Musings from the Laundromat: Jurrasic nap, Horrific drink & Rey edition
It’s warming up in the desert. Today my car advised me it was 52 degrees on the way to the laundromat @ 7:30 a.m. Seems like only yesterday when I was reading ’32 degrees.’
I’m not ready for it to warm up yet! Nooooo!
Actually, my first stop was not the laundromat, but to the Redbox to return Jurassic World. I was one of the few on the planet that didn’t go see that one in the theaters.
My son and I got comfy and with bowls of food began the film. I should point out, that he’d already seen it.
Me: Ug. I hate seeing movies for the first time with someone who’s already seen it.
Nic: I haven’t seen it a long time …
*Moments into the movie*
Nic: Ok, Pause it … Remember this part.
Me: (Pause, roll eyes). Are you going to do this the ENTIRE movie?
Nic: No, no.
*Moments later*
Nic: Pause it! You know what I never noticed the first time?
Etc. Etc. Etc.
He needn’t have worried about giving me a play-by-play because I think I only saw 2/3 of it anyway. I fell asleep several times. (Sorry Star Lord.)
Earlier that day, Nic and I had gone grocery shopping.
Shopping with Nic always results in laughter – (and a bigger bill @ the checkout.)
This trip was no different.
Nic is quite the connoisseur of ‘unique’ beverages. $$$
He came across a fancy live probiotic, natural energy concoction and eagerly hurried off to purchase it after asking what aisle I could be found in upon his return.
I should have lied about the aisle.
Nic: Smell it.
Me: *standoffish glance*
Nic: It’s lavender and melon!
I acquiesced and gave the drink a sniff.
I wondered immediately 1) where was the lavender? 2) where was the melon? 3) why was it so fizzy and 4) if Nic could get his money back.
Nic: Take a sip!
So much was going through my head at this point – but mostly that I wanted to live. And then that if I DIDN’T take a sip, he was going to badger me for the balance of the shopping.
I sipped.
Now, have you ever left juice out and unrefrigerated and then accidentally sipped it?
Yeah.
This stuff tasted like prison hooch!
I gagged.
This was the beverage.
By the time we were checking out, we had two cashiers and one bag boy involved in the ‘dare’ of sniffing the drink.
The bag boy nailed it when he said it smelled like vinegar. One cashier told Nic to just down it. That wasn’t happening.
We ended up playing a game of ‘keep away’ with it the whole way home, and at home.
The bottle would appear sans lid in various places – like, my car, on the table pushed close to one of us, under the table and sneaked by each other’s noses.
We probably didn’t even need the movie, that ‘drink’ provided plenty of entertainment.
(I should probably apologize to the company now, I mean, I’m sure plenty of people stock up on their product and love it. It just wasn’t our cup of fizzy, fermented tea.)
OH! One more thing. I have a fish! Nic’s tropical fish had babies and a very brave and smart one managed to survive. I adopted the teeny tiny grey blob speck and named her Rey. (Nickname: Blobba Fett)
Here she is (Nic insists it’s a girl because of some fin thing? I’m trusting him on this one.) Get your magnifying glass out:
She’s in front of the blue thingy.
So there you have it! My weekend in a nutshell. Dryers are almost done so I’ll be bid you adieux and hope you all have a wonderful Sunday and a great week!
Lost: My son’s happy mom (She’s mostly friendly and comes to the word ‘Cake’)
This is absolutely true.
How do I know this to be true?
Because I’ve been doing it to the person who means the most to me.
I’ve been defensive and sensitive and internalizing everything my son has said to me lately. Projecting on him my current self loathing, self-deprecation and insecurities.
One example: Yesterday I rose early, went immediately to the Laundromat and did our laundry. Yes, ‘our’ laundry. I see no point in making that trip and spending money on those machines only to do MY laundry. (See, I’m already defending myself thinking ‘surely someone reading this is going to think why isn’t HE doing his OWN laundry.’) I do this all the time. Defend my actions/thoughts/opinions. *Sigh*
ANYWAY!
