Category Archives: Humor

Musings from the Laundromat: Pins, Pods and Cookie Tins Edition

“Take it Easy” is playing on the laundromat radio – which is apropos considering the mini OCD tantrum I just had in my head.

I got here early today. I did not want a repeat of last week. I was rendered completely discombobulated due to my tardiness. A laundromat hobo … with my cart and belongings, constantly on the move.

Today I have my usual spot and my items are in their usual machines.

When I arrived, after saying ‘hello’ to my laundry lady, I noticed a cotton candy haired older lady in an adorable pink jacket.

At first I wanted to put her in my cotton wool lined pocket with the rest of the adorable older folk I come across.

Not just because she was sweet looking and fluffy-haired – but bonus! She also looked like Muriel from Courage the Cowardly Dog.

So I’ve got a half-smile on my face and headed toward the coffee, having claimed my spot and ready for some caffeine.

On the way back, I spotted cotton candy hair lady’s cart.

In it – this:

I’ll admit (and probably partially due to the fact that I hadn’t yet ingested any of the coffee) I didn’t notice … and only further sighed at how adorable she was and how I was definitely adding her to my ‘sweet older person memory pocket’. THEN I noticed.

“Cloth’s Pins”

CLOTH’S pins???

I shouldn’t, but I hold older people to a higher standard. I expect the older generation to at least give that little wave of thanks that has become such a dying art, when I stop in a parking lot to let them cross in front of me.

I expect the older generation to say “thank you” which, has also become a dying art, when I hold a door open for them.

I also expect, that the older generation knows how to spell.

Prude. I know. If anything, the older generation has more of an excuse – perhaps she was pulled from school during time of war to help out at home. OR, maybe she grew up in a poor household and there was no money for school clothes or books. OR, perhaps she was one of many who came from a home that did not think it was important that the girls of the house even BE educated. Anyway, I could go on ad infinitum.

Bottom line, there are plenty of reasons to blow my unreasonable expectations out of the water.

But for some reason that little container bothered me.

She used a permanent marker for crying out loud!

AND – inside of the ‘cloth’s pins’ container?

Nope.

Laundry pods. *sigh*

For some reason THAT reminded me of THIS:

Only, with her container – there was no doubt. Those colorful laundry pods had their pod faces smooshed against the plastic. Definitely laundry pods.

Then again – maybe this whole inner OCD turmoil is all for naught. What if she used to keep pins in that container for cloths? Hmmmm….

I’ll go with that, and reserve her spot in my pocket.

Posted in Humor, Musings from the laundromat, Uncategorized

Musings from the Laundromat: Fawn Legs, Secret Apple eating Agents and ARC edition

This is the last I’m going to speak of being sick. I think if I convince myself I’m better, my body will follow. Besides, it gets boring being sick, I can only imagine how it feels reading about it.

I’m late at the laundromat – put English comedy on last night and it proceeded to watch me. I have slept so much it’s bonkers.

Felt like a weighted newborn fawn this morning balancing the two hefty laundry baskets on either side of my thinner frame. (I’ve lost a few pounds in the process of mending.)

Throat still sore – a few coughs, but I’m sure I’m not contagious anymore, so, back to work tomorrow. I’ve missed everyone! I have! And was a little concerned when I was conscious, that work hadn’t called me. Then Friday, I got the call. Yes, they still knew I existed and yes, my inbox was growing taller by the day with work. I was VERY happy about this.

I then got an email that I, in one hundred years would not have expected.

It was from one of my favorite authors.

Would I like an ARC of his new book?

Are you kidding me? First of all, he somehow remembered me from 2013 and secondly, ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

I proceeded to fan girl out and make a fool of myself. To be fair, I was still on pain killers, antibiotics and depleted human skills.

Well, I hope I didn’t scare him off too badly.

And yes, of course I asked for an interview – and he said yes. That’s if he talks to me again.

I’ve been doing a lot of stupid things lately. Not feeling like myself.

Not feeling like I even like myself of late either. Good thing is, I can absolutely change all of that.

I’ve got to focus. Regroup. Prioritize.

In the meantime, here I am, at the laundromat – taking care of business and … thinking about my next nap if I’m being completely honest.

In between sleeping, I did manage to catch up on all the Agents of Shield episodes on Netflix though.

And it’s either THAT, or the fact that he DOES look like an agent that has me cutting my eye over at this man across from me right now.

