Category Archives: desert

Weapons and my personal Mass Deconstruction … How I learned to ‘learn’.


My First Experience

I vividly remember the first time I shot a gun.  It was in England, lakeside, and I got to say “pull!”.  To my utter delight, I actually hit a clay pigeon.  FIRST. TIME. OUT!

I was so proud.  Not only was I unharmed by the recoil, but, I actually hit a target in the air!


Well, not hooked, but, I enjoyed the experience.

I’ve always had respect for guns.

Always believed that I should need to know how to take one apart, keep it clean, keep it safe from others should I ever possess one.

I didn’t own one so, I didn’t have the opportunity to practice that.

A little background here

After my first opportunity to learn how to handle a firearm, it was pretty much my last, other than a BB or pellet gun.

When school shootings and mass public shootings started to become prevalent, I was angry.

“Who needs that kind of fire power?????!!!”

“If you can’t hunt without an assault rifle, you have no business hunting!”

“The right to bear arms didn’t factor in the progress of weapons!”

“No one has business having assault weapons if they’re not in the military or law enforcement!”

“Of course they’re mentally ill!  No one ‘mentally healthy’ would do such a thing!”

“Why are there no laws to stop people who shouldn’t have guns??”

“Keep them away from kids!!!!!!”

What is still true to me


People with violent pasts and/or mental illness should not have access to a machine that can mow down a mass of people.

(Do Not Compare Knife Attacks To Guns!  Apples and oranges.  Yes, if someone has an intention of hurting/killing people, they WILL find a way.  However, someone with a knife can be taken down with minimal casualties and a much larger survival rate than someone who has just fired upon a crowd with a gun.  Although, yeah, they have access to vehicles, which, can’t be contained and have also taken mass amount of people out in a single swipe.  Look, I’m still working this out in my head.)

Keep your firearms away from children!  Lock them up!  (Not the children.)

And yeah, if you need ‘rapid fire’ to take down something to eat, probably you shouldn’t be putting them through torture trying to do so with a single shot.  (Hypocritical animal lover here … I eat meat, yet, there is no way I could shoot an animal.  I OWN that hypocrisy.)


What I did





It was always a plan to learn how to operate a firearm responsibly.  What you see above is me, in a pathetic stance and loose-handed using the .38 special .

After that, we moved onto other weapons.  I was eager.

My husband actually got frustrated with me – and rightfully so.

He was trying to teach me about a particular piece I had ZERO experience with and it was a LOT of information.  Too much for me.

After all, I was there to have fun and shoot!!

He was right, and I didn’t get to ‘play’ with the gun (well, after a discussion, I did get to later).

I deserved that scolding!

Yet, there were several guns, and I had already learned a few things about them (as much as I could) – there is SO much to learn!  All so different.

Is the safety on?

Is it off?

Is it racked?

Is it clear?

Are you sure it’s clear?

Why are you sure it’s clear?

I should mention that his friend had been low key training me for a while with a revolver.

I would eject the clip (magazine)  and check the chamber.  Reload, do again.  Repeat.

I digress.

Going to digress again.

My husband told me several times that day, “You have to know this!  If he kills me, you have to kill him!”

Me:  “Well, wait … what did you do?”

Not so funny to my husband, but I got a few other laughs.




After I earned the trust back



I felt a lot better with this weapon.

If my back was against the wall in my outer perimeter, I would feel more secure holding and firing this than the .38 special.  I had ZERO talent at aim with the .38.  I need to practice.


Racking was hard at first, but, worth it.

This is why I need to learn how to clean/oil etc.  Make that maneuver seamless.

My favorite however … and I was as shocked as you will be!


The weapon I had been the most against.

I had more control, better aim and it felt more comfortable in my hand.

We own over 2 acres.  Should people be in the outer-perimeter that I mentioned earlier, with bad intentions,  I would be useless with a .38.  And, I for sure wouldn’t deter them. (Although, honestly, after that first shot it rang my bell!!! BIG time.  Yes, I’m still talking about the .38, which, is why you see me wearing the ear protection afterwards.)

Here, in all it’s glory, is the honor to RESPECT and fire the AR 15.

***Language warning***


I have so much to learn

I truly do.

I would love to be in a position to master all of these weapons.

