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The day my son was LITERALLY a pain in my arse.
I donned a white dress I haven’t worn in a very long time. Since last Summer I believe?
Went to work.
Sat down.
OUCH!
WTF?
Checked out the chair. Chair was not an unsub. (For those of you that don’t watch Criminal Minds – first of all, “SHAME ON YOU!” Secondly, it means unknown subject.)
I madly rushed about my day and each time I sat, OUCH!
I checked the lace in my dress. Oh, this was the dress. (Looks better on me than flayed out on my bed.)

I was brought up as a lady – so I had these very delicate panties/slip type thingys underneath said dress.

They’re large, I’m slender. They work as a slip.
So then I start inspecting THEM!
Nothing.
Half a day in at work I can’t take it anymore and actually found a private moment to ‘ladylike reach my hand up to my arse.”
(You’ll never read that in any Bronte novel)
And … What do I find?
Last time I washed the dress must have been with Nic’s work shirt – WITH name tag attached.

I peeled it off and announced my discomfort. Because, we all know, I do SO well with editing.
“Nic was seriously a pain in my ass today!!!!”
I have since confronted him – laughed with him and he even allowed these selfies. (This is rare – it’s like Big Foot accepting a photo op!) I even plastered his tag onto his forehead.
I look at it as a ‘thank you’ for doing his laundry.

Yes, you have hurt me

But, I know you don’t really give a shite

And I will always love you
He wore the tag well … He braved the photo storm. I shall forgive him this dress intrusion.
But, today, yes – he was a PAIN IN MY ASS!!!!!!
Musings from the Laundromat: Tracks and Crumples and Butters edition.
Tracks! Tracks in my yard. The two doves that spend a lot of time in my neck of the desert seem to have nested nearby because I see them daily now.

Here’s one to refresh your memory:

There’s a few other creatures sticking close to my home – one of which I have lovingly named ‘Crumple Bunny’ which has morphed to ‘Crumples’ already.

It’s little left ear is in constant flop – or – crumpled mode. I’m not sure if it was born this way, or has been injured. I’ve started leaving baby carrots around the area for Crumples and his able eared friend.

A closer shot. It isn’t caged by the way – I took this from my porch, the rabbit was in my neighbor’s yard behind the fence.
Or – my EX neighbor’s I should say!
YES! They finally left!!!!
They also left, 3 tires, an old car, a broken shed full of gawd only knows what – a mattress, toys – and various other items. *sigh*
I didn’t expect less of them.
Back to animals – and speaking of little left things …
Butters has been stepping gingerly on her left hind foot.
I investigated as much as I could considering:
A) She doesn’t like to be prodded or examined – doubly so when there’s something to actually examine.
B) I am not a vet.
I can’t find anything in her paw or pads – but she had been nibbling furiously on the foot attached to said leg for some time. I thought she needed a bath – but that didn’t fix the problem.
Then she seemed fine.
I should also mention I switched her food to a more expensive “joint care” one after her last limpy period.
(This happened last year and the vet had suggested it could be arthritis since the anti-inflammatory’s she was prescribed with seemed to give her back her usual gait.)
I then noticed she wasn’t – um – ‘Answering natures call’ on a regular basis. Also noticed her food bowl was left for meals at a time untouched.

I (again, with all my veterinary training) just assumed since her foot/leg was bothering her, perhaps she just didn’t feel like eating.
Yesterday I thought I’d buy her old food and give that a shot.
I had barely put a scoop in her bowl and she dove in head first!
Kibble was flying – the bowl was clinking and … I felt like the worst dog mom on the planet.
She freaking HATED the ‘better’ food!
Poor thing has been hungry! No wonder she hadn’t used the yard, she had nothing to give it!
I swear she gave me dirty looks all day yesterday after that. At one point she lay on the couch opposite mine with my son – I could feel her looking at me, but when I returned eye contact, she turned her head.
She was probably thinking, “Really? REALLY mom? It took you a bag of food to realize I only ate it when I was flipping starving and wondered why I wasn’t going potty??!”
Sufficiently shamed.
She is now giving what little attention I deserve as she works on forgiving me.
As for her leg – I guess it’s back to the vet with us.
THAT will be an adventure. And when I say ‘adventure’ I mean a drama packed, hyperventilation filled 5 minute drive followed by self asphyxiation by leash in a waiting room. And that’s just me! 😉
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Musings from the Laundromat: Hoggy Birds and Chocolate Shame edition
After being snow bird blocked for the past two weekends, I finally got here early enough for the top load washing machines.

