Posted by debaucherysoup
It all started with the sandwich bag paradigm. You buy a packet and it’s over 150 and you’re thinking “these are going to last forever!” And then you’re packing a sandwich and where the heck did those bags GO?
Much like life.
Drudging up the hill to 50.
We think we have so much time, so much available and … “Where did it go???”
I ‘met’ someone a few months ago that I’ve ‘known’ since 6th grade.
I’m conquering my biggest fear to see them, and other friends I haven’t seen in over a decade.
I’m terrified. Not so much anymore about the flight, but – what could be, what I could fuck up, what might have been – etc. etc.
I have hope. I do!
OK, I HAD hope – because I’m constantly being told I’m attractive and then today – I went to Ross on a Tuesday and purchased jeans for my trip to the Central Coast.
Got to the checkout after feeling very frisky and gorgeous and appreciating my body – size 7 – skinny jeans.
The flipping young girl at the register gave me the “Tuesday Special” discount. Which, is 55 and over.
I’m not even going to ask if I look 55.
But hey, I got a discount. Lol.
As for the trip – I’m getting over my fear of flying by reading very positive posts.
I’m adjusting to my new meds and venturing out – the agoraphobiac I am.
I’m looking forward to seeing my friends, and … Honestly? Mostly hoping things go well with D.F.M.
Because I deserve it.
And because it’s about damn time.
And … Because, if I can fly somewhere, I can get over my anxiety/panic disorder.
And I will!
Posted by debaucherysoup
Past two weeks at the laundromat, WIFI hasn’t worked for me.
I was unable to ‘muse’ and that bothered me. I missed you guys and had so much to say!
They ‘fixed’ their WIFI by making a password free guest WIFI – and my iPad just would NOT pick it up. So, actually now, laundry day sucks.
It’s like “Bye, Bye, Laundromat WIFI…”
Took my Chevy to the laundry, but no WIFI.
So! Let’s catch you up
I went to ‘therapy” on advice from my doc that knows me since 13 years ago.
I have anxiety/panic disorder and … Add to that now, agoraphobia.
The therapist told me I have no self-esteem, and after divulging every creepy sexual moment in my life and my deepest darkest secrets, he went on to say, “You’re beautiful, you need to see yourself that way.” (As if THAT was easy to do.) He went on to say … “you have great boobs”
Are you freaking kidding me?????
THAT was my therapist.
I called him last week and told him I felt very uncomfortable with that.
I went on to say, “If I had come to you because I’d been constantly bullied, and you told me to sit down and shut up, that would have been the equivalent”. He apologized profusely. I told him I forgave him, but could not see him again.
I have my safe zones – driving to work and coming home. But, when my son was out of town, I couldn’t go to the grocery store.
I also have a plane trip this month.
My biggest fears …. Heights and flying.
But it’s worth it.
I am very excited to see the person on the other side of that plane ride.
I have also looked up tools to survive the flight mentally.
I’m doing this. Because it is important. I may be shaking, may be scared but I’m going.
Imagine this though – seeing someone again who you have come to very much care for, although, sweaty, shaky, and having been up since 3 a.m.
Yes, 3 a.m.
Got to get to the airport 3 hours in advance and THEN, THEN, the flight.
I DID however Google getting over this. And he had 3 steps.
These are what I remember.
1) You’ve been through this before and survived.
2) Tell yourself you’re excited about the feeling! It overrides the fight/flight sensation. KEEP telling yourself you’re excited and tell the attack to “bring it on!” Try to make it worse.
3) Shake out your arms and legs – literally. It’s supposed to relieve something.
Guess I did remember all three.
I don’t see myself ‘shaking off’ on the plane though. Lol. Maybe in the bathroom.
This is a very, very, very important trip and I’m GOING to do it!
Without flipping boob therapy.
(By the way, Mr. Therapist – that was padding. But yes, I have an amazing body which should NEVER have been brought up.)