Category Archives: Humor
Musings from the Laundromat: Limping Manatee and a Surrogate Angel edition
Laundry lady has bronchitis – but is here anyway. It is SO humid inside this building today. I feel like I’m breathing in water. That can’t be good for bronchitis right? Or is it the opposite? I can’t remember and I’m the Queen of Bronchitis.
Outside it’s grey and cold. I debated putting off the trip when I woke shivering this morning.
I had slept fitfully. Tossing and turning and looking at the clock.
I had arranged for a friend to take my mum some lunch and a smile from me. A surrogate to bring a little sunshine to what is a dreary routine day for my vigilant and loving mum.
Every time I woke, I looked at the clock trying in my sleepy state to do the math to figure out what time it was in England. Felt like a bittersweet Christmas Eve.
THANK YOU to that friend by the way. I think I can use her first name without her minding. Theresa and I went to primary school together. And, she just happens to be married to the brother of my first love. Crazy how things turn out eh?
So now I’m here. I decided it wasn’t going to get any warmer from the looks of it and would be nice to get everything done and relax for the remainder of my last day off.
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In other news, Butters, the cowardly manatee, injured herself.
She started having difficulties getting around about a week and a half ago? I thought perhaps it was the shift in the weather. It’s been cold, windy and rainy in our desert. On some days colder than the East Coast! I did the math, realized we’ve had the pleasure of her company for almost 5 years and she was certainly no pup when she found us.
But then she started to noticeably limp.
I checked her legs – she didn’t cry out.
Checked her paws and pads for those evil rams heads that inevitably find our feet at least once a week.
Nope. Nothing.
Then I had a small panic.
I couldn’t afford to take her to the vet – and lamented this on Facebook.
Someone mentioned ‘Care Credit’ which I applied for the very next day and qualified for. Made an appointment and yesterday afternoon we were off to the vet.
I make that sound pretty smooth right?
Um – no.
Butters on leash, realized we were exiting ‘the gate’ AND we were headed to the car and proceeded to freak OUT.
I got her in the back seat then she upped her freak out a notch. Her excitement had me blocking the back seat with part of my arm whilst trying to change gears with the same arm. (Well, the hand attached to the same arm – you know what I mean.) So, I’m elbowing the divide between us and making cooing sounds until we arrived.
Now she realizes where she is and is immediately overcome with sensory overload.
Hyperventilating began. As did excited shaking. And wind passing. And panting. And it was 20 minutes of this fun mode until we were put into a room.
For some reason, she also managed to shed more??? I kid you not, there was hair EVERYWHERE. I kept petting her, it kept coming. I mean, she worked herself up so much she was losing her hair. Lol.
At this point, I’m thinking the vet is going to assume I brought her in for an exorcism.
She was a trooper for the staff. (Okay, I did have to get on the scale with her to get her weight, but other than that and trying to sit on the thermometer while inserted, she did very well.)
The vet examined the offending leg. OH! I should point out that the vet only knew which leg to examine after watching videos of her limping that I had taken the night before.
Because, the minute we got there, guess who was no longer limping? Ding! Ding! Ding! You win.
Yup, Butters, in her adrenaline pumped state – suddenly had no signs of an issue. Other than mental.
Her range of motion was amazing (better than mine actually) – and other than a few joint pops as the vet pulled and bent and prodded, he concluded she had just over extended or sprained the leg. (Not surprising since she thinks she’s super dog every time she fly’s off the porch in pursuit of a rabbit or car.)
She has anti-inflmmatories to take and is meant to chill out for 6 days.
Didn’t end up having to use the Care Credit as no X-Ray was taken. If she isn’t improving in the coming week though, that’s the next step.
So it’s been quite a week.
Nic and I spent the rest of the evening gorging ourselves on Chinese food (courtesy of a gift certificate I received for Christmas) and watching a movie together.
Butters limped around the house as if nothing note worthy had happened that day.
Which is good, because I think she’s right pawed, and it would be difficult to write in her little diary if she had thought it worth noting.
Musings from the Laundromat: Early Earfuls and Policing my Pocketbook edition.
It is entirely too early to ‘morning’. I dressed in the dark and gathered the laundry in spite of that.
Glaucoma man is Chatty Charlie again and I was just trying to form words that made sense in a sentence in response to him. Not that he was listening to my end of it. lol.
Last night there was a last-minute switch out, and I ended up getting the guest ticket to see Willie Nelson with my dad. I’m not a huge country fan, but if you get an opportunity to see a legend, you don’t pass it up.
So here I am, tired and wanting to be in my bed, not perched on a hard red laundromat seat.
All the regulars are here.
We acknowledge each other with a nod or a meaningful stare. It’s pretty funny.
If not for the people, I’d be completely over this whole laundromat thing. 5 years … 52 weeks per year – I’d switch over to my calculator application but I’m too tired to fuss with that. You get the point though. I’ve been here – a lot.
