sometimes isn’t it, when we look back over the years, sometimes months or even just days and think ‘If I knew then that things would be so different now …”

Then what?

Nothing, that’s what.

You’d end up changing the outcome by knowing what it was supposed to be.

That whole seeing into the future thing is not a good idea.

If you knew a job wasn’t going to work out – you might quit before learning a valuable skill you needed for later.

If you knew a relationship wasn’t going to end up being your ‘forever after’, you might abandon it before experiencing new emotions, or becoming stronger for having made mistakes.

A song was on the radio in the car and it reminded me of someone.

I think about exes from time to time – then I segue off onto wondering if I ever cross their minds.

I hope I do.

They all meant something to me and always will.

So back to change …

Since the start of the year I have now been in 3 different jobs, gone from not knowing what life would be like without the constant that is my son, to living alone lately.

The thing that hasn’t changed, and rarely does, are the friends I have.

______________________________

I was surprised to hear a friend was coming to town that I usually only see once a year, usually Christmas time.  It was literally Christmas in July to get to see her for dinner Sunday night!

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On the heels of ‘friend Sunday’ came ‘inevitable Monday’ and a pretty rough week.

Work is amazing, I love my new position.

The logo I created was delivered and stuck to our freshly painted red wall … I remember the first time I was published and seeing the paper – yeah, it was a little like that.

I’m blurring so much here – but want you to see the logo at least.  I assure you, the wall does not look like a horrid smudge of letters.

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We’re still figuring out procedures and I’m still on a crash course of figuring out how to do what I do. This I have no problem with. I adapt. I learn quickly, that was no lie on my resume.

My forte is creation. Creation, progression and completion.  Love it.

Needless to say though, even a whole day doing your favorite things can be exhausting.

I found myself coming home and sitting on the couch in a hyper-minded/numb-bodied state every evening.

On top of the exhilarating chaos that is the birth of a new company, we had ‘sabotage day’ or ‘Cablegate’ as I am thinking of it now.

Our suite connects to the old company we all worked for. It was sadly closing while we were opening. A very emotional thing to watch.

I get attached to people and routines. After 3 1/2 years, to see the people I care about slowly leaving, while an office that once thrived emptied to nothing but a shell – well, it wasn’t pleasant to say the least.

Our office parties, the holidays we shared, the smell of Thanksgiving turkey, the sounds of laughter – phones ringing, microwaves beeping, deliveries arriving – the hustle and bustle, Gone.

All gone now.

It was down to just the Broker this past week – and a trickling of agents bringing out the last of the items going with them.

One morning I arrived to the news that the keys to the mail box were missing and all the drawers had been left open.

Did I know where they were? No, I did not.

Also the internet was down.

No problem, I told the Broker  he could use our WIFI, I would give him the code.

I finally made it into our suite only to discover that our internet was not working either … nor our phones.

The utility closet that houses the cables and technical ‘things’ is located in the old office.

And it was locked.

And that key shared the key chain that had gone missing.

A locksmith was called out and after summoning the internet technicians out too, the long and short of it is that someone had come in the night and left a final ‘F-you!’ for us.  (Yes, we have a very good idea who it was – no, we have no proof)

Equipment lay on the floor of the closet and various pieces hung from the wall.  Then, discovered hidden in the ceiling, the recently cut wires that connected our suite to the outside world.

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The police were called – locks were changed and a temporary fix was made to attach cables to the frayed ends of the severed ones.

Sabotage.

A lot of talk about karma came up.  I’m of the mind that anyone angry enough or capable of such a crime already has to live with themselves.

We were back up and running and were not going to let that set-back have anymore power (or lack of) over us than it deserved.

______________________________

Friday arrived and I was ready for a relaxing weekend.

I climbed out of my car, came through my gate and opened the front door.

And was greeted by – silence.

Butters was nowhere to be seen – or heard.  And trust me, my hairy manatee is an excitable girl.  She wriggles and whines and leaps at my return.

I had locked the door so she couldn’t be out?

Then slowly, a small noise and as I set my purse down, she limped out of my bedroom.

She hadn’t eaten – hadn’t taken a drink from her water bowl.  Her tail hung between her legs and she moved gingerly.

I dropped to the floor beside her and started an examination – and to my horror, she let me.

I’ll try to describe her exuberance … I can’t get a leash on her in any time under 20 minutes.  Trying to get her to stay still for her collar after a bath is like trying to hold back a herd of children at the Disneyland gates.

And she lay there – letting me probe between her pads for burrs – press her leg to test for warmth or tender spots.

I could see nothing out of the usual.

She then left me to lay in the bathroom.  Not limping.  (Perhaps she had just been laying awkwardly on it before I got home?)  Now she was listless, shivering and unmoving.

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I checked her ears, her eyes, her gums, her stomach …  all the while wondering “What will I do? How will I afford to get her care??”  And telling her – “Don’t you leave me.”

My eyes welled with tears as I reached out to the online community for ideas.

My friend that ‘always knows when to show up’ threw some clothes on and abandoned her Friday night after her own long week, and headed over to be with us.

Butters perked up a little.

“Maybe she’s depressed.” Said my friend.

She had a point.

Life as she had known it had changed too.

From having the run of the yard all day to being shut indoors – and the absence of her boy.  Big changes for a little canine world.

Perhaps she was just depressed.

By the time my friend left, she seemed to have perked up.  I stayed up with her until after 1 a.m. to be sure.

The next morning she was herself again.

Just like that!

