Category Archives: Gratitude
Musings from the Laundromat: Forgotten Coffee & Allergic Dogs edition
45 & 47. Those are the washing machines I bravely claimed after asking “Is someone using this one do you know?” of a table of strangers. MY OCD be damned – there would have to be a machine interrupting the numerical flow.
This morning was the second in a row of me waking and being so relieved to realize I could not only hit my snooze button, but go back to sleep again.
And I did find sleep once more, giving me long enough to have a disturbing dream. I woke an hour and a half later, remembering that I certainly did NOT want to miss out on a good seat and good machines.
I leaped into action! Started a pot of coffee, let Butters out – (who, had decided since the first bleat of my alarm, that there were many, many things close to my bed that resembled drums when thumped with her tail), gathered all household laundry, brushed my teeth, ran a brush through my hair and tossed on some clothes.
I then proceeded to forget my coffee inside three times.
I had been up for 10 minutes, bleary eyed and in that ‘late to school!’ mode.
The neighbors dog decided my laundry baskets, plonked down outside of my gate, were intruders. Barking madly as I went back in the third time to grab my coffee.
Everything finally in the car – and off I went. Still half asleep.
There were only two cars in front of the laundromat, relief washed over me again. (No pun intended.)
This place is much like a Tardis though – the outside does not lend an accurate picture of the inside.
Inside I was met by more people than expected. And my favorite machines almost all taken.
Thus the dilemma of having to use 45 & 47.
#46 had a lavender basket atop of it, like a quarter on a pinball machine. The strangers at the table weren’t sure if the two either side of that one were ‘taken’ – and while I’d usually back away and find another machine out of respect, this week I was staking my claim.
Rewind.
As tired as I am, as I waddled unevenly with two baskets of laundry and balancing my pouting coffee on one finger, (it was still a little upset I forgot it three times) I noticed a sign on the door.
“Absolutely no dogs allowed inside without medical identification!”
Now, obviously I knew what they meant, but I was hit with an image of some random pup walking in sporting a shiny tag stating its medical condition.
Laundry person: “You! You there … dog! You can’t come in!”
Dog: “It’s ok, I have allergies.”
I was still amused by this as I leaned against the counter waiting for my turn with the laundry lady.
Her: “Fresh pot of coffee just made!”
Me: “Thank gawd!”
Her: “I think that old man is mad at me. He keeps looking over because I have blankets in the industrial dryers.”
Me: “Well, he keeps cutting his eyes at you, you come get me.
Her: (laughs) “Ok.”
I adore her. She’s always so nice. I remember when she had to find a new place to live and was exhausted from moving – but still had a smile on her face. I love that she has been part of my Sunday mornings for over 4 years.
I put what I can in her tip jar, which I’m pretty sure is meant for the customers who take advantage of the full service laundry that they offer. But I like to show my appreciation anyway.
Isn’t it odd, that she is a part of my routine … my life, and so many others I’m sure. I want her to know it. To feel special and to know I’m grateful.
And as I glance up, I can see her folding someone elses laundry, while scanning the room to be sure everything is running as smoothly as the seams she irons – and I’m feeling a litte silly for being ruffled over having to use two machines that did not sit side by side.
As my boyfriend said this morning on my Facebook (accompanied by one of his old school photos lol) – I’m the luckiest girl ever.
And I am.
Everything that should truly matter, matters to me. I’m grateful for everything I have and everything I don’t.
And really glad Butters doesn’t have allergies.
Musings from the Laundromat: Brave bras, pink panties and a safe heart
There are three bras slung over the rail of a laundry cart … just out there for all to see. And no one is looking at them. Untrue, I can’t stop looking at them. I keep glancing up.
Here I am, the one who turns 50 shades of red when I drop a pair of panties on the ground whilst removing my dry load from the depths of an industrial dryer, gawking at the sheer bravery of these bras.
And I’m reminded … not everyone is interested in looking at your stuff.
I’m at a strange table again. And painfully aware that there are people behind me.
I hate having my back to people.
Anxiety girl!
I just glanced and saw a free table in the back … I’m moving!
AH! Much better.
When I walked in Of Monsters and Mens’ Little Talks was playing on the radio – and I smiled.
While driving here – Take me to Church was on in my car.
Like most everything else, I read too much into music. Today was no different, but in a good way. Felt like two good omens.
I wonder do we block out the songs that aren’t relevant to our current state of mind? Do our little ears perk up when one comes on that fits the soundtrack of our lives?
I’m sure there’s a very scientific explanation. Probably much like the phenomenon of hearing a new word for the first time, and then hearing it multiple times that day. Or getting a new car, and noticing the same car everywhere you go.
In tune to something you never paid much attention to before.
I’m in tune to lots of things about myself that I didn’t pay much attention to before. Feeling things I haven’t felt before. Cringing at some of my cat lady posts and all my ‘no one will ever complete me’ exclamations.
I feel like I found that last piece of a jigsaw puzzle. The piece that would make my beautiful little life a complete picture.
And I’m so hopeful. And very, very fortunate to have found someone who will temper my anxiety with a laid back attitude and a funny and creative view of things.
