It’s warming up in the desert. Today my car advised me it was 52 degrees on the way to the laundromat @ 7:30 a.m. Seems like only yesterday when I was reading ’32 degrees.’
I’m not ready for it to warm up yet! Nooooo!
Actually, my first stop was not the laundromat, but to the Redbox to return Jurassic World. I was one of the few on the planet that didn’t go see that one in the theaters.
My son and I got comfy and with bowls of food began the film. I should point out, that he’d already seen it.
Me: Ug. I hate seeing movies for the first time with someone who’s already seen it.
Nic: I haven’t seen it a long time …
*Moments into the movie*
Nic: Ok, Pause it … Remember this part.
Me: (Pause, roll eyes). Are you going to do this the ENTIRE movie?
Nic: No, no.
Nic: Pause it! You know what I never noticed the first time?
Etc. Etc. Etc.
He needn’t have worried about giving me a play-by-play because I think I only saw 2/3 of it anyway. I fell asleep several times. (Sorry Star Lord.)
Earlier that day, Nic and I had gone grocery shopping.
Shopping with Nic always results in laughter – (and a bigger bill @ the checkout.)
This trip was no different.
Nic is quite the connoisseur of ‘unique’ beverages. $$$
He came across a fancy live probiotic, natural energy concoction and eagerly hurried off to purchase it after asking what aisle I could be found in upon his return.
I should have lied about the aisle.
Nic: Smell it.
Me: *standoffish glance*
Nic: It’s lavender and melon!
I acquiesced and gave the drink a sniff.
I wondered immediately 1) where was the lavender? 2) where was the melon? 3) why was it so fizzy and 4) if Nic could get his money back.
Nic: Take a sip!
So much was going through my head at this point – but mostly that I wanted to live. And then that if I DIDN’T take a sip, he was going to badger me for the balance of the shopping.
Now, have you ever left juice out and unrefrigerated and then accidentally sipped it?
This stuff tasted like prison hooch!
This was the beverage.
By the time we were checking out, we had two cashiers and one bag boy involved in the ‘dare’ of sniffing the drink.
The bag boy nailed it when he said it smelled like vinegar. One cashier told Nic to just down it. That wasn’t happening.
We ended up playing a game of ‘keep away’ with it the whole way home, and at home.
The bottle would appear sans lid in various places – like, my car, on the table pushed close to one of us, under the table and sneaked by each other’s noses.
We probably didn’t even need the movie, that ‘drink’ provided plenty of entertainment.
(I should probably apologize to the company now, I mean, I’m sure plenty of people stock up on their product and love it. It just wasn’t our cup of fizzy, fermented tea.)
OH! One more thing. I have a fish! Nic’s tropical fish had babies and a very brave and smart one managed to survive. I adopted the teeny tiny grey blob speck and named her Rey. (Nickname: Blobba Fett)
Here she is (Nic insists it’s a girl because of some fin thing? I’m trusting him on this one.) Get your magnifying glass out:
She’s in front of the blue thingy.
So there you have it! My weekend in a nutshell. Dryers are almost done so I’ll be bid you adieux and hope you all have a wonderful Sunday and a great week!
Her absence was palpable at her home. There sat her husband, her daughter and her grandson – and it was Christmas Day. The one (me) who usually takes far too many photos on Christmas Day had an urgent need for SOMEONE to capture the three of us on film just sitting … the looks on our faces missing the magic that IS Christmas. And the quiet and awkward moment of us all missing her at once!! Because that picture would have captured the fierce, overwhelming importance of how we felt without her. And all I wanted for Christmas is for her to SEE how much she was. How much she means.
The Night Before Christmas:
I removed my arse from my comfort zone and RSVP’d via my son to attend Christmas Eve at his girlfriends home. I wasn’t feeling festive, I wasn’t feeling social, (well, I never really feel social lol) BUT, but, I wanted my son and his girlfriend Chelsea to see that I love what they have and was willing to be ‘part of.’
So I went.
I had the best time. My son’s girlfriend’s parents were lovely – and welcoming and so down to earth.
We had thought about riding, ok, I had mentioned I would love to. (I grew up riding and Chels has horses.) But it was SO cold!
We did visit the horses though, and in an attempt to kiss her moms horse on the nose, I ended up in a nostril. Handsome moved. Lol.
We chatted, hung out, ate an amazing homemade lasagna and then presents. Nic made out like a bandit.
