Musings from the Laundromat: ‘One of Us’ edition
I’ve officially integrated with the herd. I have become an accepted member of the Sunday morning Laundromat gang.
It started out when my face took form of ‘disappointed girl’, upon realizing there were no washers available, in spite of the fact I arrived 10 minutes before the establishment opened.
But there was my glaucoma man. (Who I learned later actually had cataracts.)
I stood chatting with him, asking how his eyes were. He then motioned to the machine he was leaned up against. “This one is empty” Almost a whisper, but he is not capable of ‘whisper’.
I grabbed the machine, then, in the interest of having my laundry finish at the same time, had to use a more expensive ‘triple load’ machine across the aisle from it.
There were two ladies sitting at a table next to it, and another familiar face.
The familiar face was introducing the newbie to the flow of the place.
“Pretty much the same people,” he said, “This lady here, gave me a band-aid one day.”
Band-aid man & Co.
I was the lady.
I don’t know why, but that filled my heart. He remembered.
He went on to explain he takes blood thinners. And as I listened to them chatter, I filled the machine and felt like I belonged.
Here’s cataract man and one of the ladies.
I’ve been coming here for 4 years, it really is quite a victory to be told about secret available machines and to be remembered for a good deed.
My favorite part of this trip though, has to be placing my loves clothes in the washing machine. Knowing he left things behind on purpose.
I’ll be washing for three not long from now. And I couldn’t be happier about that.
My herd has my back, my family is growing – and I’m blessed beyond belief!
Oh, and you’ll be pleased to know, cataract mans eyes are finally feeling a lot better after his surgery. Pretty sure you can see that (no pun intended) from the smile on his face.
Big Announcement: Tony and Pepper
Sorry cats. Apparently I shall not be adopting a dozen of you afterall.
The night of the 17th, I became engaged.
We started out taking photos as this was the last night my love was here.
I get it. I get it now.
Totally.
We fell into a rhythm … we were comfortable, happy, Home.
It took no effort at all.
Which is very odd. And amazing.
Late night, on the 17th – I became engaged.
I told him, “ok, ask me in the morning.”
Giving him an out. Not trusting that my dreams were all coming true.
I awoke to confirmation.
Our time together was amazing.
We crossed most everything off of our wishlist.
And the entire time, I was never more sure or happy.
I knew, from the deepest part of my heart, that this was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
Nic said “He fit. He was your puzzle piece.”
Butters would not leave him alone.
All I know is, starting out as friends, then growing up – is a mind blowing, humbling, amazing experience.
Having memories already.
Then respecting the person they grew into.
We’re planning a Halloween wedding. And if I have my way? An Iron Man cake.
So, doesn’t look like I’m going to keel over alone and be eaten by my dog whilst decomposing.
I found the love of my life.
(By the way, he sang this song to me at karaoke – and then, as we sat in the room, while another man sang, he sang ‘Can’t help falling in love’ to me – does it get dreamier than that??)
Musing from the Laundromat: Marveling
Love is in the air.
Not just because it was Valentines Day yesterday …
I’m sat across from the man of my dreams who is currently and aptly, sporting a Superman t-shirt.
He’s already dropped a pair of his underwear on the floor, on purpose – to honor the tradition. You’ve gotta love a man willing to do that.
He’s also currently chatting to one of the laundromat patrons. Talking about Idaho. Just as chatty as I am with strangers. (I will insist he does not accept the man’s candy though.)
I am the luckiest girl in the world.
We’ve spent our time together doing what we both do best. Nerding out. Countless Marvel movies … Walking Dead (that I saved until he arrived.)
Relaxing and catching up.
This is the man I loved 25 years ago – when he was still a young man. And the things we laughed about then, and the rapport we had then, hasn’t changed.
But it has too – in the best of ways. Because we’re ‘grown-ups’ now (I use that term loosely.)
And because the things we’ve experienced and the growth we’ve both gone through, has enabled us to be complete people sharing ourselves with one another.
REWIND.
Picking him up from the airport:
I was exhausted, having stayed up WAY too late, with the crazy idea I would sleep in the next day. I never can sleep in, so why I thought that night/morning was any different is beyond me. But I felt like a kid on Christmas Eve and sleep was the last thing on my mind.
