Beauty (and the insecurity beast)
A man said to me today, “Does your guy know how skinny and beautiful you are?”
Any other time and I would have been offended – I am uncomfortable receiving compliments – I have learned to say ‘Thank you” but – mostly I’m in knots inside not wanting to be noticed.
I’m not a ‘girly’ girl. I don’t wear heels, don’t need spas or salons or haircuts. I don’t dye my hair or buy purses or shoes. My favorite flower is the tiny grass daisy.
I really try not to call attention to myself. I don’t wear a lot of jewelry – will only wear silver-colored metals – no super short skirts or low-cut tops. I wear minimal make up, no colored polish on my fingernails and no busy patterns on my clothes.
Today, I responded in a moment of complete honesty. I surprised myself when I looked him in the eye and said, “You know, I’m scared I’m not enough.”
He looked at me and asked, “Does he know your heart? That you’re beautiful inside?”
“Yes. I think so.”
And I know that’s what counts. I’m not shallow. I’m not ignorant.
But if I’ve ever wanted to feel beautiful, to be looked upon through the eyes of someone special and seen as beautiful – it’s now.
The knots inside are of a new kind. Because beauty is in the eye of the beholder – and there are eyes I want to please.
And what if I’m not enough?
My snowman’s arm
I was sent on a mission. My boss wants to hand out some treats tomorrow at the realtors meeting – and asked me to get cards and handwrite 25 of the ‘thank you’ variety.
Mission accepted.
I went to our local Wal-Mart (yes, back again) with my bosses money in my pocket and headed to the card section. I also couldn’t pass up some adorable glittered, holiday stickers. Nothing spruces up an envelope like a bedazzled snowman.
Speaking of snowmen … I was headed out the garden department exit when I spied, with my little holiday eye, a stick.
Only, it was never just a ‘stick’ from the moment I laid eyes on it.
I bent down, scooped it up and held it in front of me like a precious trophy.
I couldn’t wait to get back to the office and show it off.
As I came through the main door, I held out my ‘stick’ and said to the receptionist, “Look what I found!!!”
To which she responded … “A Charlie Brown Christmas tree?”
“No. It’s a snowman’s arm!”
“Oh, okay.”
Alright – I’ll try my boss.
“Look what I found!”
He glanced up, “A stick?”
*Sigh*
“It’s a snowman’s arm!”
I took my arm and my thank you cards and stickers and disappeared into my office.
A realtor came by.
“Look what I found!” (this time I wasn’t leaving anything to the imagination) “It’s a snowman’s arm!”
“Are you sure it’s not a leg?”
“Snowmen don’t have legs! Well … except for Frosty I suppose … anyway, it’s an arm … and I’m keeping it.”
He left me finishing up my cards and wondering about snowmen legs – and also contemplating the very real possibility that I might be the only one around here that sees bears in clouds and arms in sticks. I don’t think I can be though.
Here’s the arm – you decide.
The laundromat ‘muses’ back
And on a Sunday no less! Talk about timing!
I moderate my comments. I can’t think of anything I wouldn’t approve – but it’s good to have the option.
I’m alerted in my email box when I have a comment – and here’s one I received today:
I haven’t clicked on the source, but I think it’s safe to assume it’s probably not from my laundromat.
There’s almost a sad facet to this – considering someone promoting laundry services probably searched the topic and up came my blog.
Has it come to this? People can find my words – my soul and my heart by putting ‘laundry’ in the search box? LOL!
Well played laundromat, well played. You have amused me.
2014 I’ll be sure to make an effort to add more exciting search terms to my life.
Musings from the laundromat: Black Friday edition
It’s a rare day today – the second in a row that I haven’t had to go to work. Well, not to the building that pays me anyway.
I woke at 5 am, with Butters breathing in my face. I could feel her staring at me and confirmed it by peeking under my lashes at her very close face.
Let’s chat about Butters a second, because after I got up, let her out, switched the coffee on and went back to bed – I found the most hilarious photo posted to my Facebook wall.
I had shared some Thanksgiving photos and put one of my canine manatee up last night.
This one to be precise.
There was a comment and an altered photo from my son’s girlfriend Chelsea. If you’re familiar with the Doge meme, you’ll find it as hilarious as I did (I still insist on pronouncing ‘Doge’ like ‘vogue’ not ‘Doje’ with the ‘j’ sound the internet has declared to be correct. Such Shibe. Much there’s an ‘e’ on the end – pronounce the vowel as it is in the alphabet!)
