Category Archives: Gratitude
While we’re in a ‘Time Out’ – More musings.
Literally pacing.
Refuse to go online in case there are spoilers regarding the game.
Then I had the brilliant thought of, “We could still watch football!” Only to remember, the Packers/Bears scores would be shown atop whatever game is on. *sigh*
SO! We’re having an intermission. Until 1, when everyone else knows the outcome of the game, and we have to watch it on Game Pass when the game ends.
I put a pizza in the oven, you could have a piece if you were here.
An hour into the 3 FREAKING HOUR ‘intermission’ – I decided to take some photos. This was after more pacing and cleaning the toilet.
Here you go – my ‘No Packers Game Must Fill Time Photos’
Such a let down this morning was – like ‘Wishful Makeuping’ remember that from Pretty in Pink?
Getting all excited about something – and then it doesn’t turn out the way you want.
Which, let’s face it. IS usually the case. Life is full of ‘Wishful Makeuping’ and then something else happens instead. (Although, Blaine DID show up for that date – much to the horror of Duckie.)
Got to always be prepared to either, A) Sit in your makeup and outfit you picked out or B) Wash your face and roll with it.
I rolled with it. We found a solution, albeit, not on our hoped for timeline, but, photos were taken, art is being drawn right this second out in the sunshine by my honey – and life is good.
Sometimes what we want is trumped by what we need. And when that happens, it’s pretty amazing.
We can wait.
Haboob and gratitude
Him: “Let’s go in, it’s really starting to come down.”
Me: “Oh my God, I just had a flash forward … is this us at 80? ‘It’s really comin’ down honey’.”
But when did we become this?
Not ‘we’ as in my honey and I, but ‘we’ meaning … I guess me and my age? Or, the anonymous ‘they’ at my age?
I was always taught by my mother “You’re not made of sugar, you won’t melt.”
I loved that.
I love the rain.
I love the sulphur scent – the asphalt and dirt kicking their unique fragrance into the air.
I love the misting on my body. Especially in the desert.
Love watching the lightning.
Bracing myself for the BOOM! of thunder.
As a result, and probably because I don’t wear a ton of makeup, I’m not afraid to get caught in the rain. (And yes, Pina Coladas and making love at midnight are nice too.)
____________________
I’ll cut to the quick – it’s almost 3 weeks since I’ve had my car.
Today, a dear friend and her husband loaned me their ‘beater’ which is anything but. It’s a trustworthy Toyota.
I was told to go home when a haboob presented itself – crossing the river.
(I did end up getting caught in it, which was bonkers.)
Was nice to be able to just go home – in juxtaposition to yesterday when I waited two hours after work for my son to get off of work and collect me.
Without a car, I feel so impotent.
But then I focused on the good.
That someone WAS coming – that I had a home to go home to bone tired.
That I was safe waiting where I was.
And knowing that NOW, finally, the mechanics are on my side (I really don’t want to go into that whole story, just know, it’s at least a ginormous post worth of negativity – and I don’t need negativity right now.)
Another part has been ordered, I was even offered a cell number to one of the owners and was offered use of his extra car.
Things are looking up.
And tomorrow is my honey’s birthday. SO glad he was born. And I’m gonna go sit back out in the rain – because life is beautiful.
Friends are too.
And here’s an old favorite of mine to put you in my rainy, yet grateful mood. Song is apropos for the time I spent looking for Jim to be back in my life too. God, how I missed him.
So Jenna walked in …
As I said in my earlier post, the laundromat was empty. I had clothes in the dryer by the time another patron came in.
She was stunning.
She seemed lost.
Scattered.
She approached the detergent dispensary by my table and asked, “This doesn’t take change?”
“No”, I told her “You have to use your card.”
And she got the detergent and then took her meager load of laundry to a machine. I didn’t think much of it after that – I was writing my post.
She came back.
Hair in a disheveled pony tail – no make up, still drop dead gorgeous.