I return from the Laundromat and tip toe around the house as my son had a late night with some friends.
I cleaned as quietly as I could. I made two amazing dishes from scratch. Then I had to vacuum … so I woke Nic.
It was after 1 p.m. by this time anyway.
I finally relaxed with a movie and some time later he found me in my bedroom telling me that the waist band of my jeans might be damp.
How did I take it?
I took it as a passive-aggressive remark in order to inform me that his jeans were not dried to completion.
My internal dialogue?
Well, SOR-RY! I mean, I only work full-time and support us both and YES, I knew I had only put our jeans in the dryer for 20 minutes this weekend instead of 30, because I wanted to come home on my last day off! I knew they’d dry before anyone would be slipping them on. And oh, excuse me for not doing YOUR laundry perfectly while you were sleeping and jobless and …
All of this occurred in my head. What came out of my mouth was a lesser version. Something like “So, you’re saying I didn’t dry your jeans enough?”
Paraphrasing.
But it was said with snark and my feelings were truly hurt.
Was that his intention?
No.
But I’ve felt so ‘less than’ that I consider everything an insult lately.
I’m not pleased with how I’ve been living, or rather NOT living my life.
I’m not pleased with my lack of gratitude or joy.
I’m not pleased with my weight gain or my indulgences.
I know I can change all of these things – but I just don’t have it in me right now.
I am unhappy.
And the way I’ve been treating others, mostly Nic, is a direct result of that.
I’m scared. I’m scared I will be alone.
My Nannie is passing (I’ve mentioned this before) and my mum has been out of the country with her for coming up on two months now.
Nic and I discussed this, and in his youth – (I hope) in his limited life experience … said: “You won’t do that will you?” Meaning want him with me as my life comes to a close and then linger.
I was shocked.
I weighed all the information I could grasp in my head so as not to lash out. Of course, ‘hurt’ won out and I said, “No, I’ll be sure to die as quickly as possible for you.”
Ug.
I hope that by sharing this – getting it written down and out will be the start of ME taking action to STOP this hurtful cycle.
I want ‘happy Amanda’ back. I want to respond to others with confidence and love. I want to return self-love to those I care for.
First step: Acknowledge the problem.
Check!
Musings from the Laundromat – staying up late & sharing too much edition.
Didn’t see my laundry lady last week as I was house sitting – but it’s odd because I did see her in a shop just before that weekend.
She came over and chatted and her parting words were. “See you on Sunday!”
I proceeded to fret throughout that weekend because I hadn’t remembered to tell her that she wouldn’t.
Silly isn’t it? But I felt like I’d missed an appointment and hadn’t bothered to officially cancel it.
Here I am this week, so all is righted.
She HAD noticed however. “Yeah, I made your coffee and didn’t see you.” She said.
😦
___________________________
Stayed up super late Friday – I think, just because I could you know?
I get so excited about Friday, even though I don’t ever GO anywhere.
Played an online game I like for hours – did very well so proceeded to go into random rooms and gift those less fortunate with most of my spoils.
Wrote a couple of posts here that I’ve since deleted – too raw. Too much info. (I’m not kidding when I say my censor button is missing.)
Then I watched a really weird movie on Netflix, then another and another … before I knew it it was early morning! I felt so naughty.
Then I remembered I’m 46 years old and no one actually cares if I stay up all night anymore. Well, my BODY cared. I slept in until 11 a.m. Feeling like I hadn’t slept at all.
Needless to say, the house didn’t clean itself yesterday, and it won’t today either, but I shall. I just can’t DO all nighters anymore! I’m getting too old for that crap.
Good thing I was home and not at some bonkers club. Sorry, I’m chortling right now having read back that last sentence. I don’t ‘outside’ and I don’t ‘people’ so the odds of that club scenario borders on the absurd.
My crowd consists of the ‘Snow Birds’ that I see every year at this time at the laundromat, my Glaucoma Man (who wasn’t there today) and the laundry lady.
