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My (too?) gay proud memo moment

Just had a very eye-opening experience.

I get memos all the time from lenders – I’m alerted when rates improve or worsen, when a new program is available and when there is a change in procedures with an existing program.

So I’m sitting and working and ‘ding!’ I have an email from a lender we use a lot.

Ever have a moment when you feel like you’re part of something important?  Historical?  When you know you won’t soon forget the moment you’re in and have a feeling your children might remember it too?

I was a student aid for the attendance office in high school.  On January 28, 1986, I was in that office when I had to deliver a note to each classroom advising the teachers and students that we lost 7 souls on Space Shuttle Challenger.  (It wouldn’t be until a few years later when the gravity of that task hit me.)

I still have the rate sheets from 9/11 – the alerts and market suspensions.

And today – a good moment.

I read the following memo and knew that I was part of a special moment:

“Effective immediately, on a case-by-case basis, VA will provide the home loan guaranty benefit to same-sex married couples in a manner consistent with the benefit currently in place for opposite-sex married couples.  After reviewing the following information, VA will determine whether a same-sex married couple can be qualified for a VA loan using the income of both spouses:

  • Date and State of marriage
  • State of residence at the time of marriage
  • State in which the subject property is located
  • State in which the couple currently resides
  • Estimated closing date of the VA loan”

(Etc.  I won’t type the whole email – I don’t need a plagiarism suit)

same sex benefits

So!  I’m reading this – and the grin on my face is getting bigger and bigger … The fact that it’s the VA loan is even more exciting to me.  From “Don’t ask don’t tell” to VA home loan benefit for same-sex couples?

Very cool.

Now – I ran with the ‘very cool’ sentiment, literally. 

Holding the memo that I printed, like Charlie held that golden ticket, I breathlessly shared the news with whomever would listen.  My eyes glistening with a shiny happy ‘very cool’ glaze.

Did not – for ONE second – occur to me that not everyone would share my excitement or my opinion.


I mean – seriously,  NEVER did the thought that perhaps not everyone would be as shiny eyed as me over it, enter my mind.  At all.  Ever. 


For sure.

I mentioned to the first person I told (after my eye-opening experience) that I needed to look at that.  I needed to look at the fact that I didn’t think anyone would have differing opinions.  He said, “Well … you wouldn’t.” 

That made me feel a little better  (but not less naïve).  I’m not comfortable that the thought wouldn’t occur to me that not everyone was open-minded and for equality.

And I’m still surprised.

Oh well,  years from now, when my great-grandchildren are thinking I’m pulling their leg about same-sexed couples being treated differently at one time – I’ll get to share with them the story of ‘the memo’.


Embracing fear


I’m finding my fears are directly proportional to how much I am capable of loving.  The more I grow, spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, the more I fear.  And I wonder how that can be?

I know that the opposite of fear is faith – I know that fear is unhealthy.  I know this, and yet I am scared.

For me, this is also growth.  When for years (other than my son) I didn’t fear losing something, not caring enough to be afraid – this is growth.

Faith I can work on.

The ordinary seems more ordinary to me lately.  All the childhood dreams and hopes I had for myself are keeping me up at night.  I want the fantastic.  The magical.  The fairy tale.

For years I did not believe anymore.  Like  a wide-eyed audience member discovering the secret behind a magicians trick – such disappointment.

The past few years I have been finding my own magic.  Slowly.  And finding myself open to believing again.  Then out of nowhere, as if a reward for opening my eyes, destiny put more in my path.

I think my fear stems from not wanting to suddenly see another trick revealed.

No, I do not want to sit in naivety.  But to have wonderment at what life can bring – to be surprised and to feel anything is again possible – I want more than anything.