Just had a very eye-opening experience.
I get memos all the time from lenders – I’m alerted when rates improve or worsen, when a new program is available and when there is a change in procedures with an existing program.
So I’m sitting and working and ‘ding!’ I have an email from a lender we use a lot.
Ever have a moment when you feel like you’re part of something important? Historical? When you know you won’t soon forget the moment you’re in and have a feeling your children might remember it too?
I was a student aid for the attendance office in high school. On January 28, 1986, I was in that office when I had to deliver a note to each classroom advising the teachers and students that we lost 7 souls on Space Shuttle Challenger. (It wouldn’t be until a few years later when the gravity of that task hit me.)
I still have the rate sheets from 9/11 – the alerts and market suspensions.
And today – a good moment.
I read the following memo and knew that I was part of a special moment:
“Effective immediately, on a case-by-case basis, VA will provide the home loan guaranty benefit to same-sex married couples in a manner consistent with the benefit currently in place for opposite-sex married couples. After reviewing the following information, VA will determine whether a same-sex married couple can be qualified for a VA loan using the income of both spouses:
- Date and State of marriage
- State of residence at the time of marriage
- State in which the subject property is located
- State in which the couple currently resides
- Estimated closing date of the VA loan”
(Etc. I won’t type the whole email – I don’t need a plagiarism suit)
So! I’m reading this – and the grin on my face is getting bigger and bigger … The fact that it’s the VA loan is even more exciting to me. From “Don’t ask don’t tell” to VA home loan benefit for same-sex couples?
Now – I ran with the ‘very cool’ sentiment, literally.
Holding the memo that I printed, like Charlie held that golden ticket, I breathlessly shared the news with whomever would listen. My eyes glistening with a shiny happy ‘very cool’ glaze.
Did not – for ONE second – occur to me that not everyone would share my excitement or my opinion.
I mean – seriously, NEVER did the thought that perhaps not everyone would be as shiny eyed as me over it, enter my mind. At all. Ever.
I mentioned to the first person I told (after my eye-opening experience) that I needed to look at that. I needed to look at the fact that I didn’t think anyone would have differing opinions. He said, “Well … you wouldn’t.”
That made me feel a little better (but not less naïve). I’m not comfortable that the thought wouldn’t occur to me that not everyone was open-minded and for equality.
And I’m still surprised.
Oh well, years from now, when my great-grandchildren are thinking I’m pulling their leg about same-sexed couples being treated differently at one time – I’ll get to share with them the story of ‘the memo’.
I’m finding my fears are directly proportional to how much I am capable of loving. The more I grow, spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, the more I fear. And I wonder how that can be?
I know that the opposite of fear is faith – I know that fear is unhealthy. I know this, and yet I am scared.
For me, this is also growth. When for years (other than my son) I didn’t fear losing something, not caring enough to be afraid – this is growth.
Faith I can work on.
The ordinary seems more ordinary to me lately. All the childhood dreams and hopes I had for myself are keeping me up at night. I want the fantastic. The magical. The fairy tale.
For years I did not believe anymore. Like a wide-eyed audience member discovering the secret behind a magicians trick – such disappointment.
The past few years I have been finding my own magic. Slowly. And finding myself open to believing again. Then out of nowhere, as if a reward for opening my eyes, destiny put more in my path.
I think my fear stems from not wanting to suddenly see another trick revealed.
No, I do not want to sit in naivety. But to have wonderment at what life can bring – to be surprised and to feel anything is again possible – I want more than anything.