I quickly went to the grocery store returning with lots of dog treats – cleaned the house and just as I finished Butters barked at the front door.  (Music to my ears to hear her vocalize by the way.)

In walked my friend holding coffee and polystyrene boxes.

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“I brought brunch.”

We sat across from each other and shared half of each box.  Butters was treated to some bacon.

“My heart is smiling at my stomach right now,” I said.  “This is right up there – top 10 happiest moments.”

And it was.

My dog was okay, my friend had showed up and the food was amazing.

Before she left I added, “You’re her favorite person that comes over.”

“I’m the only person who comes over.”

I had to laugh at that.

Point well made – but things change. Could be in a few months that I don’t even live here anymore.

But I can count on who will walk through my front door.

I can always count on my friends.

And I don’t want to know the future – because I might miss something getting there.

Until next time –

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“As perfect days are few …”

I was driving home from work today, admiring the shadows cast on the mountains by the clouds hung in the sky … and thought “It has been a perfect day.”

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I instantly knew I would be writing tonight.

I have a peace about me today.

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Nothing extraordinary happened.

I am just very aware of how blessed I am.

______________________

I awoke before my alarm – took my time getting ready.

Received an email that ended in ‘In deep love’ from someone special.

And actually smiled at the mess that Nicholas’ birthday had left in its wake.

Yesterday was pretty amazing.  My son said he had one of his best birthdays ever – and it wasn’t because of any material thing.

He spent time with people he loves. During the day, with his first love – Chelsea, they’ll be celebrating 1 year together this month.   Then I arrived home and he was with my mom.

 

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I was aware in that moment that he’s grown.  That he appreciates that what matters are people not things.

______________________

Back to today.

So I’m reflecting on the day – the interactions with my co-workers/friends.

The successful meeting we had this morning, one of the guest speakers being a dear friend who I’m always glad to see.

Happy about the fact that our place of business is going to be of service in the community.

Happy that I was busy, productive.

Happy that I felt genuine joy returning from lunch and seeing the cars of the ‘family’ I work with – knowing I was going into a building full of people I like.

Then how fortunate I was to be driving a car in working order – to have a job to drive home from – to be able to stop off at the pharmacy and afford to collect my medicine.

I was full of gratitude for every little thing.

Grate FULL.

Then I checked the mail.

There was a brown package for me.

It was from a friend I’ve known for years and years.

She had told me a while ago she saw something and thought of me – and asked for my address.

This was in the package.

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Ten Years Later: Six People Who Faced Adversity and Transformed Their Lives.

Years ago, books like those wouldn’t have anyone thinking of me.

I was humbled.

Then I opened it.

Inside was a letter – and a check.

Dear Amanda (+Nic)

The book is for you  – enjoy and pass on.  The check is for Butters.  Took up a collection, please put towards bill to get snip snip done.  Have a great day.’

(I’ll keep her anonymity.)

I’ve been struggling trying to find the ‘extra’ money to have Butters spayed.

I came very close to looking for another home for her.  I’m a firm believer that if you can’t afford to provide for an animal – can’t afford health care, food or time – then you should not have one!

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When Butters showed up in my yard, I went to great lengths to find her owners.  Even using a connection I have at a television station to have her shown on a morning show.

No owners came forward.

I then went to great lengths to find her a forever home.  No takers.

I could not bring myself to take her to the pound, a definite death sentence.

So, 3 years later, we’ve been her ‘better than the pound’ solution.

But I’ve hated, simply hated that I haven’t been able to have her spayed or provided her with shots!!

It all came to a head a while back – I was frustrated when I had to chase her down the street when she jumped our frail fence.  I panicked.   She can’t get pregnant!  She hasn’t had her shots!  What if she is injured?!

Of course she wants to jump!  Of course she wants to play with other dogs!

I knew all of this and felt SO inadequate as a pet mom.  She deserved better I concluded.

That conclusion was shared with my friends and clearly made an impression.

______________________

So here I am, having my ‘perfect day’ added to by this amazing person – and then I see her Facebook status.

And apparently something has happened.

Her recent status alluded to that and ended with “May the journey we all travel be peaceful as perfect days are few and sometimes far between.”

This friend, who managed to make my perfect day end on such a sweet note is not having a perfect day.

She wrote inside the book ‘Because you just never know! Pay it forward’

To her I say, “I will.  I promise you I will.”

And I ask now for anyone reading this to just take a second and send love and light into the universe to all those in our hearts, on our minds – and in the world.

‘Twas 2 Nights Before Christmas

There is a lot of stirring in the house …

My son is taking apart his Xbox controller – he started out with confidence then I heard from my bedroom him asking google “How to take apart an Xbox controller.” Which sent me into a fit of laughter, followed by a snarky retort from the other room.

I received some chocolate from my boss today … either I’ve just been SO sweet all year, or I’ve given the impression my desires for candy can only be quelled by 5lbs of it?

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In other news – I’m going to Paris to meet my best friend.

Okay – so it’s this one:

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We will be lunching this week.

I’m so very excited!

It occurred to me, after we decided to meet in the lobby, that it’s a big place!  And they might even have more than one lobby.

Now, (are you sitting down?) I don’t have a cell phone.

So, once I’m in transit, there will be no way to communicate.  No calls from the meeting place saying “I’m in the green chair next to the Parisian table.”

Time was decided upon, place – then I suggested we google the lobby and see where to meet.

My first email after we searched:

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Thought I was pretty funny – but, she topped me:

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This is why we’re friends.

Maybe I could just take the candy bar with me?  There’s no way she could miss me.