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Thankful … every day
Thanksgiving is just around the corner.
I’ve been reading my friends daily statuses declaring what they’re thankful for – been skirting around the people hovering over the turkeys in the grocery stores, and rolling my eyes at the premature Christmas commercials.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not a Grinch.
I love this time of year – the Season that squeezes out a little extra joy from people. I don’t even mind the decorations being up early, it’s nice to see festive lights and warm sentiments on a chilly day.
That being said – I’m not really a ‘Thanksgiving Day’ fan.
For a few reasons. One being that I’m from England and didn’t grow up celebrating Thanksgiving. There is an equivalent in the UK, ‘Harvest Festival’ – I recall it lasted longer than one day, but the premise of being thankful and contributing food to the community was the same?
I also have a problem with the whole Pilgrim/Indian story angle. A tale of a peaceful, bountiful meal shared between two blended cultures. Historically accurate? Um, no. Here’s a great article: What Really Happened at the First Thanksgiving? The Wampanoag Side of the Tale
The Indians – Native Americans – were ultimately wronged. And you can color that however you want – but I’m not buying it. Not even if it’s on sale at midnight at one of the greedy chain stores.
Another reason I’m not a huge fan of the fourth Thursday of November … the day after it.
Black Friday is a most obnoxious example of consumerism. The fact that it comes directly on the heels of the day when people are supposedly thankful for what they have, just makes it even more obnoxious in my book.
The only part of Thanksgiving I can get behind, (other than eating stuffing and brussel sprouts) is the Giving of Thanks.
I’m of the mind that we should be doing this every day – but, the fact that a day is set aside for it is certainly a beautiful thing.
So, with 2013 drawing to a close – I’ll share with you what I am most thankful for this year.
Rainer
When I chose to watch the documentary Hitlers Children on May 25th – I had no idea what effect it would end up having on my life.
A random selection on a topic I wanted to know more about – turned out not to be so random. I was learning of Rainer’s existence on the day he came to exist. His birthday.
As I sat there, crying – completely undone by his need to be a part of some change in the world – to take something horrific and find something good to do with it – I was moved to write my post ‘There is Such Good.’
What happened after that was a chain of events that led to becoming a small part of his big world.
www.daserbedeskommandanten.com was born and more than that – something very special cemented between us after over a thousand conversations.
There IS such good – and Rainer is good. Er ist mein Held.
My friends
I have the most amazing friends. I don’t get to spend much time with them, but it doesn’t seem to matter. When we are together, it’s as if no time has passed.
From my sweet friend that has the uncanny ability to show up without me having to say ‘I need someone to show up’ – to the friends I work with who make every day magical and my California friends that reach out and keep me laughing via Facebook.
And then there is my ‘BF’. The miles that separate my best friend and I are creatively bridged with daily chats – sharing of jokes and photos, quotes and discussions. I miss her – but we are always connected. There isn’t a room in my home that doesn’t have a piece of her in it.
When I am going through hard times, or joyous ones – all of my friends are there for me. And I hope they know, I am always here for them.
I’m so fortunate to have people in my life who love me for who I am, who think differently than me, who are genuine and trustworthy. For that I am so blessed and very grateful.
This blog
I love to write almost as much as I love to read.
I’ve been able to purge and process major life events here with you. I am all over the place with this blog, I know, but, there is a common theme.
Life.
Motherhood, daily concerns, stress, happiness, gratitude and venting – all here. Interviews with amazing people and photographs of things that caught my eye. All here. All me. All shared.
I remember being so nervous about going public – but I had to be brave. I wrote for a while anonymously, with only a few trusted friends knowing where to find the blog. Now when I publish a new post – I immediately tell the world.
I really am an open book – I can’t comfortably function in life with secrets. I can’t comfortably live in my skin without truth.
This blog has been very comforting.
My job
Yes, it’s been a topic I’ve vented about. But, just work in particular, not my specific job. I love my job. The other day when I was walking to the kitchen in my building – I felt … at home. I love the people I work with. We are like a family. And, I am very aware that I am fortunate enough to have a job that makes a positive difference in people’s lives. I get to be a part of someone obtaining a home.
I am also very grateful for my part-time job – although I complain about that too. (I really need to stop complaining.) Again, it isn’t ‘the job’ that I vent about – it’s more so the fact that I have no choice but to do it.
I think I hoped that by 44, my ducks would be in more of a relaxed row – but I still struggle. Struggle is good – it makes us strong – but I think I’m done doing everything by myself now. I’m tired and ready for the next chapter in my life.