Anyway – meme grammar tangent.
Here’s the doctored photo:
SO funny.
I already loved Chelsea, but it’s sealed now.
Anyway – so I’m laughing in bed at ‘Are-you-freaking-kidding-me O’Clock’ and decide to take advantage of this extra day off and finish preparing for my guest.
I grabbed a cup of coffee – made a list (no, I didn’t check it twice Nic) which didn’t have too much on it, but I knew had to go to the bank and get a money order to pay my rent and decided the best place to go was right next to it – Walmart.
It didn’t occur to me, until after I was showered and dressed and determined – that it was Black Friday.
A fun fact about me – once I’ve decided on something, I will not change my mind. I will not wait. I will go about accomplishing whatever it is I’ve decided to accomplish, no matter what. (This has resulted in tattoos, a nose piercing and a Vegas wedding.)
Some people call me stubborn.
Some people would be very right. (Such stubborn. Much pig-headed.)
Bottom line, I was GOING to Walmart – Black Friday stampedes be damned.
Traffic wasn’t bad as I left the house at about 8:15. Hit green lights most of the way and a good amount of tension left my stubborn shoulders. Even watched a coyote cross the road. (No, I don’t know why – probably he was following the chicken.)
Pulled into the shopping center – and realized the bank wasn’t open yet.
Okay – Walmart first.
I’ve never been to Walmart on Black Friday. I’ve heard the tales – read the stories about trampled people and broken limbs – shopping shenanigans. So I was bracing myself and when I approached the store …
Okay, it wasn’t that empty. But I easily found a parking spot, a cart, and this claustrophobic shopper was quite comfortable inside.
No mayhem!
I was in and out in 15 minutes with only the items on my list. I did spy some Black Friday queuing in the electronics department – that was fun. I walked by and looked upon them with amusement. Much as you would an exhibit at a museum or a fair.
(Such shoppers. So Savvy. Much money savers.)
One of my best friends works at the bank – so I got a hug as she opened the door for the half-dozen people waiting outside. Things were going so smoothly!
Drove to the property management company, money order in hand. Popped that into their drop box and headed home.
Green lights. Nice commute. Wow.
I was still in determined mode when I got home. AND somehow had energy to back my plans with action.
Lit a candle, put on some Christmas music and went to work.
Cleaned out the fridge, scrubbed the floor, bathed the dog(e), cleaned the tub – then the rest of the main bathroom. Went through the pantry – even washed the little salt and pepper shaker.
7 hours after having Butter breath in my face, I was still motivated enough to gather the laundry and come here.
And here I am.
Breezing through Black Friday like a pro and stubbornly accomplishing more than one person has a right to accomplish without a cape and an alter ego.
Am wondering though, what the hell this restless girl is going to do all weekend!
Because it won’t be this:
Thanksgiving 2013 album
My favorite part of the day wasn’t the food (although, the food was amazing) it wasn’t the football (especially since the Packers lost ARG!) it wasn’t driving home and seeing Christmas lights …
My favorite part of the day, wasn’t even eating a spoonful of freshly whipped cream.
It was sitting across from my son at a table of six, making eye contact with him and getting the giggles. No words were exchanged, they weren’t needed – and we sat trying hard not to laugh as we shared a private joke.
It proved to be impossible and Nicholas ended up leaving the table before he completely lost it.
We laugh … A LOT! Just moments ago – we hugged and I told him “I love you – I’m thankful for you. ”
I’m so blessed to have such a strong connection with my son. Having spent so much time together alone (that didn’t sound right to me the first time I said it either) we have a bond that is unbreakable.
Hope all who celebrated Thanksgiving and Hanukkah today had many moments that made them smile – and many things to be grateful for.
Here is a sampling of our day.
Pre-dinner silly poses. I pointed out the sticky-up-hair after the pic 😉
Still unfed – but full of happy
The table – pre-food laden
Visited by my moms dog – Meesha
Went outside to escape the smell of the cooking food – Nic caught a candid moment
Now I’m just really restless and messing around
AND THEN!
I had no room for dessert – except for that spoonful of whipped cream. 😉
Tomorrow – we’ll recover from a week of food debauchery – no black Friday for us.
If you plan on going – be careful out there!
Debauchery Soup 