Glaucoma man just came over to chat some more.
He’s on a roll today. And now I hear him clearing his throat and sighing behind me.
Time to put the clothes in the dryers.
OK, in the time it took to do that transfer, glaucoma man covered the following topics: The flu, vaccinations, the lottery and anonymity. My ears are now awake.
They’re not sure how they feel about that, but they are in fact awake now.
My view is of a shopping center, but behind that, gorgeous mountains. Now my view is of glaucoma man.
He’s really making the rounds today.
He never has a lot of laundry by the way. A small bag of bits and pieces. Hardly seems worth the effort. But I’m pretty sure he comes less to launder and more to mingle.
I think we might as well do some sort of laundromat potluck. Have all the regulars bring a breakfast item and make a little buffet on the folding tables. It would get in the way of my musing, but I’d have a happy stomach – plus, glaucoma man’s mouth would be too full to talk 😉
Speaking of, I managed to put on 10 pounds over the holidays. I truly needed to. But that’s it – I’m not willing to gain anymore than that.
I look healthy now – which is ironic because the crap I consumed to gain those pounds was anything but healthy.
Just had a man tell me I need to guard my pocketbook a little more carefully. It’s hanging on the laundry cart behind me. He said he was in law enforcement for years. What he doesn’t know is anyone that took my ‘pocketbook’ (how quaint is that?) would be sorely disappointed.
I thanked him anyway and am now paranoid about said pocketbook.
I must guard it with my life and end my babbling.
I’ll tell glaucoma man you said “Hi.”
T’was the Day After Christmas …
CHRISTMAS DAY
Her absence was palpable at her home. There sat her husband, her daughter and her grandson – and it was Christmas Day. The one (me) who usually takes far too many photos on Christmas Day had an urgent need for SOMEONE to capture the three of us on film just sitting … the looks on our faces missing the magic that IS Christmas. And the quiet and awkward moment of us all missing her at once!! Because that picture would have captured the fierce, overwhelming importance of how we felt without her. And all I wanted for Christmas is for her to SEE how much she was. How much she means.
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The Night Before Christmas:
I removed my arse from my comfort zone and RSVP’d via my son to attend Christmas Eve at his girlfriends home. I wasn’t feeling festive, I wasn’t feeling social, (well, I never really feel social lol) BUT, but, I wanted my son and his girlfriend Chelsea to see that I love what they have and was willing to be ‘part of.’
So I went.
I had the best time. My son’s girlfriend’s parents were lovely – and welcoming and so down to earth.
We had thought about riding, ok, I had mentioned I would love to. (I grew up riding and Chels has horses.) But it was SO cold!
We did visit the horses though, and in an attempt to kiss her moms horse on the nose, I ended up in a nostril. Handsome moved. Lol.
We chatted, hung out, ate an amazing homemade lasagna and then presents. Nic made out like a bandit.
And, I received a gift from both Chelsea, and her parents.
The gift from Chels?
It’s burning right now – I love it so much.
I’m also so socially awkward that I’m ‘That Girl’ that makes friends with the pets. No exception here.
No, they weren’t sequestered outside, this is just a good shot of them there.
The larger pup made the cutest sound and the little one, found on the side of the road, had the most adorable underbite. I couldn’t get over his teeth! I was obsessed! I was almost POE obsessed with those teeth (Berenice reference to those who haven’t read Poe.)
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CHRISTMAS DAY:
Dad called Mum. We all got to talk to her – it was amazing.
I was in tears after mum shared that Nannie can’t speak anymore. She tries, she tries! But, mum can’t understand it.
Yet, Christmas Eve, she said ‘clear as a bell’ “How is Amanda?”
I lost it. I absolutely lost it. How is that fucking possible?????? I love her so much.
And I didn’t even ask what mums answer was.
Then, in the most quiet, delicate way, tears ran down my cheeks (I didn’t want her upset, but I knew and she knew, we were both crying.) I found Nic upstairs for his turn to speak to his grandma.
Grandma asked if the tree was decorated. He said “Yes.” I could hear both sides as I sat on the bed he lay upon. “Who did it?” Nic said “Mom.” “Awwwwwww!” Came from the other end and I was cutting Nic with my eyeballs at the lie and loving him at the same time for doing it.
He wanted his grandma to imagine we were taking care of one another and celebrating – he wanted her to feel like Christmas was happening, because she loves us so much.
Meanwhile, she was in her new fleece P.J’s and had chocolate. (THANK YOU ENGLISH FRIENDS YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!)
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CHRISTMAS DAY:
SO! We’re done chatting and finally my dad get’s to see Star Wars. It’s Nic and I’s second time.
Nic was sure that George showed up lol!
