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Picking up my basket
Last couple of days have been kitten-on-crack crazy!
To put it plainly, I dropped my basket. (If you’ve read Divine Secrets of the Ya–Ya Sisterhood you know what I mean by that).
The rift between my son and I, over the most ridiculous matter – fed itself with silence and grew. And grew. And grew.
Yesterday morning had me inelegantly dropping a toaster strudel and it’s plate onto his bed (I’m SO mature) and lead to him leaving without a hug or a goodbye.
So I spent yesterday at work in a daze. Physically ill. A little crying jag at my desk.
My last blog post is staying. It’s exactly how I felt at the time. Drama Queen sash please. And a little crown too?
This parenting stuff is HARD! I would literally give my life for this human that has the ability to mortally wound me with one cutting look.
Bonkers. Teddy Bonkers!
I came home to a boy behind closed-door again. I was so … sad. I crossed the line in the sand (his threshold) and went in.
I’ll spare you and my son all the in-between bits – but at one point I was told (well, technically he wasn’t talking to me, so I was IM’d) the sentence that I had made it almost 18 years without hearing. “I’ll move out as soon as I can”.
Now, I don’t want to stereotype, but I imagine most parents upon hearing that would chuckle to themselves and wish their offspring ‘good luck’, while knowing deep down their birds were not going to actually leap from the nest.
Not me.
Nope.
That sentence shot through me like a bullet. My gut suddenly had a brick placed in it. My eyes welled up and I furiously typed back in response to my sons words. (Yeah, we’ve really come to that. Typing to each other).
Fast forward to him cautiously coming out of his room after I fell apart and told him he has never ever, ever been told he had to move out – (man did he play me like a fiddle xbox!) and we mended our bridge.
I hugged him tight – tears streaming down my face, and I’m gulping air like … I’m not sure what gulps air?? You get the picture. As I sobbed “don’t SAY that – don’t ever SAY that” it dawned on me I was wound around his little finger tighter than unbreakable thread. (It’s apparent to me now that I’m going to need to buy a house … with a basement for my 40-year-old. Because whether he wants to take flight or not – I’m clearly not up to it).
The relief at the disappearance of the tension in the air was palpable.
We both joked and laughed. Then his joking got a little cocky. Then a little rude … and I looked at my almost-a-man boy and asked, with wet cheeks and racoon eyes:
“I thought the flu was going around, not asshole?”
Saturday afternoon mall tears
**Warning – this is probably going to bore the hell out of readers of the male variety – maybe even the female variety**
No. I wasn’t sad – wasn’t laughing ’til I cried (until after it happened). Here’s what happened.
Nic was invited to the Sadie Hawkins dance. I was feeling restless this morning (after waking up at 6:05 am for crying out loud). I watched some DVR’d shows (the Glee episode being one of them, about Sadie Hawkins by coincidence) – did some dishes – showered, dressed and woke Nic up with ‘Wanna go to the mall?’
Yes. Yes he did want that.
We left the house.
I knew I wanted to get him a shirt for the dance. Was interested at looking for a painting for the living room – And since just after Christmas, after sniffing it at a Kohls, and falling in love with it, I had decided to finally treat myself to DKNY’s Red Delicious perfume.
We’re just across the river from an outlet mall – there’s a perfume shop that sells, get this, PERFUME of all things – at discounted prices.
Off we go.
Fun ensued at the mall – fun always ensues when Nic and I are out and about. I love that about us.
We finally make it to the perfume shop.
No – they don’t have it. Ug. (Kohls hadn’t had it either – and wouldn’t sell me the sample. I also couldn’t find it anywhere else in town).
Ah Red Delicious – you elusive bitch. I’ll share with you the notes:
Champagne, lychee, raspberry, apple, rose, amber, musk and vanilla. (Hungry yet?)
If you’re anything like me – once you’ve set your mind on getting something, you’re not leaving until you get something. And it’s okay if that something isn’t exactly the ‘thing’ you originally intended to get.
So now I’m being catered to by a sales girl with whiffs of this and that on those little rectangles of paper.
I mean, I’m all over the place – “Um, what about that one? Yeah, the original Michael Korrs, NOT the Hollywood one” – “Wow, that’s expensive, never mind – what about the Ysatis?”
Point, Spritz, sniff – nope. Point, Spritz, sniff, nope.
I’m not loyal to one perfume – I love diversity. I don’t have a signature scent per se, but have a few favorites. LOVE Design by Paul Mitchell and Vanderbilt by Gloria Vanderbilt reminds me of one of my favorite scents – violet. (Funny, it doesn’t have any violet in it. But, if you have L’Oreal lipstick at home, sniff that – that’s what Vanderbilt smells like. LOVE it.)
Both are perfumes that when I scoop up an article of clothing that I wore and the smell is still lingering on it – makes me do that closed eyed ‘mmmm’ thing.
ANYWAY.
Nic is now over at the mens counter purchasing his first bottle of ‘real’ cologne and comes over to advise me that if we spend X amount of dollars together, we qualify for a ‘managers special’. Whatever the heck that is – but if something comes with a deal or a free bonus gift – I’m in.
The crying part:
I’m unattended now. Spritzing away. I pick one up and promptly spray it directly into my face. My open eyes – my nostrils, my MOUTH. That’s the tears part. I’m laughing – and Nic returns. Thing is, it smelled pretty good. Didn’t taste good – and sure as hell felt like mace in my eyeballs, but I’ve decided I’m liking Tommy Bahama St. Barts.
Notes: Tequila, Lime, floral notes, sand, guaiac wood and musk. My take on it? Smelled like jelly beans. LOL!