And, I received a gift from both Chelsea, and her parents.
The gift from Chels?
It’s burning right now – I love it so much.
I’m also so socially awkward that I’m ‘That Girl’ that makes friends with the pets. No exception here.
No, they weren’t sequestered outside, this is just a good shot of them there.
The larger pup made the cutest sound and the little one, found on the side of the road, had the most adorable underbite. I couldn’t get over his teeth! I was obsessed! I was almost POE obsessed with those teeth (Berenice reference to those who haven’t read Poe.)
Dad called Mum. We all got to talk to her – it was amazing.
I was in tears after mum shared that Nannie can’t speak anymore. She tries, she tries! But, mum can’t understand it.
Yet, Christmas Eve, she said ‘clear as a bell’ “How is Amanda?”
I lost it. I absolutely lost it. How is that fucking possible?????? I love her so much.
And I didn’t even ask what mums answer was.
Then, in the most quiet, delicate way, tears ran down my cheeks (I didn’t want her upset, but I knew and she knew, we were both crying.) I found Nic upstairs for his turn to speak to his grandma.
Grandma asked if the tree was decorated. He said “Yes.” I could hear both sides as I sat on the bed he lay upon. “Who did it?” Nic said “Mom.” “Awwwwwww!” Came from the other end and I was cutting Nic with my eyeballs at the lie and loving him at the same time for doing it.
He wanted his grandma to imagine we were taking care of one another and celebrating – he wanted her to feel like Christmas was happening, because she loves us so much.
Meanwhile, she was in her new fleece P.J’s and had chocolate. (THANK YOU ENGLISH FRIENDS YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!)
SO! We’re done chatting and finally my dad get’s to see Star Wars. It’s Nic and I’s second time.
Nic was sure that George showed up lol!
After the movie, we had an AMAZING Christmas dinner … But, I felt awful for the people working.
Then I kinda didn’t. I thought about how after the presents are open … It’s such a downer. Which is why I love Christmas Eve so much. ANTICIPATION. So, if you get to work for double time, then come home and do a holiday? “MONEY! THAT’S SO MONEY!” (Sorry, watching “Swingers” right now)
I thought back to yesterday.
It’s ‘Boxing Day’ to us Brits.
The day we usually spend at my mums having prime rib and an open house.
The day we let loose and love everyone.
Everyone is invited. I’m not going explain ‘Boxing Day’ – Google it. Lol.
I miss her.
I have a new perspective.
I know I’ve GOT to get life insurance. Sorry to be a downer, but ya know, we’re ALL dying. And last check, just to be cremated and put in a ziplock cost $2,000!!!!!!!! (Wait, that DOES come with some death certificates.) I don’t want to lumber my son or any of my family with this. And I’d love to be a tree.
They have a thing where you can be a tree! Lol.
And now I finally get to share the conversation that’s been on my fridge a while (we have a dry erase board and I recorded the moment)
Me: You can take my ashes and do whatever
Nic: You’ll either be a tree or there’s this ocean thing …
Me: I’ll take the tree
Nic: I’ll make you a ficus
Me: I’ll only kill it.
LOL! Because I have SUCH a …. Um, NOT green thumb. He’s just gonna have to sprinkle me or keep me or do whatever he wants.
And I’m probably NOT going to know what he does – because, um, I’ll be dead.
The ‘after’ shite is for the living.
I just hope all of you remember me. I DO want to make a mark. Even if it’s silly. You look at something inanimate with a face THINK OF ME!
TA-DA! Life fulfilled!
Oh, and there was nothing under the tree for me this year … But this meant the WORLD;
Pretty much sums it up this morning. YAWN! Today is a big day! I took tomorrow off so I can stay up past my bedtime and photograph the ‘Super Blood Moon Total Lunar Eclipse!” Sounds like a really bad SyFy movie sequel title no? Anyway, I’m stoked.
So, remember when back when we were in school and we’d have a rare sighting of one of our teachers outside of school? I had a moment like that Friday.
I took my lunch break to grab some produce from the 99 cent store, and who should be walking across the parking lot toward me? My laundry lady! So odd seeing her outside of this place.
‘This’ place by the way, is 90% men today. They’re all sort of aimlessly figuring things out and not talking to one another.
There’s two in that photo. Problem is, I was preparing to take a photo of the machines behind ‘sitting guy.’ Looked like a face to me – two frothy white eyes and a laundry basket mouth. But, then he plopped down and my washing machine face was obscured.