After the movie, we had an AMAZING Christmas dinner … But, I felt awful for the people working.
Then I kinda didn’t. I thought about how after the presents are open … It’s such a downer. Which is why I love Christmas Eve so much. ANTICIPATION. So, if you get to work for double time, then come home and do a holiday? “MONEY! THAT’S SO MONEY!” (Sorry, watching “Swingers” right now)
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TODAY:
I thought back to yesterday.
It’s ‘Boxing Day’ to us Brits.
The day we usually spend at my mums having prime rib and an open house.
The day we let loose and love everyone.
EVERYONE.
Everyone is invited. I’m not going explain ‘Boxing Day’ – Google it. Lol.
I miss her.
I have a new perspective.
I know I’ve GOT to get life insurance. Sorry to be a downer, but ya know, we’re ALL dying. And last check, just to be cremated and put in a ziplock cost $2,000!!!!!!!! (Wait, that DOES come with some death certificates.) I don’t want to lumber my son or any of my family with this. And I’d love to be a tree.
They have a thing where you can be a tree! Lol.
And now I finally get to share the conversation that’s been on my fridge a while (we have a dry erase board and I recorded the moment)
Me: You can take my ashes and do whatever
Nic: You’ll either be a tree or there’s this ocean thing …
Me: I’ll take the tree
Nic: I’ll make you a ficus
Me: I’ll only kill it.
LOL! Because I have SUCH a …. Um, NOT green thumb. He’s just gonna have to sprinkle me or keep me or do whatever he wants.
And I’m probably NOT going to know what he does – because, um, I’ll be dead.
Lol.
The ‘after’ shite is for the living.
I just hope all of you remember me. I DO want to make a mark. Even if it’s silly. You look at something inanimate with a face THINK OF ME!
TA-DA! Life fulfilled!
Oh, and there was nothing under the tree for me this year … But this meant the WORLD;
Musings from the home (since glaucoma man was ‘Chatty Charlie’ today
I tried, I really did. I pulled out my iPad after giving my ‘laundry lady’ her Christmas ‘bonus’ :). I was so happy to be able to do that. I see her 52 times a year and each week, she has a smile for me – makes coffee and is sure the WiFi is working. So yeah, she got a little something.
But, Glaucoma Man WAS chatty Charlie this week – so I listened. And didn’t type.
So I’ve decided to share my day with you in photos.
FYI: My Nannie is being moved to a ‘care’ facility tomorrow. There is nothing more the hospital can do for her – and my mum is still over there. Of course she is. She is a strong, amazing, loving woman. And if I’ve been anything but positive this season, it’s because I miss her and I am wishing I could hold my Nannie’s hand.
ANYWAY!
Let’s get to those photos before I start being allergic to something and have water coming out of my see-holes.
I think my favorite bird has to be the sparrow. I love how they hop. I love how unassuming they are. Others might think them bland – I find them adorable. I captured a few in my ‘faux’ garden. I keep the plants to the right of this picture because they attract bees and we SO need bees, I keep that weed to the left of the picture because – well, because it makes me feel like I HAVE a garden. LOL.
This one – I keep telling Butters “Santa is coming!” I also told her today, “You’d better have a bath for Santa” and she hopped right into the tub. This was what remained of her after she went outside to completely dry off.
This was my clean ‘Bah’ before she left those prints. And the Pokemon towel in the background? That’s become hers – but I remember how much it meant to Nic when first purchased.
Flowers from last weekend wilting – 😦 They were from my son’s girlfriend and I adore them. You’ll also notice an Elinor Donahue cook book. Fun fact: One of my favorite people on the planet, and my son’s godfather is her son. I miss him and wish I could hang out with his lovely wife and gorgeous daughter.
Bumblebee has this outer seared inner sashimi thing available – and right now, there is a $2.00 off coupon available. I snatched it up. Add wasabi and soy and HEAVEN!
Just love how the light caught my little chair Santa. He’s actually supposed to be ON a chair – but, we don’t have a dining room table/chairs anymore. So, he get’s the cushy life. 😉
And lastly, my sleepy girl. We played ball after her bath so she would totally dry quicker. (That doesn’t seem like a grammatically correct sentence – but oh well.)
THAT was my Sunday.
I did laundry, chatted, shopped at Walmart and completely melted down due to um, being @ Walmart – wrapped,
took photos – ate yummy food and NOW! Now, I’m going to watch my recorded ‘Top Chef’.
I’ll post before Christmas, but if you don’t read before then, Merry Christmas or Merry whatever you celebrate OR just, have a happy week – and thank you for following and I wish you nothing but gratitude, love and peace. X
Random (‘Packed full of Action and Emotion- said in movie guy voice) Tuesday.
A special Tuesday update for you – where I’ll share my blonde moment, my home inspection, my imminent matricide, my Cantina rock and my current non-merriness.