NOW apparently, I have to spend X amount more … I go to a friend from the early 90’s on the discount table. Escape by Calvin Klein
Notes: Camomile, apple, lychee, rose, plum, peach, coriander, mandarin and sandalwood.
Another one on the discount table is (blush) Britney Spears Circus Fantasy.
Notes: Raspberry, apricot, blue peony, lotus, orchid, vanilla, musk and … violet candy!
Done. The sales woman rings us up.
“You know, if you spend $7 more … you can get one of those bags?”
Nic says “You should get that Jelly Bean one!” I’m thinking – I really want that bag.
(For what I have no clue – I don’t GO anywhere. It’s a doctors style medical bag – good for a weekend getaway. I absolutely NEED it at that moment).
Okay add the St. Barts.
Left that shop smelling like a French Whore. (Why do people say that? I’m going to have to Google that).
Notes: Don’t go to the mall for a shirt and a piece of art and maybe a perfume and come home with 3 bottles of perfume, a medicine bag and stinging eyeballs.
Friday Morning pants
I can’t make decisions until I’ve had at least one cup of coffee – and even then, at 6:30 am, I’m not promising they’ll be good ones.
So I’m checking my Facebook – the coffee is brewing and Nic comes into the kitchen.
“Can I stay home today?”
“Why?”
“Well, I thought about it. I can get my note cards done – we’ll probably still have a sub in 3rd hour most likely and I can do the ‘verb of the week’ on Monday”.
“Oh … are you sick?”
“No”
My brain is trying to recall his grades from my last look at the school website, I’m trying to find any part of me that’s awake to protest. Too tired.
“Hey, at least I’m being honest” he adds.
Yeah, there’s that. I decide I can’t protest. Grades are good, and my brain is still asleep.
He wanders off.
I look up to see him returning in his uniform.
“I thought you weren’t going?”
“yeah, well … my pants were there so I figured why not”.
Tangent to a headline
Headline News – breaking story!
Teen arrives at school in an Assassins trench coat, blatant disregard for the districts dress code! But there’s more – his plans for the weekend? To attend an ADULT party!!
That’s the spin Nancy Grace would probably put on my sons morning. Bonkers.
Woke up late again this morning, which meant I got to drive Nic to school.
My mother splurged on him this Christmas and bought him a coat from the video game ‘Assassins Creed’. It had to be tailor-made and didn’t arrive until yesterday (Thursday).
Nic could barely contain his excitement. Putting said coat on, taking it off, putting it on, zipping it in different ways. Removing hood – putting hood back on. LOL! It was fun to watch him so happy about something.
His school does have a dress code. Today was ‘Spirit Day’ though – they could deviate a little from the patrolled path with school colors – none of which are white and blue. I told him ‘you get busted for that, you take your knocks. You know you’re breaking the rules’.
It is a really flip
ping cool coat. Check it out.
This weekend a friend of his is also turning 19 and having a birthday party. Which, will probably consist of a video-game-a-thon. (Kids today – they just don’t know how to party, lol, but … that is a VERY good thing).
I’ve been reading a lot of ‘what you think is true really isn’t true – twist and turn’ novels lately. So – my mind tangently wandered to how someone with absolutely no knowledge of the facts could spin the mundane and cracked myself up.
Just reminds me to be sure to take everything I hear on sensational news channels with a grain of salt. Better yet, a salt lick.
“Where were his parents???” I can hear them saying.
She was home writing a blog about how bonkers the spin is that’s put on breaking news when so little is known fact. And when she’s not doing that, she’s working two jobs. LOL.
Probably they’d spin that to: “Working mom – teen son left unattended – kept company only by dozens of violent video games”.
Hey – now I think about it – Pac-Man was pretty intense. Ghosts – magic pills for speed – and eating the aggressors – ewwww!
Christmas Eve Eve
Christmas Eve is my favorite day. The day before. The day when my son can barely stand the anticipation anymore. I can barely stand it either to be fair – I choose his gifts with a lot of thought and can’t wait to see him open them.
But I can wait. That day before – is when all the magic is still hanging in the air. The ‘unknown’ is still unknown. The wrapping is still holding in its secrets.
I absolutely adore having something to be excited about.
The meaning of Christmas aside – after the gifts have been opened and the boxes revealed – feels (to me anyway) like it’s all over.
I love the build up. The spirit of the approaching holiday.
Today was special too. No matter what the gifts under the tree that my son went out to buy are (one is labeled ‘to the lady who lives with me’, the other, ‘A.K.A. my mom’) I feel like I already had my big gift today.
It was a busy day – after my Sunday morning job, we came home and collected laundry to do at my moms, then took Nic’s friend home. Lots of driving – lots of ‘busy’.
Came home and lay on the couch enjoying a burger we salvated over every time we saw it on a mouth-watering commercial.
Ice Age 2 was on … it was just Nic and I.
After he ate, he indicated he wanted a spot next to me on the couch.
We curled up together and watched the animated flick. Wasn’t long before he was asleep – my arms around him.
You know that sound pets make when they’re falling asleep and totally comfortable? That content exhale?
He made that little noise. A sigh. And my heart filled.
I daren’t move – even when my arm fell asleep.
For that moment – I had my ‘little boy’ back. If only for a snippet of time.
That is all I needed for Christmas.
Because really it’s about telling people we love them, spending time with family and a rare Season when strangers are nicer to each other.
I had my moment. And tomorrow – I’ll be baking and looking forward to Santa filling Nic’s stocking and arranging the base of the tree. 😉
So very blessed. So very grateful. And as my son continues to sleep on the couch, I glance over at my boy who is becoming a man and so thankful for that contented sigh while he was in my arms.
Debauchery Soup 