My son
Oh Nicholas. The center of my world. The person that genuinely makes me laugh out loud on a daily basis. The boy who taught me what true love was and became a man who teaches me more about myself than he knows. I would lay down and die without hesitation for my boy.
I also choose to live for him. To be the best person I am capable of being for him. I wanted to give him the world – and this year, I am so grateful that he was able to see some of it!
What started as a hopeful dream – a seemingly unobtainable goal – happened. It really happened. Nicholas spent a month and a half in England. He met family and friends, visited the city I was born and the street where I grew up.
I’m so grateful he was exposed to another culture – to history – to his own heritage. I hope he looks back on that trip with fondness for the rest of his life – and I pray he adds more adventures and never stops exploring our beautiful world.
Everything
Truly. Just … everything.
Everything I have, everything I don’t have. I am thankful for my family, music, art, dreams, stories, animals. For hope and love and butterflies in my stomach.
Everyday I am thankful for waking up. For the ability to see colors, hear sounds, smell fragrances – feel, hold, touch and to think (too much <– right Rainy? lol)
I am thankful for diversity, variety and for sameness too – I am thankful for humanity and … I am thankful for you.
Musings from the laundromat: Wishful Cleaning Edition
Leaving my bed was difficult this morning – but if I wanted any sort of ‘weekend’ I knew the last of the chores had to be finished.
I’ve been cleaning since I got home Friday – which resulted in a wounded foot, me having to iron, and approximately 5 garbage bags full of things I was never going to throw away.
I’m still not done.
I’m not an unclean person – or an untidy one for that matter – I’m just not home long enough to prove otherwise to my satisfaction.
Couple that with the fact that I went from almost 2000 square feet plus a two car garage to about … 10 square feet and no garage, and you can see my dilemma.
So now there is a possibility that someone is coming to visit – I entered panic mode.
I actually asked my son’s girlfriend “What do you notice about the house? How would you describe it?”
There were no wrong answers, and I was not going to be offended. It is what it is. The small home I live in now was definitely a ‘material’ step down, but it was what I could afford at the time and definitely a ‘happiness’ step UP.
“It’s … cozy, but can be messy.”
“Where? Where can it be messy?” I asked as I cut my eyes over to my son, who really should be helping more.
“The kitchen.”
She’s right. First of all, the house is cozy. People feel at home in my home. I’ve heard ‘cozy’ before. That’s good.
As for the kitchen. Everyone has ‘that’ counter that keys, paperwork, mail, jackets get flung upon. That happens at our place too – except, we don’t have counters. So the dining room table we never sit at, is usually littered with such things.
As for the ‘laundry room’ that became the garage. Holiday boxes, cleaning supplies, battery chargers, crock pots, computer monitors, computer towers – everything too large to be anywhere else, ended up there.
It really shouldn’t bother me – people who love me aren’t going to judge me by my home, but come on! Even when you have relatives coming don’t you prepare by doing the crazy cleaning?
So crazy cleaning is still in progress.
Being at the laundromat almost feels like a vacation today.
Live Walking Dead goes Viral
But we knew it was already infected. Right?
Fellow blogger, Screen Writer and friend, Austin Hodgens has graciously agreed to an interview after his post The Walking Dead To Film Live Episode In Maine was taken a tad too literally.
I was instantly amused after Austin pondered on Facebook what the heck happened while he was at work Monday. As hits in the tens of thousands continued to climb on his blog, I responded with helpful comments like ‘LMAO!’ ‘WTH?’ and ‘You realize you have more hits than the Obama Care website?’ (I can always be counted on to be helpful in times of confusion.)
My first request was for any Walking Dead action figures that might come his way due to internet infamy (Hey, they’re on my Christmas wish list okay!)
Then I remembered I did interviews.
Sorry Dead fans – Walking Dead is not to be Live, nor filmed in Maine.
Austin’s brainchild, (brains – I had to get that in there) is: The Return of the Modern Philosopher and contains a LOT of very cleverly written satire.
The House on the Hill is home to an extremely creative native New Yorker who moved to Maine and has conjured up some very interesting neighbors. Among them, Zombies, Witches, Gargoyles, and Vampires (Oh my!) … none of which seem to mind his Toga.
It was only a matter of time until this avid jogger added the official Walkers to his blog. And no, it was not an intentional ‘hoax’ just a sampling of his imaginative writing.
I should mention – I like to conduct my interviews in a more organic way – via Instant Message. With follow up questions and a back and forth flow. Tonight was bonkers. Austin and I tried, and failed, multiple times to chat on Facebook.
I am convinced – the debacle that ensued was due to a Zombie Curse! But, because the show must go on – here are the questions I wanted to ask that he still graciously answered via email.