I’m also very, very fortunate to have found someone who will be so good for my such loved son.
An example of so many things. Patience. Persistency. Humor. Self acceptance. And love.
I’m the luckiest girl on the planet right now as far as I’m concerned.
My heart feels Home. And Safe. And, I just dropped a pair of pink panties from the washer onto the ground and only turned 25 shades of red.
See – progress!
My Favorite Day
This is it. January 14th, 2015.
Who has had to wonder?
If you were asked “what was your best day ever?”
Today I had a shocking announcement that I didn’t expect, respect and love from my work family, amazing quality time with my son AND my mom stopped by and looked beautiful.
Today is my best day ever.
Let’s start with the shocking announcement.
So – I always have my ipad on charge at work, and IM sometimes with my son and (embarrassed face) collect my chips during the day for a game I like to play at night. All I do is take less than one second to ‘tap’ collect every half hour.
I got a ‘ding!’
It was a Facebook announcement.
A life event even.
I went to work today on probably less than 4 hours sleep. I’ve been sick – I did not sleep well last night, and completely determined to BE at work.
You need to know this.
So … I have been editing myself lately.
Out of respect for the person I wanted to scream about.
James D. Foster. Remember him? Look up Drawing the Invisible.
This guy was one of my best friends in the college days. And, had a crush on me.
And, as stupid as I was, I didn’t know it.
He was beautiful and talented and we would watch cartoons at his house and we rode together to school.
I loved him from day one.
I also had at least three relationships while he looked on and stood beside me.
I did not know.
We worked on a comic idea that was a tangent (shock!) off of a short story I wrote. He illustrated. He is a fucking AMAZING artist.
One very horrible night – he was beside me. And wrote poems. He wrote them and I read them and I was so young and selfish and ignorant that I just STILL didn’t get it.
Then we lost touch.
This was the 80’s.
I NEVER stopped thinking about him. Not ever. Not when I was married, not when I was divorced, not when I had a baby, not when I was married again – NEVER. I searched for him because …
Because you know there’s always there’s this person that means so much to you – who KNEW you and GOT you and – you friend zoned?
Yeah.
STUPID!
Us then
us then again
But I realized it sooner than later and my search came up with people with the same name, in the same town I last saw him and it wasn’t him. But I had fun communicating with them. LOL!
Fast forward.
I found him.
Through an Ex.
He was friends with him.
US now:
(Yeah – he still pulls a face at the camera. lol.)
(FYI: The pic? I have the Iron Man ring on. I’ve been told in the past I look like Gwyneth Paltrow – Of COURSE Iron Man is a nerds paradise – so my nick name is Peppers)
Proof:
When I initially reached out, I was just SO excited that #1 he was alive. #2 that he accepted my friend request.
I didn’t expect more than that. I was SO happy to have my friend back in my life. And at the time, I was in the midst of Rainer time. My friend? He was taking a step in a new direction and hoping someone he had loved after I knew him, and had loved him back – might turn into a mutual ‘love’ again.
Timing – definitely off.
Long story short.
Clearly I had hopebreak and not heartbreak over Rainer. And my friend honestly loves his best friend.
Which, I admire. I couldn’t love someone who discounted a real relationship with someone else – that would mean they would do that to me. Right?
But today – after a couple of weeks of bonding about a visit to me he wanted to take – I got the announcement.
Yeah – we’re ‘In a Relationship’ with each other.
He gets that I have no filter.
He gets that I’m feet first, up to my chin.
He gets that I love with my whole heart and will read into everything he says, and everything he doesn’t … AND STILL POSTED THAT!
I was sent home today, by my work family. Because I am seriously pretty sick. Seriously under the weather. And I love them for that.
So I also got to see Nic. He was grinning and pointing at my ipad.
He needed me to know he saw the ‘Life Event’ and approved.
That natural 20? Yeah … it was between Nic and James (the post before)
I was so happy.
We’re all such total nerds!!!!! Into Dungeons and Dragons and Comic Books and The Walking Dead and anything that isn’t mainstream (although, I think probably Walking Dead is mainstream by now no?)
I was happy anyway, let’s face it. But having my son onboard? C’mon.
I managed quality time with Nic whilst being pathetic and trying to be very engaged on my bed. It worked. We pulled off the quality time.
So I’m sick, in love, finally getting the fairy tale AND … about to take a nap and my mom shows up.
My mom.
The one who has my whole heart too shows up … WITH … Chocolate, Lemon Curd, Pickled Onions and THERAFLU!
Bottom line.
Today, I got my Prince – validation that my work family loves me – ULTRA validation that my son loves me (we did a fun question/answer thing) and time with my mom who was checking in on me.
Today … is my favorite day.
And like I said to Nic – “See, sometimes life sucks, then it doesn’t” and that really IS life.
And, hey, Micah (one of my BFFS) – I told you first what I hoped for here – and you were happy that I even hoped it. See … dreams DO come true. x
Watcha waiting for??
Had the most vivid dream last night. No, really, it was an entire MOVIE! With a title.
I usually dream I forgot my camera and see amazing things. Last night, I had my camera, and everything no one else could see, I could see through my lens. Which made me kind of a super hero.
