I awoke this morning with purpose! I was going to knock out the remainder (I just said ‘re-reindeer’ in my head after I typed that – I’m so goofy with holiday spirit right now) of my holiday shopping, be home by noon and clean the house.
The way I actually woke was to Butters standing over me like Clifford the Dog – towering with unrelenting eyeballs on me. I had intended to be out of the house by 8:30, maybe sleep in a little. Afterall, it is Saturday. I had hit the snooze (alarm is set at 6 a.m. even on the weekends) only once. But, Ok. She must need to go out …
Nope. The minute I got up, she curled back up into an adorable normal sized dog ball and I stood glaring at her with half-opened eyes and my ‘really?!?’ face. I’d been had.
But up I was.
I forewent the shower – splashed water on my face, brushed my teeth – grabbed a cup of coffee, threw on a pair of jeans – a sweater and my Uggs, snagged my hair into a pony tail and put a little color on my lips since I would be in public. (I have seriously pale lips – wouldn’t want anyone thinking I was from The Walking Dead and bothering me for autographs whilst I was trying to shop.)
Ta Da! Time to get ‘er done.
I hit the road. And, every green light! It was amazing!
I gassed up the car, went to the bank and then onto my first stop.
Things were going well. Too well.
Then I got to Wal-Mart.
ANYWAY! I succeeded in filling my cart with only the items on my list, except for one.
I was in a certain aisle – and no employee was in sight.
I had taken a photo of a certain thing I needed (I can’t go into detail, it’s a gift for my mom and she reads this thing from time to time) – and was not finding it.
I saw a kindly looking old man …
I say ‘old’ but I’m such a poor judge of age anymore!
He was grey, and had glasses, and a checkered button up shirt and yeah, I’ll say it, ‘old man’ jeans on.
Bottom line, he seemed sweet and safe and kindly and harmless.
I asked him:
“Do you know much about **** <— secret thing”
“I know a little” he said.
Which, was more than I knew. So I showed him the photo of ‘the thing’.
“Oh, you need specialty … here, let’s look.”
Aw! How sweet was this guy??
We couldn’t find the item – and he suggested I find the guy in charge of this particular section. I agreed.
“OK, thank you so much!”
I walked away … and heard him say – “DAMN! That was the hottest thing I’ve seen in years!”
I don’t receive compliments well, even from the best intended … I could still see him walking up the aisle and looked to see who he was talking to. No one. No one was in the aisle. And the way he said it – wasn’t like a ‘Golly gee!’ type of tone.
I slunk away pushing my cart feeling like I’d just seen an older person do something perfectly normal but not. Because they’re older and we have this unreasonable expectation that they’re supposed to be all cookies and Ovaltine.
Well, I do anyway.
Besides, I was NOT hot. I wasn’t even luke warm. I told Nic about it when I got home and said, “take a photo of me not being hot so I can put it on my blog’
Here it is.
I hurried, as much as someone can across a football field length of Wal-Mart footage to the other end of the store and grabbed what I needed there.
I returned to the garden department area – stopping at the pet section – and …
“Oh, Hi Again!”
“Oh hi!” I said, with a smile. Inside I was feeling knots.
There he was.
And he suddenly didn’t look like someone safe and sweet and helpful.
I’m not joking here. My gut was sending out little red flags for some reason.
He followed me a bit. I chose the garden department to check out and kept looking over my shoulder.
It creeped me out. If I had spotted him watching me check out, I was going to ask the lady at the register to have an employee watch me get to my car.
And then in the car, I felt a little awful about it.
What if no one had spoken to him in a very long time? What if he wasn’t even buying ‘xxxx’ (<— secret things from the shop), but just wanted to be there with people? Needed interaction?
Bottom line though, is my gut is usually right, and I’ll assume I did the right thing with being a teensy bit concerned, AND with wondering if he just wanted some interaction – which I gave him.
It’s been quite bonkers the past few days. Teddy Bonkers even. Friday night brought the joy of electrical issues that weren’t resolved until Sunday afternoon. Last night I guess the cable got jealous and decided ‘Hey! We didn’t get to be the source of a problem!’ and shut down on me. Yet another day without internet, cable or phone. Bottom line – I haven’t had access to blog land reliably since Thursday.
Friday also brought about a friend from the past. In town unfortunately for unpleasant reasons. His mother had taken ill and was in the hospital. This friend of mine is also an ex of mine – and we’ve managed in our own weird way to stay friends in between saying ugly things to each other. We always seem to come around to an understanding that our lives are better with each other in them. I love him. He’s a good man.
This morning … a very odd happening indeed.
I woke up late (that’s twice in a row!) ended up driving my son to school as he missed the bus at his stop. Once I arrived at work (early – I’m always early to work, waking up late is not a deterrent) the front door opened and standing there was another ex.
Keep up now – this one is a fighter. Cage fighter/MMA. True to his hobby, he’s still fighting – and as I was to find out, still fighting for me.
Here’s where I get all Taylor Swifty. You’re in my life, you end up in a post. Anonymous of course.
“I came by because I was thinking of you”
“That would make sense”
We chatted a bit about Christmas, how things are going in general – upcoming fights. He was skirting around something … I could tell. And in all honesty, I didn’t want him to get to his point of being there.
My boss arrived and after saying ‘hi’ to my ex – he disappeared into the bowels of the building with the coffee carafe.
The point was then arrived at.
“I still love you, I thought I could get over you – but I don’t know why we can’t be together”.
“I don’t know what to say” I offered.
He started to leave and actually had tears in his eyes. I stood and gave him an awkward hug.
“We can talk about this another time” I heard myself saying.
What does it say about me that I can look into someones teary eyes as they tell me “I love you” and feel nothing. Nothing.
Had a fleeting thought that perhaps I have sociopathic tendencies, then decided, no.
Not one fiber of me has any interest in reviving that particular dead romantic horse.
I sat replaying the whole bizarre visit in my head. Then found myself getting pissed.
As romantic as his speech might have been in a movie – in reality, it doesn’t work that way. And speaking of work – I was AT WORK!
Who comes in to someones place of employment and assumes they have arrived at a rare moment in that persons day that they’re available for a chat?
I don’t work in a store, or a restaurant. I mean, I could see someone patronizing a business you work and waving, or even coming over to your counter or station and saying ‘hey!’ But … in an office – for a deep talk?
How selfish was it to come and bare his soul and leave? What if (and I wasn’t) but, what IF, I was affected emotionally by his monologue? Then I would have to sit all day, unable to focus on work that requires my concentration. Imagine dropping your child off at school – passing them their lunch box and saying: “Have a nice day – oh, and we’re putting the dog to sleep today”.
Then it dawned on me. And I could be wrong. But, maybe, just maybe he ran into my other ex. (It’s a small town). Maybe, just maybe he was wondering ‘why is he here? Is he here to see her?’ Then that’s more revolting to me. To come by and perhaps stake a claim or plant a seed in my head.
Guys are as bananas as girls ladies and gentleman.
I had jokingly put this up on my Facebook page:
Yeah … that’s me. But you know, I figured out enough about myself to know what is not healthy for me. For me, and for relationships period. And I ended my unhealthy ones. And just because I’m single, doesn’t mean I can’t see red flags just because they’re flying on someone elses flagpole.
Ironically, I took some time today to put hearts up in the office. (Valentines is just around the corner – according to every flipping store I’ve happened into). Hey – I’m not against love. Just don’t come into my bread and butter to declare it to me!