Why I hate being here
Because my mom isn’t right now!!!
Why I hate cats!
I don’t … But OH my GOD! They are so needy!
What the actual post is about … Loving TINY and a broken tooth.
And how they have affected me.
Oh, let’s add ‘the dog’ and how I now experience the ‘in out, in out’ thingy that dog people do.
I HAVE a dog. She doesn’t do this – she also doesn’t cuddle, so I think I have a backfired dog that I love anyway lol.
I’m house sitting.
First 20 minutes I’m here – I break a tooth, no joke.
Left a message with my dentist and I’m PISSED! Because I JUST paid my credit card off and actually put money into savings!!!!!!!!
It takes a while.
Even when they’ve met you, they meet you all over again (the feral turned domestic ones. I actually had the ‘biter’ NOT bite me tonight!)
As for my Tiny Dancer … She is skin and bones.
I played this … Because she likes it when I sing it to her …
But, she didn’t like the ‘me not singing it’ version. 😦
I’m just so sad right now you guys.
Sad because the pets are sad.
Sad because my mum is sad.
Sad because my Nannie – who I love so much – is passing.
But! Glad my dad got a night off. Glad I could step up and step in.
Glad I could be here and that my son will be taking a turn.
THIS is what life is about.
And loving those who are still here – and doing all we can.
But it’s creepy too – because people you think WILL be there tomorrow maybe will not be – so appreciate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Going to sleep, with my broken tooth, my broken heart and my hopefulness.
Completely smitten with all you kittens that read my blog this weekend. Thank you.
But, I don’t want you thinking I’m always dark.
I’m the girl who will crack up out of nowhere remembering something funny.
I’m the girl who comes home and is SO grateful for everything I have, as modest as it is, and also grateful for everything I don’t have.
I was gob smacked when I arrived home tonight to a package by the gate.
It was from a dear friend who somehow still likes me.
I have been selfish. I have.
Or – I have not had the funds/energy/right mind to reciprocate.
And yet, my friends still love me.
I seriously don’t know why.
I sit worrying about EVERYTHING. Health care, a lasting job, ‘enough’, the ‘unforeseeable’, life in general. And I’ll tell you, everything I’ve worried about so far, HAS come true. Am I projecting? Or am I just sensible?
Butters’ injury – saw that coming.
And now my teeth hurt – saw that coming.
Lacking in funds for emergencies – KNEW that was coming lol.
And yet, every morning, I wake and am SO glad that I did.
Because I know there are thousands, no, millions of people who would give anything to have MY problems.
I love my life.
I ADORE my life.
I try to stay in the moment – then get caught up in ‘what if’s’
But sensible – yes.
So, I’m a sensible pessimist. LOL!
I know what cards life has already dealt me and when things were tough, I DID fight through. To the point that my son told me “I don’t worry about you, because you survive.”
I wish he knew how much that took – and at what price.
But – that gift today. Oh my. Someone still thinking of me and loving me? I needed that.
And I love you ‘elf Ann’
It’s still too early to sleep – but that’s what I want.
How do I feel? I feel dank.
Dank and dark and hopeless – and hopeful and grateful all at the same time.
Does that make sense? No.
I feel like I have been peeled alive and felt every bit of it, but am still grateful for being alive.
I am missing my mum.
I am hating what is the ‘waiting game’. Knowing everyone gets what the outcome is.
Horrific isn’t it? That I’m waiting day by day (as is she, but MUCH more personally) for the ‘finale’
I won’t put a full stop there on purpose.
It is not a mistake in the sentence.
And there will be no mistaking the grief.
I feel guilty for wanting my mum home, because it will be when her mum, and my Nannie has passed.
Gone was Christmas, as was Eve.
Gone was Boxing Day.
Gone was feeling guilty for a State away.
Now a country is between us
And loss is imminent
for what we had before us, I feel so ignorant.
I took for granted all those years of being close to you.
When I had so many chances to be closer and to DO.
To show, to share, to just hang out. To call and just say ‘hi’
but glad I said ‘bye for now’ and never just ‘good bye’.
