I feel like an overstimulated toddler … overly tired, mind racing – having spent another day learning and trying such a variety of new things!
It’s a good feeling.
My new position has definitely kept my mind from wandering to any places it shouldn’t be right now.
The most bizarre thing happened today.
I was multi-tasking, and standing at the front desk while touching my thumb to my index and middle finger – when I felt ‘wet’.
I glanced at my hand … blood.
Enough blood that the ‘wet’ was not just a ‘sticky’ or ‘tacky’ feeling – but as if I had too much lotion on my hand.
I glanced around my body … where???
My right wrist was bleeding – and I had one hand in the air and my wrist before me as a customer walked in.
I sought out the agent she had come for while trying to think what in the world I could have done to cut my wrist and not know it, and getting a band-aid from her well stocked drawer. (She seriously has everything in that drawer.)
THIS is how occupied my mind has been. Forgetting I’m hungry until my stomach loudly growls, forgetting to go to the bathroom until my bladder cries out – and I LOVE it.
I am definitely a person who thrives on variety and the opportunity to learn!
I’m also the kind of person who can’t ‘clock out’ in my head.
On the drive home I was preparing a power point presentation in my head, reminding myself to follow-up with someone I’ve asked to instruct a class and having conversations with people I won’t talk to until tomorrow.
I need to find a solution for that. Meditation? That’s almost begging for disaster.
I can’t sit still.
Not for a movie, not for a conversation – I pause half-hour TV shows for crying out loud!
Then there’s the fact that I think too much. Just typing that sentence I recalled several examples, listened to part of a commercial and wondered about the validity of the product and noticed my dog wants to go outside.
If I could break the barrier of my mind – and be still, it could work.
I’ll just have to be sure to wear armor so as not to incur any unexplained cuts!
Ever have one of those moments when you’re busy pouting, and ‘cut off your nose to spite your face’ as ‘they’ say?
You know, that mood usually reserved for teenagers or PMSing females.
That mood when you’re likely to say ‘no’ to something amazing (like cake) just because you’re not done being grumpy. Even though you really want the something amazing (like cake.) Yeah.
My boss offered to get me a sandwich (not cake), and I was hungry. But stubbornly pissed. “No thank you.”
My inner hungry person was wide-eyed and asking me “What are you DOING?! We WANT the sandwich.”
I looked at her, (yes, I have perfected the eye roll to the point of being able to literally see the inside of my head) and she backed off.
Must have been quite a look.
That’s when I realized … I had reached that mood today.
As I told my friend Ruth who I sought out to vent
to at, “If a kitten was rubbing up against my leg right now, I’d move my leg away … even if I wanted to pet it.”
Petty pouting perfected.
I was slammed at work today. And every time I quickly returned from the scanner or printer, I noticed my boss on the internet.
That bothers the crap out of me. I work my arse off, and believe me, I’m not the one getting the commission. I could have used some help.
Remember the fan that a customer brought me? Out of the goodness of his heart? In a random act of kindness? The one I had a really hard time accepting, because I have the hardest time accepting anything from anyone? No? Read more of my posts, you’ll see that moment. Or, just click HERE.
Now, yesterday (or was it Wednesday?) ‘Fan Guy’ comes in and plops himself down at my desk and has me make copies for him and fax something for him. Not work related. A personal favor (he’s a friend of my boss.)
Okay, I can accommodate that – (after my inner busy person made the snide ‘let me just drop everything’ comment in my head.)
As I was preparing to stand up and ‘accommodate’, he turned to my boss and said, “She’s my indentured servant, working off that fan.”
I felt about one inch tall!!
My jaw might have hit the floor had it not been clenched in a major effort not to say out loud what my inner busy person was saying at that moment. I shan’t repeat it. It wasn’t pretty.
Don’t do that. Don’t give someone a gift and lord it over them. Don’t make comments like that people. Just don’t.
I felt awful. As if I didn’t already have a hard enough time receiving gifts, that further cinched it for me.
Back to today.
So I’m slammed and already getting a little grumpy – when ‘fan guy’ comes back. I was entirely too busy to even make eye contact. Or was I still just entirely too humiliated and pissed to make eye contact?
Hmmm … no matter. He must have sensed the temperature of my shoulder and sat at my boss’s desk this time.
It was shortly after that visit that I
stomped scurried off to vent to my friend.
I decided as my lip quivered and my blood pressure rose, that I needed a break. And a major attitude adjustment.
So I took a rare lunch and drove. Just drove. Then turned around, took a deep breath and returned to work.
I keep counting my blessings – but some days my inner whiner makes a pretty good case about being allowed to occassionally take a moment to acknowledge that some things just suck.
Then my inner grateful person (she’s taller than the whiner, and smarter too) takes over quickly and get’s us all back on track.
It’s Friday. I’m home. Groceries are purchased (thanks to my job) AC is blowing cool air (thanks to my job) and I’m chatting with my son on my ipad (who went clubbing for the first time ever, in the UK) thanks to my wifi (again, thank you job.)
So – if any kittens found my leg now, I would pet them. That’s if Butters didn’t eat them.
(But if she did – she’d be grateful.)
**Disclaimer: No kittens, imaginary or real were or ever would actually be harmed by Butters**