Just to tie things up in a bow for those of you who didn’t notice – the enlightened versions went in the same direction (Notice the karma scarf and her outfit).
He has the ‘Karma Scarf’ on and she has her enlightened ‘I had a drink thrown on me’ outfit on.
The other two versions of her are passing her by going backwards out of the tunnel, whilst, they are going in. Together.
Today, I was productive.
Yesterday I was constantly convincing myself it was okay to do NOTHING. Be a human being, not a human doing.
I watched Russian Doll, I watched Sex Education (both amazing). I snacked and I napped. I consider it the equivalent to plugging myself in to recharge.
What prompted this was my husband being out-of-town.
I feel guilty just ‘being’ otherwise.
That’s not on him. It’s a psychological glitch.
I can’t even pee at work without telling myself, “Just get this one thing done, then you can go.”
So, in spite of doing nothing of import yesterday (production wise) I accomplished so very much in allowing myself to DO nothing.
This is not the topic of my post though.
I have been COLD! It’s been freezing at night and our home doesn’t exactly remember the sunlight hours.
We have a wood burning stove and a (what seems to me) a circa 1970 hall heater.
Said heater has been groaning and moaning and whirring pathetically. If it were a pet, I’d be doing what it trusted me to do.
However, shivering on Friday, I decided to try to ‘fix’ the heater.
I figured, it probably just needs cleaning. I mean, I could clearly see dust abundant.
I unscrewed it – (after shaving the caulking off the edges) and to my surprise, it wasn’t independent of the grate.
Grab something, hold it up while I work on it.
Scooted to the bathroom and didn’t want it hanging from the wires too long – first thing I came upon was a soap dispenser.
Back to my task. Cleaned the fan – dusted the wires turned it back on and … flames.
After I closed it up, I tried to turn it on again thinking (in my official capacity as not only a HVAC professional but also an electrician) that it would work.
Didn’t even turn on.
Was chatting with my husband while he was at the airport.
Me: I f***** something up, I guess when I was messing with the heather it blew the fuse in the bathroom
Me: Only just realized it, I tried to plug something in
Me: NVM fixed it.
Yeah – I only had to press ‘reset’. *groan*
I shivered the night away and spent my lazy day bundled in bed with Netflix.
Today I was determined but depleted.
I scavenged the land for twigs with a bucket like a babushka. Hunched over, head covered, layers upon layers – selecting the choice sticks.
No newspapers or firestarters.
Into the ‘office’.
Twigs and file folders!
Got that started and inserted the wood that doesn’t ‘catch’ alone and …
This is what I’m looking at now. SUCH a relief!
That being said, I used to think I could do Naked and Afraid. After a weekend of freezing temps and no ability to light a fire IN A WOOD BURNING STOVE, I acquiesce. How the hell do they manage to start a fire and keep it going in the rain???????? How do they survive nights completely naked in freezing temps????? As I mentioned to my friends, if I WERE on naked on afraid, I would have tapped out in my own living room completely clothed that night.
But, I kept trying. And hung in there. (Like, where am I going to go? lol)
And the fire is still roaring and I still feel rested. Win!
I share this not for a pat on the back, but to point out how attitude is everything. I have found myself slipping in that area and must be mindful – today was a reminder.
Ran out to our local Dollar General (you know, that place where nothing is a dollar) for some bits and bobs because I did not want to go into ‘town’.
I’m in line and to my right it became clear, was a man (with three little ones) having issues at the register.
I hear, “Sorry” a few times and step in.
Me: How short are you? (Because we’ve all been there right?)
Him: Oh, it’s not that – they can’t change a hundred.
Me: I can do that for you. (Because for one day I could after receiving a recompense.)
Him: Thank you so much!
I return to placing my items on the counter and hear him talking to his checkout person.
Them: Sorry about that.
Him: No worries, I had an opportunity to be blessed. Everything happens for a reason.
Wow. An opportunity to be blessed. I’m so stubborn, I don’t allow such opportunities. I DO count my blessings. But, to hear it put that way – just – wow.
He had three very patient, well-behaved kidlets who now didn’t have to be dragged to one of our rural gas stations to get change then return to the shop for their suspended sale.
He wasn’t inconvenienced. He was calm and kind and ushered his little herd out the door with a “Thank you again.”
Now I’ll share a little about the drive to the shop.
I’ve alluded to how rural we are – and how dangerous the highway that splits our town in two is.
Apparently a little more dangerous further you go up the hill according to this sign. Yes, it’s real – yes, I took this pic. (I was a passenger at the time, let’s not dilute my ongoing rant with ‘But you took a pic while driving).
Back to the route at hand,
I mean, you have to be on point! Guessing what the ‘non-locals’ may potentially do. (Unfortunately, locals too.)
There are OH so many crosses up and down the road, the pass and the grade, I’ve memorized most of them. You’d think that would serve as foreshadowing to the drivers that I encounter, sadly they don’t.
So, ‘heading out to the shop’ is not as simple as it might be elsewhere.
If you so much as see a rabbit running across the road in front of you – there must be a thought process.
- Is it running FROM something? Should I expect to break for a coyote?
- Is there a car behind me? (Okay, that should be number 1 probably)
- Can I brake in time to avoid a collision, or do I need a plan b and where may I swerve safely?
We literally have signs.
BIG highway signs lit up asking the driver to take: CAUTION! CAUTION! CAUTION! Watch for animals!
That’s just when encountering a critter.
Then comes the actual road – and bonkers traffic. Timing is everything.
I’ve learned to turn off my ‘give a fuck’ about people behind me at a stop sign. I am NOT going until I am certain I can safely navigate the turn onto the highway.