I’m rhyming and it drives me nuts – I hate that this you know,
but I’d do anything for you, I’ve hit my all time low.
Laundry lady has bronchitis – but is here anyway. It is SO humid inside this building today. I feel like I’m breathing in water. That can’t be good for bronchitis right? Or is it the opposite? I can’t remember and I’m the Queen of Bronchitis.
Outside it’s grey and cold. I debated putting off the trip when I woke shivering this morning.
I had slept fitfully. Tossing and turning and looking at the clock.
I had arranged for a friend to take my mum some lunch and a smile from me. A surrogate to bring a little sunshine to what is a dreary routine day for my vigilant and loving mum.
Every time I woke, I looked at the clock trying in my sleepy state to do the math to figure out what time it was in England. Felt like a bittersweet Christmas Eve.
THANK YOU to that friend by the way. I think I can use her first name without her minding. Theresa and I went to primary school together. And, she just happens to be married to the brother of my first love. Crazy how things turn out eh?
So now I’m here. I decided it wasn’t going to get any warmer from the looks of it and would be nice to get everything done and relax for the remainder of my last day off.
In other news, Butters, the cowardly manatee, injured herself.
She started having difficulties getting around about a week and a half ago? I thought perhaps it was the shift in the weather. It’s been cold, windy and rainy in our desert. On some days colder than the East Coast! I did the math, realized we’ve had the pleasure of her company for almost 5 years and she was certainly no pup when she found us.
But then she started to noticeably limp.
I checked her legs – she didn’t cry out.
Checked her paws and pads for those evil rams heads that inevitably find our feet at least once a week.
Then I had a small panic.
I couldn’t afford to take her to the vet – and lamented this on Facebook.
Someone mentioned ‘Care Credit’ which I applied for the very next day and qualified for. Made an appointment and yesterday afternoon we were off to the vet.
I make that sound pretty smooth right?
Um – no.
Butters on leash, realized we were exiting ‘the gate’ AND we were headed to the car and proceeded to freak OUT.
I got her in the back seat then she upped her freak out a notch. Her excitement had me blocking the back seat with part of my arm whilst trying to change gears with the same arm. (Well, the hand attached to the same arm – you know what I mean.) So, I’m elbowing the divide between us and making cooing sounds until we arrived.
Now she realizes where she is and is immediately overcome with sensory overload.
Hyperventilating began. As did excited shaking. And wind passing. And panting. And it was 20 minutes of this fun mode until we were put into a room.
For some reason, she also managed to shed more??? I kid you not, there was hair EVERYWHERE. I kept petting her, it kept coming. I mean, she worked herself up so much she was losing her hair. Lol.
At this point, I’m thinking the vet is going to assume I brought her in for an exorcism.
She was a trooper for the staff. (Okay, I did have to get on the scale with her to get her weight, but other than that and trying to sit on the thermometer while inserted, she did very well.)
The vet examined the offending leg. OH! I should point out that the vet only knew which leg to examine after watching videos of her limping that I had taken the night before.
Because, the minute we got there, guess who was no longer limping? Ding! Ding! Ding! You win.
Yup, Butters, in her adrenaline pumped state – suddenly had no signs of an issue. Other than mental.
Her range of motion was amazing (better than mine actually) – and other than a few joint pops as the vet pulled and bent and prodded, he concluded she had just over extended or sprained the leg. (Not surprising since she thinks she’s super dog every time she fly’s off the porch in pursuit of a rabbit or car.)
She has anti-inflmmatories to take and is meant to chill out for 6 days.
Didn’t end up having to use the Care Credit as no X-Ray was taken. If she isn’t improving in the coming week though, that’s the next step.
So it’s been quite a week.
Nic and I spent the rest of the evening gorging ourselves on Chinese food (courtesy of a gift certificate I received for Christmas) and watching a movie together.
Butters limped around the house as if nothing note worthy had happened that day.
Which is good, because I think she’s right pawed, and it would be difficult to write in her little diary if she had thought it worth noting.