I solved crimes – creepy ass crimes, but crimes none the less.
I saw ghosts, and past crimes through my camera.
Normal eyes could not see what I saw.
The name of my dream movie was ‘Exposed’.
Go ahead – use it. I’m not writing a screenplay anytime soon. Just give me a credit somewhere. lol. Also dreamed about a dilapidated house that I was fixing.
Both of these things are awesome.
I used to analyze dreams – and when you dream of a house, it’s you. Which room? More about you. Attic? Your head – thoughts … bathroom … what needs cleansing, ridding of … bedroom – romantic life or rest, depending on your wake state. Get it?
I was working on this house.
It was a seriously long night with an entire movie and fixing up my ‘house’.
Woke up with a positive attitude.
And a smile on my face.
And popped this song in the CD player of my car
SO how I’ve been feeling – from the writer’s block to not wanting to leave my home to realizing I have so much ahead of me. What AM I waiting for???
I’m ready to take a chance.
I’m ready for my turn.
Debauchery Soup 
Je suis ignorant
Jan 9
Posted by debaucherysoup
I guess you could classify this under social commentary, but I don’t think I’ve earned that right as I don’t participate enough in society.
If I’m ignorant when it comes to a topic, I admit it. If I’m ignorant when it comes to a topic, I try not to have an opinion until I’ve educated myself. And I mean IMMERSED and researched. All sides. All information I can find.
___________________________
My first reaction, as a writer, to the horror that occurred in Paris was to post ‘Je suis Charlie’ on my Facebook along with R.I.P.
Afterall, ‘Freedom of Speech!’ right?
I know what I’m told.
I know what I read.
I don’t know where people who tell me things learned the ‘things’.
I don’t know what is true and what is false when I am reading something.
Unless I know the person a story is about personally, and they’ve confided in me their motives and I’ve seen how they not only talk, but walk in life – I can’t believe anything I read or hear.
My friend Jake posted something today that had me chiming in. In lieu of screen shots, I’ll share the link, then the back and forth out of respect for keeping his full name and profile pic anonymous.
Here’s the link
Here’s the back and forth:
Me: (After not even reading the whole article) I love this comment:” #JeSuisAhmed, the policeman who died defending a magazine’s right to insult his religion and culture” Yeah. just horrible all around.
Jake: It’s so reactionary, so fucking ignorant
Jake: How is it that we can’t differentiate between martyring someone and enabling terrorist martyrs ?
Me: I’m lost now. I’m really not sure how I feel about any of this. I truly liked and agree with that comment.
Jake: It’s not easy – it’s so damn disturbing
Jake: Sorry I think I am not helping – I am angry at social media for simplifying this
Me: Bottom line for me – I’m torn. I think about the WWII cartoons of Jews … and how horrific that all turned out. Then I think of how radical the extremists are and no matter how offended they were, they still don’t get to come in and kill someone to edit them. They threatened, he stood his ground, they followed through. They don’t get to dictate that way. On the other hand, I think the press goes beyond freedom of speech sometimes and crosses over into the realm of ‘hate crime’ with their satire. Especially in the opinions of extreme believers. UG. It’s all so bonkers. Je suis Ahmed & Charlie. And open to hearing others opinions about it.
Jake: We have the luxury of witnessing violence without facing it often – I support everything you are saying here – and that’s exactly what i hoped for – intelligent thought, based in experience – and I know you have more than most
Me: wow. Thanks.
(I should clarify, this is a man who has traveled, whose opinion I value – who has, like me, experienced things outside of one country. He’s an artist and a writer and an dear friend. So my ‘wow thanks’ was sincere.)
___________________________
But I don’t deserve it.
I have nothing much to add to this conversation but my own struggles with what is black, what is white, what is grey – and most of it is grey. I can only share my confusion at the world.
My frustration with religion. My awe that there are people out there that believe SO strongly in something they are willing to die for it – be it not heeding a death threat or blowing themselves up.
I do not have that kind of Faith in anything.
I don’t.
I could go on and on and on. About almost envying that amount of Faith – about how there are extremists in ALL religions and beliefs. Westboro Church, do they get freedom of speech? Who decides what is appropriate and what is not appropriate?
If we’re against someone killing because they believe so strongly that they are right, does that mean we are against the death penalty?
I’m going to stop, because I’m ‘Tangent Queen’ as we know.
I know that I don’t know enough yet. Not to feel confident in having faith in a response or an opinion.
But what IS the difference between:
This
And this:
My ‘social commentary’ final thoughts:
There are extremists in every genre of society. I do not judge a belief system by the actions of a few.
I love life, liberty and humanity.
There still is SUCH good – Please watch this video filmed in Istanbul (grateful to have visited there years ago) and let’s take a mental bath! (Ironically, this was posted on my wall today for a different reason by my dear friend Betty. So glad I watched it. Please watch to the end if you can – for reasons …)
I know I could use a hug right now.
#Je suis CharMed.
Posted in Gratitude
2 Comments
Tags: education, freedom of speech, ignorance, je suis ahmed, je suis charlie, je suis charmed, propaganda, social commentary, society