Category Archives: Motherhood
The great dead-beat-dad debate. Advice and Opinions welcomed.
Topic was brought up by my son this afternoon. “You should sue my bio”.
Oh boy – here we go again.
The ‘child support’ clock is ticking – in 5 months, my son will be 18
Don’t think I haven’t thought about it – but the conclusion I come to every time is that we’re better off emotionally without him in our lives and I’d rather have my serenity and a peaceful heart than his money.
I don’t want to be vengeful.
Bothers me a little that my son wants compensation when he’s never actually gone without. There’s even been a few Christmas lists that he really had to think about because he already had everything that could have been on that list.
I don’t feel like we’ve missed out on anything?
Would it have been nice to be able to go on vacations? Of course. Would it be nice to have that little extra for when unexpected emergencies arose? Of course. But we made it.
We managed to make the best of what we had and did not go without.
No, there’s not been the latest, greatest, shiniest – and things did get really financially hard for a while. But we made it.
Why would I want someone in my son’s life that doesn’t want to be there?
I want peace, not court ordered, begrudgingly doled out money.
Of course, times like right now in my life, it sure would come in handy. But at what cost??
In the bigger picture, I’d like Nic to learn from everything we’ve gone through together. To step up and be a father when that time comes. To appreciate what he has versus what he doesn’t. To let resentments go.
I don’t resent his ‘bio’. If not for him there would be no Nic.
I do have a beef with his self-centered absence from conception to now. As much as I try to explain to Nic that he shouldn’t take that personally – it’s bound to have an effect on him. But how can it truly be personal? He didn’t choose not to be Nic’s father, he chose not to BE a father. Period. He didn’t know Nic. If he had, and had walked out, I could definitely see the logic in taking that personally.
I need some insight here.
I need opinions and thoughts because my son believes we ‘deserve’ for ‘bio’ to make a financial amends – and I do not. I think we are happy – why mess with that?
I am open to the possibility that this could also be my pride and I could be wrong.
But seriously, why go through agencies, paternity tests, lawyers – for a monthly recompense? The stress of just initiating the whole process – is it worth it?
Honestly, I wouldn’t even know how to begin such a process. And I definitely don’t have the money for an attorney.
He should have been contributing to raising his son for 17 years, and did not. This is true. But I just think it’s too late now.
Would love some thoughts on this.
Blessings in disguise?
It’s been quite a week. After my son had an accident last night in my new-to-me car I stayed calm. He was OK. Thank God. Car, not so much.
I got to thinking, in a brief moment of pity, why is it that some people who don’t appear to be kind, that don’t appear to be of service and that don’t appear to be grateful, end up with wealth and success etc.
Then I reminded myself to keep my eyes on my own paper. Money does not bring happiness. And I have no idea if those people are actually happy.
Who is to say that this added financial burden and temporary worry about transportation (the car is undriveable) is NOT a blessing?
What if … what if he was meant to be hurt in the incident, but was not. What if this accident was meant to scare him enough to avoid a possible event in the future?
Hmmm.
I like that.
I never get upset when I’m ‘stuck’ behind someone on the road. Perhaps I’m not meant to be 10 seconds ahead of where I am. If I forget something in the house, and end up leaving later than I meant to, who’s to say that didn’t save my life?
You never know.
When adversity hits – my blessings come crawling out of the woodwork. I had flowers on my desk this morning, a friend brought me to work and another friend took me home.
I am wealthy. Because I have an abundance of people who are amazing in my life.
I am successful. Because I have healthy relationships, a positive attitude and a life I appreciate.
No current problem I have is insurmountable. There are many, many souls on this Earth right now enduring horrific suffering with seemingly no way out.
So who would I be to sit in pity because I’m making car payments on a vehicle I can’t currently drive – or because the already thinly stretched house budget will probably be stretched transparent when my insurance goes up? Who would I be to not be grateful for what I DO have.
I don’t want to know. I am glad to be me.
“There are no bad days!” (breathe, repeat, breathe, repeat!)
I am a firm believer that if I wake up, it’s already a great day!
A day is what you make of it. However, sometimes, no matter how hard you try, other people and/or events can suck the positive energy right out of you.
As much as happiness is contagious, so is tension and frustration.
My day started out almost comically when my coffee maker decided it was time to head to the giant coffee bean in the sky. I guess even appliances evacuate themselves in an undignified manner in their final moments, as my counter and kitchen floor can attest to.
Twice I mopped up the contents of the gasping machine (the second time after I believed I had ‘fixed’ it).
No worries. I’ll buy instant coffee when I get groceries tomorrow (I told myself) and besides, how blessed am I to even get to go grocery shopping?? (I told myself).
Off to work.
I love what I do. I do it well. I even went in early to put up some fun October decor!
Went downhill from there. At one point, I’m pretty sure even the freshly hung inflatable spider and bat wanted to turn the fishing line they’re suspended from into a noose.
This will be at least the third post I mention my adversity to confrontation. I found myself in a very uncomfortable situation without the words or whereabouts to defend myself today.
The source of this uncomfortable situation repeatedly scurries off and spins a tale devoid of facts in my favor.
Now, while I have a lot of faith, fear does creep in from time to time. I live paycheck to paycheck. I work my arse off at a full-time job and a part-time weekend job and I DO fear losing them.
It was only 2 years ago that I was very near to being homeless and had next to nothing in the pantry.