I have such respect, always have.

I love that everyone with me was encouraging, patient, and responsible.


You should know that we hike a lot.  At one point in time, we had to leave immediately because bullets were whizzing past out heads.  Literally.  It was terrifying.

The spot we were practicing shooting was no where near hikers or homes.  We were between TWO huge buffers of dirt.  No person was at risk.  (Well, if you count me pointing the gun down there was one.)


I also would like to make a personal point.

While I respect and will always maintain the right to bear arms … tangent again … here ARE my bare arms after that day lol!


Bottom line, the only person I hurt in anyway was myself (and maybe my honey’s feelings with my joke).  And that’s a learning curve.

I want to be a responsible gun user.

I have learned that AR originated from Armalite Rifle.

I have learned that I was willing to stop, accept help, and only proceed when the environment was safe.

And, as for that AR – I’m not mad at it.  I’m mad that awful people have ruined it’s reputation.


P.S. If there was one thing I COULD change?  (Other than being called a ‘snowflake’) The whole, ‘Red Dot’ means ‘go’ is SO confusing!  We’re hardwired with the traffic light scenario.  I was thrown off a lot with that.  Safety on, is green.   Safety OFF?  Red.




Musings from a Laundry Day – Potatoes and 50!

Oh what a week!

I’ll just get this out of the way – I turned 50 on Wednesday.

To be honest, I didn’t see myself getting out of my 20’s.  So, this milestone was met with a handshake, which graduated to a hug and then a laugh between friends who knew too much about one another.

My work family treated me like a queen.  My husband spoiled me.  My family covered me in love.

I’m excited for what is to come.

ANYWAY!  The older I get, the less it is about me and more about … well, me gardening.  LOL!

After my last post, my potato plant suffered.  Big time.

I decided to be kind and put it down.

I was very surprised by the results!


I’m determined to see my garden to fruition, yet, summer is upon us here and we’ll be seeing triple digits soon.

One of the gifts I received was a trio of fledgling plants – tomato, squash and hot peppers.  I have put the squash out in the garden knowing they’re hearty and in an area they can climb.  I’ve also turned my laundry room into a green house for the tomatoes and peppers.

Look at me go!

Ms. Black thumb is having the time of her life.  Her FIVE DECADES of life (lol).

Used to be, gardening was not soothing for me, but after a surprise manicure and pedicure from work, I found myself wanting to reimburse them for the fingers – because they soon found dirt and ruin.

And, I don’t think I’d want it any other way.


Musings from a Laundry Day …

It would have been so easy to stay in bed today.  No obligations.  No husband.  No motivation.

Yet, YET!  I got up and did so very much.

We have a lot of catching up to do.

So, today, I went against my best instinct, which was to stay in bed, watch Netflix and snack.

I forced myself out of the house for some things we needed from Home Depot and provisions.

The provisions thing didn’t go too well and pretty sure I’m headed back into town tomorrow.

In fact, the provisions excursion was terrifying!

I was looking for the prepped salad and a few other things.  I found myself like a deer in headlights.  That huge cart, navigating it – a few times, I was behind someone and they apologized.  I told them, “I don’t know where I’m going, there is no rush.”

I literally left with two things.  TWO!  Noodles and chicken sandwiches.

I AM proud I left the house though.

When I returned, I had a plan.


Not such a great plan. lol

But, I did work on the garden, the house (OH! That’s where Home Depot comes in.  I replaced god awful eggplant fixtures in the bathroom with lovely ones.)

My ultimate moment though …


Here are my babies.

The one to the very right was the experimental plant  It’s in it’s new spot,  Can’t imagine what’s in the flourishing ones!

My little potato next to a penny.

Should I bake it?  A thimble full of sour cream and cheese?  lol

My onions are doing well also … plus a fun(gi) friend. 😉



Looks like a little alien with it’s hands on it’s face thinking, “Oh, no!”  (To me)

Time to milk the last of my time in the garden and contemplate whether or not to renew that Sam’s Club membership.

Hope everyone is having a productive weekend – better yet,  I hope you’re not, there is nothing wrong with self care!  So if you’re not glove deep in a potato bag, open up a bottle of something and just enjoy your view.


