Category Archives: Humor
Dixon dreams, plastic cheese & rogue gifts
Dreamed of Daryl Dixon last night. This pleased me.
Butters and I went to bed early – I was so tired yesterday I didn’t go grocery shopping AGAIN!
I started to make my lunch this morning, pulled two slices of bread out of the fridge, laid them on a paper towel, headed back to the fridge for some fillings only to discover, there were none.
Butters looked very disappointed, so she got a piece of Kraft cheese (the plastic wrapped kind, that will NEVER find itself anywhere near a sandwich of mine unless it’s grilled.)
So I’m sat without lunch and wondering if I’ll find the energy to go to the shop tonight. I mean, I HAVE to – but it’s so lovely and chilly out, all I want to do is drive straight home and put my comfy clothes on and snuggle in.
There’s also the issue of my car. *sigh* Yup. So the key is still randomly sticking and refusing to come out of the ignition from time to time. Yes, I wiggled the steering wheel. Yes, I pushed in before turning key. Yes, it’s in park when I do these things. I’m thinking shifter cable issue. I’m also thinking that is going to have to wait until after Christmas – which … is only a week away!!!!
I went rogue on one of Nic’s gifts – it was no where on any of his wish lists. I obviously can’t share what it is, but I’m SO hoping he likes it.
I can’t wait to see his face on Christmas morning. That’s my favorite part. Seeing him open his gifts.
I’m also thinking this weekend, after I finish up my shopping and settle down for a long Winters wrap – I’ll be indulging in some Nog.
I have the spirit! It has me! Now if I just had some Havarti and hummus, I’d have a sandwich.
Alarming leg cramps, Ibex & Soothing Food
I was extremely tired this morning, I wanted to hit my snooze button.
6 am, my alarm clock began bleating out it’s annoying sound that is set to progressively get louder. I did a half roll and WHAM! Cramp in my calf.
So not only did I not get 10 minutes more sleep, my arse was out of the bed in record time … standing down hard flat-footed for some cramp relief.
Talk about a rude awakening.
I saw something that calmed me down after heating up a cup of coffee. LOOK at these things! LOOK at them!!!
Those are Alpine Ibex and they’re licking the salt off the mountainside!! How the hell did they get up there you ask? I’m sure you know how to work YouTube.
Imagine seeing that one. LOL! “Henry!! There’s Ibex on the wall again!” Henry’s response: “Dam”.
Anyway, so I’m giggling and sharing and making the comment that if coffee or cake deposits were on the mountainside, I might do that climb.
(Of course, we know I’d definitely NOT do that climb, not for love nor money.)
But the thought of coffee and cake now has me in food mode.
I decided to self sooth after my traumatic leg cramp and did something I haven’t done in years. (Ok, this also has a lot to do with the fact that I still haven’t gone grocery shopping.) I drove thru McDonald’s for breakfast on the way to work!
Did you know they have egg white mcmuffins now? Probably not that much healthier considering it came with the usual hash browns. No hash whites accompany them that’s for sure.
So that was breakfast … then I discovered this AMAZING lunch item (also due to the fact that I have not yet been grocery shopping.)
My original mission was: Fetch wrapping paper, grab a food item, return to work.
I entered Wal-Mart through the garden section and picked out my paper – along with some adorable bows and was sauntering down the gift tag aisle when I noticed the line. Oh hell no. Put bows back – left with nothing. Time to grab food and get back.
Only restaurant with a drive through was Wienerschnitzel.
I’m not a big fan – but figured since I’d already blown eating healthy today, might as well sooth (not sure what I was soothing at this point) with a burger and fries.
There was this thing of beauty on the menu that I had never heard of before.
It is called: The Jalapeno Poppers Chili Burger!
I don’t do ‘wet’ bread – so I asked them to make it minus the chili …
When I got back to the office with my little delicious smelling paper bag of gluttony … I prepared. Napkin. Plate.
I could never have prepared for that first bite. Mother of GAWD!!!!!! The popper burst and released its cheesy innards – while the crunch of the pepper balanced out the bun and the meat …
It was probably the most delightful burger bite I’ve ever had.
And if it were on a steep mountain, I might actually pull an Ibex move on it.
Musings from the laundromat – for ‘realsies’ this time
It was driving me bonkers that my laundry day was being delayed. I dug through my purse, broke open my gumball machine and sheepishly traded in some quarters and dimes at the laundromat counter.
“We like change …” she said.
She’s sweet like that. Took herself away from her ironing to accommodate my change.
So now I’m back on track – albeit, a little later than normal.