I have gratitude. For breathing, having shelter, utilities and food.
I’d really like to keep those things.
So I think this particular ‘concern’ (ok, yeah, it’s an outright fear) is sort of healthy. I mean, I don’t spend every waking moment thinking ‘oh my God – what if I lose my job!’, but when things get hairy, I worry.
If a door is going to close, it would be great to have a heads up. Because it’s not me I’m worried about – it’s being able to provide the necessities for my little family. ♥
But we don’t get a ‘heads up’, do we? Life doesn’t work that way. (Cue George Michael, “Gotta have faith…” thanks George, can I borrow your coffee maker while we’re at it?)
So I drive home. I’m driving and trying oh so hard to shake off the fear. Trying to appreciate the scenery, trying to cheer up and I’m remembering that God hasn’t let me down yet.
I pull up to the fence. And the front door opens. Out pokes my son’s head, he smiles and waves. The dog wiggles out the door and stands at the fence wagging her tail.
And I KNOW today is not a bad day. They’re in it.
Life is so very beautiful. I’m so glad I was invited.
Post Script – I’m about to hit ‘publish’ and my son calls – he’s ok, but my car is not. BREATHE, BREATHE, BREATHE. 😦
Pernicow
This is Nic, (Also known as, Nicholas, Pickle, Pcow, pernicow, umcow, umba the cow, bird, be-bah and many more nic-names).
He used to circle pictures of toys he wanted in those colorful catalogs that arrived during the holidays.
This is Nic today.
Yesterday he circled features he’d like on his Senior Class Ring! :-O
The ‘Packet’ came home.
It’s announcement, cap, gown and class ring time. WHERE did the time GO?
Of course, when a milestone like this arrives, it doesn’t saunter up casually whilst waving, it’s ninja like, and bonks you on the head out of nowhere with the reality that time HAS in fact flown by. I happily look back – because MAN there are some GREAT memories.
Thought I would share some of them, thanks to something I’ve done ever since he started to speak.
I kept a book of funny things he said.
Some of these might just be oh so precious to me, and bore the hell out of you – but I’ll give it a whirl – here’s a sampling.
Words most wise and profound :
“You should cut your hair, but be careful – it grows back. Mine does EVERY TIME!”
____________________
“Necessary animals that we can’t touch are lions”
____________________
“I love waterfalls, they’re so romantic” (seeing roadside flooding going down a street)
____________________
“Here’s the new story of Jesus. The new Jesus was so strong that he scared the Romans with his thunder shock and they were scared off into the whole wide world!” (Nic’s response to my explanation of Easter)
____________________
(Giving me a time-out) “If you do it one more time you’re going in time out … and it’s not fun for kids. You have to put your head down and you can’t get up – which Alex DID at the public library!”
____________________
(While wearing many necklaces)
Nic: I want to wear them ALL tomorrow. I want to be cool!
Me: You know, cool doesn’t have to mean a lot
Nic: I want to be cool in my own way
____________________
Precious and Hilarious:
(While drying his ears after a bath)
“Don’t do it with the towel … get the cupids!”
____________________
“Can I have eat of that?”
____________________
(Trying to take a picture of him on a camel statue at the zoo – he dismounts)
Me: Where are you going?!
Nic: I’m getting on the lump!
____________________
(At the store)
“Let me down! I’ll be good! I’ll give you a hundred dollars – or six, or nine”
____________________
(Speaking of growing older)
“I’ll still want to hug you when my hands are bigger than yours”
____________________
“Look mom!” (with a laundry basket on his back)
“I’m a snail! Poke my eye!” (I poke it – he retracts into the basket)
(I take the basket) “Now I’m a slug”
____________________
(describing his ‘share’ day at school – he took a remote control truck)
“They was crazy over it! They was shovey!!”
____________________
(interacting with his Lego knights without knowing I could hear)
“I’ll get you someday!! Maybe even tomorrow!”
____________________
Me: Does your face itch?
Nic: No, but sometimes it makes my finger come.
____________________
Me: Nicholas, make yourself useful –
Nic: OK, I’m a hairdryer
____________________
(Nic responding to me doing a silly voice to our dog, Morty)
“I like when you say those words. It makes my heart beat faster, even wider”
____________________
(asking for Sponge Bob cereal at bedtime)
“What? I just want a sample of nautical nonsense”.
____________________
Me: If you could only have one meal a day, what would it be?
Nic: Can I have more than one thing on my plate?
Me: Of course
Nic: Ok, um …. mashed potatoes, salad and steak
Me: I meant breakfast, lunch or dinner!
____________________
“Yeah you’re right – you surprise me sometimes” (responding to my insistence that he did need to go potty)
____________________
And – my favorite Christmas time one –
“All my life I never saw a figgy pudding”
____________________
Hope you enjoyed this little assortment. I enjoyed looking back – good thing I have these memories because he may not be speaking much to me after he sees this post 😉
Caution – wet flowers
My latest endeavor. It’s not done, but I am for the night!
Sleepy, and waiting up for the first time for Nic. So this is what that feels like eh?
Time to wash my paint brushes and brush my teeth and remember that God doesn’t have Grandchildren. He’s got Nic’s back on his first late night drive home. Can’t wait to hear all the Homecoming details.
Good night friends.
And, as happy as I already was with my site, thank you so much to new visitors for the excitement you’ve given me these past two days by being part of it! ♥
Debauchery Soup 