Losing a friend meanwhile, getting lost. Grief and Life.


Well, it was a long week.  And, I reached out a few times and many posts were not posted.


I’ll start with this so you may understand my absence.



And in the words of Mr. Gump.  That’s all I have to say about that.


The weekend she passed … here’s what I was doing.

A hike to Richardson Ranch.  This was the beginning of our adventure.  A friends dog stayed with me, probably because she knew I was the weakest link.


Part Two:

The ‘noose tree’  – We found it like that a long time ago.  I truly hope it wasn’t used for it’s intention. I truly hope it was designed to haul folks out of the dirt road.

Part Three: I explore Richardsons’ Ranch.


Moved on from there and …

Then this happened.  You know, they say ‘Don’t hike alone’ for a reason.  You could sprain an ankle, be struck by a snake, lose yourself.  Which, in this case, happened.  The lose yourself part.

We got home.

One more thing.  I’m watching ‘A Beautiful Mind’ and the doctor is telling John, “You can’t reason your way out of this!”.  Almost verbatim to my doctor telling me “You can’t smart your way out of this.”  Meaning, the anxiety.

But, I’ve made so much progress.

I can drive home.

I can drive to work.

I still do the rituals – my OCD is not going to leave me soon, but will.

I ask myself, things like:  How many times have you HIT a coyote?

How many times have you been in a crash?

How many times has a steer or rock fell off of the pass onto the road (yes, I thought about those things.)

I used logic, even while panicking.

I still acknowledge the unknown, as well as the very known – every cross on that road I take twice a day – but, now I make things practical in my head.

I don’t know what my friend went through in her last days, but I’m betting she didn’t see a light.  I’m betting no phone call or visit would have changed her state of mind.


I am here.

I want to be here.

I am making strives without medicinal help.


And – Bye for NOW.



I have a sparrow annoyed with me.


Its previous nest is blocked (literally, with … blocks) and alights on the wind chime directly in front of me and chirps and chirps.

I pretend I understand. I pretend it understands me and I say things like, “Yes, I know!”  “Yes, I’m sorry.”  “I will build you a home, but it can’t be there.”

Well, today was the day.

Butters had me up twice in the night – she’s not getting any younger and it worries me when she’s out of sorts.

I got completely up at 5.  (Meaning, I had the wherewithal to use all of my faculties at the same time.)

The land around was enticing.

Tangent: I was sharing with a friend yesterday that, while I was glad it was Friday, it was suddenly again Friday.  Life is just ticking away!  Every single day, should count.  So, that in mind, make the moments count right?

Sunrise hike was in order!

A grainy picture of the first of many.


A less grainy picture of the same spot with more light.


Somehow ‘grainier’ photo of the same place in more light.


Sun coming up.


And, brighter.





And some pretentious ‘artistic’ shots.



Mysterious alien circle or … maybe a tire was there for a while.


On the way back.





Butters was exhausted (and, shaking which was scary).


Then came part two.  Gardening.

Gardening is so relaxing and rewarding – is a sentence I will NEVER say.  LOL!

My mother, my Grandmother, my Son are all excellent gardeners.  They have thumbs greener than envy.

I reluctantly do it and have little to no expectations of survival.

I could probably, literally, waltz by a plant and have an adverse effect on it.

However, as Jeff Goldblum will attest to, “Life, um, finds a way.”

New ‘cones’ on the Pine trees.


Strawberry basket still blooming.


My onions, (that I planted entirely too close to each other) survived the snow!


Freshly transplanted Malabar Spinach.  God be with you – because, you can’t count on me.


My potatoes are thriving on top.  God only knows what’s going on where they are supposed to be growing.


Alright, so, now to the bird box.  And, as this picture shows, apparently I have no problems growing weeds/grass.  But, this was what I collected from the barn to create my promise.



Had some problems but, managed somehow.


Open for business.


I was trying to be funny on my page – and how the f&$* did Facebook turn it into an ad???  Anyway, I guess if you can fit in there, I can let you rent it.


Thing is – the bush to the left of it used to be peppered with birds.  Now, they’re wary.  Only had a couple show up at the open house.  And one assumed that the beverages were included.


I may have scared them off rather than made amends.

Makes sense.


It finds a way – and – finds a way out.