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The great dead-beat-dad debate. Advice and Opinions welcomed.



Topic was brought up by my son this afternoon.  “You should sue my bio”.

Oh boy – here we go again.

The ‘child support’ clock is ticking – in 5 months, my son will be 18

Don’t think I haven’t thought about it – but the conclusion I come to every time is that we’re better off emotionally without him in our lives and I’d rather have my serenity and a peaceful heart than his money.

I don’t want to be vengeful.

Bothers me a little that my son wants compensation when he’s never actually gone without.  There’s even been a few Christmas lists that he really had to think about because he already had everything that could have been on that list.

I don’t feel like we’ve missed out on anything?

Would it have been nice to be able to go on vacations?  Of course.  Would it be nice to have that little extra for when unexpected emergencies arose?  Of course.  But we made it.

We managed to make the best of what we had and did not go without.

No, there’s not been the latest, greatest, shiniest – and things did get really financially hard for a while.  But we made it.

Why would I want someone in my son’s life that doesn’t want to be there?

I want peace, not court ordered,  begrudgingly doled out money.

Of course, times like right now in my life, it sure would come in handy.  But at what cost??

In the bigger picture, I’d like Nic to learn from everything we’ve gone through together.  To step up and be a father when that time comes.  To appreciate what he has versus what he doesn’t.  To let resentments go.

I don’t resent his ‘bio’.  If not for him there would be no Nic.

I do have a beef with his self-centered absence from conception to now.  As much as I try to explain to Nic that he shouldn’t take that personally – it’s bound to have an effect on him.  But how can it truly be personal?   He didn’t choose not to be Nic’s father, he chose not to BE a father.  Period.  He didn’t know Nic. If he had, and had walked out, I could definitely see the logic in taking that personally.

I need some insight here.

I need opinions and thoughts because my son believes we ‘deserve’ for ‘bio’ to make a financial amends – and I do not.  I think we are happy – why mess with that?

I am open to the possibility that this could also be my pride and I could be wrong.

But seriously, why go through agencies, paternity tests, lawyers – for a monthly recompense?  The stress of just initiating the whole process – is it worth it?

Honestly, I wouldn’t even know how to begin such a process.  And I definitely don’t have the money for an attorney.

He should have been contributing to raising his son for 17 years, and did not.  This is true. But I just think it’s too late now.

Would love some thoughts on this.

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