My happy comes in the form of my son and dog and home. And of course my friends and family who I REALLY need to see face to face more.
I dream (literally) of being amongst people and finding love. Had the oddest dream last night of another faceless soul who loved me.
They’ll remain there – in my sleep. Because my heart is still mending and besides, what if they want me to actually leave my house?!! God forbid.
If you don’t see a post from me after this one … prime suspect is small & grey
I slept on the downstairs couch last night with a dog at my feet and a cat on my back (literally). I haven’t seen a human since Friday. One more night then I get to return to my little home.
It’s funny isn’t it? How quickly we miss our routine – our space and obviously our loved ones.
Why did I sleep on the couch? I was a little concerned that if I was too comfortable, I’d not hear my alarm. There’s an hour time difference between where I’m staying and where I work. I had to be up at O’Dark Thirty.
Another reason? The home is big and to be honest, I didn’t want to be upstairs in a bedroom and hear something creak or move in the night. lol. I figure if a serial killer was to enter the house, I’d be able to leap off the couch and to the closest weapon dispensary (the kitchen) if I stayed downstairs.
Turns out it would have been a little tough ‘leaping’ though as I was pinned down most of the night by Plucky. She’s … um, I’m trying to find a kind way to describe an overly affectionate, needy, clueless cat. She just will not take a hint. And as much as I adore her – I woke several times to her either a) on my bladder or b) with her nose on my lips as she perched on my chest. Thus why I turned onto my stomach to sleep.
The other felines are pretty relaxed.
But there’s the constant threat of one of them getting out. I lost TWO cats over the weekend. First time was Foo and it took FOREVER outside shaking the treat container to get him back inside. Lost him again the next day, but only briefly. And then Plucky. *sigh*
You see, Meesha, the pup, can open the screen door from the outside and god forbid I’ve gone to use the bathroom or in another part of the house when she decides to let herself back in. I found the screen open twice yesterday and had to do a frantic head count.
It’s a dance. The whole operation of the home is a choreographed dance.
And you’d better know all the moves – even if you’re sleep deprived from a night of attempted smothering.
Pool leap – missing my family and Tiny dancer
There’s something to be said about your child outgrowing you – I just don’t have the words.
But I’ll try.
I’m ‘house sitting’ right now and the first night had my son saying, “It’s too quiet”
Missing my presence.
Yeah. 😦 He’s starting to ‘adult’ and it was only one day until he was used to the ‘quiet’.
I miss him so much right now and miss Butters and miss home.
I feel as if I’m amongst ghosts. Not the dead – but what used to happen in this home.
Breakfast, for both family and pets.
Upkeep of the two tiered home – and the outside garden.
My mum is the epitome of a ‘stay at home mum’ with no equal. She keeps things going. Not just the home, not just the animals, but the outdoors and all her amazing ideas. And I’m sitting here, writing, seeing much of her work dead.
I thought her garden was on auto water timing.
THAT killed me when I finally saw her garden in daylight.
I want to soak everything “BRING IT BACK!!!!” Of course, that isn’t possible.
What have I learned.
Well … Other than the fact that I carry my sons heart …
Feral cat #1 has the most beautiful eyes. DEEP green around the pupil and a lighter shade of green around that.
The photo doesn’t capture that – but, I’ve paid enough attention.
I paid THAT much attention. I see beauty in what is around me.
My ‘bed’ lol. I can’t sleep in any bed here – I grabbed a quilt from the guest room – but the residents took it up.
Photo of the ONLY time Plucky wasn’t on my chest or in my nostrils. Not a cage – she was sitting under a stool.
Meesh. AKA: Sissy. And I know mum misses her and I know it’s reciprocated. THAT reunion, I’d love to be a fly on the wall for.
And – Tiny. Tiny Dancer
I had a moment with her
Also tonight, I spoke to my ex-fiancée and lept into a VERY cold pool. Then took the most amazing shower, ^_^ ?
So I’m clean, adventurous, feeling handy here … And minty fresh lol.
Debauchery Soup 