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Staple removers, chocolate and hula hoops

Why is it that when I have to stay awake,  I most want to sleep?  It’s like not being hungry – then being told you HAVE to fast – suddenly:

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I’m up because my son has promised himself as a taxi to someone who needs to be picked up at 4 in the morning.

I didn’t want him driving sleepy – so he’s napping – and I’ve taken on role of alarm clock.

And I want my bed!

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It was a long day.

Work has been rough lately!

If I am to find the silver lining (other than having a job, that’s a given) it would be that the days have flown by on wings of some really fast bird.

My attitude today though, sucked.  I’ll admit it.  I’ll own that one.

I actually threw a staple remover at one point in frustration … not across the room or anything, just from my hand to my desk.  Of course, it hit my metal file stand and made a bigger deal out of itself than I intended.

Wasn’t my proudest moment.

I think that might have been the point when I decided I needed to remove myself from the office for a little while.

When I returned, I gave my boss a small box of candy and told him I was sorry for my tantrum.

He gestured to my desk where he had placed a small piece of chocolate.  Aw, see!  We understand each other.

The good news is – when I need an attitude adjustment, I know it.  And not only do I know it – I’m proactive about adjusting it.

Besides the small box of candy for my boss – I also bought a hula hoop.  It was on sale for 48 cents.

In my self-imposed time out – my inner child needed that hula hoop.  It helped the attitude adjustment immensely.

I decided to take my adjustment one step further, I emailed my other boss and requested some time off.

I am spent!

Mentally and physically  s-p-e-n-t!

I don’t take ‘vacations’.  My time off is used for such exciting things as ‘I have to be home because the handy man is coming and someone needs to be there’.

I have never taken more than 1 day off in a row.  And it’s showin’!

So – I took TWO days off in a row!  Crazy!  Next month.

In my fantasies, I shall have cake, and pajamas and movies and … alright, let’s face it I’ll probably end up cleaning the house and  finding dozens of other things that need my attention in order to not feel guilty about relaxing.  But still – it’s 2 days off in a row.

Until next month – I must remember this:

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A Monster in my bra

So I’m innocently enjoying a packet of fruit snacks at my desk, of the Monsters Inc. variety …

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When suddenly a fruit snack got away from me and went here …

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I stood up, did the ‘something-fell-into-my-cleavage’ shake.  And this guy landed by my shoe:

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My comment to my boss?

“Good thing it was Mike – he only has one eye.  He didn’t see much.”

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It’s official, I’m a prude. Next stop, dying alone in an apartment full of cats.

Shit. It’s official.  I’m a prude!

Here’s how I see myself, semi-youthful, a little introspective:

However, this, is apparently how I actually am:

Today was another food day.  I had just eaten my cheese and lettuce sandwich and chips, when my boss came in and asked ‘are you busy?’.  Had to think – how do I answer that?  Does she want to chat, then no, I’m not too busy – or should I be busy?  Then yes, I’m busy.  (which, I sort of was).

It turned out we, and a group of realtors, were going to lunch to celebrate two birthdays.

OK.

Prelude to prudeness: After ‘oohing’ and ‘aahing’ over the Cadillac Escalade I caught a ride in, (“This is so roomy!”  “What’s the gas mileage on a car like this?”) we arrive at the Benihana style restaurant.

Now, I’m not sure whether he was trying to compensate for lackluster knife skills, or fancy twirling or what – but joke after joke about sex and the number 69 came tumbling out of his mouth.  There were 8 of us women and 3 men.  It was lunch time for crying out loud!

My eyes kept darting around the room nervously to see if there were any children dining.  I was sitting next to my boss, so wasn’t even sure it was ok to giggle at the mildly amusing jokes.  (They were too far and too few between to worry about that as it turned out).

Is it really appropriate to ask, “Why does Miss Piggy douche with sugar and vinegar?” while I’m capturing a sushi roll in my chopsticks??

Another lunch time gem: “Why do women smile walking down the wedding aisle?  Because they know they’ve given their last blow job” (as I almost drowned on my mouthful of ice tea).

The highlight of this lunch was a co-worker who missed the punchline to one of the last and probably most vulgar jokes and loudly asked him to repeat it.  (The punchline was ‘wet pussy’  – the joke was something about fishing and a wild cat falling into the water …) Of course! He’d be happy to oblige, and repeated it.   OK, her asking him to repeat it was pretty funny.

But good grief!!

I didn’t even want to play the ‘catch the shrimp in the mouth toss’ – not after seeing 5 people getting pelted with sea creatures in the face and torso.  (The chef seriously needs to work on his aim).

The shudder moment was when I tried to suppress a disapproving ‘tut’.  I thought of my Nannie and in that shudder moment – it dawned on me ‘OMG! I’m a prude!’.