I rent. Today was my annual home inspection. I was to leave work @ noonish, herd Butters in order for the inspector to go about her work and then return to mine.
First things first, I removed a piece I wrote about my Nannie as it hurt a couple of people – but, it is fair to say I’m hurting too and needed an outlet. She’s currently in hospital and my mum is with her. Other than that being 90% of what I’m thinking about lately, comes the selfish: “I don’t have MY mum for Christmas” and “I don’t feel merry this Christmas.”
I called my dad tonight to tell him if he’s still in the country I would come over Christmas and cook dinner there.
“There’s nothing under the tree.” He said.
“That doesn’t matter. Mum would want this and we’re family.” I said.
He’s happy just grabbing a Christmas pizza, but I know for a fact my mum wants her pets and husband to have a family Christmas.
It’s all just creeping up in running shoes though.
Today I spoke to a work vendor who told me she was taking next week off.
“Oh! That’s nice!” I said.
“Yes,” she went on to say, “Christmas week off.”
Wait – WHAT?
Next week is Christmas week?!!
I have SO much to do – and everyday is filled with such uncertainty (as most days are I suppose.)
But trying to figure out who is going to be where and how to make the ones I love not feel so lonely on Christmas is driving me up a wall.
(Yeah, my first world problems again eh? Not knowing if we’ll be together – yet, I still have them. I have no room to complain.)
I DO have to go shopping. I DO have to get presents and put them under our tiny tree, and also my parents tree.
I love giving. Only wish I could give more. Feel useless here while my mum is living “Groundhogs Day” Get up. Go to hospital. Go to where she’s staying. Do it all over again.
SO! There’s that. All of that is just to make another point too – I certainly don’t feel with ANY spare time like making my ugly little vintage single wide into a castle for an inspector. So I hadn’t scrubbed every window cill or re-grouted anything. I honestly thought? “F*&% it, I’m one of the best tenants they have and this old thing is clean all the time. Take me or leave me.”
Let’s lighten it up a bit eh?
This morning – I was leaving for work and noticed it was 32 degrees outside. I actually noticed this BEFORE I decided “Oh my, my windshield is a tad dirty – I should wash it off.” And proceeded to spray and wipe.
Um.
I’m driving as I did this. And – hey, presto! I made ice! All by myself. And then felt foolish as other neighbors were pulling out of their driveways seeing my ice-pop of a windshield. And probably thinking, “How did we survive that ice storm?” *Sigh*
Onto the inspection. It went well. The lady has been the same one checking my cell (oops!) home for 5 years. She commented on Butters gaining weight – remembered the first inspection when Nic was making food in the kitchen (as he was today) and also told me (as Jim was still on the inspection card) “Oh honey, you’re so BEAUTIFUL, I can’t believe he would go.”
Insert lemon and salt here – because at the time, she was photographing my bathroom – yeah, that’s always fun, the intrusive photos – (I made sure this morning that my undies were not on the top of the laundry basket!) and I still have a photo of Jim and I on a shelf.
No, I’m not holding out hope of reuniting at this point, but I will always love him and the photo makes me happy.
But there’s that too. I miss him. This is a holiday where just – um – ‘suck!’ is happening. You can’t blame me for not sparking up the mini-tree at night.
Let’s skip straight to the ‘murder plan’. I’m back at work, and get an instant message from Nic:
Please know, I was only asking “For?” Because I wasn’t sure if he was just visiting – or spending the night – do I lock the door? Turn out the front porch light?
No, I’m really that nosey when it comes to Nic anymore.
Had an amazing weekend with him and his beautiful, wonderful, smart girlfriend … AND got to see Nic make her breakfast! Chocolate chip waffles and eggs (remember, this is the ‘kid’ I was terrified would outgrow me and how could I POSSIBLY live? lol)
One thing I AM excited about, especially with the few words I’m allowing myself to see about it – is Star Wars! I am avoiding ALL spoilers. Saturday I will be a quivering mess of nostalgia and excitement and at 10:30 my time, be sitting in a movie theater ready to have my mind blown by J.J. Abrams.
Back to the rock.
Here it is:
I instantly saw a certain Cantina band member in it. ^_^
So, life is bonkers. Life is odd. Life doesn’t take our plans into consideration – but … life is SO beautiful. And I’m so glad for the compassion my mum has, the job I have, the home I have, the things I see in rocks … the woman in my son’s life that isn’t me. I’m so grateful for forgetting to shop – because, the material side of Christmas is so … material. But, as I said, I’ll be doing it.
I’m grateful for my friends.
I’m grateful for all of you that take time to read this – and those who have told me I make a difference. And those who have encouraged me NOT to edit.
Just know, sometimes, it IS selfish to post something when others are hurting.
And I won’t forget that lesson.
xxxxxxxxxx Love you all.
Debauchery Soup 