First thing I noticed was the lack of carts.
Seriously, where did they go?? On a group mission to search for missing socks? I don’t know. There are usually 4 carts to a table.
There’s a different clientele in here too.
I don’t know these people. And while I’m glad I don’t have to do laundry after work tomorrow, I’m feeling incredibly out of my element with this new crowd.
SUCH a creature of habit am I.
“We like change …” I remind myself.
Because you know as soon as she said that, and even while I was making little quarter and dime piles, I was off on a tangent in my head about that sentence.
I’m not big on change.
I’m like a wary woodland creature.
I can be coaxed into a different environment by a treat holding hand with accompanying coos of “c’mon, little fella, it’s ok … I won’t hurt you”. But all the while I’m peering around and ready to scamper off back to the comfort of what I know.
I’m reminded of this right now …
Only I would see the box. Yes I would. I may be easily led, but not captured.
Unless it’s by my own damn rituals – like having to do laundry on a Sunday.
I’m still concerned about the carts by the way … they haven’t made it back and I worry about them. Perhaps I need to put down a trail of cart treats and coax them back?
What the heck do carts like?
Little droplets of WD40 for their wheels perhaps?
I’ll stick with my original thought that they’re on that sock finding mission.
Good luck on your valiant quest you brave, brave carts!
“Fa la la la – Potstickers!”
Ah the holidays!
I’m not freaking out this year – I actually got ahead of the game by ordering some of the bigger gifts online. The ones for my son are hidden at work until I can procure some duct tape.
Yup, he’s a peeker.
This is a photo from an actual ‘Wikihow’ by the way … crazy! They actually cover step by step how to sneak open your gifts and wrap them back up again! LOL!
To be fair, I was a peeker too when I was young. I outgrew that and do not like any surprises ruined for me now. (Ok, so maybe I skipped to all the spoilers about SOA series finale, but c’mon! I had like 50 episodes left to watch and honestly was losing interest trying to catch up!)
Still have a lot to do – but until I have more than moths and lint in my bank account, that will have to wait.
Our office is festively decorated …
And tonight – is our first official Office Christmas dinner. We’re going full ‘A Christmas Story’ on this one and having Chinese! I’m not complaining – I can gorge myself like a tick on potstickers.
Love Chinese food!
And the company will make the meal all the better.
HAPPY POTSTICKER DAY FROM THIS ELF!
Musings from the Laundromat: Showers, Age Shockers and Speaker Phones edition
I haven’t showered yet. I’m late (by 12 minutes) and my little glaucoma man isn’t here. 😦
There IS however, this guy in front of me having a conversation on speaker phone. Really??
It wouldn’t be so awful, but he keeps looking at other patrons after he says something he must consider funny or clever – for affirmation. Stahhhp!! AND, he’s chewing on a straw.
_____________________
My alarm woke me from a dream about fairies and Eminem. I had the delightful pleasure of turning the alarm off, and snuggling back into my covers. Before I shut my eyes again I wondered why the hell I dreamt of Eminem.
In the dream, I was paid a visit by someone who said they’d received a complaint from my fairies. I wasn’t taking the best care of them. (Hey, I gave Nic’s hamster some apple last night – I care for things!)
As for Eminem – he and I were part of a group who were going somewhere. We were the last to leave as we were closest to the event. I was just about to get into the shower when he hijacked it. I ended up taking a cold one. Nice Eminem – nice. Slim Shady Shower Stealer. Anyway, it turns out he prefers baths … in, um … red stuff.
So I’m here.
It’s quiet. (Other than obnoxious speaker phone guy)
I figure after I clean the house I’ll bathe and be all fresh and clean for relaxing with a movie or two.
Speaking of movies – ever watch an oldie but a goodie and notice something you hadn’t before?
Yesterday I watched American Beauty. Now, the first time I saw it, my general thoughts were that he was going through a mid-life crisis. Yesterday, I was standing in the kitchen making a pie when he uttered the sentence in his opening monologue “I’m 42 …” Whaaat?! 3 years younger than me now!
That’s the thing about watching old movies, we’ve aged and the characters haven’t. We get to see them in a new light. Sometimes even while squinting, because lets face it – our eyes aren’t what they used to be.
Here’s another fun fact for you.
George Bailey in “Its a Wonderful Life”? 39!!!!
I am seriously feeling my age now.
Apparently so is Mr. obnoxious speaker phone guy because he just told the guy at the other end of the line “I’m too old for Hooters.” Followed by hearty laughter. Jeez.
C’mon dryers! Hurry up! I wanna go home!
Debauchery Soup 
