Embracing fear


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I’m finding my fears are directly proportional to how much I am capable of loving.  The more I grow, spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, the more I fear.  And I wonder how that can be?

I know that the opposite of fear is faith – I know that fear is unhealthy.  I know this, and yet I am scared.

For me, this is also growth.  When for years (other than my son) I didn’t fear losing something, not caring enough to be afraid – this is growth.

Faith I can work on.

The ordinary seems more ordinary to me lately.  All the childhood dreams and hopes I had for myself are keeping me up at night.  I want the fantastic.  The magical.  The fairy tale.

For years I did not believe anymore.  Like  a wide-eyed audience member discovering the secret behind a magicians trick – such disappointment.

The past few years I have been finding my own magic.  Slowly.  And finding myself open to believing again.  Then out of nowhere, as if a reward for opening my eyes, destiny put more in my path.

I think my fear stems from not wanting to suddenly see another trick revealed.

No, I do not want to sit in naivety.  But to have wonderment at what life can bring – to be surprised and to feel anything is again possible – I want more than anything.

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About debaucherysoup

I've traveled 4 continents, affording me experiences and adventures to last a lifetime. Most important was the exposure to other cultures, beliefs and lifestyles. I'm also mom to one of the most amazing human beings I know.

Posted on June 22, 2013, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. Yes, when we have nothing, we don’t fear losing it. For the longest time I too, allowed myself to desire or expect nothing, not even a place to live! But as I have accumulated things, I do fear from time to time the loss. I think it is healthy to emote this feeling. Mostly, I fear the loss (through death) of my Husband, he is my best friend and partner in all I do. I fight it sometimes, the Love, but it’s because it is so important in my heart.

    • I do not fear losing ‘things’, been there, done that. I’ve always managed to land on my feet, and with more gratitude than before. But, this new feeling of caring for someone is scary. The woman with the stone heart (lol) has to face the very real possibility that she could be facing her first heart break. I’m willing to take that chance. Losing your best friend, your partner in life – that breaks my heart for those who have. You are so beautiful Alyce. I’m so glad you are in my life. xxx

  2. Thank you 🙂

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