After picking up the rental car, and since I was so tired, actually purchasing the insanely priced insurance – I was on the road. With Nic next to me.
All went well until we reached actual traffic – and to say I had a panic attack would be putting it mildly. I tried to breathe as Nic tried not to tell me how terrified he was to be in the passenger seat at that moment.
(He would tell me later, in no uncertain terms.)
In the terminal – waiting by the passenger pick up area, with coffee in hand, I was beside myself with anticipation.
After Skyping, over 6,000 IM’s … would I still be someone he would want to be with??
The minute I laid eyes on him, I knew for sure he was who I wanted to be with.
It was still my friend. In the flesh.
That first hug … I have no words. And the butterflies gave way to a peaceful, comfortable ‘home’ feeling.
Home is where we headed, Nic insisting he drive the car the rental company forbids anyone but me to drive.
“Mom, I’m better at this kind of traffic!”
I didn’t want us to die, so I caved.
Long story short, we got home safe.
Next, the ‘Butters’ introduction.
Went very well, TOO well, as she hasn’t left his side since he arrived. And everywhere we are, she wants to be.
Yesterday.
He gave me socks. The best kind. Walking Dead knee highs and Iron Man. This man knows what I love. He also gave me a piece of our past – which I will treasure, always.
We went to breakfast and then watched True Romance – ordered pizza for dinner, relaxed until night came and went on the search for stars.
Probably that could have been planned better. We ended up on Route 66, in a patch of dirt staring up at the sky leaning against my car.
Gave up on that when nature called and headed further up until we reached an old mining town full of history and quaintness.
We found a little bar and I sipped a sprite as he enjoyed a beer while Zeppelin and the Doors filled the patio area.
Best Valentines Day ever.
But we know who I am. ‘Anxiety Girl’ has come out … as the days draw nearer to his departure, I’m filled with dread. You see, I didn’t know.
I didn’t know it could BE like this.
And I’m terrified I will have experienced it and it will go away.
And no amount of faith I have in how true and real this love is seems to be able to assuage that feeling in my stomach. That fear.
I’ve never been this scared to lose something so important before. Nothing has mattered this much.
But I need to stay in the moment, enjoy every second. I’m making lifetime memories and want to be certain he has an amazing time.
And tonight, we will be walking along a river, with music in the air and laughing (as always) and I’ll try, try so hard not to think about him going home.
Musing from the Laundromat: Hunger Games & Empty Coffee Pots edition
This place is getting more and more like the Hunger Games. I went to bed early last night – determined to be here exactly at 8 a.m. To grab my washing machines.
Then did the ‘Are you going to be using this one?’ routine again.
I stuck it out though. A man whose items were almost done told me so, and I stayed close by him. Maybe a little too close. The man was a sturdy Hawaiian and I was on him like a toddler on a leg.
But I got three machines in a row.
Rewind.
Coffee.
I decided I didn’t want to balance two baskets, a purse AND a to-go cup today, besides, there’s coffee here.
First thing I spied with my little eye (other than way too many people already in various stages of laundry considering the place just opened) was the empty coffee pot.
I needn’t have worried.
Me: Good morning!
My laundry lady: Mornin’.
Me: How are you?
My laundry lady: I’m ok. Do you want coffee? I didn’t make any because no one drank any of it yesterday.
Me: Oh yes please! I didn’t bring mine.
She so gets me.
After successfully adopting the Hawaiian mans washing machines, I ventured back to the counter for the freshly made coffee.
Me: How is it that people are almost done with their laundry if you don’t open until 8?
My laundry lady: I get here early, and if they’re my regulars, I let them in. You can come early.
Awww! I’m one of ‘her regulars’. And I have Disney Fast Pass clearance.
We then chatted about how I would feel weird encroaching on her before they were officially open.
I would too. We talked about that. I’m such a rule follower it’s ridiculous.
I don’t speed. I don’t ‘touch’ if it says ‘Do Not Touch’. I’ll wait until the clock strikes the exact opening time of an establishment.
I am though. I’m a square.
There’s this little old man sitting in front of me – reminds me of Elmer Fudd. Not in a rude way. He just does … and he looks so quiet and sweet.
