The day I knew I was a grown up, then so wasn’t.
I spent the last couple of days sleeping, and when not sleeping, trying not to cough.
Not because it hurt, because, oh, it did – but, because I’ve never been that ‘Sniffle, sniffle, oh can’t you see I’m sniffling because I’m sick??’ girl.
Person even. Not just girl.
You know those people. Those people who are sick, but the minute you ASK them, “How are you?” suddenly develop more of a cough or MORE of a sniffle – for emphasis. And bless those that need that attention. But I wear big girl panties.
Ok, I’m stubborn.
So, after fighting a fever the day after the failure of a fun lunar eclipse night – I knew I had Tuesday off due to a text message. I had informed my employees that I had pink eye for the sole purpose of them maybe just not touching the phone I used or my mouse in my absence on Monday (my planned ‘vacation’ day off.)
I was informed, do not show up Tuesday.
Couldn’t really argue because I was having a hard time standing or feeling human on Monday.
So I didn’t.
And I slept.
I slept SO hard. I felt awful. My throat was now hurting. When I say ‘hurting’ – I’ve been through a vaginal birth with no epidural – so … on a scale from 1-10, breathing AIR was like someone had a freaking flame thrower in my throat. Although, we ARE in the desert.
Today, I stumbled up and dressed and went in early to handle two days worth of ‘without’ me inbox. Hoping there would be an inbox like that anyway.
And there was! Yay! I am relevant.
Although, I was also with strep throat.
I didn’t know until this morning.
My tongue reminded me of that scene from Jurassic Park.
And yeah, here’s a real one … gird your loins.
BUT! I thought, so cleverly, I broke fever yesterday – surely I can’t be contagious – so I went in, cleared my inbox, cleared my email – felt … miserable. BUT! Accomplished.
And I’m TRYING not to cough.
Then the phone rings, and in an attempt to try NOT to cough, I ended up swallowing phlegm and sounding as sick as I felt. To one of my bosses. On the other end of the phone.
I did NOT want to use anymore sick time!
I was being SUCH a grown up!
And – was told to go home.
I researched strep throat, assured my boss that I would be a full 24 hours on antibiotics and could I PLEASE come in to work tomorrow?
(That’s another grown up part. Although I didn’t take any before, I had some. I was saving them for when Nic was sick, but, now he has insurance.)
I was told no.
And proceeded to lose it.
Didn’t feel well, was scared of them doing well without me and … the dam burst.
First I’m in Nic’s arms, (trying not to breathe on him) after he asked me why I’m crying.
Yeah. I lost it.
And he was like a deer in headlights.
And I’m wiping my nose, bawling and pacing and spraying that awful numbing medicine down my throat and still crying – and it’s a carnival of … horrible!
Then came … “And I …. I … I want my MOM!”
Who, I should mention, is currently in England.
BACK from adulthood to being a child.
Amazingly though, after getting THAT out of my system, and managing somehow to make my throat feel worse (surprise, surprise) my emotional state feels better.
Sometimes we just need that love.
To be vulnerable.
To admit, we feel f&*%ing awful and need someone.
Only now it’s not just mom. That hug Nic gave me meant the world to me – and concern was in his eyes (as was horror, but lets face it, I don’t look too hot – which, WAS confirmed by another boss this morning.)
And as for my future husband? He reminded me that there is a reason he does not work in a hospital. But I’ll give him this, he offered me ice this weekend and left me alone to sleep. That’s a deer in headlights with some kindness.
As for work?
I know they don’t want to get sick. They can’t. They don’t have time for it. I also know they love me.