I think probably the fact that it’s Easter also had a part in my success. I assume eggs are being hidden or services attended in lieu of early morning laundry.
As for me? I’m doing brunch at 3:30 with my family.
OK, so that’s not exactly brunch time, but was the earliest reservation.
It’s Linner really isn’t it? Not brunch. I don’t care – food at any time is fine by me.
Which reminds me … I’m STILL gaining weight.
I started out super excited about this, because I needed to put some pounds on. But I haven’t reached a plateau yet – I just keep gaining.
My doctor did mention something about my meds slowing my metabolism – but I didn’t put that fun fact together with my scale until later.
I’m going to have to slow down on the food debauchery because I for one, cannot afford a new wardrobe. In my smugness I donated all my larger clothes – now it’s just daily ‘snugness!’
That’s my only concern really – having to spend money on clothes, because let’s face it, no ones seeing me naked in the foreseeable future.
Found a chocolate wrapper on the kitchen counter this morning and I kid you not, I don’t remember tucking into that last night. I had a candy black out! (Is that a thing? It should be a thing. It’s a thing now.)

Shame washed over me – then I spied with my little eye, 2 bricks of chocolate left in the package and shame be damned, I ate 1 of the survivors.
I’ll try to restrain myself from any other sweets that may leap in my path today – but AM going to gorge myself on ‘Linner’. I mean, it’s a buffet – it would be rude not to partake in excess!
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Happy Easter to all my Soupers who celebrate it – and happy Sunday to all who don’t.
Musings from the Laundromat: Time Hop & Front Load edition
I woke at 7 this morning and spent a few minutes fighting my bladder in a battle to remain horizontal and wondering why the hell it was still so dark?
The weather forecast had said it would be hot all weekend. Couldn’t be clouds.
I lost my battle with my bladder and got up. Shuffled into the living room and grabbed Butters leash. Outside we went and I was still confused.
So dark. No cloud coverage.
Odd.
After our little walk and back inside, I noticed the rest of the clocks in the house.
6:12 a.m. Six???

My ‘Smart’ alarm clock has been guilty of these shenanigans before.
On random occasions it decides to try out its little time zone gadget and flip about for no apparent reasons.
This latest warping of time is odd for 2 reasons:
1) The time change in the States happened LAST weekend.
2) The state I live in doesn’t even OBSERVE fore mentioned time changes.
*sigh*
I was up so I checked in on the latest and greatest on Facebook and there it was – “First Day of Spring”

I guess my clock was celebrating. Hopping forward in a confusion of digital excitement?
I lay back down after correcting its display and immediately fell back to sleep.
8:03. Eyes popped open to realize I was in very real danger of missing out on my favorite washing machines!
I literally only ran a brush through my hair and threw some clothes on and here I am.
With my laundry in 2 damn front load machines … Again.
This happened last weekend too. (No, not the time warp, but the greedy grabbing of the top loads before my arrival.)
I dislike the front loads because A) They’re more expensive per load and B) My little laundry sprinkles fall through the holes and gawd only knows where they go.

Well – the machine hogging snow birds shall be flying back to their homes for the Summer soon and all will be back to normal.
Well, as normal as things get around here.
Musings from the Laundromat: Don’t Stand So Close To Me edition.
The irony in Glaucoma Man telling me he keeps the lid down on the machine next to him so people don’t crowd him while he’s less than a foot from me as I’m stuffing MY laundry into a machine was certainly not lost on me.

I had grocery store flashbacks. You know, when you’re not finished with your turn and you have someone practically leaning on the little pay counter as you’re trying to swipe your card? Breathing down your neck as you take your receipt from the cashier? Those people. The cashiers feed into it too! Start ringing up the next person before you’ve even managed to put your store card and change away.
Back OFF!
Yesterday I had someone so close to me her onions were rung up with my bits and pieces. We laughed about it – discussed sharing an onion and what not but – be patient and get off me!
I’m a little grumpy today clearly.
Not because it’s Valentines Day and I don’t have a valentine. I think mostly because I just woke up, threw clothes on in a very sleepy state and was immediately bombarded with Glaucoma Man.
I’m not really a morning person – and I’m definitely not into being talked at such a rapid and energetic pace until all of me has woken.
I have big plans today. Sushi grade Ahi ready to be cut into slithers of delicious sashimi. A fruit tart for me (Nic picked a cannoli.)

So, basically, my big plans are food. Oh, and … THE WALKING DEAD is back tonight! So I was sure to take tomorrow off so I could stay up late and watch it.
I already know what’s going to happen – just not how exactly it’s going to play out.
Yesterday I did have actual plans. Went to a local town with a dear friend and her granddaughter and Nic. Pet everything furry with four legs and ate a delicious lunch.

Nic & a town dog

My sweet friend and her granddaughter

Me & a burro. I wanted to kiss it on the eyeball, but it was eating.
If not for my friend, I don’t think I’d ever leave the house, except to run errands and work. She forces me to ‘people’.
And now I’ve had a couple of polystyrene cups of coffee and am in a better mood. Chatted some more with Glaucoma Man sweetly since my good nature finally woke up.
And now that he’s gone I’m scanning the room and wishing my clothes were dry and folded.
(Also very glad not to have anyone in my comfort bubble.)
Anyway, Happy Valentines Day to all of you and here’s wishing you love, sweetness and no grocery store shovey people!