Then he stood up, and the back of his shirt says “Buck Off!” with a picture of an antlered deer.
Well.
Goodness.
The square in me widened her eyes … the other part of me giggled.
I wonder where he got it. Did he spot it at a sporting store and just have to have it? Was it a gift from his wife? A friend? A grandchild?
I’m too curious for my own good. I want to know the story behind everything. Good thing is, I’m not superficially nosey, just genuinely curious.
Or is that just a polite way of saying ‘nosey’?
This morning, Butters was sniffing around Nic’s ‘go bag’ (he came in late from a trip to Phoenix for a Speech & Debate competition.) She’s always sniffing something new. Goes bonkers if a new ‘thing’ enters the house, and only relaxes if I touch it in front of her.
This gets a little awkward if it’s an electrician or handy man – I have to ask them if I can touch their pant leg.
Anyway, this morning she was completely submerged in Nic’s bag and I said “Hey nosey pants!” And then imagined what ‘Nosey Pants’ might look like.
Tangent. Sorry.
But yeah, that’s been my morning so far.
And today is my Mums birthday. Shout out to her. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY! I’ll be crossing the river and encroaching on her after a few chores. With a little gift bag in hand.
Wishing everyone a wonderful Sunday – and NEXT Sunday, I shall not be alone in the laundromat … If I can type and laugh at the same time, I’ll share that with you.
For now …
Of True Love and Hammocks and Owls
I’ve been feeling insecure.
Mostly I think because I still want to pinch myself. “You don’t get the fairy tale!”
I’ve been vocal (or … literary) about that – to my love. And I am not proud of myself. There’s one thing about not editing yourself, you take a chance every time you expose your inner insecure hunches.
______________________________________________
Tonight, my son asked me to read a paper he’s writing on this poem.
Over my head, I see the bronze butterfly, Asleep on the black trunk, blowing like a leaf in green shadow. Down the ravine behind the empty house, The cowbells follow one another Into the distances of the afternoon. To my right, In a field of sunlight between two pines, The droppings of last year’s horses Blaze up into golden stones. I lean back, as the evening darkens and comes on. A chicken hawk floats over, looking for home. I have wasted my life.
James Wright
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I’ve personally always been aware of butterflies, of nature – of the beauty of life. But never expected an epiphany. And I personally think that’s what this poem is about.
So in one week, I collect my love from the airport.
I’m terrified.
Terrified because FINALLY something is SO important to me.
I’ve had important in the past … for different reasons. But as I drove home tonight, I had my Grammy’s 2003 CD in and listened to this:
I cried.
I thought about the life I built around Nic. And how he’s getting older – and changes are coming. Good changes, but changes none the less. I’ve always been terrified of change.
Nic is in college. Nic loves someone. Nic is always welcome ‘home’ but my gawd, if I didn’t have James, I don’t know what I would do. And what is more wonderful is I found a man, who understands that my boy is always welcome.
I also had forgotten about love.
True love.
The man I love, I loved a quarter of a century ago.
And finally, FINALLY, I get him.
I told his mom I would purchase cedar chips after she told me I could keep him.
So back to the poem.
Nic is writing a paper on it – and had theories to insert.
I read the poem after reading his intro.
He told me “I get my creative, writing side from you mom” (Insert heart swell moment there.)
But, the thing is – he is better.
And I was SO glad he was better!
I told him, about one of his theories, “I would never have thought of that!” And I wouldn’t have.
I love that he brings a new insight into my life.
I also love the comfortable importance of ‘the same.’
I have that.
With Nic, and with James.
We love most of the same things.
We laugh at most of the same things.
The rest is yet to be written.
Tonight, an owl alighted onto the cables outside my home.
I rushed inside for my camera! First time an owl hung out! – Wisdom alighted into view for crying out loud!
And last night, my dream dripped of new beginnings – of hope.
I love my son with my whole heart – and the crazy thing is – I’ve loved James for longer.
It’s a win-win. I get to approach this ‘new’ love with wisdom (thanks owl for visiting) and be with a love that appreciates my love for my son.
Both are endless.
And eternal.
And true.
Debauchery Soup 