“If someone went between your legs and took everything, and they’re not your boyfriend, is that wrong?”
I glanced up, was momentarily confused and shocked at such an out of nowhere comment and then, “Um, yeah, that’s wrong.”
Not even sure what she was talking about. But it sounded wrong. And the childlike, confused look on HER face, immediately engaged me.
This woman obviously needed to chat. This woman was also either on something, or had a mental issue. This woman was so beautiful and SO lost.
“What if someone makes you sell everything? What if someone puts cameras in your car?”
“Um, yeah – that doesn’t sound good either.”
“Yes! OK, that’s wrong.”
(How does she not know this?)
Other comments she made:
“People tell me I’m beautiful, but I’ve been hit so many times, it’s amazing I can even smile anymore.”
“This is a small town right? A lot of gossip?”
“I’m so broke.”
“I think I’m going to go into prostitution, this (as she directed attention to her face and body) is all I have.”
“I spent $5,000 on a broken tooth, that’s wrong, right?”
“I have no one to hold me at night – I need someone to take care of me.”
“I have panic attacks, you know, in that show, Modern Family, there’s this guy who freaks out over birds, that’s me!”
“You know, at our age (after she confirmed she was Sophia Vegara’s age – who is in her latter 30’s, so you know I appreciated being included in ‘that age’ when I wasn’t lol) our menstrual cycles change!”
By this time, I’d already invited her to my table.
My offerings?
“You ARE beautiful.”
“No, don’t do that.”
“You need to work on yourself, stay away from toxic people.”
“You get to decide who you want to be, let the right ones in.”
“Yeah! Yeah!” She said. “That’s what a police officer said to me.
“Do you think people with money want to hurt you? I don’t want a mansion.”
“Nah, I said, you don’t. Too much to clean.”
That got a laugh.
After dozens of disconnected questions and back and forth, I was now folding.
“Come here.” I said.
And held her. Her small arms wrapped around me and we were alone in that laundromat and something strange and purposeful was happening.
“I’m here every Sunday.” I said.
I wanted to give her my card – but there was a part of me that didn’t feel like I had the right advice for her.
Who am I?
Who am I to give advice?
But I think I was in the right place at the right time.
“My name is Jenna … and you are?”
“Amanda.”
“Amanda …. thank you.”
And at that moment, I knew she would be in my head.
She’s staying at a hotel. She doesn’t have a job. She used to model.
“Jenna, sometimes the rich are more miserable than you can imagine – those that have ‘enough’ usually don’t have ulterior motives, they are giving what they can from their heart. ”
“I have no one to hold me at night. I have no one to take care of me.”
“You have to take care of yourself. Learn to be alone. Learn to love yourSELF. Then you’ll attract the right people.”
“Yeah!”
Her childlike responses – her manic bouncing just endeared her to me.
Then I remembered, I wouldn’t be at the laundromat next Sunday.
And all I can think about right now is Jenna.
And how I should have given her my card.
She needs a friend. A healthy friend.
I wonder right now, what is she doing?
I almost want to show up next Sunday, no matter what. Get out of SELF and be a friend to someone who needs one.
I will try.
Because I think I need her as much as she needs a friend.
T.G.I.F!
Today was bonkers – in a good way. If it’s bonkers, it means we’re busy at work. Which is always a very good thing in real estate.
But after staring at my computer screen, with my only break being cleaning the bathroom and collecting the trash – which, was a reprieve, I was done by 3:30 mentally, and completely grumpy – which, I owned.
At one point, one of the owners who was playing music asked “Everyone ok with this?” I’ll be honest. I always am. And, side note, I love everyone I work with – but to me, it was elevator music, and with my grumpy, I quipped without thinking, “I’m just waiting for the Macy’s girl to spritz me with perfume.” Which, got a laugh. And that was nice.
Car is still out of commission – it needs a new PCM. *sigh* $$$
Won’t be ready until middle-to-end of next week.
New PCM is coming from New Hampshire.