Nonchalantly eating an apple and reading a magazine. Not just any magazine, but, as I walked by him to collect my washing, I did my surveillance – it’s a gossip rag. Look at the posture? Who sits like that anymore? (She says jealously.) And he’s wearing nice shoes.

Hmmmm …. definitely some sort of law enforcement or undercover agent sent to check on the infected.

I’m exhausted. My little shaky fawn legs clearly aren’t the only deer traits I’ve adopted. I’m staring at him whilst typing with wary eyes and ready to leap if I hear a leaf crunch.

Yeah, ok, that’s silly – there are no leaves. But you know what I mean.

Only thing that doesn’t fit is, he does have his back to the room.

I’m losing it.

Told you I was sick.

But if you don’t hear from me next week – send out the cavalry. I could be in a quarantined area much like the one in Fear the Walking Dead!!!

THEN how would I get my ARC of Kiesbye’s book???

Posted on October 4, 2015 | Video

Out of the bedroom – into the light

Oct 2

Posted by debaucherysoup

It’s been almost a week now – I finally came out of the bedroom this morning, on wobbly legs. Found my way to the couch, and plonked down on it.

That’s when I took in my surroundings – blinking like a cave dweller seeing things in the light for the first time in a while.

I had clearly been blocking out the kitchen during my pathetic visits to grab ice and liquids.

Something had to be done.

So I got off the couch – and did it.

Kitchen is now clean, and I’d managed to work up a sweat getting it that way.

Bathing was in order.

I’m still sick.

When I get hit – I get hit hard.

Pink eye, strep throat, fever and now a headache that’s been clinging on for 3 straight days … I’ve used up all my ‘vacation’ time. Although, let’s face it, I wasn’t headed off to the Bahamas anytime soon.

I didn’t realize I could sleep SO much and still be tired!

During cleaning the kitchen, I noticed lack of provisions and proceeded to make a list for the men of the house. There’s no way I’m going out in public.

Also, I don’t trust myself to drive yet – or make it an entire lap around a grocery store, unless I get to sit in one of those little cars.

But daylight still hurts – so I’ll stick to the shade of my cave and focus on getting better.

I have three days to do so and to find my smile, my energy, my motivation and bring them all back to work, germ free.

I can do this!

Posted in Humor, Uncategorized

The day I knew I was a grown up, then so wasn’t.

Sep 30

Posted by debaucherysoup

I spent the last couple of days sleeping, and when not sleeping, trying not to cough.

Not because it hurt, because, oh, it did – but, because I’ve never been that ‘Sniffle, sniffle, oh can’t you see I’m sniffling because I’m sick??’ girl.

Person even. Not just girl.

You know those people. Those people who are sick, but the minute you ASK them, “How are you?” suddenly develop more of a cough or MORE of a sniffle – for emphasis. And bless those that need that attention. But I wear big girl panties.

Ok, I’m stubborn.

So, after fighting a fever the day after the failure of a fun lunar eclipse night – I knew I had Tuesday off due to a text message. I had informed my employees that I had pink eye for the sole purpose of them maybe just not touching the phone I used or my mouse in my absence on Monday (my planned ‘vacation’ day off.)

I was informed, do not show up Tuesday.

Couldn’t really argue because I was having a hard time standing or feeling human on Monday.

So I didn’t.

And I slept.

I slept SO hard. I felt awful. My throat was now hurting. When I say ‘hurting’ – I’ve been through a vaginal birth with no epidural – so … on a scale from 1-10, breathing AIR was like someone had a freaking flame thrower in my throat. Although, we ARE in the desert.

Today, I stumbled up and dressed and went in early to handle two days worth of ‘without’ me inbox. Hoping there would be an inbox like that anyway.

And there was! Yay! I am relevant.

Although, I was also with strep throat.

I didn’t know until this morning.

My tongue reminded me of that scene from Jurassic Park.

And yeah, here’s a real one … gird your loins.

BUT! I thought, so cleverly, I broke fever yesterday – surely I can’t be contagious – so I went in, cleared my inbox, cleared my email – felt … miserable. BUT! Accomplished.

And I’m TRYING not to cough.

Then the phone rings, and in an attempt to try NOT to cough, I ended up swallowing phlegm and sounding as sick as I felt. To one of my bosses. On the other end of the phone.

