There are days I wish we lived closer to ‘town’ – but mostly, I’m so grateful for our privacy, land and peaceful hearts.
I see beauty in everything. I look for good everywhere. Even the most simple of things stun me and fill my heart with appreciation.
Without further ado, (okay, a little more ‘ado’ because this meme cracks me up whenever I see it).
I present to you the scenes and views that captured my eyes and heart today.
Bottom line is that there is not a direction I can turn without feeling awe and gratitude.
I fell in love with this man and his posture. Even sitting, his shapes and angles were so mesmerizing – I found myself staring at him and then snapping shots on my ipad.
I loved him even more when he retrieved his items from the dryer and they were button down shirts. I watched as after placing them on hangers, he smoothed them with his balletic hands.
I thought – ‘I’ve found laundromat gold’ (which, ironically, occurred in the dryer too – a small gold pencil that did not come from any of my items.)
Anyway – each photo may appear similar, but the minute differences in some are just so elegant I could not leave any out. Only editing was switching from color to black and white.
A song came to mind by 10,000 maniacs – one of my favorites.
“The man in 119 takes his tea all alone
Mornings we all rise to wireless Verdi cries
I’m hearing opera through the door
The souls of men and women, impassioned all
Their voices climb and fall, battle trumpets call
I fill the bath and climb inside, singing
He will not touch their pastry
But every day they bring him more
Gold from the breakfast tray, I steal them all away
And then go, eat them on the shore…”
Please enjoy my graceful hypnotic ‘man in 119’.
I’ve been on a few tangents this morning – wondering what to write about.
I was going to do a ‘memory lane’ type post – which had me looking at some photos from the past, then focused on concert photos – and finally playing with those photos and making them black and white. Yes, I took them – yes, I intended for the grainy/newspaper clipping effect.
Without further ado – here are some of my favorite ones. Hope you enjoy!
I saw Poison twice in the 80’s, so when Bret came into town – I had to share some nostalgia with my son – who happened to be just about the age I was when I saw Poison. Crazy!
Definitely at the top of my list for performances. She’s amazing – and gorgeous.
The Summerland Tour:
One of my favorite nights ever – the bands co-mingled, the energy was high – my son was with me.
Lit joined by John of Marcy Playground:
Mark McGrath of Sugar Ray doing … I’m not sure what, with Lit:
Jesse Valenzuela – getting a little help (he does not need help)
Mark McGrath and Robin Wilson:
John of Marcy Playground, playing on Sugar Rays stage
My favorite photo from that night, Nic, learning how to ‘concert’ like his mom. 🙂
The photo I obviously did not take – Robin Wilson and I hug it out.
The one, the only, Terri Nunn
It’s official. I’m neurotic. (as I notice the hair in my eye in the above picture)
I Googled it, so it must be true. Plus, it described me to a T on the following:
- The tendency to restrict oneself, to be satisfied with very little or to remain inconspicuous: Grows out of normal need to move cautiously, delay gratification
- An insistence of self-sufficiency and independence which does not allow one to ask for help or commit to relationship: Grows out of a normal need for autonomy and self-sufficiency.
Anxiety, self-sufficiency, OCD and having to over analyze every little thing, yup, that’s me.
Good news is – it’s not a mental illness and it’s treatable. basically, ‘get over it’. Okay, so maybe they suggested therapy to help with that. But, there is hope.
Seriously everything I do, from driving beyond 5 miles in the car to being faced with something unexpected, results in a physical reaction akin to readying myself to open a can of Pillsbury dough.
I have had a reprieve from most of my anxiety, by not interacting with people outside of work. I have to push myself to do anything that involves making eye contact with others. Funny thing is though, when I am out there, I’m that kid who just waltzes up to another kid they don’t know and introduces themselves. It’s mental. Okay, I’m mental.
So before I turn into this:
It’s time to assess myself.
I don’t think it’s a secret that my kryptonite is ‘relationships’ (of the romantic variety.) *shudder*
I’m talking, full on – fight or flight response to the THOUGHT of it. I want you in my house, but gone when I want to be alone. I want you in my life, but don’t tell me how I should be living it. I want you to find me attractive, but don’t look at me or make me feel like a piece of meat.
Because there is a really good chance that my neurosis in this area will end up truly leading me to my cat lady future.
This is how I see those relationship petals … nothing is black and white. Except how I want things. Those are very black and white, and don’t you bring a grey crayon anywhere near me.
I’ve found a balance that doesn’t give me panic attacks. It’s called being alone.
But recently, I’ve had my balance tilted. Thankfully, these days, when off-center, I stop to look at what is causing it. I’m a lot more open to the possibility that I (gasp) could be wrong.
I emailed my best friend and she assured me, she was not about to co-sign my bullshit. She heard me out – as she always does and about 100 emails later, I could have published my analyses as a thesis.
I think I convinced myself to some degree that I was doing the humanitarian thing by not getting involved with anyone. I KNOW I’m a mess. Who puts themselves out there knowing they’re a train wreck? I have my good qualities too – but don’t think it’s fair to subject someone to my hang ups and neuroses. I’ve hurt too many people already.
So if I’m going to even consider changing my cat lady plans – I have to start to work on myself. That’s the bottom line. Because even if Prince Charming showed up, with a box of Good and Plenty’s (my favorite) in one hand and a bouquet of flowers in the other – I’d find something wrong with him.
People keep saying, “when you meet the right guy, it will be different.” But, I really think in this case: It’s not you, it’s me is the truth of the matter.
And I’m all for truth.
Just better be EXACTLY the way the ever-changing image of it is in my head, or else.