Blog Archives

Teddy and the tomb poem

imageFinding myself on a hamster wheel.  I reached out tonight to a friend so I wouldn’t be morose in bed, hugging on to my teddy – my 40 year old touchstone.

I’m tired of listening to my own thoughts, so I can only imagine how you must feel reading them.

I know what it is important in life.  Love – family – serenity – service – enduring friendships.

I’m burned out on the wheel though.

If I had a magic wand, it would put me somewhere with a future.  A chance to spread my wings and not have them operated by ‘must’.  Must fly here – must fly there – must not touch the light.

I wrote this poem years ago, and it’s become a metaphor for what could have been.

“In memory of …” the tomb began,

I could not read much more.

My loss engraved in cold grey stone, was too much to endure.

I turned away, too pained to stay,

And walked to clear my mind.

All the while regretting what I had to leave behind.

 

“See you when I get back when you get back”

Every weekday.

6:00 a.m. Alarm goes off.

6:10 a.m. Take breakfast in to my sleeping teen.

6:15 a.m. Sit outside with my first cup of coffee and look up at the stars.  (Is that a satellite or a plane? What is that?)

6:30 a.m. Teen has eaten and arisen and is checking his Facebook with 10 minutes left to get ready for school.

6:40 a.m. I see my son out the backdoor, give him a quick hug and he says those words to me. “See you when I get back when you get back”.

I stand on the back porch and wave.  It’s dark outside, so I’m mostly waving at my sons shadowy outline – and it waves back.  When I can’t see him anymore I go into the house to grab another cup of coffee and watch some more news before getting ready.

7:00 a.m. Get ready myself.

I mentioned yesterday to a friend that I feel like I’m stuck in the movie ‘Groundhog Day’ lately.  And I do.  But, this morning routine I’ll keep.

This morning routine means.

6:00 a.m. I am still alive, and I have my hearing

6:10 a.m. We have food and my son is safe

6:15 a.m. Serenity

6:30 a.m. The electric and internet bill is paid

6:40 a.m. My son still hugs me, still talks to me …

7:00 a.m. Blessed to have a job to get ready for!