Speaking of faces (this is going to be a really bad segue) I have pink eye.
I was wondering why when I blinked it felt like I had sandpaper on the inside of my eye lids.
The sweet sharer of this condition is my darling son.
Poor kid hasn’t felt good in a week. We treated it like a bug, but yesterday morning, he was up and dressed when I got up. Rare. Very rare.
“I’m going to the hospital. I have lumps in my throat.”
We did the flashlight thing, and while his tonsils did look enlarged, no white spots so I was glad of that.
“Hold on, lemme get dressed, I’ll come with you.”
So off we went.
His comment when I snapped this pic “Really mom? I look awful!” As if that was going to stop me. Pffft. He SHOULD know me by now.
Then while waiting, I started poking around the room a little.
Good to know – nicely labeled – wait … WAIT … WHAT?
‘Vag’ light? There HAD to be more label available to spell that one out no? I mean, clearly the drawer above it isn’t abbreviated.
“Pass me a vag light, stat!”
I was in stitches laughing (no pun intended.)
Doctor came in, really nice guy.
He inspected my offspring as Nic asked him, “Do you see the lumps?” and proceeded to show the DOCTOR a photo he’d taken of his own throat. “Nic! He’s a doctor! He’s looking in your mouth.” I was amused. As if the doc (since we’re shortening things) was going to say, “OH! Jeez – thanks for pointing THAT out – can NOT believe I missed seeing that.” Anyway, doc then announced ear and throat infection – AND, pink eye.
It should be noted that while my son has insurance, I do not. And that’s not the reason I brought this up, but I casually said to the doctor, “Would that explain why I feel like someone threw sand in my eye?”
The doctor looked at me very seriously and said, “You’re not asking me to diagnosis someone I’m not treating are you?” I must have had a look of horror on my now red face because he quickly followed that up with a small smile and, “Because, I’ll be giving him a refill for the eye drops for someone I’m NOT consulting.”
I loved that doctor then. I mean, these days, who DOES that? So Nic and I are set when it comes to our eyeballs.
We then went to the pharmacy and put his antibiotic, pain and eye prescriptions in capable hands before running a few errands.
I have to say – and this may make me sound like a HORRIBLE mom, but, this past week while he’s been under the weather, there’s a part of me that liked it. No, I didn’t like that he was sick. No, I don’t have munchausen by proxy syndrome … It was just nice that my grown man of a son needed me. And let me stroke his hair off of his fevered forehead. That he was my little boy again. That I got to mother him.
I miss him needing me. I miss being strong for him. Protecting him.
And while I’m sure some would argue that the above are still true, it was just nice to hug him after bringing him a cold drink and him not letting go quickly.
Just for fun, we tried to duplicate this lol.
Does he look mad? Good thing he’s not portraying the Hulk.
Still looks a little mad ….
Then there was this:
This is where my honey and my son sing HAPPY BIRTHDAY to me and for whatever reason, it’s not loading.
1. I am grateful to be alive
2. I am grateful for eveyone I love to have awoken today too
3. I am grateful I laughed
4. I am grateul for an opportunity to TELL those people I LOVE YOU
5. I’m just freaking grateful.
I really am. And, my birthday doesn’t mean ‘stuff’ anymore, but my close ones sure hooked me up anyway.
And yeah, I’m a nerd.
Happy Birthday Nicholas Avery Charles …
Tomorrow, you will be 20.
I don’t know where the time went – and I’m finding myself unable to truly say everything I want to. You have been the constant in my life for these two decades – and I’m not sure how to explain how much that has meant to me.
I clung on when you turned 18 with the knowledge you were still a teen. Knowing we don’t automatically become adults at the stroke of midnight. Suddenly wiser than we were at 11:59 p.m. when we were 17.
I sat in the comfort that I still had a ‘teenager’ because it meant you were still mine.
And now – tomorrow – you’re going to be 20.
I don’t know where 20 will take you, but I know you’re going to have fun finding out.
Because you have become an amazing, free thinking, curious, unique young man.
Funny, fun-loving – a gift to be around.
You’re a caring, considerate and thoughtful friend.
A generous, loving and loyal boyfriend.
And an incredible, accepting and authentic son.
I return to the fact that I just do not have the words to let you know how special you are to me. Some things can’t be written. Only felt.
My eyes are full – my chest is tight – my love for you is infinite.
I am so glad you were born bird.