Blog Archives

VOTE! Have I ever asked you for anything? You don’t have to help me move ;)

My honey is a part of a new reality blog thing!

It’s like ‘Survivor’ but for blog entries – people WILL be voted off of the blog island.

CLICK HERE!

Then come back!!!

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The longer he stays, the more he gets to write and share his art – and the the better his chances of being seen as the amazing artist he is.

Which, you can see HERE

If you comment in favor of James D. Foster – I would be forever grateful.  Be sure to SCROLL down until you see his name and his 4 paragraphs about Life.

Also, the man behind the curtain, is The Public Blogger (See Here) who gives artists of all genres an opportunity to show their stuff, which, I find amazing.

SO VOTE PEOPLE!  This is new, and fun and innovative!  And of course, I don’t want my honey to have to put out his torch.

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Past, Present and future tense

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I’m a woman who can appreciate the past.  Because it has given me my future.

I think I knew back then, that if I allowed myself to love the man I shall be spending the rest of my life with – I would have ruined it.

I would have.

I know this about me.

The hypocrisy of love, is not being capable of giving it to someone until you first love yourself.  Or perhaps it is not hypocrisy, but a very intelligent and kind way to weed out what is wrong in your life – and Darwinism to an extent, that you are selecting the right mate.

It took a long time for me to do this.

I have spent the weekend very busy – and took some time to myself.  13 minutes into ‘The Hours’ I was so completely smitten with the movie and could completely relate.

I watched some more, after indulging in sashimi (Smiths had sushi grade tuna on sale) then had to Stop! Drop! And Write!

I’m such a sensitive person.

I know this too.

I pick up on the smallest detail, the fainest scent, the most subtle of body language.

I’ve always been a writer.  Well, first a reader.  An avid reader.

I filled my spare time, (between being OUTSIDE with friends) with reading.

I’m blessed that most of my childhood not only lived up to those books, but exceeded them.  I was reading Alice in Wonderland whilst in India, on a bus.

So – yeah.

I’m also a professional writer.

Paid for newspaper and magazine articles.

But – I am not a great writer.

I always wanted to write children’s books.

I started one – a while ago.  I wanted to introduce children to ‘big’ and different words.

One started like this:

“I like big words. I like to say, “Persnickety”

My mom was that today.

She smoothed my hair, she ironed my socks,

She cleaned the hands of all the clocks.”

You can see where I was going with that – but I never finish anything.

So I’m watching this movie – and getting melancholy.

I asked myself, “Who am I loving you for?”

Needing for the reason I love my fiancé to be true, and pure, and real.

And they are.

Thing is – he sent me this picture.

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They just bloomed out of nowhere apparently.  And he lives in such an amazing place.

And he’s coming to this:

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Which, may look pretty to some nature lovers out there – but earlier this morning, I had to have my son remove a ‘Ramshead’ (Arizona Burr) from my cuticle. It was not pretty.  It was not pleasant.  And yes, there was blood.

I don’t think I love myself enough yet to understand that he’s willing to live with burrs in lieu of flowers.

Does that make sense?

I don’t feel worthy.

This quote though, reinforces the very real feelings I have:

“When I’m with him I feel.  Yes, I am living.  And when I’m not with him … yes, everything does seem sort of silly.”

Rushing into it? 25 years and counting.

32 is my favorite number. (My Nannies old address)

Being ‘next’ is my favorite place to be. (Anticipation)

31 is the day I’m getting married – with my love waiting for me in his moms gazebo.

30 was the table I sat at last night – without him.

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I was having a very ‘I miss my love’ day yesterday.  I mean, I do everyday, but it was extra palpable yesterday.  Visceral.

Had a Chamber of Commerce event last night.  A couple came over to our company’s table, newly engaged … there were congratulations and smiles – she flashed her ginormous engagement ring and I remember thinking, ‘HOW is she going to do laundry without snagging something on that??’  lol. I’m not into the ‘bling’.  It was pretty, but – I prefer sentimental and subtle.

But, I have to admit, I felt – (while happy for them) so … left out of that celebration.  Don’t get me wrong.  When Jim posted our engagement on Facebook, so many important people offered their love, their pleased shock and their joy for Jim.

A few offered their congratulations to both of us.  That was sweet, and meant so much.  I was just so happy people were happy for HIM!

Truly.

I awoke this morning, after my unedited admission of missing my love, to amazing words from him.

He gave me joy, patience and once again, confirmations for the reasons I love him.

Then this:

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And his words that accompanied it:

“Found it, after weeks! 1990 and still current.”

That was not my undoing – the ensuing comments were.

“It’s been a long crazy 25 year voyage babe! Bless you for finding me, and never giving up after two plus decades.”

Then:

“Jim.  This brings tears to my eyes.  Great sketch of your bride to be.” (From a family friend, who will be our wedding photographer.)

Then my son chimes in:

“That’s amazing!”

Jim: No, You’re amazing!

Nic: No, my baby goblin (that’s a D & D reference) and you are amazing!

Jim: Pickles! Now!!!

I was laughing and had tears in my eyes at the same time.  Those dorks are my favorite people.

And I get to marry the man who drew the picture I didn’t know was me.

See HERE

Click on that, then come back.

Here’s the deal.

I have loved.  As much as I was capable of loving.

I did not know, however, that I was capable of loving someone THIS much.

I’m 45.  I’ll be 46 in May and I found my true love – who was 25 years away.

(Yes, dammit, I’m aware I’ve unintentionally rhymed a whole lot lol)

When Jim and I had our week – it was nothing like anything I’ve experienced.

It was comfort – serenity.  I didn’t bite my nails – I didn’t feel like I had to constantly be DOING or BEING.  I just … was.

And I was a better me.

A happier me.

And my son adored him and that made it the most special time.

Moms, if your kids don’t dig your guy … run!  Run SO fast!

But he’s not a kid anymore.  It’s March (the longest month that will EVER be for me lol – Jim arrives in April)

Nic will turn 20 this month.

My baby is growing.

I’ve grown too.

I was so jaded – I forgot the feelings of true love.

I’ve mended my bridges with my sons love – pretty sure she’s the mother of my future grandchildren, and, as I told her – ‘expect them to be total nerds. I will feed them cookies and Star Wars’.

Because I get it now.

It took my son falling in ‘true’ love for me to learn how.

And it took my first love, to come back and show me who.

And for that, I’m so grateful.

I love you Jim.  And I’m so proud to be your bride.