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My milkshake brings my boy to a laugh

So, I got a LOT done today.  Decided tomorrow is CHILL OUT day!  Cleaned the house, went to the laundromat, did my extra weekend job tonight instead of having to set the alarm for Sunday morning.  Anyway – long story short. 

I’m at the grocery store.  Clean laundry in the car.  I had asked my son what he wanted added to the grocery list and his response was ‘Milkshake’.  Milkshake??  “From where??”  “By the flowers” he types back.

OK.

I can do this.

I finish up my shopping and head for the flower section.  A-ha!  Mini fridge thingy with cups of milkshake inside. 

What flavor?  Crap!  I grab vanilla and head for the check-out. 

“Hello beautiful” The cashier says.  (Pretty sure he has a little crush on me, he’s very friendly whenever I run into him at this store).

I help pack my items in my green bags – chatting away with the cashier.

He holds up the milkshake that has a little damage to the rim.  Says something about making it.

“That’s OK,” I say, “Pretty sure the insides will still taste the same”. 

I’m oblivious to what he actually meant at this point.

I get home. 

Proudly unpack ‘the milkshake’ and raise it up to show my son like it’s a trophy or something.

My son starts to laugh.

Eh???

“Um, you’re supposed to make those”. 

Eh????

“There’s a machine next to the freezer that you put it in – you make it”. 

Pffft.

He also made some comment about next time he wants clam chowder, maybe I could just hand him a can. 

I had a few comments for him, but I’ll keep those out of the post.

Frealmilkshake

Saturday afternoon mall tears

**Warning – this is probably going to bore the hell out of readers of the male variety – maybe even the female variety**

No. I wasn’t sad – wasn’t laughing ’til I cried (until after it happened).  Here’s what happened.

Nic was invited to the Sadie Hawkins dance.  I was feeling restless this morning (after waking up at 6:05 am for crying out loud).  I watched some DVR’d shows (the Glee episode being one of them, about Sadie Hawkins by coincidence) – did some dishes – showered, dressed and woke Nic up with ‘Wanna go to the mall?’

Yes. Yes he did want that.

We left the house. 

I knew I wanted to get him a shirt for the dance.  Was interested at looking for a painting for the living room –  And since just after Christmas, after sniffing it at a Kohls, and falling in love with it, I had decided to finally treat myself to DKNY’s Red Delicious perfume. 

We’re just across the river from an outlet mall – there’s a perfume shop that sells, get this, PERFUME of all things – at discounted prices.

Off we go.

Fun ensued at the mall – fun always ensues when Nic and I are out and about.  I love that about us.

We finally make it to the perfume shop.

No – they don’t have it.  Ug.  (Kohls hadn’t had it either – and wouldn’t sell me the sample.  I also couldn’t find it anywhere else in town). 

Ah Red Delicious – you elusive bitch.  I’ll share with you the notes:

reddelicious

Champagne, lychee, raspberry, apple, rose, amber, musk and vanilla.  (Hungry yet?)

If you’re anything like me – once you’ve set your mind on getting something, you’re not leaving until you get something.  And it’s okay if that something isn’t exactly the ‘thing’ you originally intended to get. 

So now I’m being catered to by a sales girl with whiffs of this and that on those little rectangles of paper.

I mean, I’m all over the place – “Um, what about that one?  Yeah, the original Michael Korrs, NOT the Hollywood one”  – “Wow, that’s expensive, never mind – what about the Ysatis?” 

Point, Spritz, sniff – nope.  Point, Spritz, sniff, nope. 

I’m not loyal to one perfume  – I love diversity.  I don’t have a signature scent per se, but have a few favorites.  LOVE Design by Paul Mitchell and Vanderbilt by Gloria Vanderbilt reminds me of one of my favorite scents – violet.  (Funny, it doesn’t have any violet in it.  But, if you have L’Oreal lipstick at home, sniff that – that’s what Vanderbilt smells like.  LOVE it.)

Both are perfumes that when I scoop up an article of clothing that I wore and the smell is still lingering on it – makes me do that closed eyed ‘mmmm’ thing.

ANYWAY.

Nic is now over at the mens counter purchasing his first bottle of ‘real’ cologne and comes over to advise me that if we spend X amount of dollars together, we qualify for a ‘managers special’.  Whatever the heck that is – but if something comes with a deal or a free bonus gift – I’m in.

The crying part:

I’m unattended now.  Spritzing away.  I pick one up and promptly spray it directly into my face.  My open eyes – my nostrils, my MOUTH.  That’s the tears part.  I’m laughing – and Nic returns.  Thing is, it smelled pretty good.  Didn’t taste good – and sure as hell felt like mace in my eyeballs, but I’ve decided I’m liking Tommy Bahama St. Barts.

stbartsNotes: Tequila, Lime, floral notes, sand, guaiac wood and musk.  My take on it?  Smelled like jelly beans. LOL!

NOW apparently, I have to spend X amount more … I go to a friend from the early 90’s on the discount table.  Escape by Calvin Klein

escape

Notes: Camomile, apple, lychee, rose, plum, peach, coriander, mandarin and sandalwood.

Another one on the discount table is (blush) Britney Spears Circus Fantasy.

circusfantasy

Notes: Raspberry, apricot, blue peony, lotus, orchid, vanilla, musk and … violet candy! 

Done.  The sales woman rings us up.

“You know, if you spend $7 more … you can get one of those bags?” 

excitedmeme

Nic says “You should get that Jelly Bean one!”  I’m thinking – I really want that bag. 

(For what I have no clue – I don’t GO anywhere.  It’s a doctors style medical bag – good for a weekend getaway.  I absolutely NEED it at that moment).

Okay add the St. Barts.

Left that shop smelling like a French Whore.  (Why do people say that?  I’m going to have to Google that).

Notes: Don’t go to the mall for a shirt and a piece of art and maybe a perfume and come home with 3 bottles of perfume, a medicine bag and stinging eyeballs.

“Be safe …”

Had to break a twenty on the way home from cleaning so I could pay Nic for helping me.  Stopped by the Family Dollar to grab some scented laundry sprinkles.

Not much out of the cashier, she seemed to be the only one in the store.  Which was nice.  No one asking me up and down aisles, “Are you finding everything alright?” 

I place my item on the counter and she silently rings it up.

“$5.34”

I place the twenty on the counter.  No  eye contact yet. 

“$14.66 is your change … be safe.”

besafe

What the F%$#?

Be safe?

LOL!  She looked so serious saying it too.  I grabbed my little bag “Thank you” and headed for the door. 

Back in the car:

Me: Had the weirdest moment

Nic: What?

Me: The lady is checking me out, well, not checkin’ me out, but you know …

Nic: Wait, was she hot?  Lesbian?  Just saying, could be cool

Me: No.  Anyway … she says, get this, “Be safe”

Nic: So?

Me: I mean, that’s something that wouldn’t be weird to hear on New Years Eve … but …

Nic: *Silence*

Me: I mean, what does she know that I don’t?  What if she’s psychic?  “Be Safe ..” Did she think I was going to blow my change on booze and drugs?  “Be Safe ..”  That’s creepy

Nic: You think weird

Me: Yeah, I know.  You do too.

Nic: (Small laugh)

Me:  Next time I tell it – she’s got tears in her eyes … her hand is shaking as she’s giving me the change – she nervously looks at me and hoarsely whispers “Be safe.”

 

Debauchery in the soup aisle

Debauchery Soup finds it’s way into the grocery store!

Here’s another

And one more

And the checkout lady completely missing the fact that she encountered my soup!