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Me: An environment where Norman Reedus would have to wear sleeves? It doesn’t make sense. How could people believe that?
Austin: A world swarming with Walkers doesn’t make sense, either, but the living learn to adapt. With that in mind, I think Daryl would spend the episode in a full length mink coat. He’d look like a totally bad ass pimp.
Me: Live zombies + lights, camera and action – could the Maine Zombie Census Bureau Agents have handled such a large herd?
Austin: As you know, the Maine Census Bureau Agents really just track the herds, keep population counts, and try to force the Zombies into certain parts of Maine, far away from the public. However, the Maine Zombie Hunters, also government employees, would be there to keep the Walkers under control. They can handle anything. Best bureaucrats in the business!
Me: Andrew Lincoln is a consummate professional. Do you really think he’d be so excited as to slip into his native accent? Maybe he could have pulled a ‘Love Actually’ card reading instead!
Austin: That’s the thrill of live television, Amanda, we never know what is going to happen. Lincoln is the consummate professional, but we don’t know how he’s going to react to live Zombies coming at him. Is he really that good of a shot? Englishmen are used to Werewolves in London, but are they prepared for Zombies in Maine???
Me: Why do you think there are no naked zombies? Surely someone had to have been bitten in the shower …
Austin: Naked Zombies? My question to you is: Why aren’t there Zombies in togas? Nothing is more comfy than a toga. If Zombies could form a Deep Thought, I would recommend they ponder on that. And why would you want to see a naked Zombie? Is that some form a zany British humor???
Me: Do you think Jeff Probst would be miffed if he knew the Survivor Maine post was outdone? (Or would that be ‘outplayed’)
Austin: Have to say this for Jeff Probst: he did address the Survivor: Maine rumors on Twitter and retweet my post, so he’s okay in my book. No word from The Walking Dead staff yet. My gut says Jeff would be upset to be outdone, and would start up rumors again just so that post got more hits. Of course, this gives me an idea for a future blog post… Survivor Maine: Humans vs Zombies!!!
Me: Maggie, you – who gets the third chair on the porch?
Austin: Bonus points for mentioning one of the most popular regular features on the blog. I’d conjure up a special episode for Maggie. One Chair on a Porch and she sits on my lap.
Me: Now you’ve stirred up the Walking Dead fans, do you have a Breaking Bad come back post planned?
Austin: I’m embarrassed to admit it, but I stopped watching Breaking Bad during the second season. Does that make me a bad person? I thought writing satirical posts that get strangers in an uproar was what made me a bad person. The Devil is sitting right here next to me, and he says I’m going to be spending eternity with him because I’ve riled up too many people on the internet!
I’m glad people read the post, and most happy that my biggest fan is incredibly proud of me…
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Monday Musing
Monday.
One of the first sentences I heard today was “I think you’re too hard on yourself.”
The source was a man who I work with by association, and he barely knows me.
I tend to take all comments to heart. I absorb them, dissect them, process them.
This morning though, not so much. I just said, “Yeah, I think you’re right”
And he is.
I need to be kinder to myself.
Just this weekend I realized in the process of striving to grow, heal and improve – I had become my own bully.
I find the people that barely know me, have a better perspective than those with a lot of information.
Who we are on the surface, if we’re being authentic, really is a very accurate glimpse of who we really are deep inside.
You can judge my book by my cover apparently – as I’m very easy to read and wear my heart on my sleeve.
And I’m open to hearing what my cover is saying to people.
I think that for me, not wanting people to judge me until they know ‘the whole story’ is a cop out. It’s directly contradictory to the theory that we decide how to behave and choose who to be. My story is nothing more than an excuse.
My actions today – my cover – my choices … are who I am.
Photo Sunday
Still in a photograph mood. So I’m going to indulge myself and share some of my favorites.
The above photo was taken nearby and when I posted it to my MySpace (yes, that long ago) someone stole it and was actually using it as their profile pic. How did I find out? I was playing Zynga poker and suddenly, my burro entered the room and sat at the table.
This Praying Mantis was just outside my front door. I got down on my stomach and tried to stay as still as I could for the perfect focus.
P.J. (R.I.P) This was one of those moments that if I had not captured, I would have been kicking myself about still. (Much like the missed opportunity with the vultures not long ago – I take my ‘real’ camera with me to the laundromat on Sunday’s now … just in case I get a second chance.)
P.J. again – trotting home across the road – not giving the quail behind him the time of day.
The gummy eyeball. I love the colors. Much like the one below
The orange popsicle tongue.
And finally for now – my son and I – because we were just so happy, and making very silly videos at the time. We’ve had so many laughs on the couch, side by side – just being huge dorks.
Debauchery Soup 