Category Archives: Humor
You say ‘Goats Head’ I say ‘Fuuuu! I have another freaking Rams Head in my foot’
Only, I don’t say it anymore. It’s become a norm. Like stepping on a nail in a doorway you never got around to fixing.
They pierce flip-flops, my dogs paw pads and bare feet in the house.
I pulled a few up tonight before they came to fruition, then got curious, as I usually do – and researched.
Here is the beautiful ground cover before:
So pretty …
see those yellow things? Not flowers – but the spawn of evil flesh delving burrs.
BUT! They do have pretty yellow flowers to throw you off …
(The picture above is not mine, I ‘borrowed’ it from the interwebs – my ‘good’ camera is out of batteries. All other photos are mine – except of course, ‘The More You Know’ logo)
I yanked all I could find, before they could dry out, disconnect and sink their horns into us.
Here’s one after …
Innocent enough eh? Laying there – on my step, without a care in the world (except for the fact that I pulled it ruthlessly by its root from my dog trodden dirt.)
THEN I got curious. What IS this plant.
And ARE you kidding me????
Check this out:
http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/devils-claw-tribulus-terrestris.html
The name of the plant is Tribulus Terrestris. And when those burrs harden, they become this:
You can see why they’re called ‘Rams heads’ or ‘Goats heads’ – although, nerd that I am, I see Yoda in the middle.
Bottom line is, I guess I’m stepping, quite painfully, on a gold mine?
I should harvest these horrors before they are no longer green and cash in on the attributes.
Although, considering I step on one at least once a day, I don’t think they’re in short supply.
Hey, the more you know.
Musings from the laundromat: YMCA edition
I don’t know if this is going to sound politically correct, but it is what it is – I was totally alone here at the laundromat, then in came a tall, handsome black man and a sweet Mexican in a cowboy hat at the same time and all I could think of? “Half the village people are here!”
I’m sticking by it.
I went on to think, “And I’m the pasty white girl totally ruining the illusion.”
In other news, saw this on a friends page and loved it so much I had to share it with you.
So true, and I don’t know about you, but I really need to learn to live this. So unhealthy to live any other way. I constantly beat myself up about the past and I’m always worrying about the future. I’m missing so many ‘now’ moments in the process.
So today, I need to enjoy my Sunday. Stay in the moment. Maybe eat something really bad for me, because my shorts are falling off as I walk around the laundromat. Time to fatten up a bit and find my ‘happy’. Yup.
And …
Now let’s dance – throw those hands up!
Musings from the Laundromat: Twirling Umbrellas and Alien Babies Edition
Someone is twirling the rainbow umbrella furthest from me.
Sitting there and just spinning it.
When I walked in there was no one at the twirling table.
No one at all.
I had the place to myself again for a while.
I saw this sign and after filling my machines, had to take a photo of it for you.
I saw the figure and thought, “It doesn’t look like it fell. Looks like it’s relaxing on the floor.” Then I thought maybe it DID fall, but then was trying to play it off like “I meant to do that.”
If I fell here, I’d hope to look as nonchalant about it as that little figure.
Twirling lady has left. There’s now just a man at the counter chatting with the laundry lady.
I remember loading the machines and leaving. Taking the opportunity to run errands. That was before I mused for you.
Oh, I got my car back Wednesday. And Friday it was back in the shop after overheating.
Got it back the same day, but I’d be lying if I said I’m driving it with any confidence.
I feel like I’m hemorrhaging money when it comes to my car. The fridge is pretty empty.
We DID have leftovers in there for a small time – from my son and his girlfriend. They had been to Vegas and stopped at red lobster.
The leftovers had since run out of ‘time’ so I put some of the crab in the cats kibble bowl. Then I thought I’d do an alien hand thing – and my honey created this. Cracked me up.
The look on Butter’s face is classic.
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Just went and refilled my coffee and was stopped by the laundry lady. We had a little chat.
She made coffee last week for me and I didn’t come. How sweet is she?
“I reset the WIFI and made a pot.”
“Yeah, I was out-of-town.” (Which, is technically true as I was across the river in another state.)
She then told me about another regular that she’s worried about.
She didn’t show up either – she’s undergoing chemo.
“You should get her number next time she comes.” I said. “I bet she’d like having someone check on her.”
“Yeah, I should. I’m the only one she let’s do her laundry.”
I can see why.
I love my laundry lady. ‘My’ laundry lady lol.
But she is mine. Another person I adore in my collection of people I adore. I treasure her. I love that I’m ‘her’ regular too.
The Menagerie – and the wounds.
My parents cool deck needs some work. They do what they can, but I came out of a day of swimming looking like I’ve been beaten up. I had to explain each wound to my co-workers.
No, he doesn’t hit me.
No, this isn’t a ‘sex’ wound.
No, I didn’t fall down.
I DID take full advantage of the pool. But the coating on the side is like cut glass – and when they’ve spent as much as they have getting the INSIDE suitable for water and swimming, who could blame them for waiting on ‘aesthetics’?
Not me.
But I suffered. Every knuckle. Every knee. Every arm that hung onto the side to chat, then turn to respond to someone – injured. I can LOOK at something and be injured by it. It’s ridiculous. I bruise so easily.
I bleed easily too.
I will not speak of that night. Let’s just say, 95% of it was freaking awesome, and the other 5%? Well, when you have people imbibing and that love one another – shite happens. Because we feel safe being ourselves.
And sometimes ourselves isn’t who we want to be.
Then there was the ‘plank off’ which I INSISTED on – although my very fit mom told me was not a great idea. My core is still hurting today. LOL!
Here’s some pics from the party, then we’ll get to the menagerie.
Fun time was had by all – until it wasn’t a fun time.
I have GOT to learn to let go.
To appreciate what I have and quit living in the past.
ANYWAY – this thing showed up ….
Did I NOT tell Nic “no more critters???”
So, now he has like a dozen fish – a hamster (the first critter, whose name is Scarelett, but forever I will call ‘Scratchy’.) Now a Guinea Pig who looks at me with sad eyes.
I thought tonight, ‘Eff it!’ and brought Butters in. Let her explore the new smell.
She did great! But then … Draper marched in – and I, in my ninja, stupid, only human mode did a tuck and roll onto the floor I’ve only seen in movies.
Was enough to alarm the cat who I’m sure was thinking “What the ‘F’ is she DOING??????” And I twisted my toe.
SO unnecessarily twisted my toe. Add that to the injury list. LOL!
Sorry Paltrow, I can never be a body double, because I maim myself just LOOKING at something.
Animals are settled for the night.
Nic is gone, because he’s saying ‘bye for now’ to his true love going back to college out-of-state – and I have my honey working his arse off for his art.
And wounds.
Wounds I couldn’t let go that 5% of the night.
And very visible wounds I can’t stop saying ‘ouch!’ to today.
Monsoon broken down
I get up. Make the chicken – and the scent of it draws Nic out of his lair, I’m not going to lie – this was after he said,” Taco Bell is closed.”
Me: I love the smell of rain.
Him: I think the smell of rain is caused by the drowning of bacteria.
Me: *sigh* pause.
Me: Also love the smell of fresh cut grass.
Him: The plants are sending out distress signals.
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My son is a killjoy.
I mean, considering he came out of his cave at the scent of flesh … he burst my bubble on the whole rain thing.
It’s pouring now.
Much bacteria being drowned.
Oh but it smells SO good. Secrete! Secrete!
We are in for one hell of a monsoon this weekend.
Debauchery Soup 