Wonderful. Not.

I did NOT want to use anymore sick time!

I was being SUCH a grown up!

And – was told to go home.

I researched strep throat, assured my boss that I would be a full 24 hours on antibiotics and could I PLEASE come in to work tomorrow?

(That’s another grown up part. Although I didn’t take any before, I had some. I was saving them for when Nic was sick, but, now he has insurance.)

I was told no.

And proceeded to lose it.

Didn’t feel well, was scared of them doing well without me and … the dam burst.

First I’m in Nic’s arms, (trying not to breathe on him) after he asked me why I’m crying.

Then, I’m in the lap of my honey and choking out, “I just don’t FEEL well and I want to be at WOOOORK and … OMG! DO YOU SEE THAT????? I have OLD WOMAN LEG WRINKLES!”

Yeah. I lost it.

And he was like a deer in headlights.

And I’m wiping my nose, bawling and pacing and spraying that awful numbing medicine down my throat and still crying – and it’s a carnival of … horrible!

Then came … “And I …. I … I want my MOM!”

Who, I should mention, is currently in England.

BACK from adulthood to being a child.

Amazingly though, after getting THAT out of my system, and managing somehow to make my throat feel worse (surprise, surprise) my emotional state feels better.

Sometimes we just need that love.

To be vulnerable.

To admit, we feel f&*%ing awful and need someone.

Only now it’s not just mom. That hug Nic gave me meant the world to me – and concern was in his eyes (as was horror, but lets face it, I don’t look too hot – which, WAS confirmed by another boss this morning.)

And as for my future husband? He reminded me that there is a reason he does not work in a hospital. But I’ll give him this, he offered me ice this weekend and left me alone to sleep. That’s a deer in headlights with some kindness.

As for work?

I know they don’t want to get sick. They can’t. They don’t have time for it. I also know they love me.

Posted in Humor, Motherhood

3 Comments

Tags: a man with a woman who is sick, being sick, humor, moms, motherhood, strep throat

Nesting, the Pope and hamster bites

Sep 27

Posted by debaucherysoup

Me: Do you want our room to be ‘Nerdvana’ and our living room to be ‘Nirvana’ or the other way around?

Him: What?

Me: I mean, do you want our bedroom to be tranquil and our living room to represent our fandom?

Yeah. I was wide awake now. After laundry, I got a ‘nesting’ thing going on. And yeah, discovered I was sick.

Didn’t matter.

Woke Nic up to take his meds, and dug in.

I had energy from God knows where and I was up for it!

We have cleaned things and moved things and adjusted things that haven’t even been LOOKED at in months.

I was determined to have a strange and new clean place to wake up to tomorrow, after spending tonight behind the lens on the tripod. SO excited about the moon.

Had the Pope on the whole time, and let tears run as I acknowledged what an authentic person he is.

Then came mass. And I realized why I am NOT a Catholic. No offense. But I think even God would be like, “Ok, this is running a bit long, there are people out there we could be helping.”

Just me.

In my not so humble opinion.

I, the anti-organized religious chick, is SO in love with the pope.

Back to the other weird stuff I love.

So, now the living room is nerdville. And trust me when I say, this is a FRACTION of the shite we have. And when I say ‘shite’ I mean, stuff we care A LOT about.

So bedroom turned into this:

There is so little to do with what we have. BUT! What we have is so appreciated. We are all grateful for the roof, the food, the family … But will my home grace the cover of ‘Home and Garden’. LMAO! Nah.

Doesn’t matter.

What matters is family. And I’ve spent time with not only my honey, but my son throughout the day. Then I tried the animals.

I brought Nic’s hamster out of the cage – and while I do not want to pat myself on the back (OH! I SO totally DO!) when she bit me – not once, not twice, but 5 *&%$ing times – I didn’t flinch. I didn’t want to hurt her teeth!

I certainly didn’t want to fling her across the room, and trust me, that was HARD! Kept calm, placed her back into her cage after she ‘released’ and then tended to my wounds.

Pope is still on TV. I’m still loving him. Tripod is ready for the night – and I’m SO grateful. For everything. For everyone. And thank you to the Pope for being an amazing REAL person who blessed us with his visit. I teared up more watching him than anytime in my past. He gives me hope for religion. #THEREISSUCHGOOD

Posted in Gratitude, Humor, Love, Uncategorized