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Prelude to something big …

Not in my wildest dreams could I have conjured the events following my post “There is such good …”

The following day, I checked my email as usual and promptly sat with my ipad as if I were holding the most precious, fragile item with shaking hands.

An email – from Germany.

Not just any email.  An email from Rainer Hoess.

Two sentences:

“Thanks for your comfort article at your website (There is such good) Warm and friendly regards from Germany

I haven’t been in shock many times in my life.  I can assure you, I was, at that moment, in total and complete shock.

It’s not often the subject of something that touches you so profoundly contacts you.  Okay, NEVER does the subject of something that has touched me so profoundly been in contact.

I did not know what to do.  Other than sit – and stare at my email as if it were going to suddenly delete itself if I looked away. 

Do I reply??  I thought perhaps not – I didn’t want to bother him with my gushing compliments and over the top thank you’s for taking the time to write a note to me.  But, then I thought, WHEN am I ever going to have this opportunity again?

So I proceeded to embarrassingly gush and thank.

I hit ‘send’ while holding my breath.  I’m pretty sure I wasn’t breathing anyway.

*Ding*

A reply. 

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I’m barely functioning at this point.  How to read when my vision is swimming? Comprehend the words when my brain is doing some odd dance in my head? And how to use the touch screen when I can’t feel my extremities??

I’ll save the rest for the big event, but let me just say, after some 32 emails back and forth later – he graciously agreed to allow me to interview him.

I know how huge this is.  I know. 

And a part of me is terrified I’m going to let this amazing man down.  But he trusts me. 

And I trust my voice. 

And I want to be a part of his generations effort to offer healing and hope. 

I want to focus on his journey.  A man who has struggled with coming to terms with his past.  A past he had no part in, but is still persecuted for. 

So watch this space. 

I’ll be continuing to get to know this funny, insightful, delightful, strong, brave and caring man.

Then I will share some of him with you.

There is such good …

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I find myself from time to time almost pleading Earths case to God.

I’ll share with you my nightly prayers.  I always say “Thank you.” I always end with “God bless all those in my heart, on my mind and in the world, Amen.”

The meat of my prayers is usually me asking for guidance –  praying for strength in areas I’m lacking.

Sometimes I pray for more patience, the increased ability to love – to be tolerant.  I pray to know which path I should be taking.

When it’s a particularly sad news day though, when atrocities have been committed and we’re made aware of them – I don my humankind legal defense cap.

As if God doesn’t already know, I plead “God, there is such GOOD in the world too.”  As if I’m afraid he’s going to shut the whole event down because of evil.

I have a favorite quote, by W.H. Auden.

“Evil is unspectacular and always human, and shares our bed and eats at our own table …”

I love that quote.  I love how the words feel coming out of my mouth  – how the thought provokes – the simple eloquence of it.

And it, for me, is truth.

I watched a documentary this morning called “Hitlers Children.” (If you have Netflix, it’s a streamable selection. )

One particular storyline resonated with me.

It was that of Rainer Hoess – grandson of Rudolf Hoess.

He looked at photographs of his father standing in the garden of the family home on the grounds of Auschwitz.  Other photos showed his grandfather in that same back yard.

Later in the documentary, he took a trip to Auschwitz – his first one.

One of the questions he pondered, while staring at a photo of his father standing by the garden gate was, how could they not have known – not have seen?

He was afforded entry into that same garden and stood at that very garden gate.  The house was cleverly designed with no views of the crematorium – textured glass windows on the side of the house that might let some truth in.

The garden itself was surrounded by tall walls, offering only a glimpse of outlying buildings.

I wondered what it must have felt like to stand in that location.  To know that your lineage included a monster.  I didn’t need to wonder for long – when Rainer lost his composure, I did too.  I wept on the couch with this man who was riddled with guilt for a crime against humanity that he couldn’t possibly have anything to do with.

During the tour, he agreed to speak to a group.  He was nervous – understandably.  At one point, a holocaust survivor, from that camp, wanted to shake his hand.

My already wet cheeks were wet anew when this old man took his hand and told him, ‘you didn’t do this.’

They hugged and my heart wanted to burst.

There is good.

There is good everywhere if you look for it – take time to avert your eyes from your problems and worries and choose to see it!

On a personal note, I have a friend, who takes care of not only her grandchildren – but her bed ridden mother and her disabled brother and reached out to ME to offer ME help to send my son to England!  She is the epitome of selflessness to me.

She smiles and though she gets tired, she’s happy and grateful and is of service to others.

GOD!  There is SUCH good.

I’ll be praying tonight to be a part of that good.

Happy Easter-Good Friday Eve

Tomorrow is Good Friday, and as I have an Easter post planned for my son, who turns 18 that day – I’ll say Happy Easter to you all now.  There’s just something about Spring … birth, new beginnings and let’s face it … chocolate.  Pastels and scavenger hunts … that last grasp on mild weather before Summer begins to stir.  It’s a Season where anything is possible.  Rebirth.

I wish for all of you a heart full of possibilities and renewed hope.  And chocolate.

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