I’ve been honked at once, and wanted to bolt out of the car and remind them about the crosses. Go ahead, go around me – take your chances, and chances are when you’re hit, I’ll still stop and help you. But, let’s avoid all of that and just chill the heck out!
Back to the animals, says the Queen of Tangents.
I seriously need glasses.
On the way to work Friday I saw someone switch to the left lane for no apparent reason ahead of me.
I squint and think to myself, “Is that a person?” (On the side of the road, not the lane switcher LOL).
Now, I’ve known for a while I need glasses. But when you have a laundry list of things you need, somethings that are important start sliding down that list.
I squint harder … “Is that a bush?”
I squint harder, now practically on TOP of the ‘thing’ – “Oh … a cow.”
A large, uninterested, grass filled mouthed cow. In the ‘bicycle’ lane (I don’t know what it’s technically called out here) of our very dangerous highway.
I would love to tell you there was a great amount of distance between my first guess and my realization, but there was not.
Obviously doesn’t help my commute that I can’t SEE – so I may have to bump that up the list.
But, what I did see today – gratitude and calmness – was enough to open my eyes and return me to a mindset of the same.
Maybe that needs to be on a sign too. Although, some would probably pay as much attention to it as they do the others.
I’ll just keep my eyes on my own paper and try to practice it myself.
There are days I wish we lived closer to ‘town’ – but mostly, I’m so grateful for our privacy, land and peaceful hearts.
I see beauty in everything. I look for good everywhere. Even the most simple of things stun me and fill my heart with appreciation.
Without further ado, (okay, a little more ‘ado’ because this meme cracks me up whenever I see it).
I present to you the scenes and views that captured my eyes and heart today.
Bottom line is that there is not a direction I can turn without feeling awe and gratitude.
I’m baaaaack! Why?
“It is the year, 2019” (said in Morgan Freeman voice) and I have my first EVER laptop. No more stressing over my keyboard vs blue tooth connections – no more trying to tap out a post like morse code.
I, am at home and able to type this on an amazing machine.
Oh what a relief. I have so very much missed writing. And talking to you Soupers!
This post contains graphic anxiety so if you have triggers – stop reading. Also, if you have rain, flash floods, commute or coyote phobias – not the one for you.
I’ll begin repeating myself shall I?
I moved to a very rural area and have a long commute now. But, the land, the man and the hiking is worth it. I am very grateful and know how blessed I am.
It’s ours. Okay, it’s the bank’s – but, we’re not renting.
Here’s the deal though. We live on a ‘Turn around don’t drown’ road.
This has mostly not been an issue.
We have monsoon season, which has kindly occurred mostly on weekends in the summer. (Shout out to those storms dodging work days! Whoop!)
But then came ‘the day’.
It was before the day I’m going to talk about.
Our neighbor gave me a map. How very mysterious. But, actually, he was looking out for me. ‘Back Road Map’. When would I use this? When would I need this? I was fine with my route.
Oh lord. The day I first used it I figured all of that out and was so VERY grateful.
I’ll now just leap into what happened the other day shall I?
It was a foggy morn’ … arrived at my turn onto the highway with almost zero visibility.
(This is where I reiterate how this commute on a GOOD day is scary for me. I have literally driven shaking, almost losing my vision, heart pounding, can’t feel my limbs, feeling ‘out of self’.)
I watched for headlights – waited – saw an ‘in’ and pulled out.
AND – some asshat didn’t have their headlights on.
They braked, I almost had a heart attack.
Going forward – heart pounding – and next fear comes true. Coyote crosses road.
I safely navigated it and kept on going.
Long story short, I made it to work, going 45-50 in a 65 zone.
Rained ALL day.
We are … um, the ‘rain catchers’ of the area. The mountains above us drain on down.
So, when my honey told me, rain is stopping, you should be okay, I believed it.
What I didn’t take into consideration was how long it takes for those long showers to make it down.
Here’s video one.
At this point I’m thinking, “Well, I’ve gunned it through heartier. But, after seeing trucks turn around, I’m nope to the nopety nope.”
I first text my boss who asked me to let her know when I got home.
“I’m stuck on my road and shaking.”
I then call my husband.
“OK. I’m coming down.”
“You made a very good decision not crossing that.”
He can’t save me. So, I turn around, ready to do the ‘back roads’ with that map in my 4 wheel drive amazing truck … wait …
Off road car YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not.
Then, this …
Remember, I’ve come this far right? I can go back, do the highway, take those back roads. So, I turn around Aaaaand ….
I am now stuck between two washes.
I just want to go HOME!
I DID gun it through that one. Shamefully I’ll admit, wasn’t the most dangerous decision I have made, but completely stupid.
I got to the highway and THIS highway (as if I haven’t made it clear enough) is so super dangerous.
I need the next left for my ‘map’ directions.
Almost got nailed doing that.
Next part, I’ll be the first to admit was fun, if danger was not a factor.
I slid, I slid and slid and … learned to get out of past tracks.
My poor car lol! It’s not built for that.
Good thing it is a shift – and I could downshift.
And, that last track home made me smile. (Only, I wish it happened in a jeep lol.)
I made it.
Now, here’s some pics of what the rain does to our land.
Yeah, roses are pretty watered.
The morning ‘weather is going to suck’ fog.
There used to be mountains?
Our parking area today. (Yes, I’m lucky.) But, you can see the wetness, I share this post knowing my husband will be in Chicago soon and I can’t even imagine being there during adverse conditions! Me: Boo! Look what the rain did!
Him: (I’m making this up) I can’t feel my fucking face here.
So! There you go. Stay warm. Stay dry. Stay a Souper!