Then they have to ‘flash’ it. Poor PCM. I hope it isn’t traumatized.
The great thing is, my son has totally stepped up and taken me to work and picked me up. Reminded me of taking him to school, and that very rare one on one opportunity to just ‘hang’. We chatted, listened to the only music I introduced him to that he loves, Dave Matthews Band – and spent time together. I have cherished this. I have missed my kid. Yeah, my 20-year-old kid, but he’s mine none the less. I HAVE missed him.
So, maybe everything DOES happen for a reason.
Maybe we needed brief, quality time together.
So today, I had to find a ride home. First, it was “get off early, borrow my car and go grocery shopping.” Then I decided it has been a freaking long week and I would rather do anything less exhausting than going anywhere!
So, the men went shopping.
(Nic had to work and could not pick me up.)
This is NOT an accurate portrayal of how my men shop. I go to the store site, download coupons, and …. well, here.
My response:
So, I didn’t get that stuff, but our fridge holds sustainable items.
That’s all I care about.
I’m so into ‘enough’.
Enough.
Having what we need, not what we want.
Sometimes, you really don’t need what you want.
But, as thunder sounds around us, in surround sound – I’m feeling very appreciative of the desert. Hoping my car isn’t scared. (Yeah, I’m still into inanimate objects having feelings – she’s deserted! Wait – deserted in the desert … poetic)
Butters is curled around Jim’s feet, probably dreaming of the mini-lake that happens when it floods. She has such fun!
This was her last ‘pond’ in our yard:
Did I care that she was wet? Did I care that she brought mud in? Nope. She had a blast!
So … the week is over – and I’m hanging out with the man I love, who, by the way, made it through at the TOP of the survivor type blog. Thank you all who voted.
Get ready for next week.
And I hope everyone has an amazing weekend!
And Nic, thanks for taking me back to when we hung out and thank you for helping me get to work. And Jim, thank you for shopping today so I didn’t have to. Love you both So much!
Musings from the Laundromat: Cars & Comic-Con
Comic-Con should have a villain called ‘Check Engine Light’ man. It would strike fear into the hearts of all who laid eyes on him.
Thought that was an apropos way to start since another Comic-Con is happening without me.
So that stays uncrossed on my bucket list.
Anyway! I digress.
Driving home from the grocery store last night and “DING!” said my car.
Now, this happened last year too. Car wouldn’t shift, RPMs climbed sky-high … I ended up driving 10 miles per hour home, shaking, heart pounding – then having my Cruiser towed to have an ignition switch and Solenoid replaced.
Shortly thereafter, “DING!” Turns out they put a bad solenoid in.
And my car was fixed.
And my bank account was broken.
Little over a month ago – same issue. “Ding!” Light back on, won’t shift, high RPMs – had car towed again.
(I like to think of a tow as a nice little ride for my car. Wind in its wipers, watering headlights as it enjoys the whoosh of air. A fun piggy back ride. Takes my mind off the ‘how the hell much is this going to cost me’ thoughts.)
Mechanic could find nothing wrong with it.
Of course.
They reset my engine light and for the past month or so, I’ve been driving it like it has a bomb taped under the hood.
Now, we know I ‘worry too much’. I’ve heard it enough. But I seriously have a 6th sense about things. And so when the “DING!” happened last night – and it repeated its symptoms, I stressed the heck out.
Decided there was no point to that. It is what it is right?
So I had a plan.
Get up early, go to Auto Zone for a diagnostic check – pray it coded with the same thing as last time so even if my car decided not to perform badly for the mechanic, I would have proof.
And it did.
It coded!!! With the exact same issue as the first go around.
I’m holding that diagnostic ticket like it came out of a Wonka bar and after laundry, I’ll set my car off on another adventure and pray the mechanic honors some sort of warranty.
Cars. They’re the bane of my existence. My kryptonite.
Seriously though, Marvel? Consider ‘Check Engine Light’ man.
Debauchery Soup 