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Beauty (and the insecurity beast)

A man said to me today, “Does your guy know how skinny and beautiful you are?”

Any other time and I would have been offended – I am uncomfortable receiving compliments – I have learned to say ‘Thank you” but – mostly I’m in knots inside not wanting to be noticed.

I’m not a ‘girly’ girl.  I don’t wear heels, don’t need spas or salons or haircuts.  I don’t dye my hair or buy purses or shoes.  My favorite flower is the tiny grass daisy.

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I really try not to call attention to myself.  I don’t wear a lot of jewelry – will only wear silver-colored metals – no super short skirts or low-cut tops.  I wear minimal make up, no colored polish on my fingernails and no busy patterns on my clothes.

Today, I responded in a moment of complete honesty.  I surprised myself when I looked him in the eye and said, “You know, I’m scared I’m not enough.”

He looked at me and asked, “Does he know your heart?  That you’re beautiful inside?”

“Yes.  I think so.”

And I know that’s what counts.  I’m not shallow.  I’m not ignorant.

But if I’ve ever wanted to feel beautiful, to be looked upon through the eyes of someone special and seen as beautiful – it’s now.

The knots inside are of a new kind.  Because beauty is in the eye of the beholder – and there are eyes I want to please.

And what if I’m not enough?