Category Archives: Humor
Musings from the Laundromat: Fathers and Felons edition
First of all, Happy Father’s Day to all the great dad’s out there. And Happy Father’s Day also to all you moms that have done it alone. I’m raising an imaginary glass of champagne at the screen and cheering you all.
I’m sure the dad’s are thinking, “Great. Couldn’t you be raising an imaginary beer or single malt?”
No.
Onto felons.
(My segues are ingenious, she says sarcastically while moving the imaginary glass of champagne out of the way so it’s not knocked over by her writing prowess.)
Yesterday was a pajama day for me. Just me, the dog and Litchfield Penitentiary.

Well, almost. I have 3 episodes to go.
I’m definitely enjoying Season 4 over Season 3. No spoilers. I’ll review the show when you’ve all had a change to binge watch.
So after today’s Fathers Day brunch across the river, I’ll be returning to my Netflix nest and finishing up those remaining episodes … Then I’ll feel guilty about not having scrubbed the house – then either a) get over it or b) actually scrub the house. I’m thinking maybe a little of both.
Time to check on the machines … And drink my weekly cup of coffee (I still haven’t had the heart to tell the laundry lady I don’t drink it anymore. But since she’s so sweet to make it just for me – I must courteously caffeine.)
Once again, happy Father’s Day Soupers!!!
Musings from the Laundromat: Pedicures & Pole Dancing
It has come to my attention that I can’t stay up late anymore.
My 47th birthday brought with it such gifts as: Inability to sleep through the night without peeing at least once, Feeling like I’ve been hit by a truck if I don’t see the back of my eyelids by 10 p.m. at the latest and even more scary face wrinkles when I look down and my iPad reflects my image.
Thanks 47.
Thanks a lot.
You REALLY shouldn’t have.
But! It is what it is and I, being who I am, will continue to do what I shouldn’t and last night I tested the powers of 47’s gifts and am regretting it as I sit typing.
Let’s start from the beginning.
As part Deux of my birthday, my mum collected me for a pedicure. It’s been a looooong time.
My feet were starting to resemble something that looked directly at Medusa.
We were greeted by a beautiful Asian lady – and both given a bottle of water.
Considering it was 120 degrees outside, this was like being handed a bar of gold.
Once in the chairs with our feet in the water, I was ready to take a nap.
The chairs massaged … The water bubbled, I reclined and was already in paradise.

Oh! My view from my chair? This guy. He was HUGE and odd and I loved him.

My pedicurist arrived at my feet and opened a sterile packet containing all his necessary pedi instruments, then took one look at my feet and got up to go to the back.
I turned to my mum, “He’s getting the heavy artillery.”
Yup.
Not only do they do the usual pedi things – BUT! Hot rocks were brought out for a leg and foot massage. He also did something with his thumb on both of my feet that gave me goosebumps and a sudden urge to marry him.

After all was done, we wobbled out to the car like boneless chickens.
Now for lunch.

Buffet with sushi? SO my kind of lunch!

‘Healthy’ dessert. (Ok, listen there were two other plates of food I’m not sharing … I ate like I was about to depart as a contestant to some island for Survivor.)
Sated – we got back into the hot car.
The car was seriously hotter than the 120 degrees outside.
Next was the shops.
We had only made it to our first stop when I had an urgent need to discover if Petsmart had a bathroom.
(Buffet ‘all you can eat’ sushi became an example of ‘if it seems to good to be true …’ You know the rest.)
The two of us realized we had only rented our lunch.
And each shop after had us returning some of our meal. Lol!
Too much info? Sorry. The truth had to be told.
Home.
Then – off to the grocery store. Look who was hanging (literally) in the meat section.

Home again.
Gave my pup a bath … Here she is all coconut scented and sunshine.

Didn’t stop there … Steam cleaned my kitchen floor.
I was exhausted and ready for an early night.
Except, I learned my friend was working at the local ‘Gentleman’s Club’ that night and I haven’t seen her in a long time.
Taxi to the strip club.
I did two amazing interviews with my friend and another lady. And for whatever reason, am having the biggest issue uploading them to YouTube! Grrrrr. When I figure that out, of course I will share. (Especially considering that during the second interview, a rogue man outside walked up to us and was shut DOWN by my interviewee. LOL!)

You know, even the strip club was rocking the spa vibe … They don’t serve alcohol, (good idea) but, they had delicious cucumber water. Classy.
By the time I got home and had walked the dog and readied myself for bed it was two in the morning!!!!
I STILL managed to get everything done this morning though. Laundry, a store return (and a little shopping with the store credit), washed car and have turkey sausages in the oven.
A nap however, is imminent.
And well deserved if I do say so myself.
Happy Sunday Soupers!
The day my son was LITERALLY a pain in my arse.
I donned a white dress I haven’t worn in a very long time. Since last Summer I believe?
Went to work.
Sat down.
OUCH!
WTF?
Checked out the chair. Chair was not an unsub. (For those of you that don’t watch Criminal Minds – first of all, “SHAME ON YOU!” Secondly, it means unknown subject.)
I madly rushed about my day and each time I sat, OUCH!
I checked the lace in my dress. Oh, this was the dress. (Looks better on me than flayed out on my bed.)

I was brought up as a lady – so I had these very delicate panties/slip type thingys underneath said dress.

They’re large, I’m slender. They work as a slip.
So then I start inspecting THEM!
Nothing.
Half a day in at work I can’t take it anymore and actually found a private moment to ‘ladylike reach my hand up to my arse.”
(You’ll never read that in any Bronte novel)
And … What do I find?
Last time I washed the dress must have been with Nic’s work shirt – WITH name tag attached.

I peeled it off and announced my discomfort. Because, we all know, I do SO well with editing.
“Nic was seriously a pain in my ass today!!!!”
I have since confronted him – laughed with him and he even allowed these selfies. (This is rare – it’s like Big Foot accepting a photo op!) I even plastered his tag onto his forehead.
I look at it as a ‘thank you’ for doing his laundry.

Yes, you have hurt me

But, I know you don’t really give a shite

And I will always love you
He wore the tag well … He braved the photo storm. I shall forgive him this dress intrusion.
But, today, yes – he was a PAIN IN MY ASS!!!!!!









